His whole body sighed against mine. “Seeing you again, having you here, makes me want to live again. What do you mean you’re a temporary inhabitant?”
“Can we just sit here for a minute and not talk about it? I know I brought it up, but would it be okay for me to not answer right off? I’d like to just…breathe right now.”
Wes squeezed me tighter. “You breathe as long as you need. I’ve got you.”
I decided to pretend he did.
Chapter 11
Flying lessons
“COULD you show me how to fly this?”
Wes raised his head to look at me. He’d been sitting with his eyes closed but not sleeping for a few minutes. His breathing had been too alert for sleep, and I suspected he’d never conk out while he was in charge of the Artemis. He rubbed at his eyes.
“You want to fly? I’m happy to show you.”
I moved to get off his lap and he held on tighter, not letting me go. “Come on, I must be breaking your legs by now.”
“No, you’re not. Besides, I can’t think of a better way to learn how to steer Artemis than sitting right here on my lap. It’ll help with the instruction.”
Wes shifted, and I could feel he’d gotten hard. Should I say something? I really did want to learn how to fly the Artemis. What if something happened to all of them? Would I simply drift around in space, missing them, until I died? Five different heartbreaks…
I snuggled against him, and he moaned softly in my ear. “You’re distracting me. I really do want you to teach me.”
“I’m going to.” He placed a hand on my belly, rubbing me gently through my shirt. “I can’t help it if you turn me on, Mel. You always have. I’ve been perpetually hard since I met you.”
He pulled the pad out and held it in front of both of us. “First thing, you’re going to want to hit the clear button. See where it says that? Bottom right?”
“I can read. They didn’t take that.”
He rubbed his forehead against my neck. “I never know if people are going to understand me when I explain things. I tend to start out too basic until I figure out what level I should be explaining. If I get too abstract, reign me in from that, too.”
I clicked the clear button and the view screen changed. Gone were the blocks and strange colors Wes had been looking at and in its place a map filled with the circles, which I quickly recognized as planets and stars, took its place.
“Now, it’s really point and click. The ship will fly itself. As you get better at it, you can control, using the same tablet, the speed and angle, if you want. I’d recommend you get to know Artemis more before you do so, but she’ll get us where we want to and even avoid objects.”
He made it sound easy. “But C.J. had the ship shaking last night and you were maneuvering things, too.”
“Like everything else in the universe, it’s all about how much control you want. I like to look at maps differently. For me, it’s all about moving on a grid. I made an algorithm to look at it differently. I’m the only one who prefers it. Speed, velocity, it’s all different colors. And the ship shakes when C.J. flies it because he’s constantly changing speeds.” He clicked on the tablet and a computer screen appeared. “This is the screen that shows us all the other ships within our vicinity. I’ve set it to show me empty, discarded vessels. After we drop off Frank, Jim, and Dan at their ship, we’ll head to the one I found. See what we can get out of it. I adjusted our course to make both things easier.”
I shifted on his lap until I could face him. “I’m going to study this. Will you help me do it a few times until I’ve got it?”
His eyes brightened. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do. Can I say something weird?”
He pushed my bangs off my forehead. “Sure. I like odd things.”
“Your voice, it’s just so…enthralling.” Even yesterday I would have been horrified at myself. I’d had sex with Dane and now, pressed against Wes, with his cock poking at my side, I was saying things I knew would get a physical reaction from him. I couldn’t have stopped myself if I wanted to—which I didn’t. I craved him. If I was honest, I desired all of them, even Nolan, who both terrified and captivated me.
Right now, I needed to get Wes’ hands on my body. He was my husband in this world. It had to be okay for me to want him.
Not to mention, I wasn’t lying. His voice did things to me. I’d pay to listen to him, if I had to.
He sucked in his breath. “Really, honey?”
I loved when he pulled out that nickname. “Say anything to me. Say nothing important. Just let me listen to you.”
His mouth took hold of mine, and I crawled up his body until I straddled his lap. My belly was in the way but I didn’t care. We’d have to adjust if this went any further. Sex on the chair was probably out of the question, unless Wes proved really bendable.
I suddenly had an idea. They’d talked to us about in Master’s. A gift to our husband…I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I wanted to try.
Pulling back, I stopped kissing him. He sucked his breath. “Too much, honey?”
“Not nearly.” I got off his lap, lowering myself, carefully, to my knees in front of him. He breathed hard, his chest expanding. Had I done this with him before? I’d love to have the memory. Was I good at it? Did he like it?
“What are you doing, honey?” He bent forward. “I can’t kiss you on the ground.”
“No.” I scooted forward on my knees. Heat took over my cheeks. What if he rejected this? “It’s hard to kiss me, but I can take you in my mouth. Would you like that?” I hurried through my response, forcing myself to hold his gaze. The instructors at Master’s had told us men loved this. They’d proven, however, that a lot of their teachings were wrong.
Wes didn’t answer right away. We stared at one another with nothing but the sound of the ship beneath us.
“You don’t have to.” His voice sounded tight. “I’m breaking protocol by saying this, but what the hell. Seems we all basically have. Anyway, you don’t like to give head. You like to get it, and I love to give it to you, but blow jobs have never been your thing.”
