But he had shared his pain with her and that had somehow lightened the weight of it. He couldn’t explain it and neither could she. But he kissed her now on the edge of the chains as though someone were going to come along any minute and chain him down amongst the other prisoners.
Eventually she drew back, her fingers stroking along the side of his face, toying lightly with his hair. “It will be all right,” she assured him. “Somehow, some way, you will get your brother back. I believe that with all of my heart.”
“How do you believe it? How can you believe something about me that I don’t believe myself?”
“I believe you have been punished enough for your sins, that something somewhere has to give way. One day it will all work out. I don’t know how long it will take for it to come about, but it will happen.”
“I wish I could believe the way you do. I wish I could have that kind of hope. But hope was something that was burned out of me a long time ago.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. If you had lost all hope, you wouldn’t have bothered looking for Maxum in the first place. You would have merely abandoned him to his fate and carried on with yours. But you’ve had hope that you would find him and now that hope has been rewarded. You must continue to have hope. You must try.”
He realized she was right. If he hadn’t had hope, he would have given up long ago. By all rights, he should have given up. He should have lost any ability to see a future at all—for himself and for his brothers. But when he was rescued from that star and given a life again…perhaps that was when hope had been reborn in him. If he could be rescued from hell, then anything might be possible.
Including freeing his brother from his.
“From now on I will be dedicated to finding a way to free Maxum. I will win a thousand cities for Weysa if that is what it will take to convince her to free him. I will do whatever she asks of me in return. Surely she must grant me this one thing. I have always been loyal to her, even when I was not cursed. That has to count for something.”
“I’m sure it does. Pray to her. See if that does not call her to you. Otherwise, it is only a short while before you can return to the Overworld, where you will find a temple that can bring you closer to her. She has to hear your call then. She just has to.”
Jaykun reached to trace a warm pattern over her cheek and nose and lips. “Ever the optimist. You have such a light heart; you believe anything is possible. I wish I could see the world like you do. All the good in it, all the joy in it.”
“You can, you know,” she said with a smile. “You simply have to open yourself up to it.”
“I have. Since meeting you, I have. I look at the world through your eyes and it seems so much brighter, so much more special. Thank you for giving me that.”
“You’re welcome,” she said. “Now come. Jalaya is expecting us. We need to make the final choices for the council.”
“Of course,” he said, turning to swim beside her.
—
Sometime later all but one of the council seats had been filled.
“So…whom do we choose for the last seat?” Jalaya asked.
“I don’t think you’ll enjoy my suggestion,” Jaykun mused.
“Whom do you have in mind?”
“Horgon,” he said.
“Horgon!” the empress exclaimed. “Never!”
“You said yourself he is from one of the most influential families of the selkies.”
“But didn’t you say not to choose someone who will always say no? Who will always oppose me? You are the one who wanted him eliminated!”
“And you are not willing to do that, so the best course of action is to keep him as close to you as possible. Give him a voice. Perhaps if he believes he is being heard…Plus, it will look good to your people, to see you trying to make the effort to pull all the most influential families along together. He may be a hindrance more than a help, but at least you will have your eyes on him. It might even mollify him to some extent. Although, it is clear nothing will keep him from wanting to be emperor and deposing you.”
“The thought of eliminating him has grown more and more appealing over this past week,” Jalaya said. Then she sighed. “But I am not as cutthroat as he would be.”
“I know,” Jaykun said with kind understanding. “And that is what will make you an infinitely better monarch than he would be. Better even than I would be. You are willing to find solutions to your problems—difficult solutions—rather than take the easy way out.”
“So…Horgon on the council,” she said uneasily.
“Remember, it is your council. You can just as easily remove him from it as you can place him on it.”
“This is true,” she said. “Very well. I will send messengers right away to inform all the members of their chosen status and we will convene a council meeting right away. And, Jaykun,” she said, looking directly into his eyes, “it would mean a great deal to me if you were there for our first few sessions. Just to help me run things smoothly, and for your advice. I find I am quite lost without you.”
“Nonsense. You have been ruling alone for decades. You know what it means to be ruler and you have earned your place at the head of your people a thousand times over.”
“Except lately…lately things have been escalating out of my control. I am not too proud to admit that. You have helped me to find ways to bring order back to my life. I cannot tell you what a valuable gift that is to me and I have no idea how I will ever repay you for it. I can start by telling you this: If there is some way my people and I can help you to retrieve your brother, then we will do it. You need only ask it of us.”
“Only a god can help to retrieve him, and now that I know where he is, I hope my goddess will smile kindly on me and help me to bring him home.”
“Then let me extend an invitation to you. You are welcome here, Jaykun, from now until the end of your days. You may visit here”—she cast a sidelong look at Jileana—“or even live here if you so wish. Perhaps one day when your goddess allows you to retire from her service.”
“Perhaps,” he said with a small smile.
