When Zoey came back alone and angry, Chandra had an idea of what might’ve gone down. She waited until the cameraman slipped back into the room before she made her exit. By then everyone was in full party mode.
Spirits were sky-high. Music blared and rays of neon light added to what had become a dance floor in front of the big-screen TV. The room was dark and more than a few of the contestants seemed to be coupling up. Not that any of them mattered to Chandra the way Zoey and Zack mattered.
The producers had already told the judges. They had made their decision. They loved the Romeo and Juliet story, and if they had it their way, Zoey and Zack would be the last two contestants standing. By then they intended to have plenty of footage showing the reality of the denied romance, the heartache of the forgotten girlfriend back home. At a meeting last week Samuel Meier had put it simply. “America’s going to fall in love with Zack and Zoey. It’ll be the biggest finale ever.”
With everyone caught up in the moment and the cameraman getting a drink at the bar, Chandra slipped into the hallway. Sure enough, Zack was ten yards down sitting on the floor, his back to the wall, one knee pulled up. Head in his hands. Whatever had happened, he looked crushed.
Chandra made her way quietly to him and when she reached the spot where he sat, she dropped down cross-legged and faced him. Only then did he notice her. He looked alarmed at first, but then his face fell and he brought his fists to his eyes again. Whatever had happened, he was struggling.
Chandra remembered the moment in her trailer before the season began, after Zack had made it through the tent round. She wondered then if he was the reason she was here. Maybe she could offer insight to this young man and in the process find a meaning that had evaded her since the death of her parents.
“Hey.” She realized it probably seemed strange to Zack, one of the celebrity judges sitting on the floor of a dark hallway across from him. Especially this early in the show run, when the contestants felt a chasm between themselves and the judges. But that didn’t change the fact that Zack clearly needed help. Chandra kept her voice gentle. “You wanna talk?”
“It’s okay.” He lowered his hands and stared down the hallway toward the door. “I need to think.”
Chandra searched his face, saw the muscles in his shoulders. He was one of the best-looking contestants the show had ever seen. But she felt nothing but pity for him.
“Well.” She drew a slow breath. “If you don’t want to talk, I do.” She leaned her elbows on her knees, only a few feet separating them. From the distant party room, the noise grew, the music louder than before. “What happened?”
He gave a frustrated shake of his head. “We kissed. Me and Zoey.” He looked defeated as he moved his eyes from her to a spot on the floor. “Was it obvious?”
“No. I had a feeling.” There was no judgment in her tone.
“It was a stupid mistake. I . . . It happened before I could stop it.”
“I get it.” She slid back and leaned against the wall, her eyes locked on his. “Living together like this, it isn’t natural. Things happen.”
For the shortest moment she remembered her own secrets. How she had done the same thing when she was a contestant. She had been engaged back then. The affair was another part of her story—the part she rarely thought about anymore. That season the producers constantly placed her with Broadway singer Demetri Johnson, a beautiful brown-skinned dancer with a silky tenor voice and an ocean of charisma. The two of them had done more than make out in their weeks housed together.
She refused the memories. “Tell me about your girlfriend.”
“My . . .” He shook his head. “She’s amazing. She . . .” His voice trailed off. “The two of us, we need to talk.”
“Zack.” Chandra held up her hand. “Just tell me about her.”
“Okay.” His eyes welled up. “She’s . . . she’s perfect. Our grandparents were friends decades ago. It’s like . . . like we were destined to be together.”
“Mmm.” Chandra nodded. “Is she in school?”
“We graduated. She teaches equine therapy.” He ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes strained from the stress of the night. “Her work . . . it’s changing lives.”
“Have you talked with her? Since the show aired?”
“I tried to call her. The signal was bad.”
“Yes . . . convenient.” She leaned her head back and surveyed him for a long time. “Zack, can I tell you something?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t ‘yes, ma’am’ me. I’m your age. Don’t look at me and see Chandra Olson, celebrity. Okay? Can you do that?”
