Social Networking
(An excerpt from “Stupid Yoomins”)
It has already been mentioned in this guide, that Yoomins these days refer to communicate through the internet rather than face-to-face, even if they are sitting next to one another at the time. Then it is believed to be addictive, and it reminds you that you are an addict about every five minutes or less. If you find yourself tempted to join an online network site, then be prepared for what is to follow, and what will follow is a complete tirade of nudges and winks and beeps and buzzes, the like of which you have never envisaged in your entire life.
It all begins with you joining the site. Now you are visible to the whole world. From here on, it is all a huge rollercoaster ride. With your existence now known to others, you will be expected to accept someone as a ‘friend’. Do not be concerned. This will not necessarily be a Yoomin, merely a graphic image of one, in some hostelry, waving a pint of draught lager whilst pulling a face which makes them look like they are having a stroke. They do this, because they know that it makes them appear more interesting to strangers. Perhaps with a mild stretch of the imagination, it may be someone you just might want to know better. Now things will begin to snowball, because here on, every single thing they do, from the scratching of their head to the scratching of their backside, will be relayed to you on every single electronic device you own at every second of the day, then this might be something you would enjoy.
Here is a transcript of what you can come to expect.
YOU: Car knackered. I’m on my way to work, putting one foot in front of the other until I get there.
FRIEND: WTF? Me too. I am also putting one foot in front of the other and so forth, until I reach my destination.
SOCIAL NETWORK: If you like putting one foot in front of another until you end up in a place, why don’t you like, comment and share with this group here, conveniently entitled ‘The Literally putting one foot in front of the other, until you reach a place,’ page? The grinning buffoons below are all members. Join now and and exchange your humourous putting one foot in front of another until you reach a destination memes.
If it is something you may enjoy, then you can join in with other billions of beings on the planet and share images of all your meals. If you want to take it a little bit further, you could announce your visits to the lavatory. Please state whether it is a number one or a number two, to avoid any confusion.
No pictures.