Chapter 6
The waiting-
The next morning, all the Sanibel kids went to school. They were quickly replaced by kids who Peggy babysat. She really didn’t keep an eye on them, always lounging in her recliner watching day time television all day. She was nothing like the babysitters at the crisis nursery. At the Sanibel’s, the kids constantly ran in and out of the house, up and down the stairs, and she paid them no attention. At the crisis nursery, the babysitters gave the children all of their time and attention, vigilantly making sure they were safe and well watched. After observing Peggy, I decided she would have no idea if one the kids wandered across the road to the reservoir and drowned. I probably should have helped her out, but I figured if she didn’t care about the kid’s safety, then why should I?
I didn’t talk at the house. I had decided I wasn’t ready to share my voice with anyone else, for I knew they would ask me too many questions. When Peggy talked to me in front of everyone, I didn’t answer. She never forced me to speak around the others, even though she knew I could talk. I was thankful she respected me like that.
That evening for dinner, we had a feast of fish, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and homemade rolls. While we were eating, Peggy did something I wasn’t expecting. She told the kids my name.
“Kids, we are going to start calling Jane, Alora.”
“Alora, that is an awful name,” Alashia said.
“Yeah, who came up with that?” another of the kids said.
“I am not going to tell you yet where it came from,” Peggy answered. My stomach felt warm as I knew I could trust her. She respected my desire for silence.
“What if she hates it,” Angela said, staring at me. I kept stoned face. I didn’t want to give any emotion away.
“I think she will like it,” Peggy said. It was rather uncomfortable having everyone talk about me as if I wasn’t there.
After dinner, the older kids went to an activity at their church. I would later learn there seemed to always be an activity at their church. They spent a lot of their free time going there. They asked me if I wanted to come, but that was a big no.
After the kids left to church, Peggy came to me and asked, “How about you and I go fishing again?” I didn’t answer her, but she knew I wanted to go.
I really wasn’t sure if I liked fishing or not. There were some parts I enjoyed about it, like the thrill of feeling a fish on the line and trying to reel it in without losing it. It excited me when I got a fish bigger than Peggy’s fish, for she would carry on so long about it. I didn’t like putting the worm on, for I hated the brown gooey slime coming out of its body. I especially didn’t like how it would cake under my nails. I detested gutting the fish. But, the best part of it all was going out on the boat and having Peggy to myself. She seemed to open up, almost becoming a completely different person. I adored the Peggy on the boat. I also loved the enchantment of being out on the water when only the moon and stars were out.
We drove the boat to the loading spot, and she put it on the water. That night we caught three fish. In between catching the fish, there was a lot of silence. Peggy didn’t seem to mind, as she stretched out and closed her eyes. She must have been tired from a long day of watching TV.
After the first hour on the boat, I decided to talk again.
“Do you like having so many kids?”
Peggy flipped open her right eye lid, as if she thought it was the stupidest question ever. “I adore kids, adore them.” I wondered why, since she didn’t seem to do much with them.
“I am pretty sure families are usually smaller than yours, aren’t they?” I asked. I am not sure where my frame of reference came from, but it seemed like it would be the case.
“Yeah, the average family has one point five kids and a dog.” Peggy patted Taz, then said to the dog, using her high voice. “Yes, every family should have a doggie.” Taz eagerly wagged his tail, making the whole boat shake. I clutched the sides, scared we were going to tip, but thankfully, we never did. Taz went up to Peggy and licked her face. Peggy let out a hardy laugh.
“Our religion views children as a gift from God. We believe the foundation to a good nation is a strong family. We are encouraged to have children. Now, there are only few families who have as many as we do, and I am not sure why, because being a mom is the greatest thing in the world. So I don’t understand when people only stop at one or two. Most of the families in our church have two to six kids. I would feel empty if I only had six kids.
“We had always planned on having twelve kids. I am not sure why that number is so appealing to me, but it is. After Joshua was born, I had complications and lost my ability to have any more kids. It hurt to think I wasn’t going to have twelve. I got a little blue about it, but then I decided to sign up as a foster parent. So maybe God didn’t want me to have a twelfth kid, because he wanted me to open my home to you.”
I didn’t know what to say. It seemed kind of silly to me, but she seemed to believe it. I also found it weird how she would be depressed over not having twelve kids. I sure didn’t know what it was like to be a mother, but I could imagine I would be depressed if I had as many kids as she did.
We talked some more until she said, “I promised Mr. Sanibel I wouldn’t keep you out as late tonight.” She looked at her watch. “Mercy me, it is 11:30pm. How about we bring our lines in and call it a night?” I really didn’t want to leave. Being out on the reservoir was the only place I could find peace. Since moving in with the Sanibels, it was the only time during the day I wasn’t overloaded with constant noise.
