“I am so frightened, Chad,” Joanna said, sitting in the front seat twisting her hands in her lap. Chad looked over at her as he drove and smiled.
They were finally doing it. They were going home.
“Don’t be, honey.” He patted her lap and looked back at the road. The car was loaded down with their belongings.
The two children in the back of the car were busily counting the unfortunate dead animals that had been struck by the oncoming traffic.
“Besides, Mara-Joy can’t still be mad after all these years. My God, we were never happily married together anyway.”
“Chad, don’t you remember my sister at all?” Joanna’s eyebrows rose in amusement. “You can guarantee she is still royally peeved. Besides, it’s not her
I’m worried about. It’s Ma and Pa and the other girls.” Joanna placed her hand on Chad’s lap. It was warm and familiar.
After more than seven years together
she still felt as though they were falling in love for the first time.
“I left so abruptly. Without a word to anyone. My poor parents, they must have been devastated. They didn’t even know about you Chad.”
“They loved you before, they will love you again.” He reached for her hand on his lap. “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”
“Yes.” She smiled softly, placing her head on his shoulder. It had all been worth it. Loving Chad meant loosing her family but she had gained so much in return.
“But I never get tired of hearing it.” Joanna beamed out the window as she watched the trees zoom by, blending into one green blurb.
“I love you, Mommy and Daddy!” Jena’s musical voice sung from behind them. The blonde-haired seven year old sat up closer so she could see her parents better, her green eyes twinkling.
“Me too! Me too!” Five-year-old Charles pushed his sister out of the way, wanting to be the center of attention. His brown hair so like his father’s was tasseled on his smooth forehead. Joanna looked at her two children, amazed. She still couldn’t believe these two beauties were made from their love.
“Charlie, stop it!” Jena shoved back, “Mommy, tell him to quit pushing me!”
Joanna reached over the seat and put a gentle hand on her young son’s arm.
Charles sat back and crossed his arms angrily across his chest.
“At least I have this family,” Joanna replied smiling warmly at the boy’s resemblance to his father.
“You will have your other family too,” Chad reassured, not taking his eyes off the road.
They reached Chad’s parent’s house and were greeted with hugs and kisses.
Alexandria and Neil Willis were ecstatic to have their son and his family home with them. They loved the children and were beside themselves with happiness knowing that they would be able to take part in their lives as they continued to grow up.
“Well, look at her!” Alex huffed in disbelief, standing in the open doorway.
She placed her hands on her round hips and chuckled. Jena, not being a shy girl, was tugging her own suitcase up the stairs of her grandparents’ house.
Elbowing her thin husband in the ribs, Alex said with pride,
“Neil can you believe this little one?”
“Hello, Grandmother,” Jena said through strained teeth as she carried her suitcase diligently up each step. “It’s me, Jena.”
“I see that,” Alex replied, her large chest puffed out like a hen. She too was not shy and she could see herself in her granddaughter. “Neil, have you ever seen such green eyes! Who does she look like?”
“My mommy tells me I look like my aunt Constance,” Jena said with pride as she reached the top of the steps. “She said when I was born I had a tuft of blond hair on my head and so she said to Daddy, ‘That is my sister’s hair.’ And that is why my middle name is Constance after my aunt, who I never met before, but I look like her.” Jena sighed and caught her breath.
“My, your aunt must be beautiful.” Alex laughed. She knew who Constance was and Jena was right. She did look like her.
“I don’t know if she is or not because I have never met her. Mommy moved away with Daddy and has never seen her since.”
Joanna came up behind Jena and smiled down on her standing solemnly, clutching her suitcase.
“All right, motor mouth, let’s get inside before you talk your grandmother’s ear off,” Joanna said, easing Jena on.
“Well, Jena, the name is appropriate.” Alex said. “I too was named after a relative. My grandmother. ‘Granny,’ as I called her. It would please me very much if you and your brother would call me ‘Granny’.” Charles had just come up the stairs followed by Chad.
“What is your real name, Granny?” Jena asked, her sea green eyes dancing.
The plump woman already adored her granddaughter. It amused her how spunky Jena was. She reminded Alex of herself. She had never been one to keep a closed lip either.
“Alexandria.” Alex smiled
“I like the name Alexandria. I’m going to name my daughter after you, Granny.”
“Oh my, aren’t you just precious. Neil have you ever seen such a child?” Alex said, clutching her chest tightly.
