32.
Sundry Devices of the Philistines
Meanwhile the People of the Field had watched Pseudopolis burn, andhad wondered what would befall them. They had not long to wonder,for next day the Fields were occupied, without any resistance by theinhabitants.
"The People of the Field," said they, "have never fought, and forthem to begin now would be a very unheard-of thing indeed."
So the Fields were captured by the Philistines, and Chloris andJurgen and all the People of the Field were judged summarily. Theywere declared to be obsolete illusions, whose merited doom was to berelegated to limbo. To Jurgen this appeared unreasonable.
"For I am no illusion," he asserted. "I am manifestly flesh andblood, and in addition, I am the high King of Eubonia, and no less.Why, in disputing these facts you contest circumstances that are sowell known hereabouts as to rank among mathematical certainties. Andthat makes you look foolish, as I tell you for your own good."
This vexed the leaders of the Philistines, as it always vexes peopleto be told anything for their own good. "We would have you know,"said they, "that we are not mathematicians; and that moreover, wehave no kings in Philistia, where all must do what seems to beexpected of them, and have no other law."
"How then can you be the leaders of Philistia?"
"Why, it is expected that women and priests should behaveunaccountably. Therefore all we who are women or priests do what wewill in Philistia, and the men there obey us. And it is we, thepriests of Philistia, who do not think you can possibly have anyflesh and blood under a shirt which we recognize to be aconventional figure of speech. It does not stand to reason. Andcertainly you could not ever prove such a thing by mathematics; andto say so is nonsense."
"But I can prove it by mathematics, quite irrefutably. I can proveanything you require of me by whatever means you may prefer," saidJurgen, modestly, "for the simple reason that I am a monstrousclever fellow."
Then spoke the wise Queen Dolores, saying: "I have studiedmathematics. I will question this young man, in my tent to-night,and in the morning I will report the truth as to his claims. Are youcontent to endure this interrogatory, my spruce young fellow whowear the shirt of a king?"
Jurgen looked full upon her: she was lovely as a hawk is lovely: andof all that Jurgen saw Jurgen approved. He assumed the rest to be inkeeping: and deduced that Dolores was a fine woman.
"Madame and Queen," said Jurgen, "I am content. And I can promise todeal fairly with you."
So that evening Jurgen was conducted into the purple tent of QueenDolores of Philistia. It was quite dark there, and Jurgen went inalone, and wondering what would happen next: but this scenteddarkness he found of excellent augury, if only because it preventedhis shadow from following him.
"Now, you who claim to be flesh and blood, and King of Eubonia,too," says the voice of Queen Dolores, "what is this nonsense youwere talking about proving any such claims by mathematics?"
"Well, but my mathematics," replied Jurgen, "are Praxagorean."
"What, do you mean Praxagoras of Cos?"
"As if," scoffed Jurgen, "anybody had ever heard of any otherPraxagoras!"
"But he, as I recall, belonged to the medical school of theDogmatici," observed the wise Queen Dolores, "and was particularlycelebrated for his researches in anatomy. Was he, then, also amathematician?"
"The two are not incongruous, madame, as I would be delighted todemonstrate."
"Oh, nobody said that! For, indeed, it does seem to me I have heardof this Praxagorean system of mathematics, though, I confess, I havenever studied it."
"Our school, madame, postulates, first of all, that since thescience of mathematics is an abstract science, it is best inculcatedby some concrete example."
Said the Queen: "But that sounds rather complicated."
"It occasionally leads to complications," Jurgen admitted, "througha choice of the wrong example. But the axiom is no less true."
"Come, then, and sit next to me on this couch if you can find it inthe dark; and do you explain to me what you mean."
"Why, madame, by a concrete example I mean one that is perceptibleto any of the senses--as to sight or hearing, or touch--"
"Oh, oh!" said the Queen, "now I perceive what you mean by aconcrete example. And grasping this, I can understand thatcomplications must of course arise from a choice of the wrongexample."
"Well, then, madame, it is first necessary to implant in you, by theforce of example, a lively sense of the peculiar character, andvirtues and properties, of each of the numbers upon which is basedthe whole science of Praxagorean mathematics. For in order toconvince you thoroughly, we must start far down, at the beginning ofall things."
"I see," said the Queen, "or rather, in this darkness I cannot seeat all, but I perceive your point. Your opening interests me: andyou may go on."
"Now ONE, or the monad," says Jurgen, "is the principle and the endof all: it reveals the sublime knot which binds together the chainof causes: it is the symbol of identity, of equality, of existence,of conservation, and of general harmony." And Jurgen emphasizedthese characteristics vigorously. "In brief, ONE is a symbol of theunion of things: it introduces that generating virtue which is thecause of all combinations: and consequently ONE is a goodprinciple."
"Ah, ah!" said Queen Dolores, "I heartily admire a good principle.But what has become of your concrete example?"
