Shane. Why do you do this to me?
I’m trying to help you.
How are you helping me? All you do is hurt me.
That’s exactly what I’m trying not to do.
I am your mate, Shane. We both know what that means.
You are human. You can find another.
I don’t want anyone else.
The phone stayed silent for several minutes and she assumed he was no longer responding. Typical Shane, running away soon as anyone shared any true intimacy. She shouldn’t have admitted how much she wanted him. Her face burned with embarrassment and shame.
I don’t want anyone else either, he finally typed.
Then why? Why can’t we try?
Don’t you think I want that too?
If you want to be with me, then why don’t you try to be with me?
It won’t work, Lily. I have no control.
This isn’t because you’re afraid of hurting me.
What do you think it is then?
I think you’re afraid of letting anyone close to you.
After she typed the last message, he didn’t respond again for a long time. She sat with Theo on the couch and watched his cartoons for the better part of the afternoon. When the sunlight started to fade into the evening, she got up and made spaghetti for dinner.
They ate, she gave Theo a bath, and put him to bed before her phone pinged with a new message.
Maybe you’re right, is all it said.
Her heart swelled. Shane had never come this close to admitting he had been wrong. It was a step in the right direction, and a jolt of fear rose in her chest. She felt so close to having everything she’d wanted as long as she could remember.
I’ve always been right about this, she typed.
You are, he messaged her a few moments later.
Lily’s heart burst in her chest, and she had to sit down so that she wouldn’t pass out from shock. Shane Keenan was actually admitting that someone else was right about something. She couldn’t think straight and stared at her phone for several minutes before responding
What now? she typed out.
What do you want?
I want you. I want us to be together.
I want that too, Lily. You have no idea how much.
If we both want it, then we can have it.
That’s not the way the world works, baby.
I refuse to believe that.
It’s easy for you. You are a human.
Don’t bring that into it again, Shane. We’ve both suffered.
I don’t want to fight with you, Lily.
Then don’t fight with me.
I can’t promise you anything.
All I ask is you don’t leave without telling me.
If that’s all you want, I can promise you that much.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks again. She set the phone down on the coffee table and put her face in her hands. He promised he wouldn’t leave without telling her. At this point, it was all she could really ask. If he could overcome that one thing, then maybe there was hope for them.
She had to believe there was hope. She had never loved anyone or wanted anyone the way she wanted Shane. She hated his guts, but she needed him so badly. He was the missing part of her heart. Without him in her life, she was incomplete. Every time he ran away from her, he took that missing part with him like a thief.
I want to see you again, he texted.
Lily read the message over and over again, not quite sure what it meant. Did he want to see her romantically the way she wanted to see him? Or was he just trying to appease her anger so she would let him get to know his son better? She needed to know.
See me?
We got matched on Mate.com. Maybe we should go on a date.
The idea of going out with Shane made her laugh. Dating was something the two of them had never done. It was far too normal an interaction for a man like Shane. Shane was more comfortable with stolen moments under the bleachers or the uncontrollable desire that had sparked between them the last time they were together. The closest thing they had ever had to a date was the meal he’d prepared for her that night.
Us on a date? I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing.
Don’t you want to go on a date?
Of course I do. Do you?
I want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
She sighed and messaged him back. Let’s go on a date then.
All right. We’ll go soon, he texted her.
As Lily pulled her futon out and got under her blankets, her heart felt lighter than it had in recent memory. She was going on a date with Shane Keenan. Master Chef. Bad boy bear. The love of her life.
Her mate.
9
Six years ago on Fate Mountain.
Lily looked up into the bright azure sky. She’d hiked several miles up Fate Mountain, and had come to a bluff blanketed in wildflowers. The vivid reds, purples, and oranges sprang from the rocky soil. The blue peak loomed in the distance. Snow covered the highest climbs and sent a cool breeze down below.
She took the rugged hillside in long strides, panting as she made her way up the trail. As the forest overtook the path, Lily looked off to her right and almost peed herself. A giant grizzly stood at full attention.
“Shane?” she said, moving toward the bear.
His ruddy fur was exactly the same as the last time she’d seen him after high school. She blinked into his blue eyes. He snorted and fell to his front paws and cantered forward. Lily’s body went rigid from instinct. A giant male grizzly was barreling toward her. The grizzly just happened to be Shane.
He threw back his head and shifted right in front of her. She’d seen it before, but this time it was a huge shock. She took a step back as he stepped toward her, totally naked. His body was covered in tattoos that hid the scars of his youth. He’d grown a beard since the last time she’d seen him on TV.
“Lily,” he said.
“I thought I’d never see you again.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to clean out my mother’s house. She died.”
“What happened?”
“Car accident. She was driving drunk.”
“Are you all right?” he said, stepping forward.
She couldn’t help looking between his legs. A perfect v pointed right at it. And the tattoos basically made the eye move right there. It wasn’t really her fault. Shane’s aroma overtook her, just like it always did. His cock twitched and she looked away.
