CHAPTER XXII--A GRITTY STATE OF THINGS COMES ON
Mr. Tartar's chambers were the neatest, the cleanest, and thebest-ordered chambers ever seen under the sun, moon, and stars. Thefloors were scrubbed to that extent, that you might have supposed theLondon blacks emancipated for ever, and gone out of the land for good.Every inch of brass-work in Mr. Tartar's possession was polished andburnished, till it shone like a brazen mirror. No speck, nor spot, norspatter soiled the purity of any of Mr. Tartar's household gods, large,small, or middle-sized. His sitting-room was like the admiral's cabin,his bath-room was like a dairy, his sleeping-chamber, fitted all aboutwith lockers and drawers, was like a seedsman's shop; and hisnicely-balanced cot just stirred in the midst, as if it breathed.Everything belonging to Mr. Tartar had quarters of its own assigned toit: his maps and charts had their quarters; his books had theirs; hisbrushes had theirs; his boots had theirs; his clothes had theirs; hiscase-bottles had theirs; his telescopes and other instruments had theirs.Everything was readily accessible. Shelf, bracket, locker, hook, anddrawer were equally within reach, and were equally contrived with a viewto avoiding waste of room, and providing some snug inches of stowage forsomething that would have exactly fitted nowhere else. His gleaminglittle service of plate was so arranged upon his sideboard as that aslack salt-spoon would have instantly betrayed itself; his toiletimplements were so arranged upon his dressing-table as that a toothpickof slovenly deportment could have been reported at a glance. So with thecuriosities he had brought home from various voyages. Stuffed, dried,repolished, or otherwise preserved, according to their kind; birds,fishes, reptiles, arms, articles of dress, shells, seaweeds, grasses, ormemorials of coral reef; each was displayed in its especial place, andeach could have been displayed in no better place. Paint and varnishseemed to be kept somewhere out of sight, in constant readiness toobliterate stray finger-marks wherever any might become perceptible inMr. Tartar's chambers. No man-of-war was ever kept more spick and spanfrom careless touch. On this bright summer day, a neat awning was riggedover Mr. Tartar's flower-garden as only a sailor can rig it, and therewas a sea-going air upon the whole effect, so delightfully complete, thatthe flower-garden might have appertained to stern-windows afloat, and thewhole concern might have bowled away gallantly with all on board, if Mr.Tartar had only clapped to his lips the speaking-trumpet that was slungin a corner, and given hoarse orders to heave the anchor up, look alivethere, men, and get all sail upon her!
Mr. Tartar doing the honours of this gallant craft was of a piece withthe rest. When a man rides an amiable hobby that shies at nothing andkicks nobody, it is only agreeable to find him riding it with a humoroussense of the droll side of the creature. When the man is a cordial andan earnest man by nature, and withal is perfectly fresh and genuine, itmay be doubted whether he is ever seen to greater advantage than at sucha time. So Rosa would have naturally thought (even if she hadn't beenconducted over the ship with all the homage due to the First Lady of theAdmiralty, or First Fairy of the Sea), that it was charming to see andhear Mr. Tartar half laughing at, and half rejoicing in, his variouscontrivances. So Rosa would have naturally thought, anyhow, that thesunburnt sailor showed to great advantage when, the inspection finished,he delicately withdrew out of his admiral's cabin, beseeching her toconsider herself its Queen, and waving her free of his flower-garden withthe hand that had had Mr. Crisparkle's life in it.
'Helena! Helena Landless! Are you there?'
'Who speaks to me? Not Rosa?' Then a second handsome face appearing.
'Yes, my darling!'
'Why, how did you come here, dearest?'
'I--I don't quite know,' said Rosa with a blush; 'unless I am dreaming!'
Why with a blush? For their two faces were alone with the other flowers.Are blushes among the fruits of the country of the magic bean-stalk?
'_I_ am not dreaming,' said Helena, smiling. 'I should take more forgranted if I were. How do we come together--or so near together--so veryunexpectedly?'
Unexpectedly indeed, among the dingy gables and chimney-pots of P. J.T.'s connection, and the flowers that had sprung from the salt sea. ButRosa, waking, told in a hurry how they came to be together, and all thewhy and wherefore of that matter.
'And Mr. Crisparkle is here,' said Rosa, in rapid conclusion; 'and, couldyou believe it? long ago he saved his life!'