"It is ready for you, madame: there is but ONE Jurgen."
"Oh, I assure you, I am not yet convinced of that. Still, theaudacity of your example will help me to remember ONE, whether ornot you prove to be really unique."
"Now, TWO, or the dyad, the origin of contrasts--"
Jurgen went on penetratingly to demonstrate that TWO was a symbol ofdiversity and of restlessness and of disorder, ending in collapseand separation: and was accordingly an evil principle. Thus was thelife of every man made wretched by the struggle between his TWOcomponents, his soul and his body; and thus was the rapture ofexpectant parents considerably abated by the advent of TWINS.
THREE, or the triad, however, since everything was composed of threesubstances, contained the most sublime mysteries, which Jurgen dulycommunicated. We must remember, he pointed out, that Zeus carried aTRIPLE thunderbolt, and Poseidon a TRIDENT, whereas Ades was guardedby a dog with THREE heads: this in addition to the omnipotentbrothers themselves being a TRIO.
Thus Jurgen continued to impart the Praxagorean significance of eachdigit separately: and by and by the Queen was declaring his flow ofwisdom was superhuman.
"Ah, but, madame, not even the wisdom of a king is without limit.EIGHT, I repeat, then, is appropriately the number of theBeatitudes. And NINE, or the ennead, also, being the multiple ofTHREE, should be regarded as sacred--"
The Queen attended docilely to his demonstration of the peculiarproperties of NINE. And when he had ended she confessed that beyonddoubt NINE should be regarded as miraculous. But she repudiated hisanalogues as to the muses, the lives of a cat, and how many tailorsmade a man.
"Rather, I shall remember always," she declared, "that King Jurgenof Eubonia is a NINE days' wonder."
"Well, madame," said Jurgen, with a sigh, "now that we have reachedNINE, I regret to say we have exhausted the digits."
"Oh, what a pity!" cried Queen Dolores. "Nevertheless, I willconcede the only illustration I disputed; there is but ONE Jurgen:and certainly this Praxagorean system of mathematics is afascinating study." And promptly she commenced to plan Jurgen'sreturn with her into Philistia, so that she might perfect herself inthe higher branches of mathematics. "For you must teach me calculusand geometry and all other sciences in which these digits areemployed. We can arrange some compromise with the priests. That isalways possible with the priests of Philistia, and indeed thepriests of Sesphra can be made to help anybody in anything. And asfor your Hamadryad, I will attend to her myself."
"But, no," says Jurgen, "I am ready enough in all conscience tocompromise elsewhere: but to compound with the forces of Philisti
ais the one thing I cannot do."
"Do you mean that, King Jurgen?" The Queen was astounded.
"I mean it, my dear, as I mean nothing else. You are in many ways anadmirable people, and you are in all ways a formidable people. So Iadmire, I dread, I avoid, and at the very last pinch I defy. For youare not my people, and willy-nilly my gorge rises against your laws,as equally insane and abhorrent. Mind you, though, I assert nothing.You may be right in attributing wisdom to these laws; and certainlyI cannot go so far as to say you are wrong: but still, at the sametime--! That is the way I feel about it. So I, who compromise witheverything else, can make no compromise with Philistia. No, myadored Dolores, it is not a virtue, rather it is an instinct withme, and I have no choice."
Even Dolores, who was Queen of all the Philistines, could perceivethat this man spoke truthfully. "I am sorry," says she, with realregret, "for you could be much run after in Philistia."
"Yes," said Jurgen, "as an instructor in mathematics."
"But, no, King Jurgen, not only in mathematics," said Dolores,reasonably. "There is poetry, for instance! For they tell me you area poet, and a great many of my people take poetry quite seriously, Ibelieve. Of course, I do not have much time for reading, myself. Soyou can be the Poet Laureate of Philistia, on any salary you like.And you can teach us all your ideas by writing beautiful poems aboutthem. And you and I can be very happy together."
"Teach, teach! there speaks Philistia, and very temptingly, too,through an adorable mouth, that would bribe me with praise and finefood and soft days forever. It is a thing that happens rather often,though. And I can but repeat that art is not a branch of pedagogy!"
"Really I am heartily sorry. For apart from mathematics, I like you,King Jurgen, just as a person."
"I, too, am sorry, Dolores. For I confess to a weakness for thewomen of Philistia."
"Certainly you have given me no cause to suspect you of any weaknessin that quarter," observed Dolores, "in the long while you have beenalone with me, and have talked so wisely and have reasoned sodeeply. I am afraid that after to-night I shall find all other menmore or less superficial. Heigho! and I shall probably weep my eyesout to-morrow when you are relegated to limbo. For that is what thepriests will do with you, King Jurgen, on one plea or another, ifyou do not conform to the laws of Philistia."
