She nods and the movement causes the pooled tears in her eyes to dribble down her cheeks.
How did I get so lucky to marry a woman who loves me? Just like Sin has with Bleu, true fucking love, and something I never thought possible. Not only will she be mine, she will be mine by choice.
I kiss the wetness on both sides of her face before looking at her eyes. “Into me, you see.”
“Into me, you see.”
Alec Ferguson secures two metal chains around my wrists. “You and Sinclair don’t make things easy for me when you go and do this kind of thing.”
“How’s that?”
“Both of you are my leaders and your choices in women bring us to this. You couldn’t do me a favor and choose a nice Fellowship lass?” He chuckles.
“Sorry, Alec. I saw her and it was out of my control.”
“I understand, boss. Miss Ellison is a bonny one.” The chain tightens when he uses a pulley to lift my arms over my head and a searing pain ignites in my shoulder. “I don’t enjoy this. I want you to know that.”
“There’s no hard feelings, Alec. I understand it must be done. I knew that when I made the decision to take a non-Fellowship woman as my wife.”
“Ah, you’re marrying Miss Ellison? That won’t go over well with a lot of the brothers. I know a few who were looking to claim her.”
“They can kiss my arse. She’s mine.”
“Spoken like a true mate.”
“How many bairns do you have now?”
“Three. Just found out we have another on the way.”
I wonder if Ellison and I will be finding out we have one on the way.
“Congratulations.”
“We weren’t planning to have another so it was a wee bit of a surprise. It’s taken a little while to get over the shock but we’re very happy now. Shona is hoping for another girl to make it two boys and two girls.”
Two boys and two girls. I like that.
Alec pulls the chain until I’m on the tips of my toes. I can immediately tell how the muscles in my legs are going to burn. “I know ye’re familiar with the process,” Alec says.
“Very familiar.” Sin’s endurance was less than two years ago but I remember it like yesterday. I hope I black out from the pain quickly.
He locks the chain in place and I’m dangling like a punching bag. Fitting since that’s what I’m about to become.
Alec has a routine so I’m expecting the first blow when it lands on my lower back over my left kidney. “Uhh . . .”
Excruciating. It’s the only word I can think of to describe the pain. If I weren’t hanging from the ceiling like a punching bag, I’d fall on the floor into the fetal position. It’s for Ellison. And that makes it worth it. Every. Fucking. Bit.
“There are times when I really hate this job.”
The next jab is over my right lower back. I thought the first blow was bad but the pain with this one is even worse.
Positive imagery. It’s my only hope for making it through this shite.
I close my eyes and imagine my life with Ellison. I see flashes of our life together. Married. Making love. Her giving birth to our first child, maybe in the very near future.
Those beautiful pictures in my head get me through the punches to my back and gut. And then the first lash of the whip bites the skin of my upper back. “Fuck!”
“It’s not as bad if you relax,” Sin says. “The more you tense, the worse the pain.”
I almost forgot Thane, Sin, and Mitch were here.
“I’ll try, but fuck that stings.”
I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. I try to make my body as lax as possible while I imagine a little girl with an angelic smile and long nearly black hair the color of Ellison’s. I can even see the sections around her face kissed with curls.
The whip bites my skin again. It’s tolerable this time so I dig deeper into my mind to picture an image of our son. He’s a stout boy with my dark brown hair and Ellison’s exotic green eyes. I think he’s older than our daughter. A protective older brother. Yes. I like that very much. Someone to watch over my little angel and keep little Fellowship fuckers away from her.
Our children and Ellison’s smiling face. Those are the last things I see before the pain pushes me into a black oblivion.
“Here.” Bleu passes Harrison to me. “You can at least walk with Mr. Fretful if you’re going to keep pacing the floor.”
I kiss the top of my nephew’s head. Poor little guy has been fussy all evening. He’s not the only one unsettled around here. Can he sense my anxiety?
“It’s only been a couple hours. They aren’t going to come for you until morning so you might as well come away from the window.” It feels like it’s been much longer.
“I don’t know how to deal with this.” I’m going crazy imagining all the things Jamie must be enduring right now.
“It’s not easy being married to a Fellowship man.”
“It must be ten times worse with Sin being a leader.” Bleu must be a mess every time he walks out the door.
“I’m always terrified for him so I’m really happy about the peace treaty with The Order. It puts everyone in less danger—especially the council members.”
I’m such an idiot. “I’ve been so naïve to believe Jamie was in less danger because he’s The Fellowship doctor and wouldn’t be fighting in the field. That’s not the case at all. His seat on the council will always make him a target.”
“It will but you can take comfort in knowing he’s in less danger now than he was before the treaty.”
Harrison puts his head on my shoulder and his thumb goes into his mouth.
“The patented thumb suck.”
“He’ll be going down soon.”
I can’t believe I could actually have one of these growing inside me right now.
“Jamie and I didn’t know Westlyn and Mitch were going to volunteer. We thought there was a chance Kieran would choose me as his wife. If he did, we knew there was nothing we could do about it so we decided to take a proactive approach to end any prospect of him choosing me.”