'I could believe any such thing of Mr. Crisparkle,' returned Helena, witha mantling face.
(More blushes in the bean-stalk country!)
'Yes, but it wasn't Crisparkle,' said Rosa, quickly putting in thecorrection.
'I don't understand, love.'
'It was very nice of Mr. Crisparkle to be saved,' said Rosa, 'and hecouldn't have shown his high opinion of Mr. Tartar more expressively.But it was Mr. Tartar who saved him.'
Helena's dark eyes looked very earnestly at the bright face among theleaves, and she asked, in a slower and more thoughtful tone:
'Is Mr. Tartar with you now, dear?'
'No; because he has given up his rooms to me--to us, I mean. It is sucha beautiful place!'
'Is it?'
'It is like the inside of the most exquisite ship that ever sailed. Itis like--it is like--'
'Like a dream?' suggested Helena.
Rosa answered with a little nod, and smelled the flowers.
Helena resumed, after a short pause of silence, during which she seemed(or it was Rosa's fancy) to compassionate somebody: 'My poor Neville isreading in his own room, the sun being so very bright on this side justnow. I think he had better not know that you are so near.'
'O, I think so too!' cried Rosa very readily.
'I suppose,' pursued Helena, doubtfully, 'that he must know by-and-by allyou have told me; but I am not sure. Ask Mr. Crisparkle's advice, mydarling. Ask him whether I may tell Neville as much or as little of whatyou have told me as I think best.'
Rosa subsided into her state-cabin, and propounded the question. TheMinor Canon was for the free exercise of Helena's judgment.
'I thank him very much,' said Helena, when Rosa emerged again with herreport. 'Ask him whether it would be best to wait until any moremaligning and pursuing of Neville on the part of this wretch shalldisclose itself, or to try to anticipate it: I mean, so far as to findout whether any such goes on darkly about us?'
The Minor Canon found this point so difficult to give a confident opinionon, that, after two or three attempts and failures, he suggested areference to Mr. Grewgious. Helena acquiescing, he betook himself (witha most unsuccessful assumption of lounging indifference) across thequadrangle to P. J. T.'s, and stated it. Mr. Grewgious held decidedly tothe general principle, that if you could steal a march upon a brigand ora wild beast, you had better do it; and he also held decidedly to thespecial case, that John Jasper was a brigand and a wild beast incombination.
Thus advised, Mr. Crisparkle came back again and reported to Rosa, who inher turn reported to Helena. She now steadily pursuing her train ofthought at her window, considered thereupon.
'We may count on Mr. Tartar's readiness to help us, Rosa?' she inquired.
O yes! Rosa shyly thought so. O yes, Rosa shyly believed she couldalmost answer for it. But should she ask Mr. Crisparkle? 'I think yourauthority on the point as good as his, my dear,' said Helena, sedately,'and you needn't disappear again for that.' Odd of Helena!
'You see, Neville,' Helena pursued after more reflection, 'knows no oneelse here: he has not so much as exchanged a word with any one else here.If Mr. Tartar would call to see him openly and often; if he would spare aminute for the purpose, frequently; if he would even do so, almost daily;something might come of it.'
'Something might come of it, dear?' repeated Rosa, surveying her friend'sbeauty with a highly perplexed face. 'Something might?'
'If Neville's movements are really watched, and if the purpose really isto isolate him from all friends and acquaintance and wear his daily lifeout grain by grain (which would seem to be the threat to you), d
oes itnot appear likely,' said Helena, 'that his enemy would in some waycommunicate with Mr. Tartar to warn him off from Neville? In which case,we might not only know the fact, but might know from Mr. Tartar what theterms of the communication were.'
'I see!' cried Rosa. And immediately darted into her state-cabin again.
Presently her pretty face reappeared, with a greatly heightened colour,and she said that she had told Mr. Crisparkle, and that Mr. Crisparklehad fetched in Mr. Tartar, and that Mr. Tartar--'who is waiting now, incase you want him,' added Rosa, with a half look back, and in not alittle confusion between the inside of the state-cabin and out--haddeclared his readiness to act as she had suggested, and to enter on histask that very day.
'I thank him from my heart,' said Helena. 'Pray tell him so.'