"And that one compromise I cannot make! Ah, but even now I have aplan wherewith to escape your priests: and failing that, I possess acantrap to fall back upon in my hour of direst need. My privateaffairs are thus not yet in a hopeless or even in a dejectedcondition. This fact now urges me to observe that TEN, or thedecade, is the measure of all, since it contains all the numericrelations and harmonies--"
So they continued their study of mathematics until it was time forJurgen to appear again before his judges.
And in the morning Queen Dolores sent word to her priests that shewas too sleepy to attend their council, but that the man wasindisputably flesh and blood, amply deserved to be a king, and as amathematician had not his peer.
Now these points being settled, the judges conferred, and Jurgen wasdecreed a backslider into the ways of undesirable error. His judgeswere the priests of Vel-Tyno and Sesphra and Ageus, who are the Godsof Philistia.
Then the priest of Ageus put on his spectacles and consulted thecanonical law, and declared that this change in the indictmentnecessitated a severance of Jurgen from the others, in theinfliction of punishment.
"For each, of course, must be relegated to the limbo of his fathers,as was foretold, in order that the prophecies may be fulfilled.Religion languishes when prophecies are not fulfilled. Now itappears that the forefathers of the flesh and blood prisoner were ofa different faith from the progenitors of these obsolete illusions,and that his fathers foretold quite different things, and that theirlimbo was called Hell."
"It is little you know," says Jurgen, "of the religion of Eubonia."
"We have it written down in this great book," the priest of Vel-Tynothen told him,--"every word of it without blot or error."
"Then you will see that the King of Eubonia is the head of thechurch there, and changes all the prophecies at will. LearnedGowlais says so directly: and the judicious Stevegonius was forcedto agree with him, however unwillingly, as you will instantlydiscover by consulting the third section of his widely famousnineteenth chapter."
"Both Gowlais and Stevegonius were probably notorious heretics,"says the priest of Ageus. "I believe that was settled once for allat the Diet of Orthumar."
"Eh!" says Jurgen. He did not like this priest. "Now I will wager,sirs," Jurgen continued, a trifle patronizingly, "that you gentlemenhave not read Gowlais, or even Stevegonius, in the light ofVossler's commentaries. And that is why you underrate them."
"I at least have read every word that was ever written by any ofthese three," replied the priest of Sesphra--"and with, as I needhardly say, the liveliest abhorrence. And this Gowlais inparticular, as I hasten to agree with my learned confrere, is a mostnotorious heretic--"
"Oh, sir," said Jurgen, horrified, "whatever are you telling meabout Gowlais!"
"I tell you that I have been roused to indignation by his_Historia de Bello Veneris_--"
"You surprise me: still--"
"--Shocked by his _Pornoboscodidascolo_--"
"I can hardly believe it: even so, you must grant--"
"--And horrified by his _Liber de immortalitate Mentulae_--"
"Well, conceding you that earlier work, sir, yet, at the sametime--"
"--And have been disgusted by his _De modo coeundi_--"
"Ah, but, none the less--"
"--And have shuddered over the unspeakable enormities ofhis _Erotopaegnion!_ of his _Cinaedica!_ and especially of his_Epipedesis_, that most pestilential and abominable book,_quem sine horrore nemo potest legere_--"
"Still, you cannot deny--"
"--And have read also all the confutations of this detestableGowlais: as those of Zanchius, Faventinus, Lelius Vincentius,Lagalla, Thomas Giaminus, and eight other admirable commentators--"
"You are very exact, sir: but--"
"--And that, in short, I have read every book you can imagine," saysthe priest of Sesphra.
The shoulders of Jurgen rose to his ears, and Jurgen silently flungout his hands, palms upward.
"For, I perceive," says Jurgen, to himself, "that this Realist istoo circumstantial for me. None the less, he invents his facts: itis by citing books which never existed that he publicly confutes theGowlais whom I invented privately: and that is not fair. Now thereremains only one chance for Jurgen; but luckily that chance issure."
"Why are you fumbling in your pocket?" asks the old priest of Ageus,fidgeting and peering.
"Aha, you may well ask!" cried Jurgen. He unfolded the cantrap whichhad been given him by the Master Philologist, and which Jurgen hadtreasured against the time when more was needed than a glib tongue."O most unrighteous judges," says Jurgen, sternly, "now hear andtremble! 'At the death of Adrian the Fifth, Pedro Juliani, whoshould be named John the Twentieth, was through an error in thereckoning elevated to the papal chair as John the Twenty-first!'"
"Hah, and what have we to do with that?" inquired the priest ofVel-Tyno, with raised eyebrows. "Why are you telling us of theseirrelevant matters?"
"Because I thought it would interest you," said Jurgen. "It was afact that appeared to me rather amusing. So I thought I wouldmention it."
"Then you have very queer ideas of amusement," they told him. AndJurgen perceived that either he had not employed his cantrapcorrectly or else that its magic was unappreciated by the leaders ofPhilistia.