Jileana knew what the empress did not. There would never come a time when he would not be in service to his goddess—and he didn’t mind that. From what Jileana had learned this past week, he actually enjoyed working in service to Weysa. He did not need a curse to be reined in by her. Jileana could only hope that one day Weysa would see this and be benevolent enough to release him from his burden. He did not deserve to suffer any longer. He had paid for his hubris a thousand times over.
“I will be glad to sit in with you and your council for as long as I am here and as long as you will have me, Jalaya.”
“Thank you. Now off, the two of you,” she said, shooing them away with her hands. “There are many more things of greater pleasure than staying cooped up in this castle with your empress.”
“Majesty,” Jaykun said with a grin and a bow. Then he winked. “But not many.”
He took Jileana’s hand in his and they swam out of the castle together.
A short while later they surfaced before the cliff face and waited for their eyes to adjust to the bright, high sunlight. It was midafternoon, several hours before dusk threatened them. It was Jileana’s favorite time of day. She and Jaykun would almost unfailingly climb to the very top of the cliff and make love for hours. They were rarely disturbed there; apparently the younger selkies used the spot for the same purpose, only they waited until after dark. There was something more daring about doing it in the daylight when anyone might happen upon them and easily be able to see them. Not that it mattered greatly. Selkies were not a shy people and happening upon any in the throes of passion was not an uncommon thing. She and Jaykun had stumbled upon more than one couple in their travels around the selkie kingdom, both above and below the waters.
Jaykun led the swim to the cliff face and dragged himself out of the water the moment he had a solid hold on the fossilized coral. When they reache
d the top of the cliff, he dusted off his hands and looked out toward where the distant horizon would have been, had it not been obscured by the ever-raging storms that protected the selkie lands. For a moment he was angry with Jileana for bringing him here, for exposing the way to travel to her home to someone who could easily exploit it. But he dismissed the emotion. No army could come through the portals. Between their location beneath the water and the fact that they were heavily guarded, there was no chance of an invasion having any kind of success. Besides, he suspected he had barely touched the surface of what Jileana’s mother and the other sea witches were capable of. It would be hard to fight spells as well as the selkies and fight for breath beneath the water.
No, the selkies were well protected from the Overworld. Sirens, sea monsters, and internal politics were what threatened them most.
“You have become invaluable to the empress,” Jileana said quietly. “She finds you to be indispensable.” She came up behind him and threaded her arms around his waist until her chest was flush against his back and her forearms were crossed over his chest. Her right hand settled over the thundering beat of his heart. She liked the feel of it, especially after a rigorous climb or after they made love. It was like being connected to what made him alive and vital. She couldn’t get close enough to that part of him. She needed to know he was there with her—for however long she had left. Because even though she planned to go with him when he returned to the Overworld, she couldn’t escape the sensation that she was living on borrowed time with him. It was probably because she suspected there would come a time when he would try to violently push her away from him. Better to push her away than to face his growing feelings for her. And she knew his feelings for her were indeed growing. He never said anything, but she sensed his comfort with her, sensed how much fuller his life was since she had arrived in it. He was coming alive before her very eyes. As troubled as he was by his brother’s plight, he was equal parts freer and lighter in his interactions with her. It made her heart happy to see it.
“So, what shall we do now?” she asked, amusement in her tone. They both knew what they liked to do in that spot at that time of day.
“Let’s do something different,” he said suddenly, turning about in her arms so he could see her face. It allowed him to view the immediate pout and disappointment in her features.
“Like what?” she asked, clearly trying to be polite but unable to hide her true feelings.
Jaykun threw back his head and laughed at her.
“What’s so funny?”
“You could never lie to me,” he said with a chuckle. “Not about your feelings, in any event. You are far too open. Your emotions can be read as plainly as a book.”
“Not always,” she said with another pout.
“Always,” he assured her. “And I like it. I like knowing that what you are feeling is honest and clear. I like…I like being able to trust that.”
Suddenly her entire face lit up. It was the first time he had volunteered any kind of statement that laid a measure of trust at her feet. It was by far a better gift than anything else he could have possibly given her. She wanted to ask him if he truly meant it, she wanted to take delight in the victory and draw attention to it, but she knew it would be better to let it slip by unremarked than to risk him becoming defensive and possibly withdrawing the sentiment. So she simply basked in its meaning.
“What would you like to do?”
“I’d like to go inland,” he said.
Jileana’s blood went instantly cold. “No,” she said flatly.
“No?” He lifted a brow and a smile toyed at his lips. “I wasn’t asking for permission, merely a companion on the journey.”
“No! You can’t go inland! What if you ran into a siren? One song and you would be lost forever! No! You cannot go!”
“So it is an entire song? Is that what it takes to fall in love with a siren?”
“Yes. The siren sings her special song, the one only she sings. She sings it, and by the time she reaches the end of it you are hers forever.”
“And if the song is interrupted?”
“Then the spell is broken before it sets in. But a siren is rarely interrupted!”