“I haven’t seen her in a long time. But I’m her next of kin, so…”
“Where are you staying?” he asked in a husky voice.
Lily glanced down again; he was at half-mast now. Lily licked her lip and met his eyes again. All the hurt from the past bubbled up inside her, but she was too aroused to care.
“I’ve been sleeping on my mom’s couch,” she said, frowning. “What about you? What are you doing here, Shane? I haven’t seen you since we were eighteen. You just ran off on me. Then you ended up on television. How the hell did that happen?”
“I’ve been working,” he said, crossing his arms. His cock was almost completely full now. Lily could see the light of his bear in his eyes.
“Working? That’s what you have to say for yourself?”
“Maybe I should put some clothes on,” he said. “I’ve missed you, Lily.”
Lily stopped short as he pulled back and went to the forest to recover a pile of clothes. He slipped into them and met her on the trail.
“I’ve missed you too, Shane,” she said.
She’d missed him every day for seven years, and she’d spent that entire time trying to resolve her feelings for him. And then Shane showed up on TV a few years ago. It hadn’t made her recovery any easier.
“I’m on my way back down the trail,” he said. “Why don’t we hike down together, and I can cook you something. The food at the diner sucks.”
“That is so true,” she giggled, walking
beside him.
They made their way through the tall groves of old growth Douglas fir, smelling the rich scent of the forest. Shane stopped and plucked a berry from a tall, lush bush. He popped it into her mouth, and she groaned.
“Wild raspberry.”
“I can always count on you to feed me wild foods,” she said.
“You always did like the taste of raw nature,” he said, looking over at her with a grin in his eyes.
Lily took a sip of water from her bottle, and they continued to walk along the trail. She could feel the pheromones taking over. She was Shane’s fated mate. She could tell from the way he always made her feel inside.
“So. You’re famous. That must be crazy,” she said, feeling like a dork.
He glanced at her with dark eyes. “Not anymore,” he said.
“I heard what happened. It’s terrible. People are so hateful.”
“That’s the price you pay for fame. And for being a shifter.”
He seemed angry and distant. She almost stopped on the trail and didn’t continue, but he seemed to brush it aside.
“None of that matters anymore. Tell me what you’ve been up to,” he said.
“This and that. Nothing too special. I left Fate Mountain soon after you did. I started school but it got too hard to keep going and pay rent.”
They made it to the bottom of the mountain where Lily had her car parked. Shane had a motorcycle parked right beside it. He told her the address of his apartment, and she followed him down the highway back to Fate Mountain Village.
They parked in front of a nice apartment complex in one of the older neighborhoods in town. There were mature oak trees along the sidewalk with new green leaves rustling in the evening air. They went upstairs to his place. He had a comfortable apartment with a few pieces of furniture and a balcony with a view of the mountain.
She looked out at the view, wishing she could have changed out of her hiking clothes. Lily glanced back over at Shane in the kitchen. He was pulling pots and pans out of cabinets.
“Make yourself at home,” he said.
She walked over to the counter between the kitchen and dining room and took a seat on one of the stools. Watching Shane work in the kitchen was a sight to behold. Even in the small apartment kitchen, she could see his skill. His hand flew between ingredients and bowls. Mixing, blending, chopping.
“What are you making?” Lily asked.
“Steak au proivre with Dijon cream sauce.”
“You have all that lying around?”
Shane started to sear the steak, and the smell wafted through the air.
“Might as well make the most of it while I can.”
“How did you end up a chef anyway, Shane?” she asked.
He used tongs to turn the steaks and whipped the cream sauce in a pan. With another fluid motion of his body, he grabbed a bottle of red wine and popped the cork. He filled her a glass and then another for himself.
“When I left Fate Mountain, I knew that it was time for me to make my own way in the world. I couldn’t believe I made it out of that cave with my shifter identity still a secret. When I made it to Portland, I got a job in a kitchen. It was under the table, washing dishes. Over time, I worked up to prep cook. By then, I had a place to live and was doing okay. My chef suggested I go to school. He helped me make it happen. A few years later, I got a job working at a restaurant in San Francisco. It didn’t take long for me to work to the top. I was only twenty-three when I opened the restaurant. I’m not going to say I did it all on my own. I had a lot of help. Personality played a big role. People loved my image. The fame just kept rolling in once it started.”
“That must have been a wild ride.”
Shane took the steaks out of the pan and slid them onto a plate. He poured the white cream sauce over the steak in a perfect zigzag motion. Then he plated a side of fresh greens. The presentation was beautiful. He slid the plate across to her and handed her a fork with a cloth napkin. Shane stood in the kitchen, cutting into his food. He wasn’t even sitting down. And here Lily was, thinking this was a date.
She took a bite and it melted in her mouth, the flavor bursting with complexity and savory goodness. She looked up at him with an astonished expression. He smiled and started to laugh.
“Good?” he asked.
“This is fantastic. I can see why the public loved you so much.”
