7.
Of Compromises on a Wednesday
So it was that, riding upon a horse whose bridle was marked with acoronet, the pawnbroker returned to a place, and to a moment, whichhe remembered. It was rather queer to be a fine young fellow again,and to foresee all that was to happen for the next twenty years.
As it chanced, the first person he encountered was his mother Azra,whom Coth had loved very greatly but not long. And Jurgen talkedwith Azra of what clothes he would be likely to need in Gatinais,and of how often he would write to her. She disparaged the new shirthe was wearing, as was to be expected, since Azra had alwayspreferred to select her son's clothing rather than trust to Jurgen'staste. His new horse she admitted to be a handsome animal; and onlyhoped he had not stolen it from anybody who would get him intotrouble. For Azra, it must be recorded, had never any confidence inher son; and was the only woman, Jurgen felt, who really understoodhim.
And now as his beautiful young mother impartially petted and snappedat him, poor Jurgen thought of that very real dissension andseverance which in the oncoming years was to arise between them; andof how she would die without his knowing of her death for two wholemonths; and of how his life thereafter would be changed, somehow,and the world would become an unstable place in which you could nolonger put cordial faith. And he foreknew all the remorse he was toshrug away, after the squandering of so much pride and love. Butthese things were not yet: and besides, these things wereinevitable.
"And yet that these things should be inevitable is decidedly notfair," said Jurgen.
So it was with all the persons he encountered. The people whom heloved when at his best as a fine young fellow were so very soon, andthrough petty causes, to become nothing to him, and he himself wasto be converted into a commonplace tradesman. And living seemed toJurgen a wasteful and inequitable process.
Then Jurgen left the home of his youth, and rode toward Bellegarde,and tethered his horse upon the heath, and went into the castle.Thus Jurgen came to Dorothy. She was lovely and dear, and yet, bysome odd turn, not quite so lovely and dear as the Dorothy he hadseen in the garden between dawn and sunrise. And Dorothy, likeeverybody else, praised Jurgen's wonderful new shirt.
"It is designed for such festivals," said Jurgen, modestly--"alittle notion of my own. A bit extreme, some persons might considerit, but there is no pleasing everybody. And I like a trifle ofcolor."
For there was a masque that night at the castle of Bellegarde: andwildly droll and sad it was to Jurgen to remember what was to befallso many of the participants.
Jurgen had not forgotten this Wednesday, this ancient Wednesday uponwhich Messire de Montors had brought the Confraternity of St. Medardfrom Brunbelois, to enact a masque of The Birth of Hercules, as thevagabonds were now doing, to hilarious applause. Jurgen rememberedit was the day before Bellegarde discovered that Count Emmerick'sguest, the Vicomte de Puysange, was in reality the notorious outlaw,Perion de la Foret. Well, yonder the yet undetected impostor wastalking very earnestly with Dame Melicent: and Jurgen knew all thatwas in store for this pair of lovers.
Meanwhile, as Jurgen reflected, the real Vicomte de Puysange was atthis moment lying in a delirium, yonder at Benoit's: to-morrow thetrue Vicomte would be recognized, and within the year the Vicomtewould have married Felise de Soyecourt, and later Jurgen would meether, in the orchard; and Jurgen knew what was to happen then also.
And Messire de Montors was watching Dame Melicent, sidewise, whilehe joked with little Ettarre, who was this night permitted to stayup later than usual, in honor of the masque: and Jurgen knew thatthis young bishop was to become Pope of Rome, no less; and that thechild he joked with was to become the woman for possession of whomGuiron des Rocques and the surly-looking small boy yonder, Maugisd'Aigremont, would contend with each other until the countryhereabouts had been devastated, and the castle wherein Jurgen nowwas had been besieged, and this part of it burned. And wildly drolland sad it was to Jurgen thus to remember all that was going tohappen to these persons, and to all the other persons who werefrolicking in the shadow of their doom and laughing at this trivialmasque.
For here--with so much of ruin and failure impending, and withsorrow prepared so soon to smite a many of these revellers in waysforeknown to Jurgen; and with death resistlessly approaching sosoon to make an end of almost all this company in some unlovelyfashion that Jurgen foreknew exactly,--here laughter seemedunreasonable and ghastly. Why, but Reinault yonder, who laughed soloud, with his cropped head flung back: would Reinault be laughingin quite this manner if he knew the round strong throat he thusexposed was going to be cut like the throat of a calf, while threeBurgundians held him? Jurgen knew this thing was to befall ReinaultVinsauf before October was out. So he looked at Reinault's throat,and shudderingly drew in his breath between set teeth.