Zack looked slightly baffled. He sat up straighter and nodded. “I can try.”
“Before Fifteen Minutes, I was just another girl. I was in college and I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. I was close to my parents and all of life was real and alive and perfect.” She raised her eyebrows, her gaze intent on his. “Can you see that?”
The question seemed to hit a mark with Zack. He nodded slowly and exhaled, settling down some. “I think so.”
“Okay.” She lifted her chin, wanting him to see the changes as clearly as she could see them. “What did I want when I auditioned for Fifteen Minutes? What was I trying to do?”
He shrugged. “Make it as a singer.”
“Yes. I wanted people to know I could sing.” She smiled, but the feeling didn’t reach her soul. “You know what happened instead? I stepped on a speeding train, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Overnight, Zack. Overnight people knew my name. I couldn’t go shopping or stop at Starbucks for a latte. My Twitter blew up and so did my Facebook. I couldn’t tell my friends from the people who stalked me.”
His eyes grew a little wider.
“You feeling me?”
“I think so.”
“How many Twitter followers did you add tonight?”
“A hundred thousand.” He picked up his phone beside him and shoved it in his pocket. “I haven’t really looked.”
“Oh”—she pointed at him—“but they’re looking, aren’t they? And by next week it’ll be twice that. All those girls wanting a piece of your look and your voice and your body. You ready for that, Zack Dylan?”
He looked at the ground again. “I guess . . . I didn’t think about it.”
“You’re thinking about faith, right? How you can give God the glory through the platform of Fifteen Minutes.” Her tone didn’t quite mock him, but it came close. “We had your type the year I won. It’s the same every year. But you know what?” She leaned close again, bent over her lap so she could see his face through the shadows. “Your God doesn’t shine in this environment. It’s like you have to pick who you’re gonna serve. God or fame.” She sat back and stared at him. “Really, Zack. That’s how it is.”
“I’ve seen people . . .” He didn’t sound convincing. “You know, make a stand for Jesus on shows like this.”
“No.” Her answer was quick and sharp. “You see what the cameras show. Behind the scenes there’s always compromise. Always.”
“What about—”
“The Voice last year? Sure, okay. He came out alive. But he hurried over to a Christian stage, didn’t he? Country music? Pop rock? Those worlds would’ve destroyed him. He knew better than to go that route. You remember how he left, right?”
“I do.” Zack narrowed his eyes.
“On his knees. He left on his knees, Zack. Singing to God, because he had to choose. God or fame.” She felt herself getting worked up. The last thing she wanted was anyone from Fifteen Minutes looking for her. This conversation was for her sanity. Her purposes. Not theirs. She forced herself to be quieter. “You know about my parents?”
Zack shook his head. “They were killed. I don’t know a lot more than that.”
“My fame killed them.” She waved her hand at demons she couldn’t see. “Some crazy stalker hunted them down and killed them when they came home one afternoon.”
He l
ooked down. “I’m sorry.”
“You see it better now, Zack?” Her tone softened. “This show, shows like it, they suck people in and spit them out. They build them up and make them famous. For their purposes alone.” She leaned close again. “Hear me, Zack. When normal people become famous overnight they can never, ever go back. Not for any amount of money.”
Zack was listening now, no question. His look was more intent, deeper than before. “Back to the girl you were the day before you auditioned. Is that what you mean?”
“Exactly.” She sat back, drained. “If I could give you any ounce of advice, if I could make the decisions for you, know what I’d tell you?” The question was rhetorical. She didn’t wait for a response. She pointed to the doorway at the end of the hall. “Run, Zack. Take your life and your family farm and the girlfriend you love so much and run like your life depends on it.” She grabbed a quick breath and lowered her voice again. “Know why?”
“Why?”
“Because your life does depend on it, Zack.” She pointed her thumb at the party happening in the adjacent room. “Zoey Davis? Girls like her hamming it up for the camera? That’s not life. This isn’t life. And every day you stay, you’re one day closer to losing everything you had. Fame’s a prison. Celebrity is a life sentence. You need to know.” She stood and seemed to force herself to soften. “That’s all.”
