The phone rang.
“What are you doing I need to come over.” Dean said when I answered the phone.
I put the phone down and put the ice cream back in the fridge.
I agreed to him coming over so there was no point getting into the book, I would only be ticked off if I got to a juicy part and the door bell rang or better yet he let himself in.
It wasn’t even fifteen minutes later when the door opened. He started talking immediately.
“You will never believe what I am going to do this weekend?” He started.
I shook my head; it didn’t help me asking he was going to tell me anyway.
“I am going to take a road trip. Alex and I are going to his parents place the weekend. He wants me to meet them. Who knows maybe we will be getting married next,” he said smiling pleased.
“So he is committing more to this relationship then?” I asked happy for him.
“Oh yes he says he loves me and he feels like we were made for each other. He wants me to meet his parents and then we are going to discuss moving in together.”
He was happy and I knew that he had longed for this moment for years now. At first him and Alex were just friends with benefits but it changed later on. Alex was scared of going the whole nine yards because he wasn’t sure his family would approve of him being gay.
“Does his parents know that he is a gay man now?” I asked wondering.
“Yes he told them. I have spoken to his mom a couple of times over the phone and they seem nice and not at all bothered,” he said waving his hand.
“Then I am glad for you, so when are you leaving?” I asked.
“Tomorrow,” he said excited.
We spend the rest of the day talking about packing and road trips. He asked to borrow some of my CD’s for the trip. I gave him the CD’s and made him promise to return them in the original state he had gotten them.
We were still organising his trip when Joshua came home. Dean couldn’t wait to tell him the good news. Joshua put his bag down and sat on the sofa listening to every word Dean told him.
He offered them one of the limos but Dean insisted on driving himself, because it made it all the more personal and fun. I sat there wondering where he was going to get this car he wanted to road trip with. Neither he nor Alex had a car.
“Are you renting a car?” I asked confused.
Dean looked shyly at me.
“No actually I was wondering if I could use your car?” He asked.
I had a red convertible I had bought off a guy that advertised it in the news paper. I used it every now and then but I mostly used public transport it was just easier.
The car was old but it was mine, I never got it over my heart to sell it. Joshua took it out for a drive twice but he kept on suggesting that we get me another newer car. “Yes you can, who am I now to spoil your fun?” I said rolling my eyes.
He was so excited that I said yes that he ran over to me and hugged me, it felt like he broke my ribs.
“I have to go; I have so much I need to still do. We are leaving in a couple of hours. I want to be on the road before sunrise,” he said grabbing the car keys.
I walked out with him to the car and he left.
I was smiling as I walked up the stairs I was so happy for my friend he did deserve to be happy. He was a good loving person who deserved this weekend more than anyone I knew.
When I opened the door I saw Joshua sitting in front of the TV fast asleep. I decided to snuggle up next to him. When ever he was away even if it was only for an hour I would miss him.
He woke up and moved his arm so I could lay under it. I picked up the remote and put the TV softer.
“How was your day?” I asked holding on to his chest.
He signed.
“It was long and I missed you terribly,” he answered.
“I missed you too. Is the filming done now?” I asked.
“Yes it is. Lucas worked us today,” he said laughing tired.
“Glad its over but the hard work is only starting now with Premiers and moving to New York,” I reminded him, he just yawned.
I laid there on his chest listening to his heart beat, I could hear his breathing slow down as he fell asleep again. I flipped through the channels on the TV till I found something to watch. It was a movie I had seen years ago but it was the only thing that looked remotely appealing.
After the movie, I sat up and looked at him he was still sleeping in a sitting position with his arm around me he had not even removed his shoes he was just too exhausted. “Joshua its time to get into bed,” I said kissing him softly on his cheek.
He opened his eyes and looked at me still sleepy.
He rubbed his eyes and sat up almost trying to wake up. I got up and took the mugs to the kitchen expecting him to be on his way to the bedroom by the time I got back. But he was still sitting with his elbows resting on his knees holding up his head. I sat next to him on the sofa and looked at him sitting there. He looked worried.
“What is wrong?” I asked softly.
“I am just tired I think I need a holiday,” he explained giving me a reassuring smile. It was understandable that he would be tired because he had been on set for fourteen hour days.
“Is there anything bothering you?” I asked making sure that, that was the only thing that was wrong.
“No I am just tired,” he said again but I could see on his face that there was more.
“Alright then get into bed you can sleep late tomorrow,” I said.
“Are you coming too?” He asked.
“Yes I will be there in a second,” I assured him.
I just had to lock up and then I would join him.
When I got to the room he was semi sitting in bed he had left my lamp on.
I walked to my closet to get out something to sleep in.
“Come here,” he said softly.
I pushed the drawer closed and walked to him; I stood next to his side of the bed and looked at his face he looked so worried.
“What is it?” I asked.
