I could have commented on the baby name. Where had it come from? However, I had more pressing concerns. “Where are we?”
“This is a safe house on the station. We can’t get to the shuttle right off. They’ve stopped all comings and goings while they investigate the murders. C.J. is at the ship. He’s the only one of us who the Nobles don’t have a warrant out for. He has no price on his head. He could walk into Ochoa and have a beer. When it’s safe, we’ll sneak over there and get out.”
I stood. “In the meantime, we stay here. Got it.”
“Baby?”
I turned my gaze onto him. “I shot him in the head.”
He nodded, his quick curt response the same as he used all the time.
“I knew how to do it, because I kill people all the time.”
Nolan’s brow furrowed. “Hardly.”
“I blow them up. I’m Melissa Fucking Alexander.”
He took my hands in his. Outside of the ice for my shoulder and touching my back earlier, I wasn’t sure Nolan had ever willingly touched me before. His fingers were huge, and they dwarfed mine.
“Did you see the video? Damn the screen. Okay. So, yes, you’re Melissa Alexander. Sometimes you like the camera too much. You like to put on a show.”
I bent my head, a crick in my neck making it hard for me to stay upright. “And blow people up?”
“Sometimes.” He kissed my hand. “You shot someone in the head. For me. Why?”
I dropped my gaze, not liking the memory. “He was going to shoot you.”
“Melissa, look at me.” I raised my gaze to meet his eyes. “You could have left me to manage my own mess. You’re big on that. If I make a mess, it’s my problem to clean it. If I can’t, and it affects our family, I’m out. That’s the rule for all of us. Only you didn’t. You shot him in the head.”
“You’re my husband.” My voice sounded low, because I could hardly manage the air it took to speak at all. “I made a choice. I saved you. For as long as I am here and she is not, I don’t have that rule.”
He placed his hands on my cheeks. Nolan could crush me if he wanted, yet I wasn’t afraid. “If you could only tell me why. The others, they don’t see it, they think Cooper took you, but damn, I know you better. No one takes you if you don’t want to go. So tell me. If you could let me know why you took off with Cooper. Why you drugged us and went, then I could let it go. I could worship at your feet, at your goodness, like the others. You think I don’t see it? The sheer light you bring to all of us?”
He wanted answers. I only had small ones and I suspected he was right. No way had all of this happened if I hadn’t played a role in it. “The first time I saw Dane’s powder that knocked Geoff out, I was fixated with it. I knew I could knock people out if I needed to. I could now, which means I certainly would have been able to then. Other than that, I don’t have any information yet, but I will get in the machine to find out. For my daughter. For our safety. For you, even though you hate me.”
He hissed out his breath. “Hate you? Baby, I’ve been in love with you since you were too young for me to touch. For a year, I wouldn’t. You saved my life. I’d go out an airlock for you. I just need to know why. Why? Why?”
I couldn’t give him the answers he needed. An echo of the bang of the gun I fired earlier echoed through my mind. I shuddered. Nolan rose until he sat next to me on the bed before he engulfed me in his arms.
He smelled of cloves. I took a deep breath of his scent. “I’m sorry I fainted.”
“Baby, I almost fainted, too. You rushing that guy. Shooting him in the head. Shit.”
I laughed. “Funny.”
“Wish I was joking.”
“Can you tell me why he tried to kill you?” I wanted to know why, even if I ended up hating the answer.
“Because he’s from before you found me, from when we were kids. I killed his brother in self-defense, and he swore to end me. Finally, he caught up with me.”
I rubbed my forehead against his chest. When C.J. insisted we spend time together, I don’t think he imagined this. “Can you tell me our story? I know all the others.”
“Do you know the planet Joint?”
I actually did. On Master’s they told us all the best planets to get a husband from, and the one to avoid like the plague. “The prison planet.”
He nodded. “The pit.”
Chapter 15
The Pit
THE Pit was the prison planet where the Nobles put the irredeemable. They were left there to fight it out among themselves. To be sent to the Pit was a life sentence. Or, rather, a quick trip to death.
