“I think the image of him was what I had the crush on, you know?” Katie said. “The safe, friendly boy next door who loves baseball and apple pie and eventually would decide he loved me.” Katie came over and settled herself on the end of Christy’s bed. “Tell me he doesn’t have a big crush on me.”
The words popped out of Christy’s mouth. “Matthew Kingsley does not have a big crush on you.”
Katie snapped to an upright position and looked hurt. “He doesn’t?”
Christy wished she had been less direct. Slowly shaking her head, Christy said, “He told me he’s only interested in you as a friend. I’m sorry.”
“Why do you keep apologizing for stuff that isn’t your fault? This is good, actually,” Katie said. “I was afraid he was going to ask me to spend more time with him, and I was trying to figure out how to turn him down nicely.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing,” Christy said. “You two can keep being friends, and the three of us can keep helping Todd with the youth group. You and Matt can skip that whole ‘Are we a couple?’ phase of your friendship.” Feeling as if the matter was sufficiently settled, Christy dove under her covers.
Katie wasn’t about to let the subject end there. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What’s happening with you and Todd?”
“We’re in love,” Christy said brightly. “My heart is completely settled. I love him. And I told him.”
“You did?” Katie’s eyes grew wide.
“But Todd couldn’t hear me because the noise from the dune buggy was so loud.” Christy chuckled at herself. “Typical, huh?”
“So Todd doesn’t know,” Katie surmised.
“Not yet.”
“Christy, how can you do that to the poor guy? Go call him right now and let him hear you say you love him. He’s been waiting long enough.”
“It’s the middle of the night!” Christy protested. “I don’t want to tell him over the phone. I want to say it to his face so he can see I mean it.”
“Hey! That’s like that line from the John Donne poem.” Katie sprang over to her desk and lifted the literature textbook she had been reading before they left for the camping trip. “Have you read this section yet on John Donne?”
“Yes.” Christy and Katie were taking the lit class together.
“Did you read this one? Listen. This is from the poem called ‘The Good Morrow.’ ”
“My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres,
Without sharp North, without declining West?”
Katie looked up from the book with a glow on her face. “Isn’t that romantic?”
Christy loved poetry and usually was the one to present Katie with lyrical gems. She wasn’t sure what this one meant.
“That’s you and Todd,” Katie said. “You are two true plain hearts. You balance each other perfectly with your differences. You round each other out.”
Christy smiled. Her heart felt full. She knew all over again that she was in love. Forever-after kind of love.
“Do me a personal favor,” Katie said. “If you won’t call Todd tonight, call him first thing in the morning, okay?”
“I’ll see him at breakfast.”
“Then you better tell him at breakfast. I don’t think the actual setting is going to matter to Todd when his ‘face in thine eye and thine in his appears.’ You don’t need to wait for the perfect romantic setting with the sun shining and the birds singing and all that. You just need to tell Todd that you love him.” Katie pointed to the title of the John Donne poem and with a twinkle in her eye said, “Tell him on the ‘Good Morrow.’ ”
* * *
Monday morning Christy waited for Todd at their usual table in the cafeteria. When he didn’t show, she guessed he had slept in after the exhausting weekend. She wished she didn’t have an early class so she could have done the same.
Hurrying so she wouldn’t be late to class, Christy settled into her seat just as Dr. Mitchell was discussing blessings. He read Deuteronomy 28:2, which Christy turned to and underlined in her Bible. “And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you will obey the voice of the Lord your God.”
I want always to obey you, Christy silently prayed. Let me hear your voice clearly. I want to always do what you direct me to do.
Very softly, very clearly, as soon as she finished her prayer, Christy felt compelled to find Todd and to give him her words, her heart, her blessing. But she stayed in her seat, logically evaluating that she should wait. She was paying for this class. She was here. She shouldn’t leave.
I mean, really, God. It doesn’t make sense that you would want me to ditch class to find Todd and tell him I love him.
Christy ignored the promptings she was feeling and stayed in her seat. The longer she sat still, the more her heart pounded. It seemed to be pounding so fiercely that Christy thought for sure the people around her could hear it. She thought of how Sierra had said a few weeks ago that love isn’t always planned and logical.
Compelled by something stronger than her logic, Christy finally clutched her backpack and exited as quietly as she could. As soon as she was outside the air-conditioned building, she felt she could breathe again.
Now what? What next, Father?
Christy suddenly felt foolish. Her declaration to Todd could wait at least until that afternoon. She was missing important information in class. Besides, she had no idea where Todd was. If he wasn’t asleep in his room, she could search the campus all morning and still not find him.
This is crazy!
Christy hiked all the way to West Hall, the guys’ dorm, and called Todd’s room. His voice mail answered, just as she had expected. He might still be asleep. Or he could be in The Golden Calf. Or in the library or a dozen other places on campus.
Trudging back toward class, Christy realized she only had twenty minutes before her next class started. Todd knew she worked in the bookstore that afternoon; he would probably come see her there. She could stand with him at the end of the row of used theology books because that part of the store smelled more “bookish” than any other spot. There she would look into his eyes and make her heart’s declaration known in hushed whispers that would sink all the way to the bottom of his heart. All the way down to that place where he dove for treasure. A smile played across her lips, just imagining the romance of that moment.