I saw a hint of a smile forming on his lips he took my hand and pulled me over him. I didn’t speak I just laid there looking into his eyes.
“You know I adore you,” he said softly.
“Yes I do,” I said feeling more concerned.
“I suppose I need to tell you before you see it on the internet or in a magazine,” he said sighing.
“What is it?” I demanded.
“There is a story that broke this morning about me having an affair,” he said looking at the reaction on my face.
“That’s nothing it’s happened before,” I reassured him laughing it off.
“There are photos,” he said looking ashamed.
“What do you mean there are photos?”
I sat up looking at him frowning.
“It was photos taken a couple of months ago before we were together. It was a girl I met at a party we just had fun it wasn’t anything bad. The photos are of us getting into limo’s and eating out. Its just I am concerned you might see it and then think it was taken resently.
There is one photo however where we were kissing on a balcony of a hotel room she only had her bikini bottom on. I don’t know why the photos only surficed now. Jack thinks this woman had us photographed without me knowing about it and now she is using it as a meal ticket,” he said rubbing his eyes.
“Did you have sex with her?” I asked softly.
“No I didn’t but it looks like we did have sex if you look at that photo.” he said.
“I believe you, besides I know you would never cheat so why are you so worried?” I asked rubbing his cheek with my thumb.
“She is claiming to be pregnant; she says it is my child. The press is having a field day because they reported that you were spotted leaving the doctor crying because we a
re battling to get pregnant,” he said raising his eyebrows.
I looked at him and smiled, I could see that although most days he could have handled the press, today was just not one of those days.
“I love you,” I said softly as I leaned in and kissed him.
“So you aren’t mad at me?” He asked as he pushed me away.
I shook my head.
I leaned over and switched off my bedside lamp. I took off my shirt and started kissing him.
Chapter 32
The next morning I woke up to the telephone ringing off the hook, I looked at the clock radio on his side of the bed it was already 11 am.
I looked at the door and saw him on the phone he was looking in to the room at me with the worst look on his face. I couldn’t hear what he was saying but I assumed it was Jack on the phone. He disappeared out view and I heard him switching on the TV. I got up out of bed and put on my t-shirt.
I walked out to the door that separated the living room from the bedroom. He was looking at the TV with a look of shock on his face.
He looked up at me and said over the phone, “no she hasn’t seen it yet, she is awake I will speak to you later. Just tell them that she is safe,” he said as he put the phone down.
“What is wrong did she…” I assumed it had something to do with the woman and the photos.
He walked towards me and held me tightly to his chest. I pushed him away and looked at his worried face.
“What is wrong Joshua?” I demanded.
“There was an accident,” he started, his eyes welled up.
I pushed him away and walked towards the TV.
There it was a wrecked car; it looked like a live feed from an accident scene. They showed a truck laying on its side it was burning and there it was, my red convertible crushed and burnt almost to the point where I couldn’t recognise it.
At the bottom of the screen was words scrolling; ‘no survivors there is still no news on whether Katie Roberts Scott was in the car at the time of the accident.’
My legs gave way under me I started shaking uncontrollably, I watched the TV like I was expecting it to be a movie. I didn’t cry or speak I just sat there. I didn’t feel him sit down next to me until he put his arm around me.
“I am going to be sick,” I said as I ran out the room to the bathroom.
Dean was dead. He died driving my old car.
I lost my friend, the thoughts and images just kept on running through my mind. I sat there on the cold bathroom floor holding my legs against my chest.
Suddenly I felt this rush of complete sadness wash over me and I started crying, it just came out I was crying so loud that it echoed in the bathroom.
He came in and picked me up from the floor he put me on his lap and held me tight against his chest. He rocked me slowly rubbing me face with his hand. It felt like my life came to an end with Dean’s. I was crying uncontrollably I couldn’t stop.
He held me and rocked me the whole time.
The phone rang again.
“Get it maybe they found him, maybe he is okay,” I demanded.
He got up and ran to the phone.
“No Jack not now,” I heard him saying.
I got up from the floor and walked towards him. He was standing with his back to me.
“She can’t handle that now… I understand but,” he said. I stood there looking at him when suddenly I felt the room spin, I felt hot, my mouth was dry, I couldn’t swallow and then everything went black.
He was standing there holding his hand out. He looked so happy just like I remembered seeing him on any other day.
“I love you friend, you will be okay you will see,” Dean said still holding out his hand. I walked towards him and tried to take his hand when I heard, “Katie, oh please Katie.” The voice pleaded.
I laid there thinking, ‘why was this person in such a panic, I was okay.’
I opened my eyes and saw Joshua, the tears were running down his cheeks he was red in the face. He grabbed me up in his arms and held me kissing me in my face repeatedly.
“He is dead isn’t he?” I asked without emotion he looked at me so sad.
