He deserved to love someone beautiful, someone who didn’t harbor dark thoughts and ugly memories, and someone who didn’t wish that she could kill an animal that had destroyed her life. There were too many times she’d killed that bastard in her head, murdered him in cold blood after torturing him in despicable horrible ways. Sometimes her thoughts scared her.
How could Robbie want to be with her?
How could he love her?
Her true self was this person deep, deep inside.
Shaking her head, she thought, he wouldn’t dare, just like her mother hadn’t been able to love her, neither would Robbie.
She couldn’t handle him looking at her the way her mother did.
Pulling away abruptly, she stood up and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this with you. I just can’t. You shouldn’t be here, Robbie.”
“Zoe,” Robbie said getting to his feet, but she was already running.
She disappeared through the trees and was gone before he could catch up. Cursing under his breath, Robbie sighed and stared after her, worry creeping into his eyes at the expression he’d seen on her face.
****
That evening, Livia served the four gentlemen dinner in the informal dining room, and then send them to the drawing room for coffee. Kenny sat on the leather couch trying to read the newspaper.
Danny and Tevin played chess at one of the tables. They traded barbs as they played, occasionally laughing at each other. Robbie stood by the windows his hands in his trouser pockets, moodily staring at the darkened gardens.
He hadn’t shared what had happened at the rose garden with anyone. He figured that was his business with Zoe.
Kenny kept glancing at him. His curiosity made him want to ask what had happened in the gardens, but Robbie’s mood made him pause. Shaking his head, he dropped the newspaper on the coffee table before him and was about to ask anyway when he saw Zoe at the door.
She was in a sand-soiled blue skirt, and sleeveless white shirt, her face was streaked with tear tracks, she looked awful.
When Kenny stood up, she came straight at him. He was fielding punches and slaps in mere seconds. Forcing him to try and restrain her.
“How could you?” she demanded. “I asked you to keep it a secret but you just couldn’t. You had to tell Robbie and my family, after all this time, Kenny. Why! Why would you do this to me?”
“Zoe, calm down,” Kenny tried for reason but Zoe was furious, she kicked his shin with her bare foot. “Jeez, Zoe, Danny will you help.”
Danny wrapped tight arms around his sister’s waist and physically picked her up away from Kenny.
“Let me go, Danny,” she wailed. “Now, this is his fault. If he hadn’t told mother everything, I’d still be okay. I’d be calmly trying to figure this out by myself, but no, he had to tell.”
“Stop it, Zoe,” Kenny said, gripping her waving hands gently. “Stop it, you’re going to make yourself sick doing this.”
“I’m already sick,’ Zoe sobbed. “I’m sick and tired of being this person everyone pities. But I don’t know how else to be. I can’t face that bastard. Thinking about him leaves me shaking. I hate looking at Julia, and her children…they haven’t done anything wrong, but I see their father in them, and I just want to strike out. What I’m supposed to do? Tell me, what do I do? I-I can’t— Oh God—
She couldn’t breathe. “I ca-c—
“She’s having a panic attack,” Robbie said, rushing to her side.
He brought a chair to where Danny was holding her and they helped Zoe sit. Gently Robbie pressed her head down between her knees. Danny rushed out of the drawing room, Robbie hoped he’d gone to get a brown bag.
“Breathe, baby, breathe, slowly.”
“I-I—
“Don’t talk, just breathe.” Robbie advised, stroking her damp hair back from her face. “Take it easy.” Rubbing her back, he looked up at Tevin and Kenny. “Can you give us a moment, please?”
Tevin reached for Kenny’s arm and started leading him out. Kenny wasn’t ready to leave Zoe yet, but Tevin dragged him out.
Danny returned with a brown bag, which he handed to Robbie. With a short nod at Robbie, he too left, closing the door behind him.
Alone, Robbie gave the bag to Zoe, happy when she started breathing into it. He stood up and hurried to the bar. Pouring a glass of water, he hurried back to her side.
