“Finally!” I huff as the car moves over, allowing me to pass.
Shifting down to third, I press the accelerator hard, so I can speed up and gain momentum. I push back up to fifth the moment I’m flying.
Then, I hear my mum’s caution in my ears. “Drive safe.”
I panic over Carrick’s racing, yet here I am, driving fast to get to him. I need to take it easy. I could get pulled over as well if I’m not careful.
I ease my foot off the accelerator a touch, but then “Back to December” starts to play on the stereo, and now, I’m cursing my mum for listening to a Taylor Swift CD.
Seriously, Mum?
Because Taylor is singing about how she’s sorry for that night, how she wishes she could go back, make it all right…make him love her again.
My foot finds the floor again, speeding me up faster than I was before, propelling me down the road, toward São Paulo and to Carrick.
And if I get a speeding ticket, I’m blaming my mum and Taylor Swift.
Slamming the brakes on the car, I skid to a stop in the Autódromo parking lot. I’m out of the car with my pass in hand, and I’m running my way toward the entrance.
Once I’m in, I ask the security guard which garage Rybell is in, to which he directs me.
I start running again, reaching the paddock, and I catch sight of the giant screen, seeing the race well underway. My legs start to slow, my heart beating faster, when I see Carrick’s name on the screen saying that he’s currently in pole position.
Picking up speed again, I start to run toward the garage entrance.
I’m not too far from Rybell when scary thoughts invade my brain, slowing me to an almost stop.
What if he doesn’t want to see me? I know he’s not in there right now, but I don’t want to ambush him in front of everyone.
Maybe I should just hang back here and watch the race on the screen until he’s finished.
Stop being a chicken, Andi, and get your arse in that garage now!
I force my feet to move again, and I’ve only gotten two steps further when I hear the collective gasps filled with, “Oh God,” and, “No,” from the group of people watching the race in the paddock.
And I know. I just know.
My heart skids to a stop. Don’t be Carrick. Please not him.
Spinning on the spot back to the screen, my eyes meet with the sight of a car in pieces on the track, flames coming out of the back of it.
And I’m flashed back fourteen years.
No.
I don’t wait to see any more. I just start running. Toward Carrick.
My heart and mind are racing as fast as my legs.
Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him.
Reaching Rybell’s garage, I burst in through the door. The whole team is there, everyone watching the screens, but no one is speaking.
“Tell me it isn’t him!” I scream out the words in blind panic.
Everybody in the room spins toward me.
“Tell me it isn’t him!” I yell again.
“Andi, it’s okay.” That’s Ben. He’s moving toward me. “It’s not Carrick. He’s okay.”
I almost fall over from the relief. It’s immense. I’ve never felt anything like it before.
“It’s not him?” I’m breathless. I press my hand to my chest, trying to steady my racing heart.
“No. He’s fine. Absolutely fine.” Ben places his hands on my shoulders, steadying me.
“Thank God.” I lift my eyes to his. “Then, who?”
His eyes dim, and my stomach sinks.
“Leandro Silva.”
“Oh God, no. How…is he?”
He slowly shakes his head. “No one knows yet. They managed to get him out of the car. The medics are with him…but it doesn’t look good.”
How can I hate and love this sport in equal measure?
I hate that it takes great men from us, but I love the man who loves it beyond all reason.
My eyes lift to see Owen walking toward us.
“They’re stopping the race,” Owen tells Ben.
I see the shock on Ben’s face, and it’s mirrored on my own.
It has to be really bad if they’re stopping the race.
“They need to clear the car from the tracks. They’re bringing a helicopter in to take Leandro to the hospital. It needs to land on the tracks as they can’t risk moving him.”
“The race…when will it restart?” I ask Owen.
He looks at me briefly and then back to Ben. “It’s not. They’re stopping it for now out of respect. It’s Leandro’s home country. It wouldn’t be right to continue…not until they know if he’s going to survive.”
Oh God.
My stomach drops, feeling hollow. Stopping a race happens rarely.
I only know of a few, and one was on the day my father died.
Oh God. Poor Leandro. And his family.
I know exactly what they will be going through because I’ve been through the same. My heart starts to ache for them.
But I also feel sick with guilt. Because even through the devastation I feel for Leandro and his family, I’m filled with relief that it isn’t Carrick being airlifted out of here.
“Carrick will be in soon, so get the crew ready,” Owen tells Ben.
“On it.” Ben moves away across the garage, looking somber.
When something like this happens…even if it isn’t one of your own, you feel it.
“So, you came.”
I turn my eyes to Owen. “You didn’t think I would?”
“Hoped, for Carrick’s sake. Believe it or not, I don’t know everything, Andi.”
He gives me a half smile before walking back over to the desk where my Uncle John is sitting. He’s speaking into his mouthpiece, probably to Carrick, but he looks over at me and smiles softly. A hint of sadness is in his eyes, and I know he must be thinking about my dad right now.
When I hear the roar of Carrick’s engine as he pulls his car into the pit, my legs start to tremble, my heart beating in double-time. I’m not really sure how I’m still standing right now.