"And he is worth a score of me, this boy!" thought Jurgen: "and itis I who am going to live to be an old fellow, with my bit of landin fee, years after dirt clogs those bright generous eyes, and yearsafter this fine big-hearted boy is wasted! And I shall forget allabout him, too. Marion l'Edol, that very pretty girl behind him, isto become a blotched and toothless haunter of alleys, a leeringplucker at men's sleeves! And blue-eyed Colin here, with his babymouth, is to be hanged for that matter of coin-clipping--let merecall, now,--yes, within six years of to-night! Well, but in a way,these people are blessed in lacking foresight. For they laugh, and Icannot laugh, and to me their laughter is more terrible thanweeping. Yes, they may be very wise in not glooming over what isinevitable; and certainly I cannot go so far as to say they arewrong: but still, at the same time--! And assuredly, living seems tome in everything a wasteful and inequitable process."
Thus Jurgen, while the others passed a very pleasant evening.
And presently, when the masque was over, Dorothy and Jurgen went outupon the terrace, to the east of Bellegarde, and so came to anunforgotten world of moonlight. They sat upon a bench of carvedstone near the balustrade which overlooked the highway: and the boyand the girl gazed wistfully beyond the highway, over luminousvalleys and tree-tops. Just so they had sat there, as Jurgenperfectly remembered, when Mother Sereda first used this Wednesday.
"My Heart's Desire," says Jurgen, "I am sad to-night. For I amthinking of what life will do to us, and what offal the years willmake of you and me."
"My own sweetheart," says she, "and do we not know very well what isto happen?" And Dorothy began to talk of all the splendid thingsthat Jurgen was to do, and of the happy life which was to be theirstogether.
"It is horrible," he said: "for we are more fine than we shall everbe hereafter. We have a splendor for which the world has noemployment. It will be wasted. And such wastage is not fair."
"But presently you will be so and so," says she: and fondly predictsall manner of noble exploits which, as Jurgen remembered, had onceseemed very plausible to him also. Now he had clearer knowledge asto the capacities of the boy of whom he had thought so well.
"No, Heart's Desire: no, I shall be quite otherwise."
"--and to think how proud I shall be of you! 'But then I always knewit', I shall tell everybody, very condescendingly--"
"No, Heart's Desire: for you will not think of me at all."
"Ah, sweetheart! and can you really believe that I shall ever care asnap of my fingers for anybody but you?"
Then Jurgen laughed a little; for Heitman Michael came now acrossthe lonely terrace, in search of Madame Dorothy: and Jurgen foreknewthis was the man to whom within two months of this evening Dorothywas to give her love and all the beauty that was hers, and with whomshe was to share the ruinous years which lay ahead.
But the girl did not know this, and Dorothy gave a little shrugginggesture. "I have promised to dance with him, and so I must. But theold fellow is a great plague."
For Heitman Michael was nearing thirty, and this to Dorothy andJurgen was an age that bordered upon senility.
"Now, by heaven," said Jurgen, "wherever Heitman Michael does hisnext dancing it will not
be hereabouts."
Jurgen had decided what he must do.
And then Heitman Michael saluted them civilly. "But I fear I mustrob you of this fair lady, Master Jurgen," says he.
Jurgen remembered that the man had said precisely this a score ofyears ago; and that Jurgen had mumbled polite regrets, and had stoodaside while Heitman Michael bore off Dorothy to dance with him. Andthis dance had been the beginning of intimacy between HeitmanMichael and Dorothy.
"Heitman," says Jurgen, "the bereavement which you threaten is veryhappily spared me, since, as it happens, the next dance is to bemine."
"We can but leave it to the lady," says Heitman Michael, laughing.
"Not I," says Jurgen. "For I know too well what would come of that.I intend to leave my destiny to no one."
"Your conduct, Master Jurgen, is somewhat strange," observed HeitmanMichael.
"Ah, but I will show you a thing yet stranger. For, look you, thereseem to be three of us here on this terrace. Yet I can assure youthere are four."
