“Ryder, I said I was sorry.” Shit, I sounded weak! I strengthened my resolve and squared my shoulders.
“You are used to being able to depend on your coven, but, as Fae, you will have to depend on us for the foreseeable future. What happened today can’t happen again. I have to hear the words from you; that you understand what was so wrong about today. I need for you to promise me that you will not allow this to happen ever again,” he said gently.
“Ryder,” I murmured.
“No, Syn. Not this time. You need to learn some humility from this. Mistakes like this could have killed someone; as it is, but some of my men were hurt. I take responsibility for their injuries, as we could have sifted out at any time, but I took this opportunity to try and learn more about this enemy. You have to take responsibility for drawing them to us with your stubborn foolishness.”
“I said I was sorry. What do you want from me? If I could go back and undo it, I would in a heartbeat,” I whispered, before stepping closer to him and into the shadows. I knew what he wanted, and my hands shook with it. My eyes adjusted enough to see Ryder leaning against the far wall of the room, eyeing me like the predator he was. He was in his full Fae form, which I had only seen once before when I had been in Faery.
“I want you to fucking mean it! I want you to get over this anger or whatever the fuck has you staying away from my bed. I’ve given you room. I’ve stayed away from you so that you could adjust. I thought maybe you needed time, but it turns out you don’t need time. You’re too stubborn to fucking admit when you need to feed, or when your body is weak!” He snapped angrily, his eyes narrowed on me, his arms still lazily folded across his chest.
“You killed Adrian!” I cried, feeling the angry tears as they welled up in my eyes.
His face went cold and blank, instantly. “Who told you that?” He asked in a deadly tone.
“You did. I heard everything you and Adam said to each other. Why? That’s all I want to fucking know. Ryder, why would you do that to me!?”
“Because I wanted you,” he replied, dropping his arms to his sides and shaking his head as if in denial still.
“So you gave the order for him to be killed!? Do have any idea how crazy that sounds? We were just kids!”
“You keep expecting me to behave like a human. I’m not; I’m anything but human. I saw the way you looked at him, and I watched you for quite a while. Adrian wanted more power. He wanted to be stronger than you and Adam. In this, he is no different than a Fae man wanting to be the one that others look to for protection and strength. I knew if I got it, he’d be out of my way for a while. It was the perfect chance to get him out of the picture, and to get close to you. I did what any other Fae would have done. Only, I fucked up by thinking I would be done with you by the time he’d been fully changed over to my world. I fucked up by thinking that a short amount of time with you would be enough.”
My jaw dropped. “You killed one of my best friends and that is what you reply with?” I was floored, and a little pissed that he couldn’t even say sorry.
“I didn’t kill him. I made him stronger.”
“You had to kill him to turn him! And even if Vlad did the killing part, you gave the fucking orders. You ordered your competition to be killed! You didn’t even try to get me first. You just took him out because you could! You don’t even want me. You told Adam to stay out of the way, and when you were done he could have me!”
“Yes,” he said, stepping closer. “Who says I will ever be done with you, Synthia?”
“I do, because I’m going home. I can sift, and even if I do land at your feet every time, at least we know I won’t starve to death. I won’t be some play toy. I can’t do it. I won’t.”
He swallowed and nodded, and I felt my heart flutter to the floor. I closed my eyes as the tears dropped, angry and unabashed. He’d actually killed Adrian, and I’d blamed Adrian. I’d blamed him for not fighting harder to stay with us. Adrian always did have a chip on his shoulder about the amount of power he wielded compared to Adam and I; even though Adrian was extremely powerful in his own right. Offering Adrian more power would be the one thing that he would never refuse, no matter the cost. I guess Adrian had been telling the truth when he said he had no choice in the matter. I questioned how much truth there was to the rest of what Adrian said about the night he ‘died’.
“You can go home when you can prove you can feed; when you can show me that you will continue to feed—even without me. I won’t let you go just so you can starve yourself. I can’t change the past, and I’m not going to play on words and say I’m sorry for what I did, because I’m not. I’m Fae; it’s how we are raised. Had you been raised with us, you’d see that this is how we get what we want, and how we show who the better mate is.”
“You were not in Faery, and I was raised by humans. You can’t expect for me to react as someone who was raised in Faery, any more than I can expect you to act like someone who was raised here. We just need to end this before it gets too complicated. Adam found his family, and I’m happy for him. I’m not staying with you, though. I can’t play cat and mouse anymore. You shouldn’t have killed Adrian, or ordered his change. I’m not even sure where we go from there. You’re not in this for me. You’re in it because you want me. Believe it or not, there is a difference.”
“I want you,” he growled and ran his fingers through his hair. “I know that much. It’s not just going to stop, because you tell me to. I take what I want, always have. I told you when we started this, Syn, I make no excuses for what I am.”
“You had my boyfriend turned into a Vampire,” I snapped.
“And you just almost got my men killed by the same group that tried to take out the Fae compound.”
“That was an accident. You gave an order! You wanted something like a spoiled fucking child, so you took out anything in the way to get to it,” I barked angrily, and heat fused in my cheeks with guilt.
