“I’m too tired to be discussing this now,” Jamie said abruptly.
“At least tell me why you’re no’ explaining that you know she’s a Fergusson.”
“To make her aware that her deception is over would be placing a sword in her hand. She would attack me at every turn for past actions that have nothing to do with her and me, things between our families. Think you I could stand that and no’ retaliate?”
“But what of her‑fear of you, Jamie? That centers on your finding out who she is, what you will do to her when you do find out. Yet you know, and you mean her no harm. She should know her identity doesna matter. Then she would see her fears are groundless.”
“I’ll be proving that to her at any rate,” Jamie replied confidently. “But I’ll no’ have her using clan hatred as another excuse to refuse me.”
“I’ll wager that is her reason.”
“Aye, but she canna tell me so. Can she?” Jamie grinned, but it wasn’t a convincing grin.
Chapter 25
SHEENA left the security of her tower room that next morning, meaning to test the extent of her freedom. She wore her green gown, clean now. It was still shoddy, but it was her own. She left her hair loose and flowing, without even a ribbon or cap to bind it.
She did not go directly to the hall, assuming Jamie was still there. She walked along the gallery, where she could look down into the courtyard at the activities there, or out over the mountainside, where the river Dee could just be glimpsed through the trees. A bit of sun broke through the dark clouds to kiss her face, probably the last warmth she would feel till spring.
Though she was seen by many, no one stopped her. Satisfied that no order had been given to deny her freedom of the inner castle, she decided to try her luck at the gate, and descended through the east tower. The winding stairs were narrow. She passed only two rooms on the way down, guard rooms she supposed, this tower being at the front of the castle. She wondered how the large, burly retainers with all of their battle regalia managed those narrow stairs.
She learned the answer before she reached the bottom, where she found her way blocked by a man.
He wasn’t a castle retainer, though. In the dim light from the open doorway at the bottom of the stairs, she recognized Jamie’s cousin. Black Gawain was surprised to see her. He didn’t step aside. “Well, well, so you’re back.”
“So I am,” Sheena replied curtly, despising that smug tone.
“Alone, I see. Has your young watchdog given up?”
“If you mean Colen, he’s no’ my watchdog, as you put it.”
“Yet you do need one, you’ll agree.”
“What for?”
“Well, if you dinna feel you need protection from rogues like me . . . who am I to differ?” He grinned at her.
Sheena was not amused. “Let me pass, Black Gawain.”
“But we’ve no’ had a chance to get acquainted. And ‘tis no’ likely I’ll find you so conveniently alone again.”
He took a step closer to her, and Sheena retreated.
Then he took another step, slowly, as if stalking her.
She didn’t quite know whether to take him seriously, but she wasn’t pleased with his game.
She put out a hand as he backed her into the shadows. “Just what do you think you’re doing, sir?”
His hand moved over hers, imprisoning it, then his other hand circled her waist. He was pinning her against him. “Risking all, m’dear. But ‘tis worth it.”
His lips came down to cover hers. He was very gentle until Sheena began to struggle, and then he held her so tightly she couldn’t move. Her chest hurt from the tension of it. His kiss became savagely passionate, bruising her lips against her teeth. She thought her neck would snap. If only she had a dirk! Just as she thought her chest would explode, he moved away.
“Och, Sheena, you drive a man to do what he knows he shouldna,” Gawain breathed huskily. “But there’s no harm in a kiss, after all.”
No harm! She wanted to scream at him, but she sensed the danger was over, so she said only, “Release me, sir. I’m no’ without the courage to kill you for what you’ve done!”
He chuckled, but he released her and stepped away nonetheless. “ ‘Tis no’ you I fear, lass, but your laird.”
“Jamie? He’s no’ my laird.”
“Nay?” He grinned wickedly. “Then I’ve risked nothing. Mayhap I’ll be stealing more than just a kiss.”
The scream died in her throat. Once again she was crushed against him. He groped at her breasts. She was sickened. This was real danger.
