MORNING
I was walking down the strip and people were laughing at me. I couldn’t understand why? I was wearing the same dress and shoes then I saw my reflection in the mirror of one store. I looked like a child had applied my make-up. The water balloons were slipping out of my bra and one had burst, soaking my dress. The silk of my skirt was getting caught in the hair on my legs and my face had a three-day growth.
Suddenly I realized that I was a man trying to pass as a woman but not doing even a bare-assed job for I looked like a man in drag, worse than the ones people laugh at.
I woke up in a panic, _Vampire’s Kiss_ was on the TV that I had forgotten to turn off as I moaned myself to ecstasy half the night. I rolled over and almost screamed as my breast got mashed then, massaging the globes, I awoke fully, realizing that I was still a woman.. then seeing the movie on the screen, wondered if I really was or just thought I was. Cage actually heard that shrink talk to him when it was just a mailbox. Was I the same?
I took a shower, masturbating as the water felt so good, then I dressed in my shirt and pants, packing the dress and bra in the shopping bag with the jewelry and lipstick and mascara. Shoving the deposit slips and cash into a pocket, my pants didn’t fit but was that because I was a woman or had lost weight over the months of unemployment or did my clothes shrink or stretch because I did a poor job with the laundry.
Was I a man or a woman? Sane or insane? I never had hallucinations but sometimes felt people were out to get me. Paranoia and depression were normal with me, but did my psychosis shift into fantasy? Was my unemployment and poverty so bad that I was imagining that I was a woman and was winning? I looked at the deposit receipts. They looked real but could be blank with my mind inventing the numbers.
I left the motel room just before check-out and smiled at the mail who replied, “Excuse me miss,” as she moved her cart. ‘Miss’. Not Mr but Miss. Unless I imagined that too.
“Fuck it!” I snapped. It was Vegas so no one would care so I returned to my room, changed into a dress, tried to apply lipstick and mascara and nail polish (poorly even after three tires) and left for breakfast where I stashed my male clothing in a rental locker.
I spent some time at a computer sipping coffee, eating my Danish and paying bills on-line. At least I thought I was paying them. A few men in the café smiled and one came over to flirt to which I returned a smile and a brief comment, “busy” which caused him to leave me alone. I suppose that he could easily find another younger and prettier woman. Then I returned to my gambling. Stopping every couple thousand dollars and depositing them as I won and moving to another casino. When I had enough, I stopped depositing the money and started to store it in my purse.
Then a security guard came to me, “Excuse me miss, this man tried to steal your purse. You really should be more careful.”
Purse? I had to learn to watch that. So after thanking the guard and telling him that I didn’t plan to press charges, he let the guy off with a warning. I hid in that casino for a long time then left by another door.
By the time I was bored with gambling, I was also so buzzed that I was making mistakes. So I left the casino and found a place where I could be alone at some internet café where the computers were in cubicles for privacy. Yes, it was an adult café and the privacy was to prevent the other perverts from seeing what porn site you were surfing. The waitress was topless and I bought a coffee, black, and alone, but hearing the other keyboards clatter away, I moved my keyboard aside and laid out my money. I wasn’t rich but I did have almost $10,000 in cash! I was out-of-debt. My rent paid up for six months, my kids tuition paid and money in their accounts and I still had almost 10k on the table before me.
Now I had to decide what to do.
My options were to stick around another day or go home. Well, the cat had enough food and water so I chose to play tourist.
It had been some time and so I enjoyed the walk. I tipped the street performers, window shopped but bought nothing, then when I had to use the ‘ladies room’ again… This time without mishap, I noticed that my lips were bare so spent some time playing and trying to get it right. The other woman in the restroom stared so I commented, “Gay! Trying out the whole chick thing. But,” I looked her over, “I’m not very good at it. Hey! You are so attractive, can you give me some pointers?”
“Are you hitting one me?” she stared back.
“I wish. But you are so out of my league. I was just hoping for some help here. I never wore make-up before yesterday and am not very good at it.”
“Yesterday? What are you… forty?”
“Do I look forty?” I asked, then looked at the mirror. “I guess I do. Actually I’m 43.”
“43 and you never wore make-up? Where are you from, some Amish farm?”
“Close. My… well I was never allowed to dress up, just pants, work, never time to be a girl. So, help me? Please?”
She laughed, “Ok, honey. First lesson… Never try to fix a disaster. Wash your face and we’ll see what we can do.”
So for the next half hour, or less, she showed me how to wear lipstick and mascara and shadow. She told me what colors to use, how to apply and the other things my daughter was born knowing. In the end, I walked out looking decent ( for a 43 year-old almost 6’ woman with a slight paunch) and wondering if the UFO-thing could make me younger. But my appendix was still gone as shown by my scar so the Thing had limits. Or maybe I wasn’t focusing enough.
Most of the money I had stashed in the locker and the key I had safety-pinned to my bra in case my purse was stolen. So I played tourist, looked at the sights and laughed as middle-aged men hit on me. No young guys did, but the ones who did were my age or older, not desperate (which added to my ego) and took it well when I said ‘no’. Plus I took mental notes on what worked and what didn’t. The mind might still be male but the body did react sometimes.
The one thing I wanted to do, but did not, was try sex. Sure I fingered myself a lot the night before, but I never was very good at picking women up and the thought of a man was.. well creepy! Maybe next time.
I collected my belongings from that locker, found a bathroom in a hotel, washed my face, reapplied my make-up, left to buy polish remover, found another bathroom, washed again, removing all my cosmetics and nail polish, then packed my dress away and put my male clothes on and returned to that field.
I had had a couple drinks so was buzzed, focused on my home AND being myself again and walked into my living room.
HOME
I almost thought it was a dream, but my belt was way too tight, my feet hurt and as I loosened my clothes and removed my shoes, I removed the toilet paper from the shoes and checked to see that I was alone.
I closed the blinds, removed the dress and found that neither dress nor shoes fit well. My body had changed back. But the clothes existed! And the money existed too.
I called my landlord to confirm that my rent was paid. Checked the internet for my bills, all paid, and relaxed for the first time in more months than I could remember.
So long as I had that Thing, I would never be poor again. I would have to be careful to not overdo it. And I’d have to be equally careful to pay taxes on what I won because the IRS has no sense of humor. But it was nice to know that I didn’t have to be desperate for work and that anytime I needed money, I could put on a dress, go to Vegas and pay my bills.
Maybe I’d even get the guts to try out the body in bed too. Speaking of which, I know this sounds petty, but I really enjoyed peeing while standing up again.
END
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