“What did you do to get sent there?” I shook, and he leaned on the bed until he could spread out lengthwise with me on top of him.
It took him so long to answer, I thought he wasn’t going to. “I was born there.”
“That’s not possible. They don’t send women to the Pit.”
He nodded, running his hand through the length of my hair. “They don’t now. They did when I was inside my mom. I don’t know what she did or who my father is, because she died when I was about two. For three more years, another woman down there who survived by fucking as many men as she could a day, took care of me with her own son. Then she threw me out. After that, I was on my own.”
“When you were five?” I shouted the number, utterly horrified at the thought. “How did you make it?”
“For a while, I was cagey. I stole food when I needed it, hoarded it away, kept to myself. An old guy—he got sent there for raping his mother—taught me to read. I was fast, sharp. It helped. Then when I got big enough, I started fighting. After that, fighting was my life. I never expected to go anywhere, to get off that planet. Ever. I fought like a man who had nothing to lose. My opponents always died. I figured I would end my days there, too.”
I raised my chin to look at him. All of my guys got the same faraway look when they spoke about their pasts. I touched the side of his face to bring him to me, to the present. Whatever our situation, he wasn’t there anymore.
“How did you get out of there?”
“You.” He shifted his legs until he had me more captured under him. “One of your uncles got tried, convicted, and sent there. You showed up on a mission to get him back. I’d been fighting all day. I was done. I knew I only had so many more of those days left in me. I stumbled back to my corner of the world where I dropped down to go to sleep. Only you were standing there, like you had every right to be.” He laughed. “I stared at you, wondering how hard I’d gotten hit in the head. You were seventeen.”
“And?” I didn’t want him to stop. I’d pulled him off a prison planet. This was the first story I’d ever heard where I liked myself in it.
“You said you were Melissa Alexander, and you were the rebel princess. I had no idea what that meant. We never cared about the Nomads unless they ended up trying to take our food when they got sent to die. You asked me if I wanted to come with you. I nodded and followed you to your ship. For the next year, I went wherever you did, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to you. You talked a lot to me. One day you brought me here, to Truest, to a brothel. The women there run an extremely successful business. They’re all widows who didn’t want husbands again. You told me I had to make up for lost time.”
My head darted up. “You’re not serious?”
He grinned, the broadest smile I’d ever seen him give. “I am. You’d paid for me to have a night. I was so clueless. When it was over, I came out and you were waiting for me. You said you were going to be eighteen in two months and I had that time to figure out if I wanted to be your husband. If I didn’t, when you turned eighteen you would drop me off here with enough credit to take care of me for a while. You had plans. You wanted me with you, but it was up to me if I wanted to be part of it. I could be your husband until you didn’t want me anymore.”
Right then, my happiness at how I’d behaved plummeted. There was never a story that didn’t end up with me being a total narci
ssist. “We’re obviously still together.”
I finally understood him. “That’s why you got so upset that day. You thought I said I didn’t want you, that you had to leave.”
He pressed his nose to my hair. “I wouldn’t have gone. I’ll be with you forever, until breath leaves my body. You’ve always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen anywhere.”
“But I’m not your Melissa anymore.” At least his words made sense. She—I—whatever—had been his whole world. I wasn’t the kind of woman who would fly to a prison planet or bring him to a brothel.
“You are.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. I gave him a moment without looking at him. Nolan didn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would want anyone to notice he’d gotten emotional. “I saw you today. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I didn’t want to. I’m so mad at you.”
Bang. Bang. The echo in my head again. “Because I shot him in the head. That’s when you saw it.”
“No, when you leaped on his back like a lunatic. The shooting surprised me. I’ve never seen you wield a gun outside of training.”
My stomach grumbled. “I’m really hungry.”
