Everyone used the moment to pull what looked like decorated index cards from their purses. Bailey had had no idea this was coming, and she was touched by the surprise and the meaning behind it.
“Since I know how much I needed this at my shower, I’ll go first.” Reagan pulled a card from the front of her Bible. “Mine is from Ephesians, chapter four.” She read the verse slowly, each word speaking straight to Bailey’s heart. Especially the last part: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”
Reagan talked about how she and Luke had struggled at times before and after their wedding, and always that verse would bring them back to the place of love, to the way they felt on their wedding day. “Just be kind to each other and forgive.” Reagan met Bailey’s eyes across the room. “You can get through anything if you have that.”
“Thanks, Reagan.” Bailey imagined a time years from now when she would look through these Bible verse cards and remember the importance of being kind and forgiving. It was a marriage manual all in itself. “I’ve read that verse a lot of times, but never in light of being married. I won’t forget what you said.”
A few chairs over, Kari Baxter Taylor smiled. “Funny how important forgiveness is. We didn’t compare notes, but mine’s almost like that. It’s from Colossians, the third chapter.” She looked at her card. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Bailey felt the familiar goose bumps, the way she reacted whenever she was certain God was speaking to her — in quiet ways from within or through people he brought into her path. Clearly God intended a personal message here, and Bailey was determined to remember it always. She could never let things get so bad or so distant with Brandon that she didn’t stop to forgive or to apologize.
The rest of the verses had to do with clinging to each other and working together, loving in a way that was patient and not easily angered, and serving one another. Her mom went last. She smiled at Bailey and before she could speak tears filled her eyes. Bailey was sitting beside her, and she took hold of her hand. “It’s okay.” She spoke softly, encouraging her mom the way her mom had encouraged her so often over the years. They’d so enjoyed the season of wedding planning that emotional moments like this had been rare.
But Bailey understood. This was her wedding shower, and the insight her mom would pass on to her now had to culminate a lifetime of wisdom. Her mom struggled a moment longer and then found her voice. “I think you know the verse I chose for you. Ever since you were a little girl I’ve told you to hold onto this Scripture, to believe it and live like it was absolutely true.” Her eyes welled up a little more. “And you’ve done that.” She looked at the card in her hand. “The verse is Jeremiah 29:11.” Her eyes found Bailey’s again. Reading wasn’t necessary. They’d both known the verse by heart for years.
Her mom’s tender voice spoke the words to a place in Bailey’s soul where they would live forever. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
The two of them might as well have been the only ones in the room. Bailey leaned closer to her mom, wrapped both arms around her shoulders, and hugged her for a long time. “I always believed it.”
“And it was always true.” Her mom kissed her cheek and hugged her one more time. “Your life is an illustration of that, Bailey. God’s promises are alive in you and Brandon. He’s given you more than we could’ve asked or imagined.”
Her words were more meaningful than anyone else in the room might’ve known. Because until that past summer, her mom had been certain that Cody Coleman was the guy who held Bailey’s future. Here … she was telling Bailey a very specific truth: that in Brandon, Bailey had been given God’s very best. More than her mom could’ve asked for or imagined during all those years when they talked about the plans God had for her.
Their hug lasted a few more seconds and then Bailey grabbed a tissue from the table and handed a second one to her mom. “You’re the best. I wouldn’t be who I am without you.”
Her mother’s smile said she felt the same way about Bailey.
As the shower wound down, Bailey collected her gifts — mostly beautiful lingerie and pretty lotions and soaps. Things that would make being married even more fun. The Baxter women all headed out about the same time, except Reagan. She had Johnny on her hip and she came up while Bailey was talking to Andi. Bailey noticed her, and she took a step back. Reagan smiled at her in thanks, and then directed her words to Andi. “I’d love it if you and I could share a few minutes.”
“Do we have time?” Andi lifted hopeful eyes toward Bailey’s mom, who was in the kitchen helping Ashley clean up.
“Absolutely.” Bailey’s mother motioned for Andi to go. “Take your time.”
Bailey took a few steps back. “Definitely. I’ll help out too. We can leave whenever you’re ready.”
This was a moment Bailey had prayed for, that her friend would have the chance to hear from Reagan alone. Not only so they could talk privately about what a gift her decision had brought into the Baxter family, but also so God could use Reagan to speak peace and healing into Andi’s heart.
Even while they did the dishes, Bailey thanked God that these days Andi believed the message of Jeremiah 29:11 as strongly as Bailey had always believed it. The two of them had talked about that recently, and how at this point Cody Coleman seemed to be part of God’s plans for her. For Andi, God’s plans didn’t only include what He had given her. But in what He had led Andi to give away as well.
The great and precious gift of her son.
ANDI FOLLOWED REAGAN INTO THE DEN, the whole time wondering what she would say or how she would say it, and most of all how she would survive the next few minutes without breaking down. Johnny was fully awake now, and Reagan set him down as they reached the other room. Then she spread out a mat with the picture of a racetrack and handed him a toy car. “There you go, buddy.”
“Johnny play?” He turned adoring blue eyes at her and pointed to the mat. Andi caught the fact that he didn’t seem to notice her.