Then she heard steps, voices coming down the stairs, and Gawain let her go, cursing. She squeezed past him, racing out of the tower into the open courtyard. She slowed, then stopped altogether to take a deep breath and thank the fates for sending whomever had been approaching.
That had been too close, too damned close. Did she have to worry about being attacked in every dark corner? There was one hope, however, and she went on to the gatehouse. But she had only to look at the gatekeeper before he shook his head at her.
Where did that leave her? Without any protection at all? She wasn’t about to give herself over to one man in order to protect herself from other men. There had to be a better way than that.
Colen was the only one at the laird’s table when Sheena entered the hall. She strode over to him angrily.
“I demand your protection, Colen,” she stated boldly. “You owe it to me.”
“Do I?” he asked. “And do you expect me to fight my brother for you?”
“Nay, I dinna expect that. But ‘tis no’ Jamie I’m worried about, not just now.”
He looked at her lips, and she touched them, then grimaced. They were swollen. Curse Black Gawain!
“I’m asking you for help,” she said flatly.
“Why do you no’ go to my brother? I’m sure he will be happy to offer you protection.”
“But at what price?” Sheena snapped. “I’m no’ ready to sacrifice myself!”
“Sacrifice?” he chuckled. “Aye, I suppose you would look at it that way.”
She frowned. This was getting her nowhere. And he was acting so strangely.
“You dinna care then?” she asked.
“I dinna think you will consider my brother’s attentions so terrible.” His tone was bitter.
“What do you mean by that?” she demanded.
“I saw you lying with Jamie by the burn,” Colen replied. “You werena exactly fighting against him, Sheena.”
Her cheeks flushed bright rose, but she wouldn’t admit anything. “He took advantage of me, Colen. He’s stronger than I. But I’m no’ wanting him, if that is what you think.”
“Marry me then, if you’re so set against him. ‘Tis the only way, for otherwise he’ll have you.”
“There must be another way.”
Colen shook his head. “I give up on you, Sheena. I dinna know how my brother stands your constant rejection of him, but I’ve had enough of it. He’s welcome to you.”
She had not expected that. Somehow, she had felt she could always count on Colen. And he was telling her not to.
“So you’ll no’ help me?”
Colen sighed. “You’ve no’ let either of us put a claim on you. And as for protecting you, well . . . you’ll have to deal with my brother. I brought you here, and I’m sorry for it now, but you managed to escape, and ‘tis Jamie who brought you back. You’re his now.”
“Why did he drag me back, Colen? And what right has he to keep me here?”
Sheena just barely heard his answer as Colen walked away. “You’ll have to ask him why.”
Chapter 26
SHEENA did the only thing she could do, and locked herself in the south tower. She was determined to stay there until Jamie agreed to let her leave Castle Kinnion. It did seem the only solution. She would not be accosted there, not with the door locked. She had gathered enough food from the table to last her several days. Jamie wouldn
’t know that, of course. He would think to starve her out.
When he returned to the castle that evening and found her door locked, found she wouldn’t answer his demands to open it, he broke it down. Sheena stood in her room, facing his anger, no locked door to shield her.
“You’ll be telling me what that was all about!” Jamie commanded. “I know you heard me call. Why the devil did you no’ answer?”
Sheena gathered her courage about her.
“You had no right to break the lock, Sir Jamie. If I had wanted you in here, I would’ve let you in.”
“Your silence wasna telling me that.”
“And if I had said go away, would you have heard me through all the shouting and pounding you were doing?” she retorted.
Jamie’s frown darkened, but she went on, “I’ve a right to privacy. Your father never broke down your mother’s door. He respected‑“
“I’m no’ my father!” Jamie cut her short. “There’ll be no locked doors ‘atween me and what I want. And once we’re well mated, you’ll no’ be wanting them, either.”
Sheena gasped. “Your confidence is extraordinary. And misplaced. I will always want a barrier between you and me!”