Her breathing was calmer. Taking the bag from her, he helped her sit up, and then gave her the glass of water.
She sipped water slowly and then handed it back. Meeting Robbie’s gaze, she sighed.
“I’m losing my mind,” she said in a small voice. “I don’t know who to be angry with anymore. I’m so scared, Robbie.”
Placing the glass on the floor, Robbie knelt and pulled her into his arms.
“It’s going to be alright,” he soothed, pressing a kiss on her cheek. “We’ll make it alright again.”
“Robbie,” Zoe said into his shoulder. Breathing in deep, his scent filled her nostrils and she felt tears in the back of her eyes. It surprised her since she’d thought she’d cried them all out.
God, she thought, bringing her arms around him, she held him tight, how she’d missed him.
“Help me,” she whispered. “Please, help me.”
Robbie closed his eyes at the plea, and took in air shakily, opening his eyes he said, “Let’s start with a bath. You’re cold from the sea water. After that, you’ll eat something, and then we can talk.”
Standing up, he swung her into his arms and headed out of the drawing room. He carried her upstairs to the rooms Olivia had assigned him. He took her to the large bathroom in his bedroom and perched her on a footstool. Caressing her cheek, he left her to prepare a bath in the deep exquisite tub. Adjusting the water temperature to just how she liked it, he left it filling while he helped her undress.
Pulling her blouse off, she stood up and helped him with her skirt. He allowed it to fall to her feet. Reaching for her underwear, he slid the pink delicate material slowly, down to her feet, and then stood up so that he stood close. She looked up into his face, the memory of their shared heat filling her thoughts.
There were times he’d driven her crazy with his touch alone, running his hands over her body until she begged him to take her. He smiled at her expression and leaned to kiss her lips, he left no doubt in her mind that he remembered too.
Robbie broke the kiss and hugged her, the feel of her naked body against his enough to tell him that he would always want her. But right now what she needed from him was comfort.
Pulling back, he pressed a kiss on the top of her head before he lifted her up and took her to the tub. He immersed her slowly, and she moaned in appreciation, closing her eyes so that she could dunk her head into the water. She soaked her hair. The heat seeping into her pores, warming her up. Coming up, she opened her eyes and grinned at him.
Reaching for the shampoo bottle, Robbie helped wash her hair and rinse it. Once it was clean, she sat back in the tub and looked at him.
“I was fifteen when it happened,” she said, blurting it out.
“Zoe,” he started to protest.
But she shook her head as he sat on a stool beside the tub.
“I can’t keep it inside any longer. Just—, please listen to me,” Zoe said. “Please.”
Robbie met her gaze and then because he wanted to expel the dark shadows he saw in there, he nodded. “Okay.”
Zoe breathed out at this and settled back in the tub.
“My father died when I was eight. My mother, brother and sister went into a scramble soon after to secure his properties and companies. It was a confusing time and they didn’t have time for me. We all had to grow up pretty quickly to help out.”
“My brother accelerated his school, so did my sister, which left me with the nanny most nights. Since Gabriella was acting C.E.O of Castille at the time. I didn’t mind it. It allowed me
to spend time with my music. By the time I was fourteen, I had pretty much created my own life, I had a band, and we used to play at a club in Manhattan after school. One day, Gabriella came home and found I wasn’t home like I was supposed to be. It didn’t take her long find out that I had strayed from the mold. My studies were being neglected in favor of music and that was not the way for a Castille. So, she decided to move into her sister’s house so that I could be influenced by a family setting. It felt like the world was over then…”
***
Eight years ago
It was that time, right before spring and at the end of winter. The weather was always unsure whether to blow cold or warm. The rain fell cold and sometimes in icy drops that chilled to the bone. Earlier in the day, the weather had done one of its drastic changes and a cold rain fell gently filling the atmosphere with a piercing chill.