Short and balding, Neil just smiled back at his wife. He was a quiet man, not prone to many words, but this child made him want to laugh. Alex had surely met her match.
“She is a pistol, Alex. And look at our grandson—he is the spitting image of his father,” Neil said while patting Charles on the head. Charles looked up at his grandfather with delight written all over his face. He liked when people told him he looked like his dad. It made him feel like a man.
Joanna had a warm feeling envelop her entire body. Chad’s family was so warm and inviting. She watched her family as they talked with the older Willises. Chad stood proudly beside his children, a hand on either shoulder. They were the apples of his eye.
His prized possessions. She chuckled to herself.
After all these years she still felt like her love for Chad was just a dream. Never had she been loved so wholly and completely. And the children were such a blessing, two precious gifts she was able to give to the man she loved.
How Chad loved the children! It was a shame to think that he had almost lost his chance at fatherhood.
Joanna pushed those thoughts out of her head. Chad was not Mara-Joy’s husband anymore and hadn’t been for a long time. He was her husband and the father of her children.
That was a fact.
The image of her parents’ faces invaded her consciousness.
Her love for Chad had made her lose her parents, the children’s grandparents.
A ball formed in the back of Joanna’s throat, thick as molasses.
Could her parents ever forgive her?
It had been so long since she devastated their lives with her actions. Could they forgive her not only for loving Chad, but also for revealing their secret about Mara-Joy? She rung her hands together nervously and averted her eyes from the people on the porch.
Joanna was wrapped in guilt. How could she have ever told Mara-Joy about her parentage? It hadn’t been her place to do so and it was something she would never forgive herself for doing. As much as she knew for certain that
Mara-Joy was not her biological sister, she also knew Mara-Joy was her sister in her heart.
Joanna had long ago forgiven Mara-Joy for the way she had treated her all her life. She only wondered if Mara-Joy could forgive her for taking Chad away and revealing her dark past.
Mara-Joy’s final words to Joanna filled her mind and a cold shiver ran up her spine. Deep inside of her soul, Joanna knew Mara-Joy wouldn’t forgive her for what she had done. It had been too raw and too painful. She had wanted to hurt Mara-Joy terribly and she did, and it was too late to take it back now.
The next morning, dressed in a light yellow spring dress that enhanced the green of her eyes, Joanna stood on the front porch looking sweet and elegant.
“Wish me luck,” she said
to her husband, who stood in front of the door admiring her.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”
“No, it’s best that I go alone,” Joanna replied. “I don’t want to add insult to injury. Let me face them alone first and see if I am accepted before I bring you and the children to them.”
Chad nodded, leaning over and giving Joanna a lingering kiss.
“If you need me, I’m here,” he said, touching her light brown hair. It was shoulder length now and set in a soft wave going away from her face.
“I know,” she said, touching the hand on her hair, “you always are.”
“You don’t owe anyone for your happiness, Joanna.”
She nodded, holding back tears, knowing that it wasn’t completely true.
She owed Mara-Joy.
“You don’t have to do this, Joanna,” Chad called behind her. Joanna looked over her shoulder back at the house. He stood anxiously in the opened door.
The children suddenly appeared behind his legs. They waved frantically at their mother and called out their good-byes.
“Yes, I do,” she said firmly and blew her family a kiss.
It was a short drive to Constance’s house. Alexandria had informed Joanna with as much information about her family as she could. Constance was now married and lived with her husband and two-year-old son only a few blocks from Chad’s parents.
Joanna pulled into the driveway, stopped the car and took another deep gulp for courage.
Would Constance understand?
She got out of the car and pushed her skirt down flat on her legs. She’d taken great care that morning in choosing her clothes and hoped she had done herself justice. Constance knew Joanna was coming because Joanna had called the night of their arrival. She was excited to hear her older sisters’ voice. She told Joanna that she had received all her letters and wanted to write her back, but couldn’t understand why Joanna wouldn’t leave a forwarding address.
They made plans to meet the next morning, which brought Joanna before the front door of Constance’s little white house. Her heart pounded as she procrastinated. Part of her wanted to flee from the scene at once, but she had
run away for the last time. She didn’t want to run anymore.
Joanna held her breath and knocked firmly on the white door, her legs jumping and anxiously wanting to bolt.
A small boy with light brown hair and brown eyes answered. Joanna inspected the boy briefly. Although his face was shaped the same as Constance’s, that was it. The boy must take after his father.
“Hello,” Joanna bent down to face Constance’s son, her nephew, for the first time. “Is your mother home?”