“I’m scared to ask but I’m going to anyway. What did you do?”
“It’s possible we just spent the last three days trying to get pregnant.”
Bleu wrinkles her brow. “You’re on the pill.”
“I was on the pill.”
“When did you come off?”
“A week ago—when I was kidnapped.”
“Hmm. You’re the nurse and Jamie’s the doctor, but I don’t think it happens like that. A week off hormonal birth control doesn’t sound like long enough to get pregnant.”
Bleu has done a lot of research about fertility but not the typical kind where in vitro isn’t required.
“We know it could be a hit or miss but we sure gave it our all in the event that I did ovulate.”
“I’m a bit confused. How would spending the last three days trying to get pregnant keep Kieran from choosing you as his wife tonight? You won’t know if you’re pregnant for a couple weeks.”
“Kieran could have Jamie’s claim on me undone because we aren’t married yet. But he can’t undo a baby so we were planning to lie and then hope for two lines when I peed on the stick.”
“And then you never got the chance to lie because Westlyn and Mitch volunteered for the marriage treaty.” Bleu cackles. “Shit, Elli. A baby is a really drastic solution for a problem you ended up not having.”
I’m sure it sounds like a crazy plan now the trouble is over, but the threat of being forced to marry Kieran was very real up until a few hours ago.
“It was a drastic situation . . . until it wasn’t. And then I had this oh, shit moment.” I may still be having an oh, shit moment.
“What did Jamie say?”
“He said that he would be very okay with me being pregnant. Either way, we’re getting married.”
“Do you want to have a baby right now?”
I rock back and forth from one foot to the
other, swaying Harrison. “Part of me does. But then the other part sees how tough parenting is when I look at you, Sin, and the babies and it makes me want to wait.”
“We have extraordinary circumstances. Our household is a clusterfuck most days. Don’t speculate about what you think your life would be like based upon what you see in us or you’ll never have children.”
“I know it wouldn’t be as chaotic as this.”
I turn so Bleu can see Harrison’s face. “Is he asleep?”
“Mr. Fretful is out cold.”
Bleu and the babies go down for the night but there’s no hope of me sleeping a single minute. I couldn’t doze if I tried. I’m too busy living through a real life nightmare.
The sun is rising when my phone buzzes.
Sterling is on the way.
I go to Bleu’s bedroom and gently shake her awake. “Bleu.” I whisper because I see Harrison weaseled his way into the bed with his mom sometime during the night.
“It’s time?”
“Yes. Sterling is on the way.”
“Okay.” She sits up and rubs her eyes. “I’ll call Isobel.”
“Already here. She came about an hour ago and went back to sleep in the guest room. She said she knew things would move quickly once they sent someone for me. She didn’t want us to have to wait on her to get here.” I’m so grateful Isobel offered to keep the babies so Bleu could go with me.
“God, she’s an amazing mother-in-law. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
I won’t have a mother-in-law like Isobel. Instead I’ll have one who renounced her son. What a bitch. It’s probably best I don’t have contact with her, as there is no way I could put up with her shit anyway.
Bleu slides to the edge of the bed. “I hate to wake Isobel and tell her to move to this bed but Harrison was so bad last night. I don’t want to wake the little monster in case he decides to throw another tantrum.”
“Do you want me to wake her while you get ready?”
“Please. The black site is only about fifteen minutes from here so we don’t have long until Sterling arrives.”
How am I going to do this? If Bleu wasn’t coming with me, I’m not sure I’d cope. Even if I am a nurse.
“Thank you, Bleu. For everything.”
“You can always count on me for anything.” That’s the way it’s always been for Bleu and me.
“I know.”
I’m a complete wreck when Sterling stops in front of a warehouse. I guess this is what they call the black site.
Damn. This is it. I’m about to see what beaten within an inch of your life looks like—on Jamie. I’m not prepared.
The entryway is dark and the creaking door adds fuel to my already edgy state of mind. It’s scary and intimidating as hell. I can see why The Fellowship would bring their enemies to a place like this.
Sterling leads us to the back of the warehouse. What I see when he opens the door is shocking. Makes me want to scream in horror. Vomit with disgust. Lash out in anger.
Animosity. Hostility. Bitterness. The three spin out of control inside my heart and head when I see Jamie’s bloody, beaten body dangling from the ceiling.
“Get him down from there. Now!” The last word sounds like it comes from an angry mother bear rather than me.
His body is completely limp. I’d question if he were alive if I didn’t see that his skin was still pink and his chest was rising and falling.
A man I’ve never seen lowers Jamie using some kind of chain pulley system. “Have you checked his hands to make sure he has circulation in them?” The man looks at me and says nothing. “He’s a doctor. He needs full use of his hands for God’s sake. You may have caused permanent nerve damage by doing this.”
Sin comes forward to help me move him to the floor. “He will be okay, Elli.”
I’m not convinced. “This is appalling, Sin.”
“It’s to be expected with what he endured. You may not approve but it’s what we do.”
It’s so much worse than I anticipated. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand this barbaric practice.”
“Look at him, Elli. All of this was for you. A demonstration of the trust he has in you. An extension of his love.”
