Perhaps the most appealing part was the lack of commitment necessary for such a relationship. This was non-threatening.
None of the irritable mannerisms of the other person came into play. The physical dimension wasn’t even an issue. Everything that happened between Lauren and KC went from heart to heart with no fleshly, physical complications. This was an appealing relationship for a Christian woman who desired to remain pure.
Yet it was so much more intense than anything she had ever experienced with any other man. KC had access to her soul, the place deep within her where she thought and mused and loved God and questioned life. And she had access to his innermost being as well.
How did that happen? It wasn’t simply because they corresponded. Was it the result of the course their communication had taken? The way they conversed about things that mattered the most to them, and on every score discovered commonality? These questions rolled through her mind with no one to discuss them with.
She turned to another letter in her notebook dated February 14, Valentine’s Day. Lauren remembered how she had carefully chosen some lines from Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnets of the Portuguese as her Valentine’s Day “gift” for KC. She had e-mailed his letter the night before so he would be sure to read it on the fourteenth:
DEAR KC,
I WANTED TO SEND YOU SOMETHING FOR VALENTINE’S DAY AND FOUND THESE WORDS FROM OUR FRIEND EBB ECHOED MY THOUGHTS NICELY:
THE FACE OF ALL THE WORLD IS CHANGED I THINK,
SINCE FIRST I HEARD THE FOOTSTEPS OF THY SOUL
MOVE STILL, OH STILL, BESIDE ME …
… MET IN THEE, AND FROM OUT THEE OVERCAME
MY SOUL WITH SATISFACTION OF ALL WANTS:
BECAUSE GOD’S GIFTS PUT MAN’S BEST DREAMS TO SHAME.
YOUR FRIENDSHIP HAS BEEN A GIFT TO ME FROM GOD, KC. YOU TIPTOED IN AT A TIME WHEN ALL MY DREAMS WERE BEING PUT TO SHAME. I LIKE THE WAY MY LIFE HAS CHANGED, AND YOU’VE HAD A PART IN THAT. THANK YOU AND HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
ALWAYS, WREN
His Valentine’s Day response had been as specifically affectionate for her as hers had been for him. She ran her hand over the next page where the printed characters looked as ordinary as any other arrangement of the alphabet, only this was far different. Hope sprang from these words. They were KC’s words, and they had melded themselves into her heart:
DEAR WREN,
YOUR VALENTINE THOUGHTS FROM EBB WARMED ME THIS MORNING. I HAVE A HUGE ASSIGNMENT TO GET AT. THE DEADLINE IS TOMORROW, AND I KNOW I’LL SPEND HALF THE DAY ON THE PHONE. SO BEFORE THE SWEET GLOW OF YOUR LETTER FADES, LET ME SEND TO YOU MY VALENTINE WISH. I RESPECTFULLY ECHO THE POETIC SENTIMENT OF OUR FRIEND, ROBERT BROWNING:
THEN WE BEGAN TO RIDE. MY SOUL
SMOOTHED ITSELF OUT, A LONG-CRAMPED SCROLL
FRESHENING AND FLUTTERING IN THE WIND …
WHAT IF WE STILL RIDE ON, WE TWO,
WITH LIFE FOREVER OLD YET NEW,
CHANGED NOT IN KIND BUT IN DEGREE,
THE INSTANT MADE ETERNITY.
I, TOO, HAVE BENEFITED GREATLY FROM OUR “RIDE” TOGETHER ON THE NET. YOU’VE PROVIDED A PLACE FOR THE REAL ME TO FRESHEN AND FLUTTER IN THE WIND. THANK YOU, WREN. I FIND I MUST BE HONEST AND SIGN THIS,
YOURS, KC
From that day on, she had begun to believe that he was hers. Next she turned to the letter he wrote in April after his trip to England when she had waited nine days for his response:
DEAR WREN,
I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I’VE MISSED YOU. ALTHOUGH I SHOULDN’T BE SURPRISED. YOU’VE BECOME SO MUCH A PART OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE. I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD BE ALARMED AT OUR CONNECTEDNESS. WHAT WOULD I EVER DO IF PRINCE CHARMING WALKED INTO YOUR LIFE AND TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME?
I MUST TELL YOU ABOUT MY TRIP. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO LONDON IN THE SPRING? TO QUOTE OUR MAN, ROBERT: OH TO BE IN ENGLAND, NOW THAT APRIL’S THERE, AND WHOEVER WAKES IN ENGLAND SEES, SOME MORNING, UNAWARE …
I CAN’T REMEMBER THE REST. BUT I CERTAINLY SAW THE REST LAST WEEK. I HIT A PARTICULARLY WARM SPELL MY LAST TWO DAYS THERE, AND THE GARDENS WERE BURSTING WITH LIFE AND COLOR. WONDERFUL!