Suddenly a medium-sized woman of slender build appeared behind the child.
“Patrick, go and play dear,” the woman said, looking down at Joanna.
Joanna’s heart stopped.
Constance hadn’t changed much. She was still blonde with soft curls that framed her face. Her green eyes were the same, just like Joanna’s. Joanna stretched back up and the two stood still staring at each other, soaking in the changes the years had placed on them.
Joanna was taller and slimmer than Constance. When the boy, Patrick, went back into the house, it was plain to see that Constance was very much pregnant. Despite these differences, they still looked very much alike.
Sisters.
“Joanna!” Constance cried, knocked out of her shock. She embraced a startled Joanna in her loving arms.
“Connie!” Joanna hugged back overcome with emotion. She had always missed Constance, but didn’t know just how much she missed her until that moment.
“It is so good to hear that name again.” Constance pulled back and wiped tears away from her eyes. She admired Joanna’s appearance. “You look absolutely beautiful.”
“I didn’t even recognize the woman in front of me at first.” Joanna held a tissue to her red nose.
“Oh come in, come in!” Constance grabbed Joanna’s arm and lead her into the warm living room of the cozy home.
“Joanna.” Constance hugged her again. “I have missed you so much. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me get in touch with you.”
Joanna pressed her lips tightly together and sat down on the light blue couch. She motioned Constance to sit beside her and Constance sat down heavily, her bulging tummy pushed forward.
“I was afraid,” Joanna began, her hand fluttering to her mouth, which had begun to quiver secretly behind the shield. “I was afraid to face you. You had warned me not to fall in love with Chad, but I couldn’t help myself—we couldn’t help each other.” Joanna dabbed her eyes with the hanky she retrieved from her purse.
“I don’t regret my decision to be with Chad. We are so happy with the Children,” Joanna replied, trying to excuse her behavior.
“But, Joanna, you wouldn’t let me write you. Why?” Constance felt all the old hurt surface. She needed answers for those years filled with tears over Joanna’s rejection of her. It was bad enough that Constance felt responsible for setting the plans in motion that would destroy her family.
“Don’t you understand? If I didn’t speak to you, you could not snub me. I could handle rejection from Ma and Pa and even the other kids, but I couldn’t handle it from you, Connie. If you would have nothing to do with me, I would have been lost. It was my way of protecting myself.”
Constance shook her head in disbelief.
“Joanna, you should have known I would forgive you for anything. We have wasted years because you were mistakenly afraid.”
“I realize that now. It’s one of the reasons we came back home. We couldn’t run and hide any longer from the past.” Joanna placed her smooth palm on her sister’s tight stomach. “I am here now. I won’t run anymore.”
Constance fixed her hand firmly on Joanna’s.
“Good. I need someone around to share the important aspects of my life.”
Just then the baby inside her gave a strong kick, causing their hands to jump up.
“It looks like I came home just in time. This little one is going to be a handful,” Joanna said in awe of the child growing inside Constance.
Constance laughed. “If the child is anything like his big brother, I will need all the help I can get.”
And as though hearing his mother talking about him, Patrick entered the living room. He stood shyly in front of the two women on the couch, a wet pinky finger twisting in his mouth.
“He must take after his father,” Joanna observed. The brown-haired child continued to stare blankly, almost dim-witted.
Oh no. Joanna thought. Was the child slow? She thought of Pauline, the youngest of her sisters. Although she was always a sweet girl, she had sometimes seemed a little on the slow side. Could Constance, who was so intelligent and so smart, have a child who was more like her younger and less astute sister, Pauline?
“Yes, he is the spitting image of George.” Constance tried to stand up, but fell back into the sofa. Joanna leapt to her feet and assisted in lugging Constance’s bulk up off the couch.
“You are already here for me.” Constance puffed and arched her back painfully. “I tell you, the end of pregnancy is a prison term for women. If it weren’t for the outcome, I doubt any one of us would have been born.” She gently took Patrick’s fingers out of his mouth.
“This is Auntie Joanna, Patrick. She is Mommy’s sister who used to live far away.” Patrick nodded. “Do you remember me talking to you about her?” She smoothed back his soft wavy hair. His head moved back and forth in acknowledgement.
“Hello, Patrick,” Joanna extended a cheerful hand to the boy. He accepted Joanna’s offer with his own small hand. “I’ll be seeing a lot of you and your Mommy from now on and I have two children who would love to get to know their cousin. Would you like to meet them?”