“I know.” And it makes me feel so guilty.
His face is swollen and distorted with multiple cuts. He could pass for any head-on collision victims I’ve seen come through the ER. Very little about him looks like my precious Jamie.
He mumbles my name while I’m doing his assessment. “I’m here, Doc. I’m about to give you something for the pain but I need to check your neuro status first.”
I’m checking his pupils when he reaches up to touch my face. “Love . . . you.” His voice is barely more than a whisper.
“I love you too.”
“Endurance . . . it’s . . . done.”
“Yes, it is.”
“You’re . . . mine. My . . . mate.”
“I’m all yours, Doc. Forever.”
I do an initial assessment and find no reason to question his neurological status. Thank God. “Baby, I’m giving you a morphine injection in your hip.” He doesn’t even flinch when the needle pierces his skin and enters the muscle.
“I hope you’re coming home with me to help get him up the stairs to the bedroom.”
“Of course. Do you need to go ahead of us to prepare the room?”
“No. I converted our bedroom into a makeshift treatment room when I went to the house to get the morphine.”
“Good move.”
Jamie moans a lot during his transfer to the car and the first half of the ride. He quiets down the last part of the drive so I rest my hand on his chest to monitor his respirations and heart rate until we reach home.
The bed is turned back and ready to receive Jamie. I had no idea what to expect so I prepared for the worse. Good thing since that’s what I’m getting.
Sin and Sterling are winded when they reach the top of the stairs with Jamie. “This fucker is heavier than he looks.”
“He’s a buck ninety.” I double-checked in case I had to dose him based on weight.
“How much is that?”
“Thirteen and a half stones.”
“I would have guessed more.”
“He probably feels heavier because his body has no tone. He’s nothing but dead weight.”
He drops like a rock onto the bed. “I think the morphine is working.”
I hope that’s all it is and not some kind of underlying issue I missed.
“Thank you for bringing him up here. He wouldn’t have been very comfortable on one of the treatment room beds.”
“No problem. Mum’s staying with the bairns?”
“Yes.”
Sin embraces Bleu but looks at me. “I want you to know that was hell for me, but it’s done and over.”
Done and over. “That’s the only good part about it.”
Sin kisses the top of Bleu’s head. “It was a long night. I’ll be asleep on the sofa if you need me.”
I look at Jamie’s battered body and all I want to do is breakdown and cry, but that does nothing to help him. “Will you help me get him out of his clothes so I can bathe him?”
“Whatever you need me to do.”
I cut his shirt off first and then his pants but leave him in his boxer briefs. Those won’t come off until after Bleu is gone. “I put a basin next to the bathroom sink. Will you fill it with warm soapy water and bring it to me? And a washcloth?”
“Yeah.”
Jamie’s filthy. Absolutely bloody from head to toe. Makes me so angry to see him in this kind of condition. How? How could they do this to one of their own? It’s inhumane.
After I’m finished cutting away his clothing, I bathe every inch of his exposed body. He’s in worse shape than I imagined—countless cuts, bruises, and abrasions.
He moans loudly when I wash his right side. “That’s how Sin acted when I washed him there. His ribs were broken, and I bet Jamie’s
are too.”
“I’ll need to splint that so he’s not so uncomfortable.”
Bleu takes a closer look at Jamie’s upper arm. “Sin’s shoulder was dislocated. You might want to check his.”
“I’m going to do an in-depth head-to-toe exam after his bath.” I already see a couple of lacerations that could use a stitch or two.
“Mac?”
“I’m here.”
“Our baby girl . . . looks like you. She has your . . . black hair.”
Either the morphine is making him hallucinate or he’s dreaming. I’m not sure which. “We don’t have a baby yet.”
“Our son looks like me but has your beautiful green eyes.”
I look at Bleu and smile. “Does he now?”
“Aye.”
“We only have two kids?”
“No. Four.”
“Oh, I bet we’re really busy.”
“Baby batter . . . in your bowl. Bun in . . . oven.”
I giggle and look at Bleu while shrugging. “Narcotics. They make people say the funniest shit.”
It takes every bit of an hour to bathe Jamie and do his full assessment. I’m totally exhausted when I change clothes and finally crawl into bed beside him.
He’s sleeping. His respirations are deep and steady. “Love you, Doc. There aren’t enough words to thank you for this . . . this act of love.” I can barely get the words out as sobs threaten to consume me. “No one has ever demonstrated such selfless love, and I’m struggling with guilt as a result.” I will never doubt this man’s love. Never. “I’m going to make sure you never regret going through hell for me.”
I lift his hand from his side and place a kiss on top. “Into me, you see.”
Nothing on my body is free of pain. Even my eyelashes hurt when I attempt to open my eyes. My lids are fat and my vision blurry. I’m hoping it’s the side effects of the edema and narcotics rather than something going on with my optic nerves.
I shift and my brain immediately throbs. Rebound pain from the narcotic. I hate that shite.
I look at my surroundings through the narrow slits of my swollen eyelids. I’m home. Thank fuck. There’s no other place I’d want to be right now.