I’m scared as to how he’s going to react with me being here. Especially with what’s just happened out there, I might be the last person he wants to see right now.
My heart is in my hands, ready to give itself to him. I’m hoping he doesn’t throw it away…throw me away. Because after the way I’ve treated him, I know I deserve nothing less.
I watch as Ben removes his steering wheel, unbuckling him. Then, Carrick is climbing out of the cockpit, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up. My stomach is rioting. Hands shaking, I flex them at my sides.
Carrick’s back is to me. He hasn’t seen me yet. I can’t move. I’m frozen to the spot.
He pulls his helmet off and then his balaclava, and he runs his hand through his damp hair, tousling it up. It makes me ache to touch him.
Then, he turns, and his eyes collide with mine. I see the shock reverberate through them.
I wait for what seems like forever—in reality, it’s only seconds—to see what his reaction will be.
And I get nothing.
After his initial shock fades, his eyes clear and give me nothing. He just stands there, staring at me, waiting.
This is it. Here I go.
As I start to move toward him, everything and everyone disappears, and there is only him.
There has only ever been him. From the moment I saw him at Rybell, he’s always been in my sight and on my mind.
Keeping his eyes on me, he puts his helmet down on the car.
I don’t stop moving until there is less than a foot of space between us. And now I’m here, standing before him. My nerves are floundering, shaking and shredding my body and mind like I’m inside a blender.
“Hi.” My voice is small, and seeing him like this, being so close to him yet still so far, makes my emotions crash down on me. My eyes fill with tears. I blink, and one runs from the corner of my eye. I quickly brush
it away with my fingers.
I see his eyes follow the movement before coming back to mine, but he doesn’t say anything.
He’s just watching me with guarded eyes. But then, among that guard, I see the tiniest spark, and it makes what I have to say just that little bit easier.
Taking a fortifying breath, I part my dry lips. “Are you okay?” I want to make sure he’s feeling okay after what just happened on the tracks with Leandro. That first, and then him and me.
“I’m not sure.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know why you’re here.”
Oh.
I blow out a breath, readying myself. “I’m here because…I wanted—no, I needed to see you…because I…” I’m stumbling, faltering. I’m ruining this.
Drawing my eyes away from him, I take another deep breath, and then I look back to him, trying to portray everything I feel for him through my eyes. “I came because I needed to tell you that…I love you. And I’m sorry. And I love you.”
His expression gives away nothing. “You’re sorry for what? Loving me?”
“No!” I rush to say. “I’m sorry for everything, for leaving you. I could never be sorry for loving you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
His eyes and face are still giving me nothing, and I know it’s not enough, what I’m saying. I need to give him more, say more. I just don’t know what to say.
Why am I so bad at this?
My throat thickens as my desperation gets the better of me, and I burst into tears. I don’t care that people are around us right now. I just care that I’m ruining my last chance with him. “I’m screwing this up,” I whisper through my tears.
“I think you’re doing just fine.”
I barely get the chance to register what he said before my face is in his hands, and he’s kissing me, stealing the breath I’m beyond willing to give him. My arms instantly wrap around his neck as he takes my mouth hard and deep, pulling my body against his. The feel of his lips, his body against mine, breaks me and then puts me back together, more whole than I ever was.
“I love you,” I sob against his lips. “I’m sorry I left. I just…love you so much, Carrick.”
Cradling my face in his hands, he brushes my tears away with his thumbs. “I love you, too, babe.”
That only makes me cry harder.
Staring into my eyes, he says, “You wanna get out of here?”
I’m instantly reminded of Barcelona and the first time we slept together.
Swallowing a hiccup, I give him a watery smile. “Is that a trick question?”
“There’s my girl.”
Then, he smiles so beautifully that it makes my stomach launch a thousand butterflies.
Giving me one more kiss, he takes my hand and leads me through the garage, not saying a word to anyone.
When we’re out the door and near the stairs to the driver’s room, he says, “Wait right there. Don’t move.”
After a swift kiss to my lips, I watch him jog up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
Then, before I know it, he’s coming back down. “Room key.” He holds it up, shoving it into the pocket of his overalls, along with his wallet and phone. Then, he pulls on the ball cap that was in his other hand.
He takes my hand again, and we’re walking out through another door. When we’re outside, we quickly move across the paddock toward the main exit.
“You got a car?” he asks.
“My mum’s.” I dig the key from my pocket, holding it up.
He takes it from me. “I’m driving. I’m faster than you.”
Then, I’m forced to part from him as we climb into my mum’s car. But the minute we’re inside, he grabs me by the back of the neck and presses a firm kiss to my lips, leaving me breathless and wanting.
Starting the engine, he peels out of the parking lot. My hand is in his the whole ride to Carrick’s hotel. Thankfully, the hotel isn’t far from the Autódromo, and in no time, we’re pulling up front and getting out.
Meeting Carrick on the pavement, he takes my hand again.
Leading me into the hotel, he tosses the keys to the valet. “Park her up.”
Then, we’re in the elevator. Carrick presses the button to his floor. I can’t wait for the door to close, so we can get upstairs, and I can finally touch him like I need to. But clearly the gods aren’t on our side because a man appears outside the elevator, wanting to get in.