“Yes … you can play.” Reagan smiled at him. “Stay in here, okay?”
“K, Mommy.” He laughed and dropped to the floor and began racing the toy car around the pretend track.
“He doesn’t stop moving.” She sat in the nearest chair and Andi took the one beside her.
“I didn’t realize he’d be talking.” Andi was mesmerized by the child on the floor, the son she gave birth to.
“Our kids have all been big talkers.” Reagan laughed. “He fits right in.”
Our kids … Andi let the words rattle around in her heart until they felt comfortable. It was true. Johnny was Reagan’s son. But he was Andi’s son too. No question his lightly tanned skin was proof of his father’s Middle Eastern roots. But otherwise he looked just like her. Right down to his pale-blond hair. She struggled to look away from him and back to Reagan. “Is he always this sweet?”
“Usually.” She smiled at the boy. “He’s been cutting new molars. That can make him pretty fussy.”
“Hmm.” Andi had her eyes fixed on Johnny again. “He seems so happy.”
“He is.” Reagan grew more serious. She turned kind eyes toward Andi. “He’s a beautiful part of our family.” She sighed, her look deeper than before. “I wanted to tell you something, before we said goodbye today.” She reached over and put her hand on Andi’s shoulder. “I wanted to thank you.”
Andi felt the tears, felt them as surely as her next heartbeat. She nodded, unable to talk, and at the same time Johnny stood up and seemed to notice her for the first time. Still holding his toy car, he walked to her and put his hand on her knee. Then his eyes lit up and he grinned at her. “Hi.”
“Hi, there.” She looked at the little boy and their eyes met. Does he remember me? My voice or my perfume? She didn’t as
k the questions, but she couldn’t help but think them.
“That’s Andi.” Reagan told him. She gave her a sideways grin. “He loves long hair.” She flicked at her bobbed cut. “When we’re out, he says hi to any girl with hair past her shoulders. Luke keeps saying we have to break him of that before he starts school.”
Andi smiled, her eyes still on the boy. At the same time, he held out his arms. “Up?”
“It’s okay.” Reagan sat back, still relaxed. “You can pick him up.”
This wasn’t something Andi had counted on for today, but deep inside she’d hoped for it. She lifted Johnny onto her lap as he held his car out to her. “Johnny’s car.”
“Ohh.” Andi took it and turned it several directions before handing it back. “I like it.”
He raced it around in the air making engine sounds with his mouth. Then — just like that — the moment was over. He pointed to the mat again. “Johnny play.”
“Okay.” She eased him back to the floor. As they broke contact, the weight of the loss in her heart was so great she wondered if she could take it. “He’s so beautiful.”
“He is.” Reagan smiled again. “He looks just like you.”
“He does.” She uttered a light laugh, one that was more disbelief. “I looked a lot like him when I was his age.”
Once more from the mat, the boy who had grown inside her, the child who would always be her firstborn, looked at her and flashed a toothy grin. He held her gaze so long Andi had to wonder if it was possible. Did he know who she was? Tears filled her eyes despite her smile, and she had to blink to see him clearly.
About that time he did a half turn and ran to Reagan. “Mama!”
The word ripped at Andi’s soul and made her rejoice at the same time. Because whether Johnny had a sense about who she was, he definitely knew who his mother was. And who she was not.
Andi watched him run to Reagan and the feel of watching him go was no less painful than it had been the first time she gave him up. Two hot tears splashed onto her cheeks and she brushed them away quickly. “Sorry.” Her voice was strained, barely loud enough to hear. “I didn’t think it’d be this hard.”
Reagan put her hand on Andi’s shoulder once more. “How do you feel now? More than two years after giving him up?” Reagan’s concern was genuine. She clearly cared how Andi was doing. “I’ve wanted to ask, but I figured it’d be better in person.”
Andi nodded, massaging her throat with her fingertips so the tightness would go away. “I’m fine. Really.” She smiled at Reagan, grateful this was the woman God had brought along to adopt her son. “I’m dating Cody Coleman. You remember him?”
“I do. He was at a lot of get-togethers with this group for many years. The two of you are serious?”
Andi thought about Cody and a warm feeling worked its way through her. “I feel like all my life has led to this, to the two of us being together.”
“That’s wonderful.” Reagan hesitated, like she was waiting to hear more about how Andi felt. “He knows about Johnny?”
“He does. We knew each other in college, so he was aware of the situation.” She couldn’t help but stare as the boy put his chubby arms around Reagan’s neck, completely comfortable in her embrace. The scene made Andi’s empty arms ache, even as her heavy heart felt fuller than it had all day. Johnny scrambled down again and ran to the mat once more. Since he was not focused on them, Andi wanted to be honest. “You asked me how I feel.” She looked at Reagan, her voice low. “I feel completely convinced that I did the right thing. I wasn’t ready to be a mom. And I have nothing but terrible memories of the guy who … the birth dad.” She smiled at the little boy. “It was the right thing. Definitely.” She paused. “Even though I long for a time down the road when I’m married and ready to have my own baby.”
“I understand.” Reagan listened, her expression full of peace. “God alone could’ve brought our families together, and He did it without either of us even knowing that we already had a connection through the Flanigans. You did the right thing, Andi.”