“Yes I am so very sorry,” he said rubbing my face with his hand.
I turned my face to his chest and closed my eyes. Please let me see Dean again just one more time, I thought.
“We need to go to the police station close to where the accident happened; they need you to identify some things,” he said softly unsure of how I would react.
I got up and walked to the shower and opened it. He was following me, watching me constantly.
I stood under the shower reliving what I saw on TV it was weird; I could almost hear the crash even though I wasn’t there.
I looked out at the room and saw him standing in the door watching me worrying that I might pass out again.
“You can go get dressed I am fine,” I said over the running water.
He didn’t move I washed myself and got out. He stopped me as I wanted to walk past him.
“Do you want us to get you something, to help you cope?” He asked.
“Is it going to bring him back?”
He didn’t deserve it but I was just so angry.
I heard the door bell ring, it was Jack he came with us for in case there were reporters. He promised to take care of the press.
I got dressed in a denim pants with black stiletto boots and a black long sleeve top. I scratched in my cupboard and found a big pair of dark sunglasses.
I wasn’t going to show my face to the paparazzi, not today.
I heard Jack say to Joshua, “I got her something from the doctor like you asked.”
He held up a small bottle of pills I could see it through the crack of the open door.
“I don’t think she will take it,” Joshua said softly as he took the pills from him.
“Try she trusts you. Besides it’s the best, I don’t know what they are going to show her,” Jack insisted.
I walked into the room and passed Jack, he still tried to say something.
“Morning Jack.”
He looked at me as I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Joshua walked in after me I took a big sip of water from the glass.
“Please take this,” he said holding out two white tablets in his hand.
I took it from him and swallowed it with the rest of the water.
He took the empty glass from me and put it on the sink; he put his arms around me and held me again. I didn’t cry I just stood there totally motionless. I didn’t feel sad or happy or angry just this emptiness.
“We should go we have a long drive ahead of us,” Jack said leaning into the kitchen. I walked out and grabbed my handbag and the dark sunglasses.
I walked towards the door but then I froze I couldn’t open the door.
If I leave the apartment it meant I was going out into the world, the same world where my friends were dead.
I felt him putting his arm around me he said softly, “its okay I am here.”
I looked around at him and Jack and then I put the dark glasses on.
When we got outside there were a sea of people and cameras. Joshua put his arms around me protecting me from the people as he guided me towards the big black limo.
Chapter 33
As I got into the limo I started feeling disorientated I felt light headed. It felt like I was going to pass out again. Joshua climbed in behind me and Jack followed. When the car started moving I leaned forward and held my head in my hands.
“Are you okay?” I heard Joshua ask.
I looked up and saw everything around me spinning again.
“Give me my hand bag,” I said pointing to the bag in front of me.
He grabbed it and handed it to me. I opened it and lit a cigarette.
“She smokes?” Jack asked.
?
??Not really,” Joshua answered.
I took a small glass out the mini bar and used it as an ashtray.
After smoking that cigarette I felt nauseous but I knew I wasn’t going to throw up, it was just the emptiness inside me.
I got out a bottle of whiskey and opened it.
“I don’t think you should have alcohol on the pills,” Jack said concerned.
“I am fine pour me a drink,” I said pushing the bottle in his hands.
He looked at Joshua and then poured me a bit in the glass.
“More,” I said when he held the glass out to me.
He looked at Joshua again. Joshua just nodded and then Jack poured some more in the glass.
I took the glass from him and threw it down my throat.
“More,” I said holding the glass out to him again.
He threw in more and I drank it in one gulp again. I put the glass down.
I could hear the sigh of relief Jack made at the thought that I wasn’t going to drink the whole bottle at once.
I laid down flat on my side with my head on Joshua’s lap; he put his hand on my head and stroked my hair. I looked over at Jack sitting there staring at me. He looked at me like he expected me to cry at any second.
The entire drive I heard them talking about unimportant things.
I drifted in and out of sleep. I kept on thinking those pills really were great I felt numb, I still felt the emptiness but it wasn’t that bad I could work with it.
“Katie we are here sweetheart,” I heard Jack say.
The limo had stopped and he was leaning over me. I opened my eyes and sat up.
I adjusted my sunglasses and pulled my top straight.
“I am ready,” I said before they opened the door.
There were just as many people standing outside the police station as there was at the apartment, cameras were flashing and I heard people screaming my name.
I felt Joshua putting his arm under my arms almost supporting me. It felt like I was going to fall, my legs moved and I felt myself walking but I didn’t know how I did it. I realised that he was keeping me up.
We got into the police station when I heard the noise disappear. The door had blown shut behind us and it blocked the noise outside.
“Come sit down here,” Joshua said walking me towards the benches.
“No I am fine I want to stand on my own,” I said my voice shacking.
He let go of me but he stood ready to catch me in case I fell over.