Again not a little confused between the Flower-garden and the Cabin, Rosadipped in with her message, and dipped out again with more assurancesfrom Mr. Tartar, and stood wavering in a divided state between Helena andhim, which proved that confusion is not always necessarily awkward, butmay sometimes present a very pleasant appearance.
'And now, darling,' said Helena, 'we will be mindful of the caution thathas restricted us to this interview for the present, and will part. Ihear Neville moving too. Are you going back?'
'To Miss Twinkleton's?' asked Rosa.
'Yes.'
'O, I could never go there any more. I couldn't indeed, after thatdreadful interview!' said Rosa.
'Then where _are_ you going, pretty one?'
'Now I come to think of it, I don't know,' said Rosa. 'I have settlednothing at all yet, but my guardian will take care of me. Don't beuneasy, dear. I shall be sure to be somewhere.'
(It did seem likely.)
'And I shall hear of my Rosebud from Mr. Tartar?' inquired Helena.
'Yes, I suppose so; from--' Rosa looked back again in a flutter, insteadof supplying the name. 'But tell me one thing before we part, dearestHelena. Tell me--that you are sure, sure, sure, I couldn't help it.'
'Help it, love?'
'Help making him malicious and revengeful. I couldn't hold any termswith him, could I?'
'You know how I love you, darling,' answered Helena, with indignation;'but I would sooner see you dead at his wicked feet.'
'That's a great comfort to me! And you will tell your poor brother so,won't you? And you will give him my remembrance and my sympathy? Andyou will ask him not to hate me?'
With a mournful shake of the head, as if that would be quite asuperfluous entreaty, Helena lovingly kissed her two hands to her friend,and her friend's two hands were kissed to her; and then she saw a thirdhand (a brown one) appear among the flowers and leaves, and help herfriend out of sight.
The refection that Mr. Tartar produced in the Admiral's Cabin by merelytouching the spring knob of a locker and the handle of a drawer, was adazzling enchanted repast. Wonderful macaroons, glittering liqueurs,magically-preserved tropical spices, and jellies of celestial tropicalfruits, displayed themselves profusely at an instant's notice. But Mr.Tartar could not make time stand still; and time, with his hard-heartedfleetness, strode on so fast, that Rosa was obliged to come down from thebean-stalk country to earth and her guardian's chambers.
'And now, my dear,' said Mr. Grewgious, 'what is to be done next? To putthe same thought in another form; what is to be done with you?'
Rosa could only look apologetically sensible of being very much in herown way and in everybody else's. Some passing idea of living, fireproof,up a good many stairs in Furnival's Inn for the rest of her life, was theonly thing in the nature of a plan that occurred to her.
'It has come into my thoughts,' said Mr. Grewgious, 'that as therespected lady, Miss Twinkleton, occasionally repairs to London in therecess, with the view of extending her connection, and being availablefor interviews with metropolitan parents, if any--whether, until we havetime in which to turn ourselves round, we might invite Miss Twinkleton tocome and stay with you for a month?'
'Stay where, sir?'
'Whether,' explained Mr. Grewgious, 'we might take a furnished lodging intown for a month, and invite Miss Twinkleton to assume the charge of youin it for that period?'
'And afterwards?' hinted Rosa.
'And afterwards,' said Mr. Grewgious, 'we should be no worse off than weare now.'
'I think that might smooth the way,' assented Rosa.
'Then let us,' said Mr. Grewgious, rising, 'go and look for a furnishedlodging. Nothing could be more acceptable to me than the sweet presenceof last evening, for all the remaining evenings of my existence; butthese are not fit surroundings for a young lady. Let us set out in questof adventures, and look for a furnished lodging. In the meantime, Mr.Crisparkle here, about to return home immediately, will no doubt kindlysee Miss Twinkleton, and invite that lady to co-operate in our plan.'
Mr. Crisparkle, willingly accepting the commission, took his departure;Mr. Grewgious and his ward set forth on their expedition.
As Mr. Grewgious's idea of looking at a furnished lodging was to get onthe opposite side of the street to a house with a suitable bill in thewindow, and stare at it; and then work his way tortuously to the back ofthe house, and stare at that; and then not go in, but make similar trialsof another house, with the same result; their progress was but slow. Atlength he bethought himself of a widowed cousin, divers times removed, ofMr. Bazzard's, who had once solicited his influence in the lodger world,and who lived in Southampton Street, Bloomsbury Square. This lady'sname, stated in uncompromising capitals of considerable size on a brassdoor-plate, and yet not lucidly as to sex or condition, was BILLICKIN.