“I’m a shifter. My senses are keener than a human’s. It’s not a fair competition in the kitchen. I understand flavor on a whole other level.”
“It shows.”
She was starving from the hike and greedily ate her delicious meal. When she was done, she groaned, thinking it couldn’t get any better than this. That’s when Shane pulled out the glass cups of chocolate mousse from the fridge. He topped them off with dollops of his whipped cream and a handful of fresh berries.
Lily dipped her spoon into the mousse and lifted it to her lips. The chocolate had subtle flavors of caramel and the whipped cream tasted of cherries. She moaned with pleasure, and Shane looked down at her with hooded eyes.
“This is so good,” she groaned.
“It’s good to see you smile,” he said in a low voice.
Lily could see the light of the bear in his eyes. She’d seen it so many times before when he’d looked at her. It made her heart beat faster. She missed Shane so much. When he’d left without saying goodbye, she didn’t know what to do.
She was here with him now and all the old feelings were flooding her mind and heart. Most of her feelings were full of desire and lust. But others were darker. Lily was still angry he’d left without her.
“Why did you leave me, Shane?” she asked.
“We never agreed we were going to leave together.”
“We meant everything to each other, Shane. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel that. We talked for hours about the future. We told each other everything. Everything Shane. I was the one who told you your stepfather was still alive. I’m the one who was always there.”
“I know, Lily. That’s why I wanted to talk to you again. You mean a lot to me.”
“You didn’t even say goodbye. After everything we’d been through. I loved you, Shane. You were my best friend.”
“There are things about me you don’t understand. I have so little control,” he said, walking around to where she sat on her stool. He was right in front of her, his blue eyes shining with animal intensity.
“I know your bear is broken. That isn’t a reason not to say goodbye to your best friend.”
“I could never say goodbye to you,” he growled.
He leaned in and cupped her face in his hands. Hot lips crushed hers, and she gasped, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders. She was transfixed by the smell of the hike on his skin and the sweet taste of chocolate on his lips. Lily was swept up in the sensations of his body as he pulled her against him. He was hard as steel on her stomach.
“Oh God,” she gasped. “Shane.”
He kissed her face and neck, sliding his tongue along her earlobe. He sniffed the inside of her neck. Shane grasped her breast and began to knead it in his big hand. Lily could feel the primal force of the bear inside him. He moved his hands around her thighs and hefted her up around his waist, carrying her into the bedroom. Deep in the moment, Lily looked up into Shane’s eyes. They were full of feral fire. The bear was closer than she’d ever seen. He laid her on his bed, moving over her with decisive movements.
“Shane?” she said.
“Lily. Mate.”
“Oh, Shane.”
Now she knew for sure. She was his fated mate. His. She belonged to him forever.
He kissed her as he pulled off her clothes, not giving her time to think. They were naked quickly, and he pushed her legs open to smell her scent. He licked her up and down, sniffing and growling. His hands ran over her body, caressing her skin along her hips and waist. Lily looked down at him, and she could hardly recognize him. She didn’t know what it was.
They had depended on each other once. She’d loved him to her soul, even through the worst of times. Somewhere at the bottom of her heart, she’d always longed to be with him again. Now they were together. She didn’t want to let anything get in the way of making love to him.
He crawled over her and moved against her soft core. She felt him pushing inside. Clinging to his neck, she was totally willing to go all the way for love.
“Yes, Shane,” she breathed.
“Mate,” he said, sinking inside her.
He breathed into her neck, moving in rhythmic thrusts against her. Lily licked his neck, undone by the feeling of him inside her. He was all she wanted now. She wanted him completely and in every way.
“Make me yours, Shane. Mark me. Make me your mate,” she whispered.
He held her tight as his teeth brushed against her skin. She felt her body release with pleasure and Shane met her throbbing with and explosion of seed inside her womb.
“Mark me, Shane,” she said again. “I love you.”
“Love, Lily,” he said, rolling away.
He turned over on the bed and closed his eyes. Lily put her hand on his shoulder. He was out. Deep asleep. Lily shrugged and pulled a blanket over them. He must be worn out from the hike. She curled up beside him and fell asleep, feeling like this would be the beginning of their life together. She was his mate. They belonged together. Nothing should get between them.
When she woke up, he wasn’t there. She climbed out of bed and looked around the apartment. There was no sign of him anywhere. Lily pulled on her clothes and walked out on the balcony above the parking lot. Shane’s motorcycle was gone.
She didn’t know what to do. The night before had been profound for her. She’d felt lost without him all this time. He’d finally told her she was his mate. It had eased the yearning in her soul for a brief moment, but now he was gone again.
Lily stood in front of his door, and a woman came walking down the hall. Lily didn’t know what to do. Maybe his neighbor would know where he went.
“Have you seen Shane Keenan?” Lily asked the woman. She wore a name tag that said “Kelly” on it.
“He shipped out to war this morning,” Kelly said. “There was a bus to the base for new shifter recruits.”