Christy passed The Java Jungle and went inside, just in case Todd was there. She didn’t see him, but she saw another couple sitting close and studying together in one of the booths.
Something continued to push Christy to find her beloved, but she fought against it. The reasonable thing to do would be to check her mailbox and then go to her next class.
But her heart wouldn’t stop pounding. Picking up her pace, Christy dashed through the student center. She slipped into the cafeteria. He wasn’t there.
She checked out all the places they usually went to talk: the couch in the music building, the library, the chapel. She now was late for her second class, but she didn’t care.
As fast as she could trot, she hurried to West Hall and called his room again on the phone in the lobby. Once again she got his voice mail, but this time she left a message. “Todd, I have to see you right away. Where are you?”
Hurrying back to the student center, Christy walked through the building twice, scanning each face, begging Todd to be there. He wasn’t. She finally went to the central plaza and sat on the edge of the fountain.
Where is he? Where could he be?
Kicking off her shoes and dipping her toes into the water, Christy remembered, for some reason, a portion of the Song of Solomon she had read last summer after Todd had gone back to California and she was still in Basel. Three or four times in that short book, located in the very heart of the Bible, Christy had underlined the repeated phrase, “Do not arouse o
r awaken love until it so desires.”
That phrase had become her counsel to herself whenever she thought of Todd. They were so far apart that she knew it was useless to stir up or awaken those deep feelings within her or to dwell on them because she couldn’t do anything about them. She had taken everything in stride, sending Todd e-mails and praying for him regularly. During this past month they had been together, Christy felt she still had done a good job of controlling her feelings and letting everything between her and Todd unfold calmly and naturally. But now it seemed love had indeed been stirred up and awakened inside her. She could barely think straight.
Did God literally have to knock me over the head to get me to release my true feelings for Todd?
Christy splashed her toes in the cool water. She felt like the woman in the Song of Solomon who ran around the town seeking her beloved but couldn’t find him. She remembered something about the woman crying out to her friends, the Daughters of Jerusalem, and telling them that she was “sick with love.”
I don’t know if I’m sick yet, but I’m feeling something. I don’t know what this feeling is.
Christy held her stomach and pulled her wet toes from the water, letting them air dry. Inside she ached. Todd, where are you?
Matt and several other guys she knew called out to her as they passed through the plaza.
“Matt,” Christy cried out, “have you seen Todd?”
He left the others and came over to the fountain. “I haven’t seen him since yesterday. I think he was going to return the tents this morning to whoever let us borrow them.”
“Oh,” Christy said, feeling herself calm down. “That makes sense. Thanks, Matt.”
“Are you okay?” He sat beside her. “You look a little spooked.”
“I’ve been trying to find Todd. I need to talk to him.”
“Seems to be a lot of that going around,” Matt said. “I thought about what you said at the camping trip yesterday, and you’re right. I do need to talk to Katie before any misunderstandings start up between us.”
Christy was about to say something general to Matt about how he didn’t have to worry, but she noticed Katie pulling into a no-parking area in the lot and jumping out of Baby Hummer.
“It looks like you may have your chance soon enough.” Christy waved to get Katie’s attention.
Katie broke into a run as she came toward Matt and Christy.
“Is it my imagination,” Matt said, “or does she look like she’s about to strangle someone?”
Christy jumped to her feet. She had never seen Katie look like that before. “What’s wrong?” Christy called out.
Katie rushed to Christy and grabbed her by the shoulders. Katie’s skin was gray and perspiration poured from her face.
“What’s wrong?” Matt was beside her now, too.
Katie gulped air. “Gus!” she spouted. “There’s been an accident! Come on!” Katie grabbed Christy’s arm, and the two of them ran to the parking lot. Matt was right behind them as they jumped into Baby Hummer.
“Katie,” Matt said firmly, “what kind of accident? What did you see?”
“I saw them putting Todd in an ambulance.”
12 Christy and Matt pelted Katie with questions and yelled at her to slow down as they zoomed through town to the first freeway on-ramp. Katie said she didn’t know much more than the half dozen words she had already offered them. She had been driving back to school from the nursery where she had gone to buy some fertilizer for her herbs. When she had moved into the slow lane to take the off-ramp to Rancho, she saw a vehicle that looked like Gus the Bus smashed up. As she drove by, she saw the paramedics wheeling someone into the ambulance.
“Was he moving?” Christy’s fingers gouged into the passenger’s seat.
“I couldn’t tell. I just saw someone with blond hair being rolled on the gurney into the ambulance.” Katie started to cry. “I’m going right to the hospital.”
Christy’s heart pounded fiercely as they entered the freeway. She heard herself say, “Calm down, Katie. Maybe it wasn’t Todd. Maybe it was a VW bus that just looked like Gus. Maybe . . .”