…
The next morning, the Sanibel kids left to school while the babysat kids came over. During the coming and goings of each group, there was so much noise in the house with siblings quarreling among each other, babies crying as they watched their parents leave, battles for bathroom time, and brawling for breakfast. With everything going on, my anxiety level rose. I could feel my heart speed up as my nerves felt jittery. To drown out the loudness, Peggy turned her morning news up. She seemed calm and relaxed as she tuned out the world around her, never getting up once to help her kids get ready for school. Sometimes, she would meet the parents at the door who were dropping off their kids, but usually it was one of the Sanibel kids answering the door and carrying a screaming toddler in. There was a reception area where the parents didn’t see the rest of the house. After the Sanibel kids had gone to school, the babysat kids ran around the house screaming, fighting, playing, and crying. Peggy took a break from her precious television to fill bowls of cereal, quickly returning to her chair. As the day progressed, she transitioned from morning shows, to soap operas. She really had no idea what was going on with the kids. The atmosphere of chaos became too much for me, and I couldn’t take any more of it, so I went outside.
A feeling of repose settled on me as I left the house. The air was chilly and still. At the moment, there were no sounds to be heard, not even the sounds of birds. It was nice to have such peace. As I looked around, trying to decide what I wanted to do, the reservoir across the street caught my attention. A light fog hovered above it, grey waves lapped against the rocks. I wasn’t sure if I had Peggy’s permission to wander away, but the reservoir had put a spell on me, like it was calling my name and pulling me to it. Before I could stop myself, I was across the street and had climbed down the giant boulders to the water’s edge. A chill ran up my spine as the nip cold afternoon met me.
Standing on the rocks, I could see the wind create ripples in the water. In the daylight, everything was different. To my right, a group of brown and green ducks floated on the water. I wondered how they were not freezing as I pulled my sweater tighter around me. They swam away, trilling out beautiful sounds. I scanned the area, able to see more in the light of day. I enjoyed looking at the trees across the way and all the little homes surrounding the water’s edge. It was so brisk. I shuttered to the cold
as I noticed smoke billowing out of some of the chimneys. The air smelled of smoke, creating a serene atmosphere. I let out a sigh as I relaxed and picked up a handful of rocks and skipped them along the water’s edge, while I did, my mind naturally turned to the situation I was in. I sat down and thought about my life.
Where were my memories? I tried to conjure them up -anything- but it was blank. I had a slate with barely anything written on it. I strained my brain, trying to remember being a baby, or any small part of my life, but nothing came. Dark, depressing feelings entered me where memories should have been. I wanted something previous to the hospital. When several hours had passed, I stood up ready to return to the house. I scaled up the rocks and onto the dirt trail. I let my eyes follow the path around the reservoir, wondering if it went around the whole body of water. The yellow house was behind me with Peggy inside, rotting in her chair. She wasn’t looking for me. She probably had no idea I was gone. Forget about Peggy. She didn’t care what I did. I walked around the water. Freedom expanded on my insides as I made my own choice.
The whole area was placid and harmonious. I discovered the pathway did go around the reservoir. When I had circled the entire thing, I headed across the parking lot back to my new home. I was right, Peggy hadn’t even noticed I was gone.
…
Later, the kids came home from school. It was the weekend, making them extra wild. Boisterously, they ran around, making as much noise as humanly possible between their fights and horseplay. Eventually, Mike returned home and plopped himself in front of the TV and started a video game. When Peggy tried to protest it, he got after her.
“You want the TV? Really, isn’t that all you do is sit on your fat hinny and watch TV all day?”
“Doesn’t matter what I do. Honey Booboo is going to be on, and I really don’t want to miss it.”
“Honey Poopoo,” Mike said, laughing at his joke. Peggy frowned.
Despite her icy glares, he kept playing his video game, leaving Peggy with nothing to do but watch him from her chair. She eventually got up and went and rang the bell. The loud clanging hurt my ears as I covered them. Mike seemed oblivious to the discord as all the kids came running in. As his soul attention was on his game, grey light surrounded his body. I did a head count. There were thirty one kids crammed into the family room. In Peggy’s own words, “Mercy me!”
“Guess what night it is?” Peggy called out in delight.
“PIZZA NIGHT!” everyone except Mike sang back.
“Did anyone bring anything to donate?”
A few of the neighbor kids happily displayed their contributions. There was a packet of pepperoni, a 2liter of root beer, and a wilted green pepper.
“Good, good,” Peggy responded.
Since there was but room for only two to three people in the kitchen, Peggy went in it alone and filled up a cart full of fixings for making pizza. With her loaded cart, she passed through the family room and went into the dining room. All the kids gathered around the tables, helping to make the pizzas. As they did, I could feel a connection of unity. Even though little fights broke out, their activity drew the family close. Most everyone there had a violet aura. Even though they had all started with different auras, the more they worked together, the more the colors changed, running and mixing together. A large violet aura encompassed over everyone, bursting toward the ceiling.
The pizza process ended up taking almost three hours. When the pizzas were eaten, everyone gathered into the family room and a movie was put on. After the movie, only a few kids went home. Most of the neighbor kids spent the night, with the youngest being four. When I had gone to my bedroom to sleep, I found three kids in my bed, and two on the floor. I was bothered to have them in my room, but what could I do? One of my blankets had slipped off the bed and was lying on the ground. I picked it up and walked around the house, trying to find a place to sleep. All of the couches were taken, and all the spots on the floor were occupied with little kids.