Zoe turned the heater on in the car and added the volume on the music. The interior of the car was filled with the strains of Claude Debussy’s Symphony in B minor. It was a piece she was trying ‘to get into’ and understand. Words that had come from her music instructor when he’d told her she would be playing it for the upcoming recital.
She shuddered to even think about it. She was a rocker, not a classical junkie. Thanks to her mother’s brilliant ideas, she was now being trained in classical music. Shaking her head at the thought, Zoe exited the highway and turned onto the street that would take her to the house she was learning to call home.
It was taking time to adjust. She missed Manhattan, her friends and the life there. Shopping had been fun; her wardrobe had consisted of creative designs from her best friend, a redhead named Leila James. Boy, did she miss Leila. Talking on the phone was not the same.
She missed the city’s energy and…everything.
Being able to drive would never cover for all that she missed in Manhattan, she thought sullenly. Her mother had insisted that driving the ridiculous Mercedes would make life bearable, but it wasn’t. She was still living here in godforsaken Cleveland, Ohio.
It wasn’t better here. Living with her aunt and uncle was strange. Aunt Julia did not understand her, Uncle Steve was plain weird and the looks he gave her were unsettling. Then there were the twins, they were small, cute and rowdy, hardly the people to hang out with.
High school in this place sucked. The teachers were strict and the students were stuck up. Who cared what they thought?
Her mother called it being a teenager, Zoe scoffed at that. She didn’t care what label her mother gave it. It was a disaster to move this drastically. Driving past a black gate, the only one on the residential street their house was on, she sighed.
Well, there was one good thing, she supposed.
Kenny Williams, a twenty year old, British student enrolled at Case Western College. She’d met him two weeks after the awful move and her bicycle got a flat tire. He’d been driving in from somewhere and seen her pushing it down the road.
He made her laugh, he was cute and best of all he didn’t treat her like an idiot. He really listened to her. She’d call him as soon as she got home. She’d bitch about her day to him just because he listened.
Driving into the long winding driveway that led to the house, she carelessly parked before the front steps of the white-washed mansion. Turning off the engine, she jumped out of the car and went back to the opened trunk. Grinning at the young man who came rushing down the steps, she jokingly tossed the car keys to him before she leaned in and grabbed her violin case. Ignoring her book bag, she slammed the trunk closed and waved at the young man who drove the car away to the garage.
Shaking her head, she marveled at the things her aunt and uncle splurged on now that they had Castilles under their roof. They insisted on house help. Steve Harden used every bit of their presence in his house to further his own status as a celebrated criminal defense lawyer. The politics and the money made him a popular figure in the city.
How convenient, Zoe thought as she went up the steps.
The front door swung open before she reached it and Alberto, the household butler smiled at her.
“How was your day little signorina?” he greeted with a grin.
She smiled. She didn’t mind Alberto. He cared and paid attention, for that alone; she leaned up and dropped a light kiss on his cheek. He reminded her of her grandfather, the one who’d lived in Sicily, her mother’s father.
“So-so,” Zoe replied with a pout, stopping in the foyer.
She allowed Alberto to help her with her coat, revealing a sleeveless black and white top that fit her body and a pair of skinny Levis that disappeared into black fur boots. She clutched the violin case tighter and watched as Alberto hung her coat.
“I can’t seem to please my math teacher, not that it matters. I lost my homework somewhere.”
“Your homework,” Alberto said turning to study her.
He was well aware of the struggle Gabriella had with her daughter over academics. There were too many times when Zoe hid in the kitchen getting the maids to help her with her math homework.
“Yeah, I thought it was in my car, but—
She shrugged.
“I have detention now and a make-up test. I can’t wait until that teacher calls, Mamma.”
“It will be alright, don’t worry too much,” Alberto soothed. Although he knew the little signorina would be thoroughly scolded for this. Of course the effects of the scolding would go unnoticed. His gaze moved to the violin case she carried. “Is that it?”
Zoe smiled, her dimples appearing, her frown disappeared.