Personal faintness, and an overpowering personal candour, were thedistinguishing features of Mrs. Billickin's organisation. She camelanguishing out of her own exclusive back parlour, with the air of havingbeen expressly brought-to for the purpose, from an accumulation ofseveral swoons.
'I hope I see you well, sir,' said Mrs. Billickin, recognising hervisitor with a bend.
'Thank you, quite well. And you, ma'am?' returned Mr. Grewgious.
'I am as well,' said Mrs. Billickin, becoming aspirational with excess offaintness, 'as I hever ham.'
'My ward and an elderly lady,' said Mr. Grewgious, 'wish to find agenteel lodging for a month or so. Have you any apartments available,ma'am?'
'Mr. Grewgious,' returned Mrs. Billickin, 'I will not deceive you; farfrom it. I _have_ apartments available.'
This with the air of adding: 'Convey me to the stake, if you will; butwhile I live, I will be candid.'
'And now, what apartments, ma'am?' asked Mr. Grewgious, cosily. To tamea certain severity apparent on the part of Mrs. Billickin.
'There is this sitting-room--which, call it what you will, it is thefront parlour, Miss,' said Mrs. Billickin, impressing Rosa into theconversation: 'the back parlour being what I cling to and never partwith; and there is two bedrooms at the top of the 'ouse with gas laid on.I do not tell you that your bedroom floors is firm, for firm they arenot. The gas-fitter himself allowed, that to make a firm job, he must goright under your jistes, and it were not worth the outlay as a yearlytenant so to do. The piping is carried above your jistes, and it is bestthat it should be made known to you.'
Mr. Grewgious and Rosa exchanged looks of some dismay, though they hadnot the least idea what latent horrors this carriage of the piping mightinvolve. Mrs. Billickin put her hand to her heart, as having eased it ofa load.
'Well! The roof is all right, no doubt,' said Mr. Grewgious, plucking upa little.
'Mr. Grewgious,' returned Mrs. Billickin, 'if I was to tell you, sir,that to have nothink above you is to have a floor above you, I should puta deception upon you which I will not do. No, sir. Your slates WILLrattle loose at that elewation in windy weather, do your utmost, best orworst! I defy you, sir, be you what you may, to keep your slates tight,try how you can.' Here Mrs. Billickin, having been warm with Mr.Grewgious, cooled a little, not to abuse the moral power she held overhim. 'Consequent
,' proceeded Mrs. Billickin, more mildly, but stillfirmly in her incorruptible candour: 'consequent it would be worse thanof no use for me to trapse and travel up to the top of the 'ouse withyou, and for you to say, "Mrs. Billickin, what stain do I notice in theceiling, for a stain I do consider it?" and for me to answer, "I do notunderstand you, sir." No, sir, I will not be so underhand. I _do_understand you before you pint it out. It is the wet, sir. It do comein, and it do not come in. You may lay dry there half your lifetime; butthe time will come, and it is best that you should know it, when adripping sop would be no name for you.'
Mr. Grewgious looked much disgraced by being prefigured in this pickle.
'Have you any other apartments, ma'am?' he asked.
'Mr. Grewgious,' returned Mrs. Billickin, with much solemnity, 'I have.You ask me have I, and my open and my honest answer air, I have. Thefirst and second floors is wacant, and sweet rooms.'
'Come, come! There's nothing against _them_,' said Mr. Grewgious,comforting himself.
'Mr. Grewgious,' replied Mrs. Billickin, 'pardon me, there is the stairs.Unless your mind is prepared for the stairs, it will lead to inevitabledisappointment. You cannot, Miss,' said Mrs. Billickin, addressing Rosareproachfully, 'place a first floor, and far less a second, on the levelfooting 'of a parlour. No, you cannot do it, Miss, it is beyond yourpower, and wherefore try?'
Mrs. Billickin put it very feelingly, as if Rosa had shown a headstrongdetermination to hold the untenable position.
'Can we see these rooms, ma'am?' inquired her guardian.
'Mr. Grewgious,' returned Mrs. Billickin, 'you can. I will not disguiseit from you, sir; you can.'