A low growl comes from Carrick, and then he says, “I’ll give you everything I have in my wallet right now if you don’t get in this elevator.”
My eyes ping to Carrick in shock, but he’s not looking at me. He’s looking at the man. So then, I look at the man, interested in how this is going to go.
The man looks to be English. He’s in his late forties, well dressed in a sharp black suit.
A hint of a smile touches Suit Man’s lips. “You’re Carrick Ryan, right?” It’s not a question. He knows it’s Carrick.
“Mmhmm.”
The door starts to close, but Suit Man stops it with his foot. “My kid’s a big fan of yours. Can you sign this for him?” He holds out the newspaper that was under his arm. “Do that, and I’ll leave you in peace.”
I hear a short burst of laughter come from Carrick, and then he reaches out and takes the paper. It’s the sports section, and I can see Carrick’s picture on the front.
“You got a pen?” Carrick asks Suit Man.
“Yeah.” He pulls one from inside his jacket pocket and hands it to Carrick.
Resting the paper against the elevator wall, Carrick quickly signs his name across his picture and hands the newspaper and pen back.
“Thanks,” Suit Man says, stepping back from the elevator. “My kid will be thrilled. I’ll be in his good books for weeks.”
Carrick chuckles low. “Well, give him this, too, and it might turn those weeks into months.” Carrick pulls the cap from his head and hands it over to Suit Man.
“That’s great.” He taps Carrick’s hat on his hand. “Thanks so much. And enjoy the rest of your day.”
“Oh, I intend to,” Carrick mutters low, jabbing the button for his floor.
The door closes, and we’re finally moving up.
“That was sweet what you just did, giving him your cap.”
Carrick turns his face to me. His eyes are blazing, and it makes my insides tremble.
“I’m not sweet, Andressa. I’m hard. Really fucking hard.”
He takes my hand and presses it against his very present erection, making me gasp and my knickers instantly soak through.
Turning fully to me, he backs me up against the wall. Hands braced on either side of my head, he lowers his mouth to mine, lips almost touching. His breath brushes over my skin.
My body is quivering with need, and suddenly, I’m very breathless. “I can’t believe you offered that man money not to get in the elevator.”
Moving a hand, he runs it over the curve of my waist, pressing his hips into mine. “I haven’t been inside you for two fucking months. I’d pretty much say or do anything to speed that up.”
I don’t get a chance to respond as my words are swallowed up by his hot kiss.
It’s desperate and clingy on both our parts. His hands are in my hair, tilting my head back, so he can get better access to my mouth as he licks the inside of it. My fingers wind in his short locks, pulling on the strands, as I practically climb his body to get closer.
Two months of not having each other is pouring out into this one kiss.
But we have been apart. We haven’t really talked about that or anything, and we probably should before we even think about having sex.
I break off, breathing hard. “Carrick…shouldn’t we talk first?”
His brow lifts. “What the fuck do we need to talk about?”
“Us. The time we’ve been apart.”
“Have you been with another man?”
“No!” I gasp, hurt that he even
asked. Then, my heart sinks because I haven’t even considered the possibility that he could have been with another woman. “Have…you?”
“No.”
I breathe out my relief.
“You love me, right?”
I stare into his eyes. “You know I do.”
“And I love you, madly and fucking deeply, and that’s all we need to know right now. Talking can come later. Right now, I’m gonna show you how deep my love for you can go—namely with my cock inside you.”
“You’re such a romantic.” I giggle as I slide my hands down from his hair, wrapping them around the nape of his neck.
“You know it, babe.” He gives a sexy smirk.
“And what you need to know is that I don’t just love you, Carrick.” I move my lips in close to his, so there’s only a sliver of air between them. “I’m in love with you.”
On a growl, he’s kissing me again, devouring me.
The elevator pings our arrival on our floor. Carrick lifts me, so I wrap my legs around his waist on instinct. He carries me out of the elevator and down the hall. Key card in his door, we’re in his suite and then in the bedroom. He lays me down on the bed.
Leaving me there, panting and horny as hell, he stands at the foot of the bed. He kicks off his shoes and removes his overalls. Not wanting to be left out of this race, I quickly remove my shoes and clothes.
Then, we’re both naked, and he’s on top of me. Skin on skin. I start to burn up like a fever.
There’s no need for foreplay here. We’re both more than ready because it’s been way too long. Hands pinning mine to the bed above my head, he thrusts his cock inside me.
“Carrick!” I cry out, my eyes closing on the feel of him.
“Fuck,” he growls, stilling inside me.
I open my eyes to his. They’re fierce on me, his face austere, tight.
“Never again, Andressa. I’m not going without you ever a-fucking-gain.”
“No,” I whisper, swallowing down, my throat thick with emotion.
“Now, tell me you love me while I fuck you.”
“I love you.”
He pulls out and thrusts back into me hard. “Again.”
“I love you!” I cry out.
His mouth comes down to mine, and he kisses me with bruising force as he thrusts in and out of me, his movements desperate, urgent, and hard.