She stood, hands on hips, breathing heavily, chin jutting out, and Jamie’s anger fled. He chuckled.
“Och, but you’re lovely with that fire in your eyes.” He grinned. “ ‘Tis easy to see I’ll never be able to stay angry with you for long.”
That statement from James MacKinnion, a man who carried anger to its worst conclusions? She didn’t believe what she’d heard.
“I dinna like being toyed with.”
“You dinna like, you dinna like,” he mimicked. “Is there anything you do like, lass?”
“Freedom.”
“When have you ever known freedom?” he asked pointedly. “You were under your father’s rule ‘afore you fell under mine.”
“He allowed me freedom.”
“Did he? Allowed it? Or did you just take it?”
Sheena couldn’t meet his steady gaze any longer. The man had too much insight.
“That doesna signify,” she replied uneasily. “But the fact is, I’m still under his rule, no’ yours. I’ll be doing what he says, no’ what you wish.”
“Will you?” Jamie chuckled. “Well then, perhaps I should find him and put the question to him. A MacEwen would relish an alliance with a MacKinnion.”
“Nay!” she gasped.
“ ‘Twould certainly be putting an end to all this pointless arguing.”
“Nay!” Sheena repeated forcefully.
“Well now.” Jamie pressed his point home. “If I want to find him, I’ll find him.”
Sheena suddenly realized what he’d said. “You’ll never find him. Go ahead, waste your time trying,” she said confidently.
But Jamie knew exactly where her confidence came from. “ ‘Twill no’ be difficult. A talk with your aunt in Aberdeen should enlighten me.”
She was cornered. “I hate you, James MacKinnion!”
“Do you?” he said sharply, growing tired. “Well, I’ve no doubt of that, lass, no doubt at all. But ‘tis the name you’re hating, no’ the man, and I’m sick and tired of it.” Her eyes widened, and he added quickly, “You didna object to me when we first met. ‘Twas only after you learned my name that fear took you. Explain that. Can you?”
“I dinna have to explain anything to you,” she said weakly.
“Ah, of course not,” he said mockingly. “Your way of dealing with an issue is to ignore it. So let me explain, if you will: you’ve heard tales, terrible tales that made you fear me ‘afore we even met. Speak up if I’m wrong, Sheena.” She stayed silent, and he continued. “I’ll no’ ask you what you’ve heard. I’ll no’ even deny there’s truth to some of those stories. But given the travelings of tales, you have to allow for some exaggeration.”
“Less of one than the other, I would imagine,” Sheena replied tartly. “More truth than exaggeration.”
“Some truth, Sheena. No’ enough to condemn me,” he said earnestly.
“But enough to know you’re no’ to be trusted.”
Jamie’s brows drew together, and his lips formed into a hard line. “Look at me, Sheena,” he commanded brusquely. “You take away my name and look at me as I am. Have I ever given you reason to fear me? Have I ever threatened your life or caused you any harm?”
“You have!” she answered readily. “You order me around. You talk of handfasting when you know how I feel. You bully me at every turn.”
“Cursed stubborn female!” Jamie shouted. “My only crime is in wanting you. And if you would be honest, you’d be admitting that is no crime at all. You’re no’ as opposed to my desire as you say you are.” .
“I am!” she cried. “I swear‑“
“Sheena, ‘tis time to have done with all this foolish fighting.”
He moved, and suddenly there was almost no distance between them anymore. “Come to me, Sheena.” His voice was soft. “Follow your heart for once.”
She didn’t. But she didn’t move away, either. She knew she needed only to stand there, and he would come to her and put his arms around her. She remembered the feel of those arms. She closed her eyes, recalling exactly how she’d felt when he kissed her. Her eyes flew open at the touch of his fingers on her back, pulling her gently to him. He made no further move. He just stared at her intensely, his eyes probing hers. Was he trying to see the truth?
“Sheena,” he breathed softly. “I know what happens when I kiss you, but mayhap you’ve forgotten and need reminding.”