I STOPPED FOR TEA IN THE CHELSEA DISTRICT AND THEN WALKED FOR BLOCKS IN THE FRESH SUNSHINE. I FOUND A CHAPEL—ST. LUKE’S, I BELIEVE. THE GARDEN THERE WAS LAUGHING IN RED TULIPS. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM, ROLLING WITH HILARITY IN THAT DEEP GREEN GRASS.
I STROLLED THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THEIR PARTY, NODDING TO EACH ONE AS I PASSED, AND THEN I ENTERED THE CHAPEL WHERE ALL WAS QUIET. IN THAT HOLY PLACE I FELT THE PRESENCE OF CHRIST, WHICH WAS A GREAT COMFORT TO ME THAT DAY.
NO ANGELS DANCED BEFORE ME. NO BELLS CHIMED. IT WAS JUST HIS PRESENCE, HIS UNMISTAKABLE PRESENCE IN THAT CHAPEL AND IN MY LIFE. I KNEW I COULD TRUST HIM FOR ALL, INCLUDING THE FUTURE OF “US.” HAVE YOU FELT THAT SAME PEACE? A QUIET CONFIDENCE THAT FOR RIGHT NOW, THIS IS ALL WE NEED. A SHARING OF OUR SOULS. “IN QUIETNESS AND CONFIDENCE SHALL BE YOUR PEACE.”
I’D LIKE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS.
YOURS, KC
Lauren had written back that she felt comfortable with where things were right then, even though she couldn’t say she had ever felt a special peace or presence of the Lord regarding this. However, she wondered if they needed to spend some time trying to evaluate where they were going and what they should expect from the other.
KC’s one-line response the next day was:
WREN: LET IT BE. LOVE, KC
She decided she was smitten. How could she help but fall in love with a man who could quote Robert Browning, Isaiah, and the Beatles with such eloquence?
Chapter Eighteen
Lauren didn’t hear back from KC after her July “anniversary” letter for two full days. She came home from work on Tuesday evening, ready for a glass of iced tea and a nap on the couch. Outside, the summer weather was cranking up. Inside, Hawthorne greeted her with a plea for food and a look that said he didn’t know what day of the week it was or what month of the year. He lived in a climate-controlled environment in which all his meals were delivered at the drop of a “meow.” What did he have to worry about?
“You know, you’re costing me money, big boy. My electric bill is going to be gigantic this month. What if I leave the air conditioning off tomorrow and open the window?” She knew she couldn’t do that to the pampered baby.
“You need a life, Hawthorne. I’m going to start taking you for walks. Look how flabby you’re getting.”
“Meow,” said Hawthorne, which meant, Your threats are always empty ones, my dear.
“Then I’ll get you a kitten to look after. How would you like that?”
Disinterested in any of her suggestions, Hawthorne stuck up his tail at her as he began to consume his dinner.
Lauren poured herself a tall glass of iced Irish Breakfast tea, which was waiting for her in a pitcher in the refrigerator. She settled in by the computer, delighted to find the number “2” in her e-mail letter box.
She opened Brad’s letter first. He didn’t have much to say. His summer school courses were boring, and he was thinking about going on an outreach to Mexico in August with a bunch of guys from his Sunday school class. He asked her to send him the dates she would be in California for her friend’s wedding.
Lauren replied:
I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKETS YESTERDAY. TERI’S WEDDING IS IN ESCONDIDO ON SATURDAY, AUGUST 3.
She felt a twinge in her heart, remembering that her wedding date had been set for February 3. Six months ago. So much had happened since. She had changed dramatically. At this moment, Lauren couldn’t imagine herself married to Jeff. How different a person she would have become. Not necessarily bad, just vastly different. She liked who she was now and where her life was going.
I’LL FLY INTO BURBANK ON FRIDAY NIGHT AND PICK UP A RENTAL CAR. I SHOULD REACH YOUR PLACE BEFORE NINE. CAN I STAY WITH YOU THAT NIGHT? I NEED TO LEAVE AROUND NINE IN THE MORNING; THEN I’LL BE BACK AGAIN LATE SATURDAY NIGHT. IF YOU’RE REAL NICE, I’LL LET YOU TAKE ME TO BRUNCH AFTER CHURCH ON SUNDAY. MY PLANE LEAVES AT THREE THAT AFT
ERNOON. PLEASE TELL ME THIS FITS INTO YOUR DEMANDING SCHEDULE.
LAUREN
Sending it off with the push of a button, Lauren eagerly opened KC’s letter.
