Lauren pulled her key out of her purse and unlocked the door, “Well, I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Sunday,” he confirmed, giving her an amiable smile. “Good night.” He bounded down the stairs.
Lauren entered the silent house with tears clouding her eyes. “You are such a jerk!” she muttered to herself. “How could you have been so clueless? You ruined the entire night.” She slunk into the kitchen, preparing to make coffee out of habit. The ceramic coffee canister was empty, and the bags of coffee beans she usually tucked in the freezer weren’t there. She tried to remember the last time she had made coffee. It had been weeks. The only time she used to drink it was with Jeff after their dates.
With a heavy sigh, she snapped off the kitchen light and headed for the living room couch where she sat in the dark. Outside her window, Mr. Toad rippled his consistent chorus. He never seemed to give up. Perhaps Sunday things would be different. Justin said he would come for lunch. If first dates were supposed to be awkward, then they were right on schedule.
Promising herself not to mention Jeff, Lauren made a midnight wish that she would have a second chance with Justin on Sunday.
Chapter Ten
I hope you know this isn’t helping me a bit,” Lauren said as she and Mindy stood in line to pay for a pair of jeans Mindy was buying at Dillard’s. “How many times do you want to hear that you were right and I was wrong? It’s just that Justin was so open and understanding and had such a kind listening ear—”
“That you decided to talk that ear right off,” Mindy finished for her. They stepped up to the register, and Mindy handed the clerk her jeans and her credit card.
“It wasn’t like that,” Lauren said. “I didn’t decide anything. It simply turned out the way it turned out, and I realize now I could have redirected the conversation. The whole focus of the evening would have been different.”
“Actually, I’m glad you went through this enlightening experience,” Mindy said, leaning over to sign the sales slip. “The thing I don’t think is so great is the way you’ve convinced yourself that Jeff was a total bum. You were once in love with the guy, remember?”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Lauren, Lauren, Lauren,” Mindy said shaking her head. She took the bag from the salesperson and said, “Thanks, you have a good day, too.” Then, turning back to Lauren, she said, “As long as I’ve known you, Lauren, you’ve needed happy endings. Right now, things with Jeff are left on an unhappy note. Why don’t you call him and have a nice, civil conversation and resolve this relationship on a happy note?”
“How is that possible?”
“It’s possible.” Mindy led the way to the elevator. “With God, everything is possible.”
Several other shoppers had joined them and were waiting for the elevator.
“You need to hear and understand the truth,” Mindy said, her bluntness moving to the fore. “Truth hurts and truth heals, if you let it. It’s the truth that sets you free. You won’t spend the rest of your life with a big ‘if’ hanging over you.” She used her hands to indicate a big bubble over her head and opened her eyes wide as she said it.
“A big ‘if’?” Lauren repeated quietly, hoping Mindy would take the hint and lower her voice.
“If only I had done this, or if he hadn’t said that. You could spend the rest of your life trying to come up with conclusions to make yourself feel comfortable. And none of them might be the truth. Come on, you grew up going to Sunday school; you know all this. God is in control.”
The elevator doors opened, letting out a mom with her stroller. Mindy, Lauren, and four other people entered. As the door shut, Mindy stepped onto her invisible soapbox and began to preach to her captive audience.
“Christianity is nothing less than a complete surrender to God. You know that. Every day, in every situation.”
Lauren was conscious of the stares of the people around them.
“It means seeking him first and always, and choosing to trust him even when it’s so hard it hurts. It’s a life of complete abandonment to the Lover of our souls.” Mindy’s arms spread wide in dramatic gestures as her voice echoed off the elevator’s enclosed walls. “It means going against the flow of everything that seems natural and deliberately choosing God.”
The elevator door opened. Lauren was aware of the staring eyes following them as they exited and headed for the parking lot.
“The bottom line,” Mindy said, pushing open the glass door, “is that you have a problem with trust.”
“I do not,” Lauren snapped.
“Oh, yes you do! You have to learn to trust God, to believe that he’s in control.”
“I trust God, all right,” Lauren said with a tease in her voice. “It’s his children I find flaky.”