“Thank you. I needed to hear that.” Andi sniffed a little and once more she looked at the child playing on the floor. “And thanks for letting me have this time.”
“We told you that when you chose us to be his parents. We’ll raise him to know who you are and how your decision was rooted in the deepest love.”
“I appreciate that.”
Andi stood up. Their time together was over. Nothing left to say or do. But before they could head into the kitchen again, Reagan stood and prayed for Andi, that God would bless her relationship with Cody and that she would feel the Lord’s divine peace whenever she thought about giving her son up for adoption.
Andi hugged her and Johnny at the same time and she thanked Reagan again. As she walked away, Johnny called out, “Bye!”
She stopped and turned around, and one final time, their eyes met and held. “Bye, Johnny. Be good for your mama.”
He giggled and threw his arms around Reagan. At that, Andi met up with the others and as Bailey’s mom drove away, Andi quietly thanked God for the very great chance she’d been given that day. She reminded herself that she was at peace with her decision. Absolutely. Still, with everything in her she knew she would remember two things from this day for the rest of her life. The way he had looked at her for that single sweet moment.
And the way it felt to have her baby boy in her arms one more time.
Twenty-Nine
THE DAYS AND WEEKS SEEMED TO DRAG ON, BUT ONLY BECAUSE Brandon could hardly wait. Not only for the wedding but for the honeymoon. He was surprising Bailey with a week at a South Pacific resort on Turtle Island in Fiji. The island was secluded and green and covered with low-lying mountains and stretches of white sand beaches. The water was shallow and warm and blue, and every day was paradise. Brandon had gone there once for a movie shoot a year before he met Bailey. The resort — the only one on Turtle Island — included residences for just fourteen couples. It was a famous spot even back in the 1980s when the movie Blue Lagoon was filmed there. They would fly to LAX and then to Fiji, and finally take a small seaplane into the harbor at Turtle Island.
For their honeymoon, Brandon rented out the whole place.
Dreams of their honeymoon fended off the chilly winter while Brandon and Bailey stayed busy painting several rooms in the lake house. They had constant help — not just with the paint but in finding new ways to keep from being alone. And in that way they survived February and rounded the corner into March. The new private life Bloomington afforded Brandon was something he still couldn’t fully believe. Almost every day he told Bailey he had just one regret.
That he hadn’t done this sooner.
The icy winter left in a hurry and starting the Friday before their wedding Indiana’s March temperatures became the warmest in five years. Most of the rehearsal at Clear Creek Community Church was a blur. But Brandon would always remember bits and pieces. The way Bailey’s parents looked at each other as the practice began, a beautiful look of love that had come full circle. Love that remembered standing in a church like this and being the couple all the fuss was about. And a love that had only become stronger on the way to watching their daughter make that same commitment.
Watching her find that same kind of love.
Brandon would remember that, and he would remember the way Bailey seemed to walk on air, flitting from one bridesmaid to the next making sure everyone had their dresses and shoes and the vintage necklaces she’d given them at a luncheon earlier that day. He watched her as often as he could. As long as no one was asking him anything his eyes were on her. She was a vision, a miracle, an answer to every prayer he’d ever said. Her prayers had helped save his life, after all. And he would remember the way her eyes danced as they held hands and stood in the same place they would stand tomorrow when it was the real thing.
“This is really happening!” she whispered as she leaned close to him, a soft squeal coming from her. “I’m so happy,
Brandon.”
He would remember that.
And he would remember his parents arriving at the church. They walked in through the back doors and stopped a few feet inside. Just stopped and stared at him as if they still couldn’t believe he’d forgiven them or that they were privileged enough to be part of his life. He excused himself from the group of Bailey’s brothers and walked down the aisle to meet them. This time their hugs came easier. His father wrapped him in the biggest, warmest embrace, a hug that said everything they hadn’t said since Brandon was a teenager. And his mom put her arms around both of them, the tears on her face proof that they all still needed time to find true healing. Either way, as he watched his parents walk through the back door of the church during the wedding rehearsal, he felt like any other normal groom. He had parents.
A reality he would always connect to this day.
But most of all he would remember the way it felt after the rehearsal dinner when they left the church’s fellowship hall and it was time to go their separate ways. When Brandon pulled Bailey around the corner of the church and kissed her goodbye. He would remember it because the next time he kissed her she would not be Bailey Flanigan.
She would be Bailey Paul.
Clearly she was thinking the same thing because she whispered to him as she looked straight through to his already full heart, to the heart that had belonged to her from the beginning, “After tonight, I never have to go home without you. Never again.” She kissed him. “Isn’t that the most amazing thing?”
“Not as amazing as your eyes tonight.”
Her expression grew deeper, more sensual. “Not as amazing as tomorrow night. When the party’s over.”
“Mmmm.” Brandon touched his lips to hers and the kiss grew until for the last time as long as he lived he did what he would never have to do again.
He took a step back.
And he realized he would also remember the look on her face in that moment as they said goodnight — the love and trust, the faith and hope, the intense and innocent passion … Without a doubt he would remember that.