DEAR WREN,
A WHOLE YEAR, HUH? MY, TIME FLIES WHETHER YOU’RE HAVING FUN OR NOT. LATELY I HAVEN’T BEEN HAVING FUN. I’VE BEEN TRAVELING AGAIN, AND I RETURNED TO AN UNBELIEVABLE MOUND OF WORK. I’LL BE UP ALL NIGHT TRYING TO MEET THIS DEADLINE. I’M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS. I KNOW WE’VE NEVER ASKED THIS OF EACH OTHER, BUT HOW OLD ARE YOU? MY GUESS IS TWENTY-FOUR. AM I CLOSE?
I SUPPOSE THAT’S ONLY A FAIR QUESTION IF I OFFER TO TELL MY AGE. TWENTY-SEVEN. MY BROTHER TURNED THIRTY LAST WEEK, AND HIS WIFE PRESENTED HIM WITH A PAIR OF BABY NIKE TENNIS SHOES—HER WAY OF TELLING HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT. THEY’RE PRETTY EXCITED.
YOU KNOW, SOME DAYS I’D LIKE TO BAG THIS WHOLE JOURNALISTIC LIFESTYLE, FIND A NICE NINE-TO-FIVE POSITION AT A SMALL-TOWN NEWSPAPER, AND LET ONE OF MY COMPETITORS WORRY ABOUT WINNING A PULITZER.
THE DEADLINE DRAWS EVER CLOSER. MUST GO.
YOURS, KC
P.S. WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS IT ABOUT TIME WE MET FACE TO FACE?
Lauren froze. She read the last line again. This is what she had been waiting for. Or so she had thought. How many times had he written that P.S. and then erased it the way she had removed similar lines in her letters to him? She decided not to pause to think. As her heart pounded, her fingers tapped to the beat, typing out her response:
DEAR KC,
YES, I THINK THE TIME FOR A FACE-TO-FACE HAS COME. I’M GOING TO SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA THE FIRST WEEKEND OF AUGUST. BY ANY CHANCE COULD YOU MEET ME THERE? MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A LATE DINNER ON FRIDAY NIGHT IN LA? OR PERHAPS BRUNCH ON SUNDAY?
ALWAYS, WREN
P.S. YOU WERE CLOSE. I’LL BE TWENTY-FIVE NEXT MONTH.
Her hands felt clammy as she touched the send button. Was she doing the right thing? If they met in Los Angeles, her brother could join them for dinner. Nothing safer than that.
KC wrote back saying he would be returning from a trip to Chicago that weekend and wouldn’t be able to meet her in LA. He suggested the following weekend in Oregon and asked if she would consider flying to Portland. She wrote back that her frequent-flyer miles weren’t quite at the point she could travel two weekends in a row.
However, just to leave the possibility open, Lauren signed up at work for vacation time that second weekend of August and all of the third week. That way, if she did end up somehow in Portland, she could fly on to Victoria to see her parents for the week. It wasn’t too impossible. But it was a little scary.
Once she knew her vacation time was cleared at work, she wrote KC that she was considering Portland after all. What did he have in mind?
KC wrote back:
DEAR WREN,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I’M NERVOUS ABOUT OUR MEETING, AS I’M SURE YOU ARE. HERE’S MY PLAN: I THOUGHT PERHAPS WE COULD GO HIKING. YOU SAID A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT YOU HAD A GOOD TIME ON A DAY HIKE WITH YOUR CHURCH GROUP. WELL, A BEAUTIFUL WATERFALL, MULTNOMAH FALLS, IS LOCATED ABOUT HALF AN HOUR’S DRIVE FROM THE PORTLAND AIRPORT. IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE HIKING SPOTS, ESPECIALLY THIS TIME OF YEAR. I THOUGHT WE COULD MEET THERE. MAYBE IT WILL MAKE THINGS A LITTLE LESS AWKWARD IF WE WALK AS WE TALK. AFTER THAT, IT’S UP TO YOU. I’LL LEAVE THE BALL IN YOUR COURT. NO PRESSURE. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU DECIDE.
YOURS, KC
Oh, but Lauren did feel pressure. Lots of pressure. For days she worked through all the pros and cons of this plan. It would have been safer to meet him in a more public situation, like dinner in LA with Brad. Still, she had no reason to distrust this man. Hiking was a good idea. It would make their first “date” casual and more relaxed for both of them. She wrote back that she would like to think about it a little more. KC’s response left her with an even bigger dilemma:
YOU MIGHT AS WELL KNOW THAT I LIVE IN PORTLAND. THAT’S WHY IT’S EASY FOR ME TO INVITE YOU HERE. IF THIS AUGUST WEEKEND DOESN’T WORK OUT, LET’S NOT STRESS OVER IT. I TRAVEL SO MUCH THAT I MIGHT BE IN YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS EVENTUALLY.
Should she tell him where she lived? Lauren wondered. Then what? Reveal her real name? Give him her phone number? Maybe they should talk on the phone first. Just to break the ice. Somehow that didn’t settle well with Lauren. She realized that part of the reason this relationship felt safe and secure was because the anonymity was a form of protection. She couldn’t give that all up. Not yet, not over the phone.