Mrs. Billickin then sent into her back parlour for her shawl (it being astate fiction, dating from immemorial antiquity, that she could never goanywhere without being wrapped up), and having been enrolled by herattendant, led the way. She made various genteel pauses on the stairsfor breath, and clutched at her heart in the drawing-room as if it hadvery nearly got loose, and she had caught it in the act of taking wing.
'And the second floor?' said Mr. Grewgious, on finding the firstsatisfactory.
'Mr. Grewgious,' replied Mrs. Billickin, turning upon him with ceremony,as if the time had now come when a distinct understanding on a difficultpoint must be arrived at, and a solemn confidence established, 'thesecond floor is over this.'
'Can we see that too, ma'am?'
'Yes, sir,' returned Mrs. Billickin, 'it is open as the day.'
That also proving satisfactory, Mr. Grewgious retired into a window withRosa for a few words of consultation, and then asking for pen and ink,sketched out a line or two of agreement. In the meantime Mrs. Billickintook a seat, and delivered a kind of Index to, or Abstract of, thegeneral question.
'Five-and-forty shillings per week by the month certain at the time ofyear,' said Mrs. Billickin, 'is only reasonable to both parties. It isnot Bond Street nor yet St. James's Palace; but it is not pretended thatit is. Neither is it attempted to be denied--for why should it?--thatthe Arching leads to a mews. Mewses must exist. Respecting attendance;two is kep', at liberal wages. Words _has_ arisen as to tradesmen, butdirty shoes on fresh hearth-stoning was attributable, and no wish for acommission on your orders. Coals is either _by_ the fire, or _per_ thescuttle.' She emphasised the prepositions as marking a subtle butimmense difference. 'Dogs is not viewed with favour. Besides litter,they gets stole, and sharing suspicions is apt to creep in, andunpleasantness takes place.'
By this time Mr. Grewgious had his agreement-lines, and hisearnest-money, ready. 'I have signed it for the ladies, ma'am,' he said,'and you'll have the goodness to sign it for yourself, Christian andSurname, there, if you please.'
'Mr. Grewgious,' said Mrs. Billickin in a new burst of candour, 'no, sir!You must excuse the Christian name.'
Mr. Grewgious stared at her.
'The door-plate is used as a protection,' said Mrs. Billickin, 'and actsas such, and go from it I will not.'
Mr. Grewgious stared at Rosa.
'No, Mr. Grewgious, you must excuse me. So long as this 'ouse is knownindefinite as Billickin's, and so long as it is a doubt with theriff-raff where Billickin may be hidin', near the street-door or down theairy, and what his weight and size, so long I feel safe. But commitmyself to a solitary female statement, no, Miss! Nor would you for amoment wish,' said Mrs. Billickin, with a strong sense of injury, 'totake that advantage of your sex, if you were not brought to it byinconsiderate example.'
Rosa reddening as if she had made some most disgraceful attempt tooverreach the good lady, besought Mr. Grewgious to rest content with anysignature. And accordingly, in a baronial way, the sign-manual BILLICKINgot appended to the document.
Details were then settled for taking possession on the next day but one,when Miss Twinkleton might be reasonably expected; and Rosa went back toFurnival's Inn on her guardian's arm.
Behold Mr. Tartar walking up and down Furnival's Inn, checking himselfwhen he saw them coming, and advancing towards them!
'It occurred to me,' hinted Mr. Tartar, 'that we might go up the river,the weather being so delicious and the tide serving. I have a boat of myown at the Temple Stairs.'
'I have not been up the river for this many a day,' said Mr. Grewgious,tempted.
'I was never up the river,' added Rosa.