“Yes! Danny sent me money since Mamma is watching my funds. I’ve been waiting for it. I can’t wait to get it out.”
Yes, Alberto mused, he’d just bet she couldn’t.
Music was Zoe’s calling, her passion. She played it with everything she had. He especially loved it when she strummed the guitar, playing tunes that reminded him of lazy afternoons in Italy and the women dancing happily. He wasn’t sure why her mother did not see that her talent was great and wonderful.
Chapter Nineteen
“Am I home alone?” the question was wary.
Alberto watched as she glanced down the quiet hall.
“Yes, your mother and aunt took the twins and went shopping. There is a note for you in the usual place,” Alberto said.
Of course, she’d forgotten that it was Friday.
“You’ll be leaving then,” Zoe stated.
It was the beginning of his days off that would end on Sunday evening.
“Yes, everyone else is already gone. I wanted to make sure you were home first,” Alberto said. “I say, call Master Williams to keep you company. I don’t like to leave you alone.”
Zoe smiled at his concern. “I will, have a lovely weekend, Alberto.”
“You too, little signorina,” Alberto replied, and then watched as she headed for the study.
No doubt to play her violin. Shaking his head, he went to the kitchen ready to call it a week. He would go home, convince his wife to go out with him. They would have dinner and maybe a bit of romance. The thought made him chuckle.
In the study, Zoe laid the violin case on a glass table and snapped the clasps open to reveal the exquisite smooth violin. Smiling in eagerness, she ran a finger along the polished surface, touching one string already imagining the rich sounds it would produce. There was something distinctly cool about making music with stringed instruments. They thrilled her, violins, guitars and her personal favorite, cellos.
The itch to play had her reaching in for the violin but she stopped herself. Thinking it would be better to read that note upstairs and then she’d play the violin and lose herself in it.
Hurrying out of the study, she took the stairs two at a time headed for the drawing room. It was really a library but someone had dubbed it the drawing room and the name stuck. She could never figure out the meaning of it.
The re
latives were weird, she wished for her brother and sister everyday. At least they’d made bearing things easier. Shrugging, she headed for the desk set by the windows in the large room.
Her mother left notes in a basket on it whenever she wasn’t home. As usual, the note was neatly folded like mail. Sitting on the desk, a large mahogany affair, Zoe picked the note and read it.
She let out a sigh of relief seconds later when she found no chores. The evening was hers. Her aunt and mother wouldn’t return until later. Uncle Steve was away on business which meant dinner would be whatever she wanted.
Yay, she thought.
Reaching across the desk, she grabbed the phone and dialed Kenny’s number.
“Williams,” he greeted.
“Are you going out today?” Zoe asked.
“I’m studying, twerp. I’ve got reports to finish,” his distinctively English voice said.
“It’s Friday, how can you let me spend this evening alone,” she whined. “Feel mercy on me, I’m home alone, you know.”
She’d perfected it to an art with Kenny.
He knew it too and even with that knowledge, he always gave in to it. She suspected he too got a little lonely, though he would never admit it. Who was she to point it out?
“I have a new movie you can watch,” Kenny offered. “My friends from London send it. I’ll bring it over.”
“What is it about? I hope not the crazy rock stuff you showed me last week. I’m still recovering,” Zoe said on a sigh.
“No, it’s compelling stuff on those ancient men you’ve taken to these days,” Kenny answered referring to her growing fascination with classical music.
Zoe laughed. “Come over at five, there’s manicotti in the fridge.”
“You’re right, I can’t resist the food,” Kenny said.
“That’s because all you have in your fridge is old cheese. That’s not food,” Zoe said, before she hung up with a wide grin on her face.
She got off the desk and stretched. She had two hours to play her violin.
Allowing her gaze to sweep the room, she paused to study the bookshelves. Kenny loved reading about business. Most of the books on the shelves were about business. It was her mother’s dearest wish that Zoe read those books.
But, Zoe thought with a shudder, that wish was never going to come true. High school was hard enough.