In a moment of need, Lauren asked Mindy if she could come over after work. It was only a week until Teri’s wedding and two weeks before Lauren might go to Portland. It was time to ask for advice.
Mindy arrived a little after seven with a grocery bag in her hand. “Mint chip and a bag of Oreos,” Mindy announced, handing the bag to Lauren. “I like my cookies crushed on the bottom of the bowl. Should I help?”
“You didn’t need to bring anything,” Lauren said. “But thanks. Why don’t you make it the way you like it and make mine the same way. Do you want anything to drink?”
“Coffee. Black.”
“I hope I have some,” Lauren said, checking her cupboard.
“Don’t worry. I brought some coffee, too.”
“Boy,” Lauren said with a laugh, “this was a casual invitation, and you’ve gone all out. What’s the occasion?”
“I’m expecting you to tell me,” Mindy said with a tilt of her head. “I know something is up, Lauren. Get it out. Go ahead. Just break it to me gentle-like. You’re leaving, aren’t you? You have a job teaching somewhere, and you wanted to let me be the first to know.”
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
“Whew!” Mindy expressed exaggerated relief as she mashed the cookies in the bottom of her bowl with the back of the ice cream scoop. “So this is girls’ night out, and that’s it, right?”
“No, not exactly. I need some advice. I didn’t want to get into it at work.”
“Speak to me. I am a storehouse of opinions.”
“I know.”
Mindy shot her a playfully appalled look.
“It’s like this,” Lauren said, rinsing her rarely used coffeemaker and filling it with water. “I’ve sort of met someone.”
“Really?” Mindy’s eyebrows went up, and a cagey smile spread across her lips. “It’s about time. Where did you meet him? At church? Don’t tell me at Kroger’s. I don’t sanction relationships that begin in the fruit department. That’s where most of them belong!” She looked down at Hawthorne rubbing against her leg. “Can he lick this?” She held up the ice cream scoop.
“He probably would like to, but I’ve put him on a diet.”
“Sorry, baby. Maybe next time. Now, as you were saying …?”
“I didn’t meet him at the grocery store or at church. Actually, we met more than a year ago.”
Mindy dropped the scoop into the sink and spun around to give Lauren a warning look. “If you’re about to tell me it’s that guy from the bank picnic last year, I’m going to lose my appetite right here and now.”
“No, of course not! Didn’t I tell you? I heard he moved to Seattle or some place. He moved a long time ago.”
Mindy slipped a coffee mug under the stream of java coming from the coffeemaker and said, “Do you have any sugar? I need sugar.”
“In the cupboard by your head.” Lauren picked up her ice cream bowl and headed for the couch. She felt nervous about finally telling someone, especially Mindy, about KC.
“Let’s start over,” Mindy said once she was settled on the easy chair with her mug of coffee and bowl of ice cream. She tilted her chin toward the vent in the ceiling and said, “Oh, that air feels good. So tell me. What’s his name?”
“Well,” Lauren cautiously took a bite of ice cream mixed with the smashed cookies and said with a full mouth, “This is good!”
“You’re stalling.”
“His name is KC.”
“Casey? Casey what?”
“No, it’s the initials, K.C.”
“Which stand for
…?” Mindy did little loops in the air with her spoon.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay. Let’s try an easier question. How did you meet him?”
“Well, my brother sort of introduced us.”
“Elaborate for me, if you don’t mind.”
Lauren put down her bowl of ice cream and leaned forward. She took a deep breath and spewed out, “Okay. We met on the Internet a year ago in July when my brother was here. Remember when he brought me the computer? And, well, we’ve sort of been corresponding all this time, and don’t worry—he’s a Christian. So now we both thought we’d like to see each other, and I’m considering going to Portland in two weeks to meet him at a waterfall.”
Mindy’s mouth dropped open. She plopped her spoon back into her bowl and stared at Lauren. “A year? You’ve written to this man for a year, and you never told me?” Her look of hurt was genuine.
“I couldn’t tell you, Min. I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t. It’s such a bizarre thing. I never guessed it would get this far. We just started writing one letter after another and before I knew it—”
“You fell in love,” Mindy finished for her.
“Maybe. Yes. No. I mean, I don’t know. How can I be in love with someone I’ve never seen?”
“You love God,” Mindy answered.
“That’s different.”
“Not always,” Mindy replied. “When one heart opens to another heart, it usually results in love.”
“So what should I do?”
Chapter Nineteen
Are you asking me if you should meet this guy?” Mindy asked.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No!” Mindy spooned a scoop of mint chip into her mouth. “No way should you put yourself at risk like that. Where did you say he wanted to meet you? At a waterfall?”