Within half an hour they were setting this matter right by going up theriver. The tide was running with them, the afternoon was charming. Mr.Tartar's boat was perfect. Mr. Tartar and Lobley (Mr. Tartar's man)pulled a pair of oars. Mr. Tartar had a yacht, it seemed, lyingsomewhere down by Greenhithe; and Mr. Tartar's man had charge of thisyacht, and was detached upon his present service. He was ajolly-favoured man, with tawny hair and whiskers, and a big red face. Hewas the dead image of the sun in old woodcuts, his hair and whiskersanswering for rays all around him. Resplendent in the bow of the boat,he was a shining sight, with a man-of-war's man's shirt on--or off,according to opinion--and his arms and breast tattooed all sorts ofpatterns. Lobley seemed to take it easily, and so did Mr. Tartar; yettheir oars bent as they pulled, and the boat bounded under them. Mr.Tartar talked as if he were doing nothing, to Rosa who was really doingnothing, and to Mr. Grewgious who was doing this much that he steered allwrong; but what did that matter, when a turn of Mr. Tartar's skilfulwrist, or a mere grin of Mr. Lobley's over the bow, put all to rights!The tide bore them on in the gayest and most sparkling manner, until theystopped to dine in some ever-lastingly-green garden, needing nomatter-of-fact identification here; and then the tide obliginglyturned--being devoted to that party alone for that day; and as theyfloated idly among some osier-beds, Rosa tried what she could do in therowing way, and came off splendidly, being much assisted; and Mr.Grewgious tried what he could do, and came off on his back, doubled upwith an oar under his chin, being not assisted at all. Then there was aninterval of rest under boughs (such rest!) what time Mr. Lobley mopped,and, arranging cushions, stretchers, and the like, danced the tight-ropethe whole length of the boat like a man to whom shoes were a superstitionand stockings slavery; and then came the sweet return among deliciousodours of limes in bloom, and musical ripplings; and, all too soon, thegreat black city cast its shadow on the waters, and its dark bridgesspanned them as death spans life, and the everlastingly-green gardenseemed to be left for everlasting, unregainable and far away.
[Picture: Up the river]
'Cannot people get through life without gritty stages, I wonder?' Rosathought next day, when the town was very gritty again, and everything hada strange and an uncomfortable appearance of seeming to wait forsomething that wouldn't come. NO. She began to think, that, now theCloisterham school-days had glided past and gone, the gritty stages wouldbegin to set in at intervals and make themselves wearily known!
Yet what did Rosa expect? Did she expect Miss Twinkleton? MissTwinkleton duly came. Forth from her back parlour issued the Billickinto receive Miss Twinkleton, and War was in the Billickin's e
ye from thatfell moment.
Miss Twinkleton brought a quantity of luggage with her, having all Rosa'sas well as her own. The Billickin took it ill that Miss Twinkleton'smind, being sorely disturbed by this luggage, failed to take in herpersonal identity with that clearness of perception which was due to itsdemands. Stateliness mounted her gloomy throne upon the Billickin's browin consequence. And when Miss Twinkleton, in agitation taking stock ofher trunks and packages, of which she had seventeen, particularly countedin the Billickin herself as number eleven, the B. found it necessary torepudiate.
'Things cannot too soon be put upon the footing,' said she, with acandour so demonstrative as to be almost obtrusive, 'that the person ofthe 'ouse is not a box nor yet a bundle, nor a carpet-bag. No, I am 'ilyobleeged to you, Miss Twinkleton, nor yet a beggar.'
This last disclaimer had reference to Miss Twinkleton's distractedlypressing two-and-sixpence on her, instead of the cabman.
Thus cast off, Miss Twinkleton wildly inquired, 'which gentleman' was tobe paid? There being two gentlemen in that position (Miss Twinkletonhaving arrived with two cabs), each gentleman on being paid held forthhis two-and-sixpence on the flat of his open hand, and, with a speechlessstare and a dropped jaw, displayed his wrong to heaven and earth.Terrified by this alarming spectacle, Miss Twinkleton placed anothershilling in each hand; at the same time appealing to the law in flurriedaccents, and recounting her luggage this time with the two gentlemen in,who caused the total to come out complicated. Meanwhile the twogentlemen, each looking very hard at the last shilling grumblingly, as ifit might become eighteen-pence if he kept his eyes on it, descended thedoorsteps, ascended their carriages, and drove away, leaving MissTwinkleton on a bonnet-box in tears.
The Billickin beheld this manifestation of weakness without sympathy, andgave directions for 'a young man to be got in' to wrestle with theluggage. When that gladiator had disappeared from the arena, peaceensued, and the new lodgers dined.
But the Billickin had somehow come to the knowledge that Miss Twinkletonkept a school. The leap from that knowledge to the inference that MissTwinkleton set herself to teach _her_ something, was easy. 'But youdon't do it,' soliloquised the Billickin; 'I am not your pupil, whatevershe,' meaning Rosa, 'may be, poor thing!'