“Thanks.” Zack rose to his feet and brushed off his jeans. For a long time he looked at Chandra. Just looked at her. The warning was intense and personal. Even in light of his actions tonight it was hard to imagine being as famous as Chandra. But what if she was right? What if his actions today, the conflicts, the distance he felt from the people he loved—what if it were all just the beginning?
“You need to get back. I’ll stay out here. Step outside for some air.” She raised one eyebrow. “With my bodyguards, of course. Two of them waiting for me at the street entrance. See, Zack? You can’t go back.”
“I . . . needed to hear that.”
“Okay.” She smiled, the first time since she’d spotted him sitting alone in the hallway. She reached out and took his hands in hers. “About the kiss, don’t beat yourself up. If you find a way back home sooner than later, that mistake will be worth it. Might even save your life.”
“Hmm. Maybe.” He squeezed her hands. “What you said . . . it means a lot.”
“I hope so.” She released his hands and nodded back to the party. “Be careful. They’re watching. They want America to fall in love with you and Zoey.”
He squinted, not sure he understood. “Like, you mean they talk about it?”
Chandra laughed, but it sounded bitter. “Absolutely. Now go. Before they find you out here with me.”
Zack felt sick again. He stuck his hands in his pockets and nodded. Then he turned and walked down the hallway and into the party. Chandra waited till he was gone, then she did what she’d told him she would do. She pressed a button on her phone and waited until a guy picked up. “Ms. Olson?”
“I’m coming down.”
“Yes, ma’am. Someone will meet you at the top of the stairs.” His voice was gruff. This was serious business, guarding the life of Chandra Olson.
Chandra liked to think of herself as beyond tears. She’d already lost everything that mattered. What reason would her heart have to get involved now? But as she made her way to the stairs, as she watched for her bodyguard so she could step outside and get a few minutes of fresh air, she thought about Zack and a horse farm somewhere in Kentucky and a family who loved him. Parents and a brother and sister. She thought about the girl he loved waiting for him, and then she noticed something.
She was crying.
Crying for all that Zack stood to lose. And for the girl she’d been the day before her Fifteen Minutes audition.
A girl she could never be again.
chapter 16
The insanity of the next week was marked by rare quiet moments, usually in black Escalades or Hummer limos, when all Zack could think about were the words of Chandra Olson. Her story and her warning.
Her insistence that fame was a prison.
Zoey had cooled toward him, but only because she was hurt. That much was obvious to Zack, but apparently not to the producers. They placed the two of them in the same group for every activity, every red-carpet moment and photo shoot. Every rehearsal. By the time Thursday came, when it was time for a Disney movie premiere at Radio City Music Hall, neither of them was surprised when the production assistants asked them to walk the red carpet together. “Hold his arm,” one of them told Zoey. “Make it look good.”
She followed instructions, but along the way she whispered through her smile. “Sorry. This wasn’t my idea.”
“Don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault.” He spoke without moving his smiling lips as cameras took a thousand pictures. Against his will, something inside him enjoyed her nearness, the fact that they were talking again.
He hadn’t exactly been kind to her. He had no reason to be angry with her. When he thought about it, the kiss in the hallway wasn’t totally her fault. Guilt crept into his heart as they found their way into the theater. Zack was aware of her every move and comment, and he realized something else. In a way he couldn’t explain, this past week he had missed her. They sat together when the movie started, and halfway through, under the veil of darkness, he reached for her hand. “I’m not mad at you,” he whispered. “There’s so much pressure. Everything’s crazy.”
She worked her fingers between his and for a few seconds she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.” Her voice was loud enough only for him. “I needed to hear that. I never . . . I never planned to kiss you.”
“Me, either.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and then released it. The friendship they shared was real. No one else could understand what they were going through.