I nodded, his words bouncing around in my head. It should feel off to hear about myself, or at least I should have some sense of recognition. Only I didn’t. “I’m different now. I think that’s abundantly clear. Maybe I won’t want this anymore when I get my memories back. Maybe I’ll stop getting space sick and afraid. But right now I’m me, and I want you in my mouth. You’re my husband. Can I please have you that way?”
.He needed to say yes, or I would have to get away from him fast before I died of embarrassment.
Wes pressed a button on his wrist before he touched my cheek. “Honey, I…yes. Fuck yes, put me in your mouth if it gives you pleasure. I locked the door.”
“Will anyone panic if they can’t get in here?”
He shook his head. “I don’t care if they do.”
With a steady hand that surprised me considering how worked up I’d gotten, I undid the zipper before I slid his pants down to his ankles. The hair on his legs matched his red hair. I lifted my gaze to look at him.
“You’re not wearing any underwear. I know I cleaned a whole bunch of it.” I stroked my hand through his hair toward his hard cock. His member jumped at my approach and my mouth watered. “Of course, it gives me easy access.”
Before I touched him, I wanted to draw out his anticipation. I’d actually seen this on a video. Doing it proved much more exciting.
“Can you do something for me?”
He ran his hand through my hair, massaging my scalp as he did. “Anything.”
“Talk to me while I do this?”
His eyebrows shot toward the ceiling. “About what?”
“Anything. The star chart. The computer. Your favorite planet. I don’t care. I just want to hear your voice.”
His surprise at this told me I’d not done this before. How had I not remarked on how hot his low, gravelly voice made me?
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I wrapped my hand around him and, with one long stroke, I pumped him from his balls to the top of his cock. He moaned and leaned in his seat.
My mouth watered, and I licked his head. His cock was long, hard, and heavily veined. He’d been built for pleasure, and it was mine to give him.
“You want me to talk.”
I did. One more lick, and then I took him in my mouth, bobbing my mouth over his thick head. He tasted salty and male. Doing this made me more wet every moment I licked.
“I’ll…try.”
His words were breathy, and when I raised my gaze to look at his face, his eyes were closed. His face was a mixture of pleasure and pain, the muscles in his neck straining. I moved myself forward to get even closer, to take him deeper down my throat.
“I realize you…” He shifted his feet while he spoke, like he braced himself. “Don’t remember when and how we met. I worked for the Nomads. Trying to find a way through the Ochoa firewalls. I was on your mother’s ship, The Bridge. You came in looking for a tablet to send a message on, and you left with me. One minute I lived a life where I wondered if I’d ever have happiness, and the next I had a life here with you. You don’t know this about yourself, but you’re really…” His voice stopped for a second and he moaned.
I took him deeper in my throat, my eyes watering, but I’d gotten into the moment. I wanted nothing more than to give him pleasure. His voice sounded like a cocoon, keeping out the rest of the world.
“Important.” He finished on a breath. “Oh, honey, it’s not going to last long.” He panted and I took him deep one more time, bobbing my head to make sure I got as low as I could before his cock vibrated. Seconds later, he came in my mouth.
I closed my eyes, sucking him dry. Eventually, he lay limp in my mouth. My body buzzed when I gently let him go. Wes leaned in his chair, one arm covering his eyes as he breathed heavily.
With a smile I couldn’t help—I’d given him the pleasure I’d been after—I sat on the ground to simply allow myself to enjoy watching him. He dropped his arm and his gaze met mine. His green eyes were watery.
He extended his hand and I took it. With a gentle tug, he had me on his lap again. He kissed me all over my face, my neck. “Give me a minute. I need to kiss you. Then I’m going to have you begging to come.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face to his chest. “I’m good. You don’t have to. I needed that, too.”
“Sometimes, I imagine we’re living in another time. On Earth, before the plague and the wars that ended the planet. When there was one woman and one man. I’d still pick you, Melissa. You and me. Forever. I don’t mind sharing you. I love the guys, they’re my brothers, my family. As long as there is you somewhere in the world, I’m good to go, always.”
Even though my baby made it hard to adjust, I moved until we were eye-to-eye. “I…” What I wanted to say would ruin the mood. Smarter to close my mouth and not tell him my train of thoughts. The room felt warm, his arms were strong. It had to be enough.
“What?” He pressed his forehead to mine. “Tell me.”
I shook my head. “You don’t want to know, and I want you to remember me well.”
“Are you planning to go somewhere without me?” His tone lowered.
Touching the side of his face, I tried to memorize his features. “When I get my memories, I’ll be gone. I know I’m not real. I’m only brain damaged, when it comes down to it. But what happens to this moment? Will I remember what it felt like here in your arms, in this room? I’ll have all our memories of before. But what happens to this? When I’m gone, I want…I want you to remember me, that’s all. Some day when you think about now and you have your Melissa, you can remember how happy it made me to be in here with you, and maybe you’ll smile and you’ll…”
“Stop.” He kissed me hard, his whole body tense. “You are my Melissa. Do you understand? You aren’t two separate people. You’re not brain damaged. There isn’t a before and after. I look in your eyes and I see the same things I always did. You don’t have memories? Fine, we’ll make new ones. I don’t want you thinking of yourself as some temporary glitch in my life. You’re my wife. If you’d fallen and hit your head and there was no way to get the memories back, I’d still love you. I like you as you were then. I like you as you are now.”
