LETTER XXVIII
COLONEL MORDEN[IN CONTINUATION.]MONDAY AFTERNOON, SEPT. 11.
SIR,
We are such bad company here to one another, that it is some relief toretire and write.
I was summoned to breakfast about half an hour after nine. Slowly didthe mournful congress meet. Each, lifelessly and spiritless, took ourplaces, with swoln eyes, inquiring, without expecting any tolerableaccount, how each had rested.
The sorrowing mother gave for answer, that she should never more knowwhat rest was.
By the time we were well seated, the bell ringing, the outward gateopening, a chariot rattling over the pavement of the court-yard, put theminto emotion.
I left them; and was just time enough to give Miss Howe my hand as shealighted: her maid in tears remaining in the chariot.
I think you told me, Sir, you never saw Miss Howe. She is a fine,graceful young lady. A fixed melancholy on her whole aspect, overcloudeda vivacity and fire, which, nevertheless, darted now-and-then through theawful gloom. I shall ever respect her for her love to my dear cousin.
Never did I think, said she, as she gave me her hand, to enter more thesedoors: but, living or dead, Clarissa brings me after her any where!
She entered with me the little parlour; and seeing the coffin, withdrewher hand from mine, and with impatience pushed aside the lid. Asimpatiently she removed the face-cloth. In a wild air, she clasped heruplifted hands together; and now looked upon the corpse, now up toHeaven, as if appealing to that. Her bosom heaved and fluttereddiscernible through her handkerchief, and at last she broke silence:--OSir!--See you not here!--the glory of her sex?--Thus by the mostvillanous of yours--thus--laid low!
O my blessed Friend!--said she--My sweet Companion!--My lovely Monitress!--kissing her lips at every tender appellation. And is this all!--Is itall of my CLARISSA'S story!
Then, after a short pause, and a profound sigh, she turned to me, andthen to her breathless friend. But is she, can she be, really dead!--Ono!--She only sleeps.--Awake, my beloved Friend! My sweet clay-coldFriend, awake: let thy Anna Howe revive thee; by her warm breath revivethee, my dear creature! And, kissing her again, Let my warm lips animatethy cold ones!
Then, sighing again, as from the bottom of her heart, and with an air, asif disappointed that she answered not, And can such perfection end thus!--And art thou really and indeed flown from thine Anna Howe!--O my unkindCLARISSA!
She was silent a few moments, and then, seeming to recover herself, sheturned to me--Forgive, forgive, Mr. Morden, this wild phrensy!--I ammyself!--I never shall be!--You knew not the excellence, no, not half theexcellence, that is thus laid low!--Repeating, This cannot, surely, beall of my CLARISSA'S story!
Again pausing, One tear, my beloved friend, didst thou allow me!--Butthis dumb sorrow!--O for a tear to ease my full-swoln heart that is justbursting!--
But why, Sir, why, Mr. Morden, was she sent hither? Why not to me?--Shehas no father, no mother, no relation; no, not one!--They had allrenounced her. I was her sympathizing friend--And had not I the bestright to my dear creature's remains?--And must names, without nature, bepreferred to such a love as mine?
Again she kissed her lips, each cheek, her forehead;--and sighed as ifher heart would break--
But why, why, said she, was I withheld from seeing my dearest, dearfriend, and too easily persuaded to delay, the friendly visit that myheart panted after; what pain will this reflection give me!--O my blessedFriend! Who knows, who knows, had I come in time, what my cordialcomfortings might have done for thee!--But--looking round her, as if sheapprehended seeing some of the family--One more kiss, my Angel, myFriend, my ever-to-be-regretted, lost Companion! And let me fly thishated house, which I never loved but for thy sake!--Adieu then, mydearest CLARISSA!--Thou art happy, I doubt not, as thou assuredst me inthy last letter!--O may we meet, and rejoice together, where no villanousLovelaces, no hard-hearted relations, will ever shock our innocence, orruffle our felicity!
Again she was silent, unable to go, though seeming to intend it:struggling, as it were, with her grief, and heaving with anguish. Atlast, happily, a flood of tears gushed from her eyes--Now!--Now!--saidshe, shall I--shall I--be easier. But for this kindly relief, my heartwould have burst asunder--more, many more tears than these are due to myCLARISSA, whose counsel has done for me what mine could not do for her!--But why, looking earnestly upon her, her hands clasped and lifted up--Butwhy do I thus lament the HAPPY? And that thou art so, is my comfort. Itis, it is, my dear creature! kissing her again.
Excuse me, Sir, [turning to me, who was as much moved as herself,] Iloved the dear creature, as never woman loved another. Excuse my franticgrief. How has the glory of her sex fallen a victim to villany and tohard-heartedness!
Madam, said I, they all have it!--Now indeed they have it--
And let them have it;--I should belie my love for the friend of my heart,were I to pity them!--But how unhappy am I [looking upon her] that I sawher not before these eyes were shut, before these lips were for everclosed!--O Sir, you know not the wisdom that continually flowed fromthese lips when she spoke!--Nor what a friend I have lost!
Then surveying the lid, she seemed to take in at once the meaning of theemblems; and this gave her so much fresh grief, that though she severaltimes wipes her eyes, she was unable to read the inscription and texts;turning, therefore, to me, Favour me, Sir, I pray you, by a line, withthe description of these emblems, and with these texts; and if I might beallowed a lock of the dear creature's hair----
I told her that her executor would order both; and would also send her acopy of her last will; in which she would find the most gratefulremembrances of her love for her, whom she calls The sister of her heart.
Justly, said she, does she call me so; for we had but one heart, but onesoul, between us; and now my better half is torn from me--What shall Ido?
But looking round her, on a servant's stepping by the door, as if againshe had apprehended it was some of the family--Once more, said she, asolemn, an everlasting adieu!--Alas for me! a solemn, an everlastingadieu!
Then again embracing her face with both her hands, and kissing it, andafterwards the hands of the dear deceased, first one, then the other, shegave me her hand, and quitting the room with precipitation, rushed intoher chariot; and, when there, with profound sight, and a fresh burst oftears, unable to speak, she bowed her head to me, and was driven away.
The inconsolable company saw how much I had been moved on my return tothem. Mr. James Harlowe had been telling them what had passed betweenhim and me. And, finding myself unfit for company, and observing, thatthey broke off talk at my coming in, I thought it proper to leave them totheir consultations.
And here I will put an end to this letter, for indeed, Sir, the veryrecollection of this affecting scene has left me nearly as unable toproceed, as I was, just after it, to converse with my cousins. I am,Sir, with great truth,
Your most obedient humble servant,WILLIAM MORDEN.