She needed air, needed to escape this moment and her dying father and his insistence that she find her way back to Cal.
“I can still see you two . . . sitting together at youth group every Wednesday night.” He ran his thumb over her hand. “God . . . brought you together. You have a family with that man.” He shook his head, and the effort seemed to exhaust him. “Please . . . don’t throw it all away.”
The conversation created in Kelly a series of worsening knots. She didn’t believe in marriage the way she used to because she didn’t believe in God the way she used to. Without that foundation, she saw no reason to stay with Cal, no reason to call him. But her faith, her feelings about marriage, her decision to stay in the fight in Hollywood, none of it could be sorted out here. On her father’s deathbed.
“Daddy.” She smiled at him and ran her knuckles gently over his cheek. “Let’s talk about something else. I’d like to get another opinion on your cancer. Maybe someone somewhere has a cure.” She angled her head, remembering a thousand moments when the two of them had talked like this. Back before every conversation turned into an argument. “I want you here. Alive and well.”
He grinned, even while the sorrow remained in his eyes. “I’ve never been more alive. The apostle Paul said to live is Christ. To die is gain. Either way I get to live.”
“Yes.” She nodded, amazed. He still believed. Even in the face of a cancer that would likely kill him, he believed. He had lived in this house and served at that church and stayed married to Kelly’s mother and never once for a single moment had he doubted God along the way.
Her father looked tired again. His eyes closed for several seconds and then opened. “Thank you . . . for coming.”
“We’re going to get you better, Daddy. We are.” The sting of tears again. This was where she wanted their conversation anchored. On the hope of healing. “You get some sleep.”
One more kiss on his cheek and she slipped out of the room. She could hear her mother in the kitchen, so she took a different route to the backyard. The minute she opened the door she was surrounded by Kai and Kinley’s laughter. She breathed in deep and felt herself relax a little. This was where she needed to be. Outdoors where the air was fresh and she could laugh like a child and play with her kids. Where questions about her faith and her fame and her family didn’t weigh heavy on every heartbeat. But even as she ran to meet Kai and Kinley she couldn’t entirely block out the truth.
Those questions would be there when she went back in the house. And sometime over the next few days she would have to make herself clear. She wasn’t ever going to believe again and she certainly wasn’t making amends with Cal.
Even if those things were her father’s dying wish.
chapter 18
Chandra wasn’t sure she could finish out the season.
Everywhere she looked contestants were falling apart, giving in to the pressures around them and losing the people they used to be. Even Zack Dylan. Sometimes she wanted to grab the mic stand on the judges’ table and scream at them all. Couldn’t they see what was happening? How they were being used by the producers to create a product? A hit show whose ratings and profit were the end-all?
It was mid-Saturday, the second round of group auditions, and already half the contestants had competed. Tomorrow half the singers would be sent home. Chandra couldn’t be happier for them.
“Your panties in a wad?” Cullen gave her a critical look as his makeup artist applied powder to his shiny forehead. “You haven’t said two words off-camera all day.”
“My panties are just fine.” Chandra stared at the table, at the names of the contestants yet to perform. Zack and Zoey were on the list. She glanced through the open door at the stage wings. Kelly was out there somewhere on what seemed like a critical phone call. So just Chandra and Cullen sat at the table for now.
“Look, Chandra. You’re not happy here. We can see that.”
“I’m fine.” She lifted her chin. No matter what she felt, she had a reputation to uphold. If she had to be famous, she would do it with grace. She would never give the producers and paparazzi a reason to smear her name.
“You haven’t said much since last week. When you wanted to send Zack Dylan running home to his horses.”
She looked straight at him. “That’s where he belongs.”
“You’re wrong.” Cullen shifted his face so the makeup artist had a better angle. He pointed at the stage. “Zack Dylan belongs on that stage. For the rest of his life.”