“Nay, I’ve no’ forgotten. ‘Tis your devil’s magic that makes me like your kissing, and only that.”
She said it with such conviction! “Magic, eh? How you delude yourself! The only magic is the pleasure that comes when two people want each other with equal intensity. The devil has nothing to do with this.”
“Why do you do this to me?” she cried in frustration.
“I have a need to be near you, Sheena, to hold you, to touch you. Now tell me,” he asked, “am I hurting you? Nay, ‘tis only holding you I’m doing. And a kiss or two I might steal.”
His mouth lowered to hers, but Sheena cried out in pain.
“What is this?” he demanded, seeing the slight swelling. “What caused this?”
“I . . . fell,” she said ineffectually.
He stared hard at her and then suddenly exploded. “By God, woman, you’re lying!” He shoved himself away, afraid he would strike her. “Only back one day, and you’ve already given yourself to another man!” he thundered. “Anyone but me, eh? Jameson was bad enough, but now one of my kin has been with you!”
“How dare you accuse me?” she shouted in outraged fury, reaching out to slap him as hard as she could. “First Jameson, now this! Mayhap you like thinking I’m a whore, to ease your own guilt, but I must disappoint you. ‘Tis only a husband I’ll be giving myself to willingly. One of your kin indeedl I hate you all, for you’re all the same to me! Savage brutes!”
“Then how‑?”
“I was attacked! But what difference does it make who attacks me, you or someone in your family? I’m no’ safe under your care, ‘tis why I locked myself in here. And still I’m no’ safe‑from you!”
Jamie fingered his face, his eyes glowering. Sheena backed away, appalled to realize what she had done. But the cause of his furious look wasn’t her slap.
“You were raped?” he asked in a deadly tone.
“Nay, it didna come to that‑this time. But the fact is, you brought me back here and said I canna leave, yet you have done naught to protect me. Am I to live each day in fear of every man here, including you?”
Her accusation cut to the quick, because she was right. It was his fault. He and Colen both had brought her here without explaining her presence to the others.
“You’ll be telling me who it was attacked you, Sheena,” he said in a deceptively calm voice.
“Why?”
“An example will be made, to ensure your future safety.”
“Of course. A fine solution,” she said sarcastically. “Punish the man for having the same brutish nature you have. Punish him because you are laird and he isna. Are you any less guilty than he is?”
“My intentions were made clear from the start.”
“And that excuses you?” she snapped. “Well, his intentions were made clear, as well, so you must excuse him, as well.”
“Sheena‑“
“Nay, you’ll hear me out! I’ll no’ tell you who the man was, for he knew I was without laird here. I told him so.”
“Then you could have avoided the attack?”
The reprobation was clear, and Sheena’s chin jutted out indignantly. “I’ll no’ claim an intimacy with you that isna true, even to protect myself. There is only one solution here, Sir Jamie.”
“To let you return to Aberdeen? Nay, there is another solution.”
He seemed more furious than ever, and began pacing the floor, Sheena watching him nervously. After an eternity, he spoke very quietly.
“We will be wed.”
He turned to look at her, seeing confusion cross her face, then anger. She couldn’t know that the words were just as hard for him to say as for her to hear.
“Will we?” she demanded, incredulous. Did his arrogance have no end? “How will you manage that? I have no intention of agreeing.”
“We will be wed!” he repeated coldly.
Anger fled, replaced by uncertainty. Was there some way he could force her? Something she hadn’t thought of?
“Just last evening you spoke again of handfasting. What has changed your mind?”
“Handfasting willna make you willing, or have you changed your mind?” he countered.
“But you said you wouldna marry an untried lass.”
The reminder only fueled his anger, and he answered cruelly. “That applied to a maiden. We both know you’ve been tried. And since you havena taken your life over it, you must have found it to your liking. ‘Twas a frigid wife I wasna wanting, you see. You’ll no’ be that, will you?”