Miss Twinkleton, on the other hand, having changed her dress andrecovered her spirits, was animated by a bland desire to improve theoccasion in all ways, and to be as serene a model as possible. In ahappy compromise between her two states of existence, she had alreadybecome, with her workbasket before her, the equably vivacious companionwith a slight judicious flavouring of information, when the Billickinannounced herself.
'I will not hide from you, ladies,' said the B., enveloped in the shawlof state, 'for it is not my character to hide neither my motives nor myactions, that I take the liberty to look in upon you to express a 'opethat your dinner was to your liking. Though not Professed but Plain,still her wages should be a sufficient object to her to stimilate to soarabove mere roast and biled.'
'We dined very well indeed,' said Rosa, 'thank you.'
'Accustomed,' said Miss Twinkleton with a gracious air, which to thejealous ears of the Billickin seemed to add 'my good woman'--'accustomedto a liberal and nutritious, yet plain and salutary diet, we have foundno reason to bemoan our absence from the ancient city, and the methodicalhousehold, in which the quiet routine of our lot has been hitherto cast.'
'I did think it well to mention to my cook,' observed the Billickin witha gush of candour, 'which I 'ope you will agree with, Miss Twinkleton,was a right precaution, that the young lady being used to what we shouldconsider here but poor diet, had better be brought forward by degrees.For, a rush from scanty feeding to generous feeding, and from what youmay call messing to what you may call method, do require a power ofconstitution which is not often found in youth, particular whenundermined by boarding-school!'
It will be seen that the Billickin now openly pitted herself against MissTwinkleton, as one whom she had fully ascertained to be her naturalenemy.
'Your remarks,' returned Miss Twinkleton, from a remote moral eminence,'are well meant, I have no doubt; but you will permit me to observe thatthey develop a mistaken view of the subject, which can only be imputed toyour extreme want of accurate information.'
'My informiation,' retorted the Billickin, throwing in an extra syllablefor the sake of emphasis at once polite and powerful--'my informiation,Miss Twinkleton, were my own experience, which I believe is usuallyconsidered to be good guidance. But whether so or not, I was put inyouth to a very genteel boarding-school, the mistress being no less alady than yourself, of about your own age or it may be some yearsyounger, and a poorness of blood flowed from the table which has runthrough my life.'
'Very likely,' said Miss Twinkleton, still from her distant eminence;'and very much to be deplored.--Rosa, my dear, how are you getting onwith your work?'
'Miss Twinkleton,' resumed the Billickin, in a courtly manner, 'beforeretiring on the 'int, as a lady should, I wish to ask of yourself, as alady, whether I am to consider that my words is doubted?'
'I am not aware on what ground you cherish such a supposition,' beganMiss Twinkleton, when the Billickin neatly stopped her.
'Do not, if you please, put suppositions betwixt my lips where none suchhave been imparted by myself. Your flow of words is great, MissTwinkleton, and no doubt is expected from you by your pupils, and nodoubt is considered worth the money. _No_ doubt, I am sure. But notpaying for flows of words, and not asking to be favoured with them here,I wish to repeat my question.'
'If you refer to the poverty of your circulation,' began Miss Twinkleton,when again the Billickin neatly stopped her.
'I have used no such expressions.'
'If you refer, then, to the poorness of your blood--'
'Brought upon me,' stipulated the Billickin, expressly, 'at aboarding-school--'
'Then,' resumed Miss Twinkleton, 'all I can say is, that I am bound tobelieve, on your asseveration, that it is very poor indeed. I cannotforbear adding, that if that unfortunate circumstance influences yourconversation, it is much to be lamented, and it is eminently desirablethat your blood were richer.--Rosa, my dear, how are you getting on withyour work?'
'Hem! Before retiring, Miss,' proclaimed the Billickin to Rosa, loftilycancelling Miss Twinkleton, 'I should wish it to be understood betweenyourself and me that my transactions in future is with you alone. I knowno elderly lady here, Miss, none older than yourself.'
'A highly desirable arrangement, Rosa my dear,' observed Miss Twinkleton.
'It is not, Miss,' said the Billickin, with a sarcastic smile, 'that Ipossess the Mill I have heard of, in which old single ladies could beground up young (what a gift it would be to some of us), but that I limitmyself to you totally.'