“Here.” He scooted out from under me and went to his bag, pulling out a protein bar and unwrapping it. “You do need to eat more. You don’t take care of yourself. Drives me crazy. Climbing on ladders. Painting walls. Hanging clouds. Getting thrown around in traps. The four of them never let you sleep.”
Nolan had really been paying attention. My cheeks heated. “I didn’t think you paid attention to me at all.”
“You consume my every waking moment. Most of my sleeping moments, too.” He poked at his wrist. “Come on. We need to get out of here. C.J. says we’re clear to get to the ship.”
“Hey.” I touched his arm. “Thanks. For the talk. For not yelling at me for a while.”
His jaw tightened before he rushed forward. With a yank, he had me off the floor, in his arms, and his mouth pushed onto mine. Nolan’s kiss was almost painful, but then after a few moments he gentled. His whole body relaxed, and I was able to breathe again.
“I’m getting on C.J.’s schedule. I won’t sleep in your room, but I need you, baby. I’m still angry. I can be mad and with you at the same time.” He paused. “If you’re okay with that.”
I kissed his cheek. “Why won’t you spend the night?”
“I don’t like the dark, not to sleep in. I need light in the room. I know you don’t like that.”
“We can leave the light on in the bathroom.” He set me down. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Come on. Eat the protein bar while we walk. Keep your head down, your hoodie on, and if you see anyone trying to kill me and you risk your life, I am going to paddle your behind.”
His words brought me up short and my breath caught in my throat. If he touched me right then, I’d come all over him. “Would you actually? Spank me?”
Nolan sucked in his breath. “Fuck, we’re getting out of here now before I do something we can’t be doing here.”
We walked together through the crowds of angry people. A space station where no one could leave was a very unhappy place, apparently. Nolan pushed us through fast, keeping us moving at all times.
I was doing okay with the pace, my mind consumed with images of being over his lap with his hand coming down on my bare bottom, when my own voice jarred me back to pay attention.
“I’m Melissa Fucking Alexander…” I groaned. How many times a day did they have to play the same feed? Wasn’t once enough?
We rounded a corner and the shuttle appeared straight ahead. “I’ll admit, baby, it wasn’t your finest hour. I mean, why make the video in the first place? You were already notorious enough.”
“Memory erased. That means I don’t have to justify stupid decisions.” Even if sometimes it felt like I did.
We got to the shuttle door, and he pushed me ahead of him. C.J. jumped at our entrance.
“Fuck. So glad you’re here.” He pulled me against him, hugging me tightly. “Are you okay? The video feed the authorities saw says you killed two people.”
My joy at reaching the shuttle plummeted. “They recognized me?”
“Then it’s true?”
Nolan pushed past him and sat in the pilot’s chair. “Did you get everything we needed?”
“It’s all loaded.” C.J. crossed to the co-pilot’s chair and joined Nolan. “What are we going to do with all the scrap?”
“We’ll find somewhere else to sell it.” Nolan looked over his shoulder. “Strap in. I don’t want you getting jostled around.”
I nodded and did as he instructed. “I killed one person. Not two.” Although semantics probably didn’t matter. “And I’d do it again.”
C.J. started the engines. This time his take off wasn’t quite so smooth. I ended up puking up my protein bar. I’d almost gotten used to being constantly nauseated. Almost.
* * * *
“Do you want to know why you took me to the brothel?” Nolan nuzzled my neck, nipping lightly, and my body sighed beneath him. I was fully naked, but he was only half-so. His chest was exposed, his bottom half still covered by his pants. I don’t know whose night it was supposed to be, because the second we’d gotten onto Artemis, it had become Nolan’s. No one objected, as though they all saw it coming.
“Do you really want to talk about your time with other women right now?” I ran my hand over his green tattoo. I could see it was four numbers. What did they mean? It started at his heart and moved upward. 4324. “What does your ink mean?”
“It’s the date you took me out of the pit.” He nipped me again. “Come on, play along. Ask me why you took me to the brothel.”