Mindy shook her head and unlocked her car door. “I happen to be one of his children. Are you saying I’m flaky?”
“Okay, wacky then,” Lauren said, getting in and giving Mindy a playful punch in the arm. “I’m only kidding you! Don’t look so serious.”
Lauren didn’t mind it when Mindy was fired up. Sometimes she even agreed with her. It’s just that there was a time to receive a sermon and a time to lighten up.
“You think I’m kidding you about trusting God, but I’m not.”
They were silent for a few minutes before Mindy said, “This is what you do. You go home, call Jeff, have a nice heart-to-heart conversation, and then tomorrow you’ll be free when Justin comes for lunch. You’ll be able to center your attention on him.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Why shouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know. Nothing has been lately.”
“Now, there you go again. You can’t spend the rest of your life acting as if you are Little Miss Victim.”
“You’re right. You’re right, you’re right, you’re right!” Lauren said, holding up her hands. “Can we drop this topic for awhile?”
“Okay,” Mindy returned with a surprised tone in her voice. “It was only a suggestion. Do you want to stop at the Waffle House for something to eat?”
“No, I’d rather get right home.”
“No problem. I’ll pick up Leon and take him out to eat with me. That man can eat anything, anytime, anywhere.” Mindy chattered happily about her husband all the way to Lauren’s apartment.
Lauren couldn’t believe how exhausted she felt. What she needed were a few encouraging words from her brother. She turned on her computer and checked her mail. Nothing new from Brad or KC. She pulled up KC’s last letter, curious if he had specified when he would return from Egypt. No dates were mentioned. The world of KC and his intriguing letters seemed like one universe while this mess with Justin and Jeff seemed like a parallel reality. The dimension with KC was dreamy and unspoiled. Reality was, well … reality.
With one last glance at KC’s most recent letter, Lauren pulled down a “reply” file and tapped out a message to Brad:
RAD, WELL, I DID IT. I FINALLY WENT ON A DATE. IT WAS A MAJOR DISASTER. I SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT TALKING ABOUT JEFF AND WHY WE WERE SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER. JUSTIN WAS MORE POLITE THAN ANY MAN SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THAT POSITION. MINDY SAYS I SHOULD CALL JEFF AND TRY TO MAKE PEACE. WHAT DO YOU THINK? JUSTIN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW AFTER CHURCH. I’M HOSTING A LUNCH GET-TOGETHER FOR NEW PEOPLE IN OUR CAREER GROUP. MAYBE I’LL BE ABLE TO HAVE A SECOND CHANCE WITH HIM. I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE JUSTIN. HE’S NOTHING LIKE JEFF. AND TO HIS CREDIT, HE’S A MANIAC ON THE VOLLEYBALL COURT. PLEASE RUSH ALL YOUR MUCH NEEDED ADVICE TO YOUR LOVELORN SIS.
WREN
Feeling rather proud of herself for having some sense of humor left, Lauren zapped off the e-mail to Brad and began to close the file. Suddenly she froze. The disaster had happened again. She accidentally had sent the letter to KC instead of Brad.
“Lauren, get a brain, will you?! I can’t believe you are such a dork!” This time she decided to send an immediate explanation to KC:
KC,
YES, IT’S THE MAD E-M
AIL BOMBER, SENDING MORE ACCIDENTAL MAIL TO YOU. WILL YOU DO ME A HUGE FAVOR AND DISREGARD THE LETTER YOU JUST RECEIVED FROM ME? BETTER YET, COULD YOU NOT EVEN READ IT? OR BETTER YET, COULD YOU FORGET YOU EVER MET ME? NOT THAT WE HAVE MET … WELL, I THINK I’VE FLUBBED UP ENOUGH FOR ONE LIFETIME. I DO HOPE YOU HAD A TERRIFIC TIME IN EGYPT. AS YOU MIGHT GATHER, THINGS HAVE BEEN PRETTY BORING AROUND HERE FOR ME. SO, IN CASE WE NEVER COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER AGAIN, THANKS FOR THE TIPS ON THE BROWNINGS, AND GOD BLESS YOU.