“I wanted you, and I went for it with everything inside of me. I’m not some fucking little boy that will stand aside and wait for what I want. I did what I have been taught. I set events in motion so I could have you. I wanted you from the moment I saw you, Synthia Raine McKenna, and I did what I had to do to make it happen.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t expect him to act like a human, because he was anything but. Still, I wasn’t sure I could forgive him right now either, and wondered where we went from here. “I need to feed,” I whispered. “And then I need to get away from you.” I fought against the tears, but they fell, regardless of how much I tried to stop them.
The tick in his jaw was hammering wildly; his brands were pulsing in perfect tempo with them. I walked to the bed, ignoring him as I did so. I removed my shirt slowly, and tossed it on the floor, before unbuttoning my jeans and stepping out of them.
“You can’t leave without someone to feed from, Synthia.”
“I’ll figure it out, but at least that will be my choice. I need to get away from you. I need time to figure out what to do.”
“And if I say no?” he asked, narrowing his eyes as he stepped closer.
“Then you won’t like what happens. I have told you, repeatedly, that I’m not a pet. I can’t just be leashed, because you want to keep me, or because you enjoy me in your bed. I need more than that. I need someone I can trust, and who can trust me. That’s not us. We don’t trust each other, and I’m only yours until you are done. Truth is, I’m not even sure why I agreed to allow it to happen the first time. I should have run faster in the hunt, and I should have been smarter and told you no.”
He growled, but he didn’t move closer. Instead, he sifted from the room, so suddenly it left me breathless. Obviously, it left me boneless as well, because, the moment he was gone, my legs gave out and I cried. He’d told Vlad to change Adrian, and he hadn’t considered the consequences of it.
I wiped angrily at my eyes as the hunger pangs clenched agonizingly inside of me, but, once again, I tried to push it away. It’s
how we’d gotten here in the first place. I was gulping down huge sobs when Ryder sifted back in, violently, sending a wind through the room in his haste. He picked me up off the floor, and cradled me against his chest as he sat on the bed.
“Fuck, Syn. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to think I was the better man, but I didn’t even stop to think of you. I don’t take humans to my bed. You were the first I had to have. I’d never thought this far ahead; I only thought as far as getting you into my bed. I fucked up. I was only buying time with you by sending Adrian away. I was stacking the deck in my favor so that I could make us happen. I was the smarter and better man; it should have impressed you. Instead, it broke you. I was supposed to be done with you by the time Adrian was done with his change. Instead, I only wanted you more after I’d had you. I hated that I wanted you; that someone like me could be obsessed with something like you. You were human, a Witch, and beneath me. It should have been a simple thing to get you out of my system. Instead, you rocked my foundation and made me need you. My mistake was expecting you to react like a Fae. Because of that, you will end up hating me.”
“What else have you done?” I asked, turning my face further up so that I could see his eyes.
“I made Alden send you to me. I knew Arianna wasn’t the Light Heir, but I knew that asking him for a decoy would get you close. I asked for the best, because I knew he’d send you to me. I had my men watching you and Adam from the moment you pulled up outside of the towers, but you were smart enough to figure that part out. I watched your eyes as you told him to abort. You already knew I had your team, but you just couldn’t let it enter your mind. I watched you sleep inside your bedroom before that. I watched you touching yourself, soothing the need you wouldn’t allow another to fulfill, because you were still mending from a broken heart; one I had created.”
“The wards inside my room,” I said. He’d been in my room watching me. How many times had he done it? It was unnerving to know how easily he’d gotten inside, and not to have known I was in danger at the time.
“I changed them to think of me as an exception, a non-threat. I’m Fae. Your wards were child’s play for me and easily manipulated.”
“Larissa?”
“I had nothing to do with that. I liked Larissa. I’d already watched you suffer from grief once by that point. I’d never be a part of it again. I meant it when I said I’d protect you. I’m not going away just because you want to leave me.”
He wiped the tears from my cheek, and I let him. I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly and evenly. He was right; I was going to leave. I was leaving this world and going back to mine, one way or another. I needed time to think, to process. He’d done too much; he’d given an order for something that could never be undone. I wasn’t sure it could be forgiven either.
“Anything else?” I asked, afraid of the answer.
“Isn’t that enough?” he responded, wiping away another tear.
I shook my head, not because it wasn’t enough, but because it was too much. He’d done too much to get me right where I was, in his arms. In his world, this was how you got the woman; while in my world, it’s how you made them run screaming for the hills. I punched him in the arm, and he growled, but took it.
“What about the way you treated me, Ryder? You hated me as much as I hated you.”
“I punished you, because I wanted you. I’ve never wanted anything I couldn’t have. You were the first woman to tell me no, Synthia. You called me names with that sexy fucking mouth, and all I wanted to do was kiss it shut. I hate that you got beneath my skin, where no one else has been.”
“You lied. You’re Fae, and you lied to me. You told me you didn’t know he was alive,” I said, struggling to get out of his arms and upright on the bed.