“I can’t think of anything worse.” Chandra spun her chair around and searched the auditorium. Zack and Zoey were sitting beside each other near the back, laughing about something, their heads bowed close to each other. Be careful, Zack . . . you have so much to lose. Last night the judges had watched a segment on Zack and Zoey that the producers had put together. It was set to run the first week the show went live.
“We’ll air it if the two of them make it that far,” William Gaines had told the judges.
Chandra rolled her eyes again at the memory of his statement. As if anyone would dare kick Barbie and Ken off Fifteen Minutes. “Romeo and Juliet,” the piece was titled. The footage was compelling, the production perfect. By all accounts Zack and Zoey seemed to have found love on the journey to Fifteen Minutes of fame. The kiss in the hallway that night provided the most dramatic moment in the piece. The producers positioned it right after Zack’s earnest statement that he had a serious girlfriend back home.
“So negative, Chandra.” Cullen’s makeup artist was gone. He took the seat beside Chandra and turned the chair so that he, too, could watch the contestants interact during the break. “This show made you who you are.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “You could be a little more thankful.” His eyes scanned the room. “One of them will win it all. And when he does, you need to be part of the celebration.”
Chandra considered her attitude. Cullen had a point. Nothing would change her views on the sudden fame that a show like Fifteen Minutes cast upon its finalists. But she had to remember the reason she’d agreed to this. Not because she believed in fame. No, it was so she could remember the girl she’d once been and maybe warn a few contestants along the way. Not only from the pitfalls that awaited them when the show placed them forever in the public eye. But from desiring that life in the first place.
She glanced at Zack again. If only she could get him to believe her. She had thought he was different, that he would hear her story and want nothing more than to tread carefully through the landscape of escalating fame. But maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was just like every other contestant.
Including herself.
Chandra sighed and slowly turned her chair back around to the table. The next group would take the stage in two minutes. Kelly returned to her spot, and a minute later Cullen joined them. Chandra shot Kelly a quick look and she felt a hint of remorse. She’d been rough on Kelly. Truthful but rough. Chandra leaned closer to her. “Everything okay?”
Kelly’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly. “What’s this? You have a heart?”
“I do.” Chandra faced her fellow judge. “I’m sorry. About the other day.” She looked down at her painted nails, her glittery jeans and high heels. She found Kelly’s eyes again. Maybe it was time to let her walls down a little. “Sometimes . . . I kind of panic.”
Suspicion colored Kelly’s expression. “Panic?”
“Yeah.” She hesitated. “Being Chandra Olson, it’s cost me everything. So then I see you and I want to say, Kelly baby, if you can save your marriage, save it. Don’t let this”—she motioned toward the table and the contestants and the vast, hallowed walls of Carnegie Hall—“all of this . . . don’t let it take one more thing.”
For a long time Kelly only stared at her, studied her as if she wanted to be sure Chandra was being sincere. Finally she nodded. “Thank you. But some things you give up willingly.” Her slight smile looked plastic. “No one’s taking my marriage from me. It was over a long time ago.”
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Chandra nodded slowly. Kelly still didn’t get it. Maybe before the season ended. “Okay. Well . . . I am sorry about the other day.”
“We’re all under a lot of pressure.” This time Kelly’s smile seemed almost genuine. “And with your past and all.”
“Sixty seconds!” a voice shouted. “Places everyone.”
Chandra held still while an assistant ran onto the set and adjusted a few strands of her hair. Here we go, she thought.
Zack’s group was up next.
ZACK DYLAN WAS killing it.
Despite everything Chandra knew about the changes ahead for Zack Dylan, the heartache and compromise sure to come, she couldn’t help but enjoy his performance. He really was that good. Zoey, too. Most days, they were easily the strongest singers remaining in the competition.
As the song played out, Zack and Zoey commanded the stage, so that it was impossible to watch anyone else. They sang a Lady Antebellum ballad, and the number showed the difference between Zack and Zoey’s talent and that of the others in the group. When they finished, this time Cullen was first on his feet. “Zack Dylan!” he shouted above the roar of applause from the other contestants. “Good onya, bloke. You can saaang!”
