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Teth could barely see for the tears welling in her eyes as she stepped down the front porch of her aunt’s small house. She wiped them away but could not stop the new ones forming. “Damn it all,” she sobbed. She pulled the cloth Milne had given her from her pocket and wiped her eyes and nose. She strode quickly down the lane toward the center of the village. Normally, she would have snuck through the woods to the bridge, but she did not have the energy for stealth. She stumbled down the path, barely aware of where her feet were taking her.
There is no place for you. You have no friends, no prospects, no future. It is all a lie. You are a lie. Milne’s words, real and implied, echoed through Teth’s mind. How could her aunt think that? How could she say it? The only one who had ever loved her for who she was. How could Milne betray her like that? But Milne was dying and with her the last defense. She could see now what Milne had done for her. How her tiny aunt had single-handedly held the entire world back. Like a pebble holding a boulder, had placed herself between Teth and a world set on crushing her. And Milne was right, there was no place for her. No one would ever join her. She would never have a place in the village, would never be able to be who she was. Milne was right, she was a fantasy.
Without even realizing it, Teth came to the last trees and entered the village. She had been jogging. Somewhere her body protested. Her legs ached from the work they had already done. She was covered in bruises. More than anything, she felt wrung out and desperately tired. The sun was fading over the mountains. It would be night soon, and the last thing she wanted to do was trek through the roughest part of the Great Western Forest in the dark, but she could not have stayed with her aunt for another second, could not listen to another word. She had to get away, had to have some time to think without having to see her aunt, without having to acknowledge the truth.
Absorbed in her thoughts, Teth nearly ran straight into the cluster of boys waiting at the head of the path. She snapped from her revere and pulled to a painful stop. A quick count revealed a dozen young men with more running in from the village to join the mob. The boys seemed as surprised to see her, as she was to see them. They stumbled back. That was her opening. She knew that she should have used it to disappear into the trees, but she was too tired, too angry, too defeated to hide. She wanted to either fight or lay down and die. Maybe both, she couldn’t decide.
“There she is!” a boy at the front yelled. “She’s come to us. This’ll be easier than we thought.” The boys behind him grumbled their agreement and spread out around her.
An hour ago, Teth would have led them on a chase. She’d have separated them, laid traps, ambushed straggler. A few fingers would be broken, ankles twisted, welts given, and heads cracked, but no one, including her, would have been seriously hurt. Then Counselor Torpy would blame her for everything, and she’d spend her time locked in his small school transcribing The Book of Valatarian until it all started again. She seemed to play this game with them every few months, but none of them ever seemed to learn.
Only this time, she didn’t feel like running. She wanted it all to end, to just be over. One way or another she was done with them. She looked at their faces, saw the hatred in their eyes. Her aunt was right. There was no place for her. She would never be accepted as she was, could never be part of their world. The thought filled her with anger. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t they just let her be?
She growled, dropped her pack, and drew the long knife tied to her leg. She drop into a fighting crouch, held the knife before her. So this is how they want it, she thought. Well, let them come. I don’t care anymore. I’m already dead, but at least I’ll take a few of them with me. She hissed at them and lunged forward with the knife. She was not nearly close enough to hit anyone, but it sent the boys scrambling back.
They began to grumble, seemed to lose their courage. “She’s finally lost it,” one of them whispered. “Look at ‘er, like a wild animal or somethin’.”
“That’s what happens ya fight the Order long enough,” another stated. “Yir mind ‘ventually snaps. Just like the Exiles, all ya can think on is chaos. Let’s get outta here. She’s not worth it.”
Teth was panting between growls. If they wanted to think she was crazy, she’d be happy to accommodate them. She swung again with the knife and laughed as the boys tumbled away from her, all except one. The largest boy in the village, Pete Magee, stepped forward. “Looks like an animal that needs ta be tamed ta me,” he drawled. “Best thing for a bitch that bites is a beatin’. That’s what my da’ always says.” He pushed up his shirt sleeves revealing thick, hairy forearms. He was tall, broad, and strong as an ox, had won most of the events Teth didn’t enter. His fists were clenched into great hammers. One blow from those would put Teth down to stay.