I cried, and I didn’t even try to stop the tears. They poured down my face in long streams. “I have to know things, or I can’t keep my daughter safe. I don’t even know which one of you is the father.”
“We don’t know, either. The date of conception was a…busy time. We actually took a vacation. Lots of sex. Dane is running a DNA test. It takes a little while. We’ll know, but it won’t matter. You belong to all of us, and so does she.”
Wes sounded so sure of his answers, of his belief that things would work out okay. Why did I have such a daunting feeling in the pit of my stomach? Why did I feel like doom at my back, following me wherever I went? “Don’t let me forget this. Please.” He pressed me so close to him, I could hear his heart beating and the air rushing through his lungs. I closed my eyes. “You hold me like this too long, and I’m going to fall asleep. I have things to do. I wanted to fold your clothes.”
“Sleep. You’re pregnant. Dane says expectant women need more rest. I doubt you had much at the rehab center.”
I shook my head. “No. I need to be busy.”
“Okay, don’t.” He ran his hand over my back, massaging as he went. “I refuse to allow you to sleep. You’re banned from the practice.”
“What is she like?”
He paused. “Who?”
“Melissa.” Why wasn’t he following my conversation? The room felt thick, and my eyes were heavy. He smelled like the breeze.
“You’re Melissa. You tell me. What are you like?”
I groaned. “Are you deliberately being frustrating?”
“No.” He kissed my cheek. “Let’s see, shall we? You are smart, interesting, exciting—there aren’t dull days when you’re around. You brighten every room.”
“I…” He silenced whatever I would have said when he slipped his fingers into my panties and found my pussy. Two fingers pressed inside me. “Wow.”
He kissed my hair, the side of my neck, everywhere he could reach. “You’re going to come on my fingers.”
“Okay.” Sounded like a great idea to me.
He swirled his fingers, one, then the other over my sensitive spot. Sweat broke out on my body and pressure in my abdomen made me squirm.
“You’re kind, in a way I’ve never known anyone to be before. You put yourself in danger for strangers. You seem like you’re able to tell what people need, and you want to give it to them.”
He pushed another finger inside me, this time pinching me when he did. I cried out his name, my body spasming. I was wet, coming hard, and by the time I was spent, I saw stars.
My body sagged and he caught me, pulling my head on top of his chest. “You came to me today when you needed someone. I’m never going to forget what that felt like.”
Did I not usually? I wanted to ask him, but my mouth wouldn’t work. Oh, well. Who needed words when there was Wes’ heartbeat, strong and steady?
“I just figured it out. How I’m going to save you.”
I closed my eyes.
“Hey,” Wes called, chasing after me.
I could barely look at him. Last night was supposed to be goodbye. I was leaving in an hour, taking one of our shuttles and turning myself over to my destiny. My mother hadn’t given me a choice.
Seeing Wes felt akin to dying. Why couldn’t he have hung out in the engine room like he usually did? Why was he running around in the middle of the day?
“What?” I turned around, keeping my gaze level and my face blank. He read me better than I’d have liked. Wes had come a long way from the guy sitting over a bunch of code on my mom’s computer trying to figure out who had hacked her ship. Back then, he’d not slept in weeks, his face pale, his bo
dy thin from malnourishment. These days he looked healthy, fit. C.J. always had him running on the treadmill.
He found our sex life dull, or at least he had since the last vacation, when we’d all lost our minds to pleasure for days and days. When he was with me…I was open, exposed. He wanted my eye contact, looked into my soul. None of those things could continue, not since we’d gotten back to real life and I had to figure out how to leave them. The last month had been hell on Wes. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
“Want to have lunch?”
I couldn’t eat with them today. The food had been drugged. I knew because I’d done the drugging. They were all going to fall asleep for a couple of hours, thanks to Dane’s powder. I’d mixed it into the muffins, the only dish I made. They were always so happy when I fed them…
“I’ll be in the meeting with everyone else. I’ve got some communication to do this morning.”
Wes narrowed his eyes, his green-eyed gaze pressing into me like he could see my very heartbeat. “Guess you and I can’t blow it all off and have sex in the engine room then?”
“When have I ever wanted to have sex anywhere except my bed? You keep your public sex fantasies to yourself.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “You know, you could have said that to me in a way where it didn’t feel like you were basically telling me to screw off.”
I turned around and walked away. He was going to hate me. They all were.
But I wouldn’t be here to see it.
My head ached when I woke, but I’d gotten used to the feeling. Once again, I had no recollection of my dream. That was okay. Presumably, when I got through my ordeal in the memory machine, I’d know what I wasn’t remembering.
I was wrapped in Wes’ arms, still in the control room, and the way my body ached told me I’d been there for a while.
“I think she’s okay,” he whispered to someone.