“Thank you!” Zack was out of breath. He had his arm loosely around Zoey’s shoulders. The rest of the group stood close by. All of them were beaming.
Cullen stayed on his feet, over the top about Zack. “I mean, look at Zack Dylan, will you, America?” He raised his arms toward the audience of contestants, and another roar of applause and whistles followed. When they settled down, Cullen turned to Zack. “You ever get the feeling you were born for this?”
Zack laughed, his humility very much part of his charm. “I don’t know about that.” He grinned at Zoey and the others, then back at Cullen. “Singing . . . well, it’s a gift. I can’t really take credit.”
Chandra’s heart dropped. Usually this was where Zack would’ve given credit to God. He would’ve talked about prayer or Jesus or faith or all of it. Not today. She noticed the change even if no one else did.
Cullen was still gushing. “Today the whole group was better because of Zack. Zack and Zoey.” He turned to Zoey. “You love singing, don’t you?”
“I do.” Her cheeks were tanned from an afternoon performance at Central Park the day before. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”
Cullen looked at Kelly. “I don’t think singing is all she loves.”
Chandra cut in before the conversation could turn to Zack and Zoey. “I agree with Cullen.” Chandra looked straight at him, through him. As if to keep him on track. This was about singing, not dating. Chandra held her hands in Zack’s direction and clapped a few times. “That was easily one of the best performances we’ve seen this season.”
“Maybe the best.” Kelly clapped, too. She smiled at Zack. “I still have a crush on you. But even more than that, Zack Dylan, Cullen’s right. You can saaang.” She looked at Chandra and then Cullen. “I’ll make the prediction right now. Unless someone steps up, you’re looking at the next winner of Fifteen Minutes.”
Cullen chuckled. “Get it together, Kelly. You’re forgetting Juliet over there.” He winked at Zoey. “Darling, if anyone can give Zack a run for his money on this show, you can.”
“Thank you.” Zoey grinned at the others in their group. “We all loved that song.”
“How’s the romance going, by the way?” Cullen straightened a stack of papers on the table before him and raised his eyebrows at Zack. “I heard people are hashtagging the two of you on Twitter.”
Chandra watched, her frustration simmering. Why couldn’t Cullen leave them alone? Hold your ground, Zack . . . don’t give in.
“It hasn’t changed with us.” Zack reached out and took Zoey’s hand. “We’re good friends.”
“Yep, just friends.” Zoey smiled at Zack and then back at the judges. “No matter how it looks.”
Cullen’s laugh took on a sarcastic tone. “That’s what Romeo and Juliet told people, too.” He looked at Kelly. “What about Zoey Davis?”
“She’s stunning, of course.” Kelly turned her attention to Zoey. “Your tone was a little flat that time around. But I still see you in the top ten.”
“Thank you.” Zoey’s face grew red, probably a mix of nervousness and embarrassment.
“We’ll see about that.” Cullen picked up the contestant lists in front of him and straightened them. “America’s going to love you two.”
Zack leaned toward the mic. “The way we feel”—he looked at Zoey—“we’re just happy to be here. Our whole group feels that way.”
Chandra wanted to roll her eyes. No one was just happy to be here, no matter how often contestants repeated the phrase. She sat back in her seat and let her smile fade. Zack and Zoey were falling straight into the trap. They’d be a “couple” at the end of this season whether they wanted that or not. Reality wasn’t reality for the famous. Reality was whatever segment producers chose to air and whatever stories and photos were featured in magazines. It was whatever people chose to believe.
The judges made the obligatory comments about the other contestants, how they couldn’t compare to Zack and Zoey, how they needed to work on their diction or their style or their projection if they wanted to compete at the highest level of Fifteen Minutes. The mostly discouraged group left the stage. Zack kept his arm around Zoey as they walked off, and again the camera followed every step.
