~~DAYS OF OUR YARN~~
Yes, yes. It is all very interesting, our hero's adventures on earth; dealing with bullies and the like, worrying about Klesia, wondering if Eliza has caught on to his secret yet, enjoying snow cones and meeting new friends, like Paksha.
Since I just summed up the entire chapter in a single paragraph, I'd like to share another remarkable occurrence. Remember I mentioned my suspicions of a Fester Tail invasion? Well, it turns out I am not crazy after all, even though I am older than mold.
You see, I unscrewed my airboard and removed my particle enhancer/de-hancer controller and made a curious discovery. There, in the dusty corridors of the backend of my control panel, I saw tiny footprints; dozens and dozens of tiny footprints.
Upon further investigation, I found even more Fester Tail evidence. I grabbed my Infinites-Imal-Ogler, also known as a magnifying glass, and peered deeper into the bowels of the ship. You may not believe this, but I found a tiny rug placed in front of a handmade wooden door.
The rug said, "Welcome." They placed a welcome mat in my on-board computer systems. Even worse, they built a door. Worse than that, my hands are too big to reach in and open the door.
Peering even more closely, I saw a small envelope stuck to the little wooden door with "For Yarn" written on the outside.
Using a pair of long tweezers, I snatched the envelope from the door. I opened the tiny envelope really carefully and used my Infinites-Imal-Ogler to read its contents.
Okay, let's get back to Izzian and Eliza…
I am only kidding. This is what the letter said:
Dear Lady Yarn,
We have decided to settle here, for the time being. Please keep your music turned down to a decent level, as we have had some recent complaints. Also, we are listening to your stories involving Izzian and Eliza with bated breath. We would like to offer our assistance.
We have come to a consensus that Izzy needs to tell Eliza the truth. Eliza also needs to fess up. They both know the truth, but for some reason are deciding to play dumb.
We would further like to add that too much sugar, even in snow cone form, is bad for humans and Klesians alike. While we, the Fester Tail people, have the metabolism of a hummingbird and a diet that consists mainly of sugar, larger sized beings should learn portion control-especially children.
We have decided that you, Lady Yarn, should consider a trip to earth. You are to notify that Laddie fellow, the owner of SnowCone Haven, that he must provide a healthier alternative to the children that patronize his establishment. Mr. Laddie must offer a sugar-free substitute at the very least.
One last note of interest to convey: We do not enjoy being referred to as a Fester Tail infestation. We are a settlement and henceforth shall be called as such. Thank you for your concern and please answer us back.
Post Script: Our beloved mechanic goes by the name Hulla Baloo. Mr. Baloo does not like to hear certain adjectives when discussing our people. Please refrain from uttering words such as: little, small, miniscule, insignificant, tiny or microscopic. Hulla is a proud Fester Tail and is of the belief that we are normal sized while everyone taller than a Slimerot Slinker is an ungainly giant. Thank you for your consideration. Those are our demands.
Post Post Script: Our lovely daughter, Esterly, believed it quite rude of you to avoid us for so long, maneuvering this way and that, zooming through space in an attempt to outrun us as if our ship carried the Pock-of-the-Chicken Plague. Shame on you. Esterly would have you know that once a Fester Tail sets her or his mind to a task, it is near impossible to stop us. You should consider keeping that fact in mind if you attempt to force us off your ship.
Sincerely,
Signal and Muriel Minor, Spokespeople for the Fester Tail Tribe of SpacePod Yarn.
…
Can you believe that? Those tiny creatures have some nerve calling themselves The Fester Tail Tribe of SpacePod Yarn; as if I had invited them to live on my SpacePod. Leon and I are just fine with things as they are.
This Signal and Muriel Minor have the nerve to demand I go to earth? I'm supposed to meet this Laddie person and tell him, "Hullo! I'm the Sugar Police and I demand that you sell fewer snow cones to children."
Of all the nerve! Do the Fester Tails believe they are the smallest dental hygienists in the universe? Well, I'll show those pesky Fester Tails who's the boss on Yarn's ship. I'm writing a tiny letter of response. Meanwhile, I'm blasting my music at full volume!
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CHAPTER 19