I sighed dramatically. “The people at Master’s would be so horrified. Okay. Why did I take you to the brothel? Didn’t you tell me it was to make up for lost time?”
“That was what you said when you dropped me off, but you had an ulterior motive.”
“Me?” I flipped my hair over my shoulder. “I’m shocked.”
“You wanted me to take your virginity. You gave that to me.”
I stared at his dark gaze. With the light from the bathroom illuminating the room, I could see him quite well. “And I sent you to the brothel, so you wouldn’t be confused during the process?”
Nolan laughed, throwing his head back. “So I’d have some experience to draw on, not be so desperate, and to get a better idea of which parts go where.”
I stroked the side of his face. “How pragmatic of me.”
He kissed my palm, holding his mouth there for a second. “You wouldn’t have done that?”
“If I’d never sent you to the other women, you’d only ever have been with me. There’s romance to that. Not fair, I know. I’m sleeping with other men every night I’m not with you. I guess I have a silly heart.” I placed my hands on his chest. “That being said, I can see why I chose you. So strong, capable, smart. I’d never have been able to see anyone else once there was you in the world.”
My words spurred him forward. Light, gentle Nolan suddenly got focused. He kissed me, moving his body over mine. His hand brushed over my stomach and he made a frustrated grunt before he nipped my bottom lip.
He yanked off his pants and threw them to the side. I stared at his erection, my mouth watering. I knee walked toward him so I could run my hands over his smooth, bald head. With Nolan, I could take deep breaths. I’d been missing him, and I hadn’t even known it.
“You’re on top.” He rolled me over until I straddled him. His erection stood at attention, some moisture already apparent on the tip of his cock.
“I want to watch you ride me.” Nolan twisted his mouth into a funny looking smile. He stroked his hand over my belly. “There’s just more of you to love, baby.”
“Ha ha.” I rolled my eyes before stroking him, long and hard. He closed his eyes, his hips jerking upward when I touched him.
Nolan opened his eyes a slit to look at me. “Brat
.”
I climbed onto him and positioned myself until I could fit his cock inside me. He felt huge. He stretched my muscles, and I took him all the way inside of me. I closed my eyes, a moan escaping.
After a second, Nolan spoke. “Look at me.”
I did as he ordered, my lids opening. Our gazes collided, and his smoldered. I might come from the heat his eyes put out alone.
“You’re mine. I know I have to share you; I always have. That doesn’t make you any less mine.” He gritted his teeth. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought we’d never be here again.” His cock jerked inside me and I cried out. “Now, ride me. Because I told you to.”
I raised myself up before pushing back down on him. He moaned my name. “Good girl.”
Nolan gritted his teeth and held onto my thighs. His hands were so tight against me his grip was going to leave a mark. I didn’t care, I relished this time with him, with knowing we’d finally found each other this way.
“Hold my hands.” I wanted the connected and balance for me was a precarious thing. I didn’t want to topple over on top of him.
He laced our fingers together before he raised one side of his mouth in a half-smile. “Giving me orders?”
“You do it.” I jerked my hips as I pressed on him, and he cried out. Yes, I could own him if I wanted to. Only I didn’t have that desire. I wanted us to be together, body and soul.
“Melissa.” He sighed my name. “I’m not going to last. Been such a long time, and there’s too much…”
I didn’t ask him to finish his statement. There were a lot of answers, and in general, there had been just too much of everything between us, including space, time, emotion, and misunderstandings. I didn’t want any of it anymore.
I wanted his soul, and I needed him to have the part of mine that belonged to him.
Truth was, I could hardly think anymore. I could only feel. Was I riding him or did his sheer force of will move me up and down on him, setting the pace, controlling me from below? Who cared? It just felt…right.
“Oh, I’m going to come.” I panted. Usually, I needed finger play. A stroke over my clit to get there. Not this time. I was too hot, too needy, too…I called out his name, nearly toppling over, only he held me up with his hands on mine. My muscles contracted, milking him, begging him to join me in the pleasure-filled abyss that was our moment.