“I didn’t lie, I played with words, Syn. Adrian wasn’t dead. He’s undead. He got what he wanted; he has more power now. He is no longer regretting his decision to change. In the end, he got what he wanted, what he craved, it just turned out he wanted it more than he wanted you. You ended up being the only victim with the way this played out, and I failed to see that as a possibility. I never expected you to break, and I’m sorry for my part in that. Fae do not grieve the same way humans do, and I didn’t know how to react to what I had done. You broke, and I wanted to pick you up and put the pieces back together. In the end, I just watched you do it on your own, and it drew me to you more than I could have ever expected.”
“Exactly how long have you been watching me, Ryder?” I asked, narrowing my eyes as I sat back down beside him.
“Since Marie sent me the letter a few years ago. At first, you were young and looked just like the other humans. I watched you train, and I watched you grow into a woman. It wasn’t until I saw you in the arms of Adrian that I knew that I wanted to know how it would feel for you to touch me like that. I should have realized then that it had become more than just some twisted infatuation. You wanted my secrets, Synthia, and I warned you that my past was messy. I told you that you’d end up hating me if you knew.”
He had. He’d warned me about this. I didn’t hate him, though. I couldn’t believe the lengths he’d gone through just to have me, but, at the same time, I couldn’t hold him to the same sort of accountability that I would hold a human to. He wasn’t human, and everyone had been warning me this entire time to stop thinking of him as one. He’d crossed the line, though; one I wasn’t sure he could come back from.
“I don’t hate you, Ryder, but the things you did—I’m not sure I can forgive you for right now, if ever. I need time away from you to think. At any time, did you actually want me, or was I just something to pass the time for you?”
“You weren’t supposed to be more. From the first time I danced with you, I knew I was in over my head. Holding you in my arms, and watching you smile, set things into motion that I’d never thought possible. As I got to know you better, I knew that when you figured out what I had done, it would be the end of us. I didn’t want you to find out like this. You deserve someone who can give you what you want; someone who can be what you need. There’s a problem with that, though, because honestly, I’m not sure I can let you go.”
“That’s no longer your choice. I’m going home without you. Ryder, the contract is over. I’m going to feed from you to show you that I can, and then I’m leaving here. I need to know you’ll stay away from me when I do.”
“It’s not safe,” he argued.
“That’s my problem now. I am out of Transition. I can sift, and even though I might land at your feet when I do so, it’s still sifting. You have one night left with me. It’s all I can give you. It’s less than you deserve, but we both need to feed. I’m sorry that I got anyone hurt because I was upset and refusing to feed. I learned my lesson. I’ll start looking for someone to feed from when I get home.”
His jaw popped, but he kept quiet and nodded, before he fisted his hands against my skin. I could feel him breathing shallowly as the rattle deepened in his chest. “Fine, if that’s what you want.”
“It is, Ryder. I need to be alone to think.”
“You need to feed, and then, when it’s safe, I’ll take you home.”
I turned to look at him, really look at him. Here was this beautiful, deadly creature, who’d done what his culture thought was right, just so he could have me. He’d been doing what he’d been taught from birth, and I had paid the price for it. I could feed from him, because the truth was, I’d never been more sexually, or physically attracted to another person, or creature.
“Fine,” I said reaching up to remove my bra, realizing I’d been arguing this entire time mostly naked. He was faster though. His magic wafted through the room and instantly we were both naked. I allowed my eyes to take in his masculine beauty, memorizing everything, in case I never saw him again.
The rattling that had started deep in his chest, intensified as he pulled me closer. His hands were gentle, but I could feel his urgency to feed matching mine. I allowed
him to bring me close and captured my mouth. I was giving myself to him for this night. Tonight, I was his. Tomorrow I was leaving, with or without his help.
He pushed me down on the bed and rained magical little kisses all over my skin again. The entire room was wrapped in his magic, stronger than it had been in the human world. The scent of him was wild and primitive here; dark and sensual, like the creature it belonged to.
He pulled his mouth from mine and whispered in a strange language, his eyes watching mine for a reaction. His voice had been gentle, and endearing. I wondered if it was an endearment, or something I should fear. I knew he wouldn’t brand me again, as he had the last time he’d spoken in this language. This time, I felt no connection from the words, and, as his hand lowered and stroked my naked sex, I gave in and just felt him. It would be the last time I would be with him like this. He’d given me his secrets, and they’d proven to be just as he had warned—too much to come back from. But, I didn’t hate him. I hated what he was, what I was. That couldn’t be fixed with words, or sex. I needed time to heal from it.
I whimpered with need as he continued to touch me slowly, leisurely as if we had all the time in the world. Time was passing around us as I reached down to grasp his cock, stroking the velvety softness in my hand. He gasped at the connection, and moved his hips so that I could better please him. We said nothing, both just lying there pleasuring the other until it became too much, and he took control.
His mouth found mine as his hand continued to work my sensitive flesh. He pushed me back against the bed, pinning me easily. He gave me a sad smile as he parted my legs with his knees and entered me swiftly. He was hard and fast until we both exploded, and fed from each other’s release.
He pulled back, and his golden eyes locked with mine. He began to move around the slickness of my pussy, until he found the perfect tempo again and continued it. I struggled to make him move faster, but he was intent on doing it slow and gentle this time.