Frustrated at having nowhere to sleep, I grabbed Taz and took him outside to the shed with me. Earlier, I had noticed a cot out there. I had intended to take the cot inside, but it was so peaceful out in the shed. I felt it was a sliver of the universe where I didn’t have to share with anyone except the dog. I repositioned the cot and climbed on it pulling the blanket over me. Unexpectedly, Taz jumped on me. There wasn’t room for him, but I let him stay, for he seemed to like me, and I figured he could keep me warm.
Despite the weight of the dog, I quickly fell asleep. The next day was Saturday, and I swear, even more kids showed up to the Sanibel home. Did none of the other kids in the neighborhood have homes to play at? Since I couldn’t handle any more racket, I spent as much time outside as I could. Exploring Mantua, I walked the small streets, pleasantly surprised when I came to the Happy Elm Camp Ground. It was such a cute little spot full of tents and trailers. I slowly walked through it, watching all the friends and families enjoying one another’s company. I wondered if I had ever gone camping before. It sure looked fun. Maybe the Sanibels went camping.
I spent much the whole day outside despite the frigid air. It was dark when I got home, only returning because my hands were numb and blue, and I wanted to get warm. Hot air met my face as I walked through the doors, with no one noticing my return. Peggy was snoring away in the recliner like she often did, a pool of drool glimmering on her left chin. Mike was parked in front of the TV playing video games, only pausing long enough to yell at the kids.
My stomach growled as I observed Peggy and Mike in the family room. I realized I had missed breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I knew how their family ate. There would be nothing left. No passed over scrap waiting for me. With an empty stomach, I went to go upstairs. As I passed Peggy, she woke up with a huge gasp of air. She looked frantic as if she had no idea where she was, but she soon calmed down. Rubbing her eyes, she noticed me.
“Hey, do you want to come with me?” she asked. I hoped she was offering to go to the reservoir with her. I didn’t answer. She slowly stood as a few of her joints creaked. She moaned and stopped moving, her hands rubbing various spots on her large body. When she stood straight without grimacing, she went to the closet and pulled down coats and headed outside. Trailing behind, I wasn’t disappointed because she went to the shed and moved the cot aside. Then, with the four-wheeler, she pulled out the boat. Taz jumped into the boat, and I hopped on the back of the four-wheeler.
…
After an hour of fishing, we hadn’t even had one bite on our poles. Disappointment gloomed within, but Peggy didn’t seem to care that we hadn’t caught anything. Soundlessly we sat there until Peggy finally broke the silence.
“Do you believe in God?” Peggy asked me.
I thought about her question. I wondered if I should answer, or stay mute. I hated answering questions about my past. I was wordless for a few minutes, then I decided to speak.
“I don’t know what I believe. Should I?”
“Well of course you should,” Peggy replied. “God is your father and he gave you life.”
There was silence.
“Do you believe in prayer?” she asked.
I wanted to be sarcastic with my answer. If I didn’t know if there was a God, then why would I pray to one? But instead, I shook my head no.
“God loves us so much, that he expects us to talk to him. That’s what prayer is. You are simply talking to your Father in Heaven. Have you noticed our family likes to pray? We pray for all meals, in the morning before work, and at night before bed.”
I had observed how they prayed before meals, but I think she was mistaken about any other time of day. Mornings and nights were so chaotic. I hadn’t seen them pray as a family. I had noticed during their meal prayers, it was the only time during the day there was peace and silence in their home. I surely would have recognized if they were praying more.
“I want you to do yoursel
f a favor. I want you to try prayer out. Experiment upon it. Tonight, before you go to bed, get on your knees and pray to God. Ask him to help you get your memory back.” She stopped and thought for a moment. She shook her head. “Well, maybe that isn’t the best prayer to say. Maybe your childhood was horrible and God doesn’t want you to remember it. Maybe not being able to remember anything is His gift to you. Okay, never mind what I said. Instead pray to discover who you are and to be at peace with it. And then during church tomorrow, I want you to focus on all the talks and lessons and see if you can find God.”
Whoa, she was asking a lot. “Do I have to go to church tomorrow?” I stammered. That didn’t sound appealing.
Peggy hooted out loud. “What do you mean, ‘do I have to?’ You get to, it’s a blessing to be able to go to church, and besides, right now, you are a Sanibel. All Sanibels go to church.”
My stomach dropped. I really wasn’t ready for that in my life.
When we were done fishing, the boat and four-wheeler were returned to the shed. My blanket was still on the cot.
“Can I sleep out here?” I asked.
Peggy shuttered, “There are spiders in here. Maybe you should come inside.”
“I slept out here last night.”
“Suit yourself,” Peggy said. She walked away from the shed then returned. She wrapped her thick body around mine and gave me a hug. It felt good.
“Have a good night,” she said kissing the top of my head, then she returned to the house.
I watched Peggy go inside then I closed the shed door and laid on the cot. Taz climbed on me. Quickly, we fell asleep.