Later there were no surprises when Zack’s group was called back onstage and three of the members were sent home. Only he and Zoey remained. The two of them hugged each of the departing singers and then Zack welcomed Zoey into his arms, swinging her around in what seemed like the most beautiful celebration.
As if Chandra had never warned him at all.
REESE COULDN’T TAKE her eyes off Twitter.
That was how she knew before hearing from Zack that he’d made it through. He and Zoey. He must’ve sent out the tweet moments after hearing the news.
Fifteen Minutes wasn’t like American Idol or other singing competitions, where they kept the news about who made it through a secret. The producers welcomed the masses to jump on social media and find out before the show aired who’d made the top twenty. There would still be millions surprised by the results, people who didn’t follow the show on Twitter or Facebook.
The contestants were free to talk about the results, though this show wouldn’t air for a few weeks. Zack had tweeted earlier about his group’s win.
Sad 2 say bye 2 some of the greatest singers ever. No group like ours! Congrats to @songleader!! Gotta represent! #TopTwenty #FifteenMinutes
And of course Zoey’s tweet in response.
Still breathless. Can’t believe me and @ZackDylan are through!! This is going to be fun! #TopTwenty #FifteenMinutes
Reese read the tweets three times over that Sunday afternoon before closing out of Twitter. That was that, right? Zack had been busier than ever and his photo showed up every day on Yahoo!. The camera loved him, that’s what reporters said. Everyone had him pegged as one of the top two finishers. The guy with the Elvis good looks. The other half of Zack and Zoey—as if they were a couple.
Her Zack, the guy who had only wanted to live out his faith raising horses and helping his family and marrying her one day. The things Zack never talked about anymore. Reese had stopped by to visit Zack’s mother yesterday. The woman was worried, seeing the same changes in Zack that Reese was seeing.
“Sometimes I don’t feel like I know him anymore.” She sat across from Reese at the table on the family’s front porch. “I don’t know, maybe it’s going to his head.”
“I don’t think it’s that.” Reese defended him because she knew him. Even now she knew him. “He’s having fun. It’s a whirlwind, one public appearance after another. There’s barely any time to call home or even think about the people back in Kentucky. That’s all it is.”
Now Reese was in her parents’ barn, sitting at the top of a stack
of hay bales. The only place far enough from the curious eyes of her parents. Everyone knew today was the day. Now that Zack had made it through, she had a decision to make.
The biggest one of her life.
She was about to call Ms. Coltrain when a text flashed on her phone’s screen. Like always lately, Zack tweeted his three hundred thousand followers before reaching out to her. That was okay. The producers expected that from him. Reese had to understand. She had promised to support him. Whether he noticed or not.
A quick tap on her phone and his text appeared on the screen. Baby, I made it! I’m in the top twenty! Can you believe it?
She held the phone with both hands and let her thumbs fly over the virtual keys. I saw your tweet! Congratulations, Zack. I knew you’d make it. I’m so proud of you! You and Zoey from your group. And who else made it? This wasn’t the time to talk about London or her own feelings. She had to make that decision apart from his success. She realized that now.
A minute passed and then two. Reese checked the Fifteen Minutes Facebook page. Sure enough, Zack had posted the news and already hundreds of girls had commented their approval. She checked the clock on her phone. Ten minutes. Wherever he was, whatever was happening around him, he was no longer able to text.
She would have to understand that, too. What choice did she have? This was what Zack had prayed for, what he wanted. The show had become his all-consuming passion. She could tell from his tone and see it in his eyes during interviews. God, give me wisdom. I feel like You’re leading me to London, like that’s where You want me to be. Where I can make a difference.
Even as she prayed she felt the Lord approving, giving her the green light. A thrill of excitement began to build in her. Moving to London for a year wouldn’t be the end of her and Zack. He’d be busy touring and working on his album, after all. A year was nothing. Maybe when she came back home he’d have time to talk. Maybe they’d still have something between them.