"Read me the riddle, my boy, and have done."
"The fourth of us, Heitman, is a goddess that wears a speckledgarment and has black wings. She can boast of no temples, and nopriests cry to her anywhere, because she is the only deity whom noprayers can move or any sacrifices placate. I allude, sir, to theeldest daughter of Nox and Erebus."
"You speak of death, I take it."
"Your apprehension, Heitman, is nimble. Even so, it is not quickenough, I fear, to forerun the whims of goddesses. Indeed, whatperson could have foreseen that this implacable lady would havetaken such a strong fancy for your company."
"Ah, my young bantam," replies Heitman Michael, "it is quite truethat she and I are acquainted. I may even boast of having despatchedone or two stout warriors to serve her underground. Now, as I divineyour meaning, you plan that I should decrease her obligation bysending her a whippersnapper."
"My notion, Heitman, is that since this dark goddess is about toleave us, she should not, in common gallantry, be permitted to gohence unaccompanied. I propose, therefore, that we forthwith decidewho is to be her escort."
Now Heitman Michael had drawn his sword. "You are insane. But youextend an invitation which I have never yet refused."
"Heitman," cries Jurgen, in honest gratitude and admiration, "I bearyou no ill-will. But it is highly necessary you die to-night, inorder that my soul may not perish too many years before my body."
With that he too whipped out his sword.
So they fought. Now Jurgen was a very acceptable swordsman, but fromthe start he found in Heitman Michael his master. Jurgen had neverreckoned upon that, and he considered it annoying. If HeitmanMichael perforated Jurgen the future would be altered, certainly,but not quite as Jurgen had decided it ought to be remodeled. Sothis unlooked-for complication seemed preposterous, and Jurgen beganto be irritated by the suspicion that he was getting himself killedfor nothing at all.
Meanwhile his unruffled tall antagonist seemed but to play withJurgen, so that Jurgen was steadily forced back toward thebalustrade. And presently Jurgen's sword was twisted from his hand,and sent flashing over the balustrade, into the public highway.
"So now, Master Jurgen," says Heitman Michael, "that is the end ofyour nonsense. Why, no, there is not any occasion to posture like astatue. I do not intend to kill you. Why the devil's name, should I?To do so would only get me an ill name with your parents: andbesides it is infinitely more pleasant to dance with this lady, justas I first intended." And he turned gaily toward Madame Dorothy.
But Jurgen found this outcome of affairs insufferable. This man wasstronger than he, this man was of the sort that takes and usesgallantly all the world's prizes which mere poets can butrespectfully admire. All was to do again: Heitman Michael, in hisown hateful phrase, would act just as he had first intended, andJurgen would be brushed aside by the man's brute strength. This manwould take away Dorothy, and leave the life of Jurgen to become abusiness which Jurgen remembered with distaste. It was unfair.
So Jurgen snatched out his dagger, and drove it deep into theundefended back of Heitman Michael. Three times young Jurgen stabbedand hacked the burly soldier, just underneath the left ribs. Even inhis fury Jurgen remembered to strike on the left side.
It was all very quickly done. Heitman Michael's arms jerked upward,and in the moonlight his fingers spread and clutched. He madecurious gurgling noises. Then the strength went from his knees, sothat he toppled backward. His head fell upon Jurgen's shoulder,resting there for an instant fraternally; and as Jurgen shudderedaway from the abhorred contact, the body of Heitman Michaelcollapsed. Now he lay staring upward, dead at the feet of hismurderer. He was horrible looking, but he was quite dead.
"What will become of you?" Dorothy whispered, after a while. "Oh,Jurgen, it was foully done, that which you did was infamous! Whatwill become of you, my dear?"
"I will take my doom," says Jurgen, "and without whimpering, so thatI get justice. But I shall certainly insist upon justice." ThenJurgen raised his face to the bright heavens. "The man was strongerthan I and wanted what I wanted. So I have compromised withnecessity, in the only way I could make sure of getting that whichwas requisite to me. I cry for justice to the power that gave himstrength and gave me weakness, and gave to each of us his desires.That which I have done, I have done. Now judge!"