'When I have any desire to communicate a request to the person of thehouse, Rosa my dear,' observed Miss Twinkleton with majesticcheerfulness, 'I will make it known to you, and you will kindlyundertake, I am sure, that it is conveyed to the proper quarter.'
'Good-evening, Miss,' said the Billickin, at once affectionately anddistantly. 'Being alone in my eyes, I wish you good-evening with bestwishes, and do not find myself drove, I am truly 'appy to say, intoexpressing my contempt for an indiwidual, unfortunately for yourself,belonging to you.'
The Billickin gracefully withdrew with this parting speech, and from thattime Rosa occupied the restless position of shuttlecock between these twobattledores. Nothing could be done without a smart match being playedout. Thus, on the daily-arising question of dinner, Miss Twinkletonwould say, the three being present together:
'Perhaps, my love, you will consult with the person of the house, whethershe can procure us a lamb's fry; or, failing that, a roast fowl.'
On which the Billickin would retort (Rosa not having spoken a word), 'Ifyou was better accustomed to butcher's meat, Miss, you would notentertain the idea of a lamb's fry. Firstly, because lambs has long beensheep, and secondly, becau
se there is such things as killing-days, andthere is not. As to roast fowls, Miss, why you must be quite surfeitedwith roast fowls, letting alone your buying, when you market foryourself, the agedest of poultry with the scaliest of legs, quite as ifyou was accustomed to picking 'em out for cheapness. Try a littleinwention, Miss. Use yourself to 'ousekeeping a bit. Come now, think ofsomethink else.'
To this encouragement, offered with the indulgent toleration of a wiseand liberal expert, Miss Twinkleton would rejoin, reddening:
'Or, my dear, you might propose to the person of the house a duck.'
'Well, Miss!' the Billickin would exclaim (still no word being spoken byRosa), 'you do surprise me when you speak of ducks! Not to mention thatthey're getting out of season and very dear, it really strikes to myheart to see you have a duck; for the breast, which is the only delicatecuts in a duck, always goes in a direction which I cannot imagine where,and your own plate comes down so miserably skin-and-bony! Try again,Miss. Think more of yourself, and less of others. A dish of sweetbreadsnow, or a bit of mutton. Something at which you can get your equalchance.'
Occasionally the game would wax very brisk indeed, and would be kept upwith a smartness rendering such an encounter as this quite tame. But theBillickin almost invariably made by far the higher score; and would comein with side hits of the most unexpected and extraordinary description,when she seemed without a chance.
All this did not improve the gritty state of things in London, or the airthat London had acquired in Rosa's eyes of waiting for something thatnever came. Tired of working, and conversing with Miss Twinkleton, shesuggested working and reading: to which Miss Twinkleton readily assented,as an admirable reader, of tried powers. But Rosa soon made thediscovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut thelove-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and wasguilty of other glaring pious frauds. As an instance in point, take theglowing passage: 'Ever dearest and best adored,--said Edward, claspingthe dear head to his breast, and drawing the silken hair through hiscaressing fingers, from which he suffered it to fall like goldenrain,--ever dearest and best adored, let us fly from the unsympatheticworld and the sterile coldness of the stony-hearted, to the rich warmParadise of Trust and Love.' Miss Twinkleton's fraudulent version tamelyran thus: 'Ever engaged to me with the consent of our parents on bothsides, and the approbation of the silver-haired rector of thedistrict,--said Edward, respectfully raising to his lips the taperfingers so skilful in embroidery, tambour, crochet, and other trulyfeminine arts,--let me call on thy papa ere to-morrow's dawn has sunkinto the west, and propose a suburban establishment, lowly it may be, butwithin our means, where he will be always welcome as an evening guest,and where every arrangement shall invest economy, and constantinterchange of scholastic acquirements with the attributes of theministering angel to domestic bliss.'
As the days crept on and nothing happened, the neighbours began to saythat the pretty girl at Billickin's, who looked so wistfully and so muchout of the gritty windows of the drawing-room, seemed to be losing herspirits. The pretty girl might have lost them but for the accident oflighting on some books of voyages and sea-adventure. As a compensationagainst their romance, Miss Twinkleton, reading aloud, made the most ofall the latitudes and longitudes, bearings, winds, currents, offsets, andother statistics (which she felt to be none the less improving becausethey expressed nothing whatever to her); while Rosa, listening intently,made the most of what was nearest to her heart. So they both did betterthan before.