Zack settled back in his seat and remembered what he could about the week. Every time he tried to speak to Reese since the show premiered things had been strained. He wasn’t sure what to say, how to bridge the gap. He told her how his words of praise to God had been cut from his post-audition interview, and how they’d forced him to do the Tebow. How he and Zoey were only friends.
What he didn’t tell Reese was how it bugged him this week when Zoey kept her distance. Now he felt her arm against his, and this time he didn’t move away. Friends could be close and not cross lines. This was one of those situations.
He blinked and tried to focus on the movie. But his life kept interfering. Whatever the situation with Zoey, Reese believed him, which only made it worse. Zack tried to convince himself that there was truth to his statement. There was no romance with Zoey, nothing Reese had to worry about. When all this insanity was over, Reese would still have his heart. His love would be hers alone. Zack had no doubt. But then what was he feeling for Zoey here in the shadows of the theater?
Deep compassion, maybe. Friendship, certainly.
Whatever it was, the words he said to Reese—and those he didn’t say—felt bitter on his tongue, acid on his heart and soul. He still believed that whenever he came home, he would explain it all to her, even the kiss. But that talk needed to happen in person. He wanted to look into her eyes and pray she would understand. As for whatever this was with Zoey, well, he couldn’t even explain that to himself.
All he knew was that life was suddenly insane for all of them. But especially for him and Zoey. There was a sense that the two of them would glide through the second round of auditions and well beyond. Like Chandra said, their Twitter accounts continued to blow up. After Monday’s show someone started #ZackandZoey, and for a few hours yesterday it was trending in the top twenty.
Who else but Zoey could understand how different life had become, how surreal? He felt the warmth of her beside him. She was pretty, but what he felt for her wasn’t a typical attraction. She understood. Maybe that was all. At a time when there was no way Reese or anyone else back home could begin to understand, Zoey did
. With a glance she could relate to the pressure and the changes in their schedule and the loss of privacy. And most of all the giant called fame beating down their doors.
Chandra was right. Zack still found ways to mention God, but each time Gaines told him to cool it. People were looking for success and star quality. Not preaching. Zack wanted to be both a light and a team player. So for a few days he hadn’t talked at all about his faith or his family. He could justify the decision. They had too many other things to talk about. Besides, maybe Gaines was right about overdoing it. No one was questioning Zack’s faith just because he’d cooled his references to it. His number of followers was growing faster than ever, which could only be good. Because one day when he was off the show he could reach even more people with the truth about Jesus.
The movie played on, but Zack didn’t catch a single word. Outside of a car ride, this was the first time any of them had been able to sit all week. Just sit for more than a couple minutes and think about what was happening. Here in the dark, no one was shoving a microphone in his face or taking his picture, no production assistants were prompting him to give the cameras his best smile or response or angle. Zack breathed out and felt himself relax. Chandra Olson came to mind again. Her advice had been simple.
Run.
Leave the show, go back home, and never look back. Zack pictured the passion in her face that night in the dark hallway. Chandra hated fame—no question. The crazy thing was the world had no idea how she felt. Chandra played the part of a celebrity with grace and poise, smiling for the cameras and answering questions with thoughtful consideration. She signed autographs and stayed safely between her bodyguards wherever she went. She’d taken cameo roles in movies, endorsed a cosmetic line, and had a perfume named after her. Every song she sang found its way to the top of the charts.
Chandra Olson was as A-list as she could get, and yet she hated the fame, every single second of it.
Zack thought he understood Chandra’s strategy. Better to ride out the fame, own it. Zack shuddered. Was that what he wanted? He had wrestled with the question every possible moment since Chandra had talked to him. At this pace, he was headed fast toward fame, and yet the ride never felt as awful as Chandra described it. Sure, it was crazy, but most of the time he was having fun, and after coming this far, he couldn’t leave. Couldn’t consider walking away now. He had a list of reasons and a signed contract, promising he wouldn’t leave until he was kicked off, unless he got sick or had a family emergency.