WREN (AKA COMPUTER CORRESPONDENCE KLUTZ)
Allowing herself only a few minutes to think about it, Lauren sent off the second letter to KC and then sent the original to Brad. She reached for a notepad and wrote herself a warning that said, “Check automatic ‘send’ addresses before sending e-mail” and taped it to the top of her computer screen.
Justin noticed her note the next day during her luncheon and asked her over the background music on the stereo, “Are you having a problem with your e-mail?”
“I was, but I think I have it figured out.” She smiled, hoping that none of her insecurities leaked through. Justin was the only one who had arrived so far. She was thankful he had come. He hadn’t changed his mind since Friday, and it gave her hope that a second date might be in their future. In the five minutes Justin had been there, he had selected the music while Lauren pulled together the deli buffet of cold cuts, sandwich fixings, and salad.
“Do you need some help in there?” Justin asked. The music was awfully loud. Lauren figured he must be used to it at that level from the radio station. She was more comfortable with subtle background music.
“Sure, you can help me. Would you grab that big basket on top of the refrigerator and put all these kaiser rolls in it?”
“Sure thing.” Justin effortlessly reached for the basket. He looked over the buffet she was assembling on the kitchen counter. “A do-it-yourself deli. That’s a good idea. I still don’t know how many people are coming. We called everyone on the list who had come to any of our meetings during the last month. By the way, did you talk to the woman who came this morning? What was her name? Annie?”
“I think it’s Amy. Yes, I gave her directions. She said she was coming. Did you hear her say she grew up in Brazil? Her parents were missionaries there. She just moved to the States two weeks ago and is living with her aunt and uncle.”
“Brazil?” Justin looked impressed. “I imagine she’ll have some interesting stories to tell.”
Lauren couldn’t help but wonder if he subconsciously meant that Amy’s stories about life in Brazil would be more interesting than Lauren’s long ramblings about Jeff. Amy was a few years younger and seemed fairly naive about life. In some ways Amy reminded Lauren of herself. She had long, wavy blond hair; a deep, rich tan; and a lyrical laugh. Her face was tender and lovely. At least that’s how Lauren used to see herself. Now, with her hair so short, she thought of herself as older. More seasoned after the engagement. Amy hadn’t lost that innocent look in her eyes yet.
There was a knock at the door. Lauren brushed off her hands on her skirt and slipped past Justin to open the door. The last person she expected to see stood there.
“Garry?”
“Hello, Lauren. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.”
“How did you know where I lived?” The alarm she felt sounded in her voice.
“You’re in the book.”
“Who is it?” Justin asked, rounding the corner to check on their guest. He seemed as surprised as Lauren.
“I didn’t realize you had company,” Garry said. “Nice to see you … Justin, is it?”
“How you doing?” Justin politely extended a hand.
Just then Amy appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “Hello,” she called out cheerfully. “I take it this is the right place.”
“This is it,” Justin said.
“Looks as if you have a party going on here,” Garry said. “I’m not imposing, am I?”
Amy apparently didn’t hear what Garry said to Justin and Lauren. She came up behind him and said, “Hi, I’m Amy.”
“Garry Taft,” he said, returning her friendly greeting.
An uncomfortable moment of silence canopied the four of them on the tight landing in front of Lauren’s apartment door. Inside, the music blared away happily. None of them said anything as they self-consciously grinned at each other.
Just then the phone rang.
“Excuse me,” Lauren said. She hurried to grab the phone and had to cover her ear to hear over the music. “Hello?” Over her shoulder she was aware that people had entered her apartment. She turned to see Justin and Amy, and behind them came Garry with a look of victory glimmering in his oversized eyes.
The person on the other end hung up. Lauren returned to the kitchen and tried to think straight. Amy asked if she could do anything to help. Lauren said she thought everything was about ready, and then there was another knock at the door. Two guys from the group stood there with cheesy grins on their thin, bespeckled faces. Somehow she had the feeling these two were a team who had made it their goal to visit every singles’ group in town. Lauren’s church happened to be next on their list.
She forced a gracious welcome and showed them into the living room where Justin stood by the stereo, chatting away with Amy.