But then she saw the tow truck on the other side of the freeway and the smashed wreckage. Christy knew it was Gus. “Katie!” She covered her mouth in terror. “Katie, look!”
“Try to stay calm,” Matt said firmly as Katie kept the steering wheel steady. “The hospital is about five more exits down.”
“That stupid, stupid, stupid van!” Christy yelled. “Why didn’t Todd trash that piece of junk years ago?” She closed her eyes and tried to swallow gulps of air.
“Pray!” Katie commanded. “Pray, you guys!”
Christy grabbed the seat cushion with both hands and squeezed with all her might as Matt began to pray aloud. Some of the terror siphoned from her shaking body. By the time Katie peeled into a parking space by the hospital’s emergency entrance, Christy was trembling all over. She jumped out of the car and ran with Katie and Matt to the emergency room’s desk.
Katie spoke first, articulating fairly well that they were checking to see if Todd Spencer had just been admitted after an auto accident.
The attendant went to check and left Christy and Katie holding each other and trembling.
“Yes,” the attendant said as she came back around to the counter. “Todd Spencer is here.”
“Is he . . .” Christy couldn’t finish her sentence. She felt as if she might black out.
“How is he?” Katie kept a strong-armed grip around Christy’s shoulders.
“I can’t say.” The clerk sat down and handed Christy a clipboard. “If you’d like to sign in, I’ll have a doctor speak with you as soon as possible. You’ll have to wait over there.”
Christy had watched emergency-room shows on television, and somehow in her frantic state, she thought she should be allowed to go in, the way the television camera went behind the closed doors and did a close-up of the patient’s face. She wanted to hear the assessment immediately. She wanted to help them save his life.
“Come on,” Matt said. “We’ll wait over here.” He directed Christy and Katie to the waiting area. The three of them sat on an empty couch in the corner. None of them spoke.
Christy felt her head throbbing as she closed her eyes and saw the sight of Gus all over again. The roof had been smashed down, the sides bashed in, and glass was everywhere.
Don’t take him to heaven, God! Please, not yet! Let me at least tell him I love him. He hasn’t heard me say it yet. Let me at least tell him. She dissolved into a puddle of choking tears.
Katie braced Christy with her arm and kept murmuring, “Hold on. Keep praying. Keep praying.”
Both of them managed to calm down. Christy realized for the first time that other people were in the waiting room, and she felt self-conscious about them watching her. Matt had gone to the edge of the waiting room and nervously paced, watching for the doctor. Christy turned to stare out the window at the parking lot, not saying anything. Her silent prayers became more coherent. God was with her. She knew that. She could feel His peace calming her.
“We should call his dad,” Christy said. She knew Todd’s phone number in Newport Beach by heart. She rose to find a phone. No one followed her, and she was glad because, for some reason, she thought she would be stronger if she was by herself. As she took each step toward the phone, she felt as if Jesus was walking right beside her.
The answering machine picked up the call, and Christy tried to calmly leave the appropriate information for Todd’s dad. Her hand was shaking, and her voice quivered so much that she didn’t know if she said everything correctly. If nothing else, his dad knew where they were.
Christy then called her parents. Her mom answered, and as soon as Christy heard her mom’s voice, she cried again.
Matt had come over to the phone area. He placed his hand on Christy’s shoulder and softly said, “Would you like me to talk to her?”
Christy nodded. The tears had drowned out her voice. Mat
t explained to Christy’s mom that they were at the hospital waiting to hear from the doctor.
Christy could hear her mom’s stunned voice through the receiver when she asked Matt, “Is Todd still alive?” For the first time Christy allowed the thought of his being dead to fully enter her mind. She backed up to the wall and pressed herself flat against it.
“We don’t know yet,” Christy heard Matt tell her mom. Then he said, “Yes, I think it would be good if you could come.” He gave the name of the hospital and then hung up the phone.
“Is there anyone else we should call?” Matt asked.
“Uncle Bob,” Christy said in a small voice. “Uncle Bob would want to be here.” She dialed the number for Matt and let him relay all the information.
“Do you want to go back to the waiting room?” Matt asked.
Christy didn’t answer him because she saw a doctor in a white coat heading in that direction. She hurried to catch up with him and asked if he had been taking care of Todd.
The doctor asked if they were friends or relatives.
“Friends,” Christy and Matt said in unison.
“We called his dad,” Christy said. “He wasn’t there, but we left a message for him to come to the hospital.”
“I see.” The doctor looked at Matt and then at Christy. “I can tell you this. It’s a miracle that he’s alive.”
Christy reached for Matt’s hand and squeezed it with all her might.
“The paramedics said they had never seen anyone come out of such an accident alive. Apparently the van rolled three times. The roof and the driver’s door and the whole front end were smashed, they said.”
“Yes,” Christy said nervously. “I saw the van. But how is Todd?”
The doctor looked over the top of his glasses at Christy. “We’ve moved him upstairs to surgery. My guess is it will be several hours before we can give a thorough assessment. Until then, if you or anyone else you know can donate blood, it looks like he’s going to need it. I’ll let you know when we learn more.”