The other boys began to form a circle around the combatants. Having found their champion, their confidence returned and the jeers resumed. Teth snarled, but her hands were wet with sweat. She could barely grip her knife. Her legs trembled. It took her every ounce of will to keep the knife blade from shaking, from giving away her fear.
“Come on, bitch,” Pete snarled, “time to learn not to bite yir betters.” He lunged at her, fists as big as her head sweeping in from both sides. Teth froze. What had she been thinking? Had she thought she could actually stab someone? She scrambled back from the closing fists, spun just enough to get her face out of their paths. One set of knuckles passed over her, but the others caught her shoulder, sending her to the ground. She landed hard. The knife spun from her hand as she struggled to find her hands and knees.
A boot caught her in the stomach. She spun, landed on her back, and felt the air rush from her lungs. She gasped, rolled into a ball, felt tears form in her eyes. A roar erupted from the circle of boys around her. She could feel them closing in. By the Order this is really happening, was all she could think. The posturing, the intimidation had finally failed. They were finally going to get their revenge. She closed her eyes, prepared to feel the kicks and blows that would soon rain down, prayed to the Order that they would stop at a beating.
“Stop! All of you, right now!” a voice demanded. “Every one of you will be in the village square for judgment in five minutes or I will hunt you down personally and deliver double. Now, leave her be!” The voice belonged to Counselor Torpy. Teth had never before been glad to hear it, and she wasn’t sure she was now. Was a beating really worse than dealing with a counselor right now?
The boys grumbling as they shuffled past her. “If I see one of you so much as touch a hair on her head, you’ll spend the next month with me and The Book of Valatarian.”
Counselor Torpy appeared at her side, helped her to her feet with surprisingly strong hands. She could barely stand for the pain in her stomach and ribs, but the counselor supported her. With the protection of the village’s smallest man, she watched the mob disperse. Several boys looked back with death in their eyes. She wasn’t sure if the counselor had helped or hurt her. “I guess I’m supposed to thank you,” she finally managed. She held an arm over her stomach and tried to work feeling into the other. She could barely lift it. The bruise was going to be vicious.
“You should leave.” Counselor Torpy examined her with what could only be disgust. “And this time, while you are away, think about what you have done to your aunt, to this village. Do you see what happens when you don’t follow the Order? Your selfishness has delivered this entire village to chaos. You have made your aunt an exile.” Teth fumed, but the counselor just sniffed. “I have tried to be patient with you. You may think I have been harsh, but I should have been far harsher. I should have stopped this game of yours a long time ago, but I thought it would play itself out. Now it has come to this. It is time for you to grow up, Tethina. You’re not a little girl anymore. This isn’t cute anymore.”
Teth looked at the counselor in
shock. A game? Did he think she liked being hated, that she was doing this as some kind of joke, that she just wanted attention? Was that how the people here saw her, as some kind of misguided child who would eventually grow up and be the woman they all expected her to be? She fought tears again as the counselor’s disapproving eyes pounded her as surely as any fist.
“Get out of here,” he finally waved her away. “Go to your hiding place and mope. But if you can’t take up your place in the Order when you return, you are not welcome back. I will not allow this blatant disregard for the Holy Order in my village any longer. If you can’t honor your aunt enough to take her advice, then I don’t want to see you again. And next time, I will not be here to save you when the Order tries to reestablish its balance.”
Counselor Torpy released her arm with a shove. Teth could feel where his fingers had been digging into her, just another set of bruises to remind her of this tremendous, terrible day. She picked her pack up and stumbled toward the old stone bridge at the edge of the village. Her legs barely seemed to obey her, but she hardly noticed for the sobs that racked her.
Chapter 4