Then Jurgen tugged and shoved the heavy body of Heitman Michael,until it lay well out of sight, under the bench upon which Jurgenand Dorothy had been sitting. "Rest there, brave sir, until theyfind you. Come to me now, my Heart's Desire. Good, that isexcellent. Here I sit with my true love, upon the body of my enemy.Justice is satisfied, and all is quite as it should be. For you mustunderstand that I have fallen heir to a fine steed, whose bridle ismarked with a coronet,--prophetically, I take it,--and upon thissteed you will ride pillion with me to Lisuarte. There we will finda priest to marry us. We will go together into Gatinais. Meanwhile,there is a bit of neglected business to be attended to." And he drewthe girl close to him.
For Jurgen was afraid of nothing now. And Jurgen thought:
"Oh, that I could detain the moment! that I could make some fittingverses to preserve this moment in my own memory! Could I but getinto words the odor and the thick softness of this girl's hair as myhands, that are a-quiver in every nerve of them, caress her hair;and get into enduring words the glitter and the cloudy shadowings ofher hair in this be-drenching moonlight! For I shall forget all thisbeauty, or at best I shall remember this moment very dimly."
"You have done very wrong--" says Dorothy.
Says Jurgen, to himself: "Already the moment passes this miserablyhappy moment wherein once more life shudders and stands heart-strickenat the height of bliss! it passes, and I know even as I lift this girl'ssoft face to mine, and mark what faith and submissiveness and expectancyis in her face, that whatever the future holds for us, and whatever ofhappiness we two may know hereafter, we shall find no instant happierthan this, which passes from us irretrievably while I am thinking aboutit, poor fool, in place of rising to the issue."
"--And heaven only knows what will become of you Jurgen--"
Says Jurgen, still to himself: "Yes, something must remain to me ofall this rapture, though it be only guilt and sorrow: something Imean to wrest from this high moment which was once wastedfruitlessly. Now I am wiser: for I know there is not any memory withless satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation weresisted. So I will not waste the one real passion I have known, norleave unfed the one desire which ever caused me for a heart-beat toforget to think about Jurgen's welfare. And thus, whatever happens,I shall not always regret that I did not avail myself of this girl'slove before it was taken from me."
So Jurgen made such advances as seemed good to him. And he noted,with amusing memories of how much afraid he had once been ofshocking his Dorothy's notions of decorum, that she did not repulsehim very vigorously.
"Here, over a dead body! Oh, Jurgen, this is horrible! Now, Jurgen,remember that somebody may
come any minute! And I thought I couldtrust you! Ah, and is this all the respect you have for me!" Thismuch she said in duty. Meanwhile the eyes of Dorothy were dilatedand very tender.
"Faith, I take no chances, this second time. And so whateverhappens, I shall not always regret that which I left undone."
Now upon his lips was laughter, and his arms were about thesubmissive girl. And in his heart was an unnamable depression and aloneliness, because it seemed to him that this was not the Dorothywhom he had seen in the garden between dawn and sunrise. For in myarms now there is just a very pretty girl who is not over-careful inher dealings with young men, thought Jurgen, as their lips met.Well, all life is a compromise; and a pretty girl is somethingtangible, at any rate. So he laughed, triumphantly, and prepared forthe sequel.
But as Jurgen laughed triumphantly, with his arm beneath the head ofDorothy, and with the tender face of Dorothy passive beneath his lips,and with unreasonable wistfulness in his heart, the castle bell tolledmidnight. What followed was curious: for as Wednesday passed, the faceof Dorothy altered, her flesh roughened under his touch, and her cheeksfell away, and fine lines came about her eyes, and she became theCountess Dorothy whom Jurgen remembered as Heitman Michael's wife.There was no doubt about it, in that be-drenching moonlight: and shewas leering at him, and he was touching her everywhere, this horriblelascivious woman, who was certainly quite old enough to know betterthan to permit such liberties. And her breath was sour and nauseous.Jurgen drew away from her, with a shiver of loathing, and he closed hiseyes, to shut away that sensual face.
"No," he said; "it would not be fair to what we owe to others. Infact, it would be a very heinous sin. We should weigh suchconsiderations occasionally, madame."
Then Jurgen left his temptress, with simple dignity. "I go to searchfor my dear wife, madame, in a frame of mind which I would stronglyadvise you to adopt toward your husband."
And he went straightway down the terraces of Bellegarde, and turnedsouthward to where his horse was tethered upon Amneran Heath: andJurgen was feeling very virtuous.