Someone knocked on the door. Lauren swung it open and a woman who was older than Lauren by a few years greeted her with, “Your map was terrible. I’ve been driving around this apartment complex for half an hour.”
Justin turned up the music another notch, and Garry called out from the kitchen loud enough for everyone to hear, “Hey, Lauren, don’t you have any beer around this place?”
Chapter Eleven
At three o’clock that Sunday afternoon, Lauren saw her guests to the door, all except Garry. He had already left, and Lauren felt both horrible and relieved about it. When he had asked about the beer, she had answered with a firm “No!” and had given him a pained expression that accurately reflected all the exasperation she felt at the moment. He obviously got the message and slipped out a few minutes later without a word to anyone.
What made her feel the worst was that this gathering represented her church. Instead of playing the role of the hospitality queen, she had done an “off with his head” number on someone who probably needed to connect with a group like this the most. At the same time, she didn’t appreciate that he had “dropped by” or that he had found her through the phone book. She decided right then and there to obtain an unlisted number.
Justin apparently sensed her frustration, especially when she turned the music way down. And being the kind, counselor type, he came over to the couch, sat beside her, and quietly asked questions like: “Is everything okay?” “Did you know Garry was going to show up?” “How are you feeling?”
The minute a twinge of a smile graced Lauren’s lips, Justin crossed the room and engaged himself in a conversation with Amy. Lauren watched her, feeling jealous of how unencumbered Amy’s life appeared. She seemed free as a bird with a laugh to match. Lauren’s laugh used to sound like that. She would give anything to look like that and sound like that again.
It didn’t surprise Lauren that Justin left with the others. She didn’t expect him to stay and help clean up; although it would have been nice. He invited her to the leadership planning meeting on Monday night, which coincided with her night class, so she said she couldn’t make it. What she had hoped was that Justin would follow up with an invitation to do something over the weekend. She even considered inviting him to come back for dinner next weekend. The words never quite made it out of her mouth, and now he was gone.
She comforted herself with the possibility that she would see Justin at work during the week. Maybe he would stop by her teller window. Then it would be natural to invite him to dinner.
Gathering up the paper plates and empty soda cans around her apartment, Lauren began to feel lonely. The trash can under the sink was brimming by the time she stuffed the last of the
paper plates into it. The slight smell of tuna fish from the salad lingered in the kitchen, making Lauren wish once again she had a kitten, a soft little creature to keep her company at times like this.
She took her time cleaning up and then began to file through her CDs, looking for something to cheer her up. Before she could make a selection, the phone rang. It was Mindy.
“Wait till I tell you my outrageous idea for Leon’s surprise party on Saturday. This is by far going to be his best birthday ever! You don’t have plans for Saturday yet, do you?”
“No.” Unless Justin wants to come for dinner.
“Good. I want a bunch of people to meet at Jake’s—you know, that new tourist trap restaurant where they play old country music. I read in the paper today that this weekend they’re offering free meals if you come dressed up like a country-western singer. If we all come dressed up, it won’t cost us a thing! Except for Leon. I know he won’t come dressed up, but that’s okay.”
Lauren didn’t respond.
“Don’t you think it’s a great idea?”
“Sure.” She faked her enthusiasm.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You don’t sound like it’s nothing.”
“It’s nothing.” Lauren didn’t want another sermon from Mindy, and she actually was glad Mindy was preoccupied and hadn’t thought to ask Lauren if she had called Jeff. “Tell me more about this wild party.”
Mindy dove into all the details she had worked out about their costumes, how they would go early, and how Leon’s buddy would drive him there so they could surprise him inside the restaurant.
“Sounds like fun,” Lauren said.
“What do you mean ‘fun?’ It sounds like the hoot of the year. You’ll help me pull it off, won’t you?”
“Sure, I’ll help.” Lauren wondered if she would regret her words.
After her conversation with Mindy, Lauren thumbed through a catalog and then decided to check her e-mail. The box on the computer screen showed she had one letter. It was from Brad. Still nothing from KC. Not that it should surprise her. He could still be in Egypt. Or, even more likely, after he had read her last goof-up letter requesting advice from Brad for his lovelorn sister, KC had probably chosen to end their brief but intriguing communication.