“I could easily fight a siren the moment she begins to sing and cease her song.”
“The moment she begins to sing, you will be enraptured. You won’t want to fight her.” She shook her head. “No. I will not let you go.”
“You are very bossy,” he teased, not taking any great offense.
“This isn’t a joke, Jaykun! We are talking about your free will! It would belong to the siren for as long as she is alive and breathing in this world, and sirens are just as long lived as you are or I am.”
“You seem quite distressed by this,” he observed, taking great amusement in her concern.
“Because I love you! It would kill me to lose you!”
All amusement fled from his features. “I never asked for you to love me! In fact, I specifically said otherwise!” he snapped at her.
“Well, I’m sorry, but some of us cannot help the power of our feelings like you can! Or rather, some of us cannot deny our feelings like you can!” She threw all caution out the window as she said those words and she knew it. But it was better to risk everything than to have nothing.
“To deny a feeling means one must have that feeling in the first place, and I assure you, I do not feel love for you! Not in that way!”
“But in another way?” she asked, hope unfurling in her chest. He may not have realized it, but she had found a way into his heart.
“That is not what I meant! How is it you can twist my words into knots just to suit your own purposes? Don’t you get it? I do not and will not ever love you!”
He regretted the words and their harshness, regretted the pain that lanced throughout her features. It colored her beauty in unattractive and pale ways. She was devastated and it was clear. It hurt him to see it, but she had to know the truth. She had to be made to realize what a futile and stupid thing it was to love a man like him. A cursed man. A cold man. A man who did not deserve the love of such a woman, if indeed there was any such thing as love. But as he looked at her, he believed that if anyone could truly feel love, it would be Jileana. If any love could be believed, it would be hers.
No, he caught himself in the thought. No! There was no such thing as love! It was an illusion! A lie people told themselves in order to make life feel worth living. A lie he refused to live ever again.
“You’re wasting your time on me,” he said hoarsely. “You’re hurting yourself for no reason.”
“For me to be hurting, it would mean my feelings are true!” she countered.
“You only think they are!”
“I know they are! I feel them! You don’t get to tell me how I feel! You can withhold your own emotions all you like, but you do not get to tell me how I feel!”
“I am not withholding emotions!”
“So you say!” she snapped at him.
“Why won’t you believe me? Damn you, Jileana. Why do you have to ruin this by creating problems?”
“Ruin what? What do we have that is going to be ruined? You say you have no emotions, so what is being ruined just because I say ‘I love you’?”
“Our companionship. The fondness we feel for each other. The fun we have when we’re not trying to look too deeply into things!”
“That’s funny,” she said with a dry laugh, “because I’ve known I loved you for the better part of a week and it hasn’t seemed to hamper us much at all.”
That took him aback and he stepped away from her. “The better part of a week? That’s impossible. All of this is impossible. Love at first sight is a lie. You cannot love after only a week!”
“Oh, so it is possible to love someone, only not so quickly? Tell me, how long should it take before I know I love you?”
“That isn’t what I meant!”
“It’s what you said!”
“Stop it!
Stop putting words in my mouth.”
“They are your words. I am merely trying to understand them!” she cried.
“I don’t love you!”
“You don’t want to love me! There is a difference!”
“I assure you, there is not!”
“Fine. I recognize that loving a man who is completely closed off from his emotions is my responsibility,” she said with sudden weariness. “It is as you said: I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. You made that clear from the start. I am not asking you to love me in return, only to leave me free to feel what I wish to feel.”
“You are setting yourself up for pain,” he said earnestly. “Please don’t do this to yourself.”
“If there is no such thing as love, then there is no such thing as a broken heart…so you have nothing to be concerned over.”
“Just because I don’t believe in the trueness of love doesn’t mean one cannot deceive oneself into believing it. I should know. I took part in the same deception, and believe me, it hurt when I woke to the truth of the matter.”
“You were hurt because you loved a woman who was faithless and undeserving…but you did love her. You did love her or she would not have been able to hurt you so much. You are capable of love whether you want to admit it or not, and I am willing to wait until you figure it out for yourself.”
“You will be waiting a long, long time,” he said quietly. “You will be waiting in vain.”
“It is my time and my heart, and I will do with my heart what I will.”
Jaykun didn’t think he could bear it, bear her waiting painfully for him to feel something he never would. It would kill her free spirit a little bit every day.
“Jileana,” he said hoarsely as he pulled her up against his body, reveling in the sweet feel of her for a moment before saying, “in another two weeks I am going to leave you and this place, and I will never look back.” He swallowed. “Even if I did love you, I am not free to do so. My goddess makes too many demands of me.” He cupped her cheek in his hand and ran a thumb under one eye that was wet with an unshed tear. “It wouldn’t be fair to you. None of this is fair to you. But I do know that this is your home and that when these next two weeks end I will leave you here and continue on my journey…alone.”