“Do you have a boy?” he asked in a clear, bird-like voice. Animation suddenly illuminated his eyes. Joanna instantly realized that what she had t
aken for slowness was in fact, boredom. What would a two-year-old boy find interesting in two women reminiscing? Patrick was not slow; comprehension danced in his eyes and voiced itself in his clear, perfect speech.
“Yes, I have a boy. His name is Charles and he is five years old.” Joanna felt pride rise in her voice when speaking her son’s name. This was right. Her son should know her sister’s child. They should play together and be friends. She had been a fool to stay away so long.
“We play cars and build things with my blocks.” Patrick stood twisting his wet fingers, trying not to shove them back into his mouth.
“My goodness, Patrick, you are quite the talker,” Joanna was flabbergasted. Her earlier diagnosis of her nephew was apparently totally without merit. The two year old was a genius.
“Patrick, you will meet your cousins soon, but for now it is time for Mama and Aunt Joanna to have some adult time alone. Please play quietly in your room. I’ll be in shortly with a snack.” Constance scooted the small child out. “Now,” she said, returning to Joanna, breathing slightly harder, “I have to make a call to our little sister.”
“Pauline?” Joanna stood up, frightened, her hands clenched tightly.
“Yes, Pauline. She would never forgive me if I didn’t call and tell her you are here. I am not the only one who missed you all these years.”
“She was still a child when I last saw her last.” Joanna felt emotions welling up again and tried in vain to fight them back.
“She isn’t a child anymore,” Constance said, going to the phone.
“I have missed so much. Your marriage, your son’s birth, our sister growing up.” Joanna felt over whelmed. “How can I face her after what I have done?”
Constance stood before Joanna, the phone handle cradled back in the receiver.
“You will face her. This is a happy day. You have returned to us. Stop worrying about the past. You will be around for all the rest of the children and marriages.” Constance touched Joanna’s shoulder strongly. “There is still so much time left for all of us to share.”
“Connie, you haven’t changed.” Joanna sniffled, conjuring up some courage. “I’m glad for that.”
“Wait till you see Pauline.” Constance went back to the phone and began to dial. “She is quite the beauty. She outdoes us all, I’m afraid to say. She still lives at home with the folks. And, can you believe this, she dates George’s brother. We really hope that works out.”
“How are the folks?” Joanna asked softly, the words barely leaving her mouth. She couldn’t look at Constance. She focused her attention on her hands twisting the tissue she held to bits.
“They are fine.” Constance replied in a far off voice.
“Do they ask about me?” Joanna held her breath.
Constance hung up the phone again. Wrenching her lips, she wrestled with her own thoughts.
“Listen, Joanna. I am not going to sugarcoat things for you. I am glad you are home again and I know Pauline will be happy but–”
“Ma and Pa are not glad is what you are trying to say.” Joanna fought back the physical pain she felt deep in her chest. She closed her eyes and tried to compose herself.
What did she expect?
“They all became very close after you told Mara-Joy about her parentage.”
Guilt flooded Joanna. The look on Mara-Joy’s face that day would haunt her, forever.
“Even though she knows Ma and Pa aren’t her biological parents, they got real close. Closer than before, if that was ever possible.” Constance paused and then decided to continue. “You really knocked Mara-Joy for a loop. A big loop.”
“I will never forgive myself for the things I said to her.” Joanna said, unable to look Constance in the face.
“Well, she has never forgiven you for taking Chad from her.”
“He was never really hers.”
Constance’s left eyebrow rose in disagreement.
“She doesn’t feel the same way, I am afraid.” She paused, deciding whether or not to continue. “She’s been married twice since you’ve been gone.”
Joanna’s head snapped up surprised. Maybe Mara-Joy had moved on.
“She is still with her third husband. He has two girls from a previous marriage, which is good for her since she--
Constance stopped and blushed a deep red.
Joanna didn’t need to be told that Mara-Joy could have no children of her own. She was very much aware of that bit of information.
“He is very rich and much older than she is, but she seems happy, finally.”
“That is good to hear,” Joanna piped up. “I want her to be happy, Connie. Even though I have always had a rivalry with Mara-Joy, I still love her in my own way.”
“I understand,” Constance said knowingly. She too felt the same emotional ties to Mara-Joy. They had been raised together, lived together, had lives that intertwined. And Constance had witnessed Mara-Joy’s honest pain when Joanna and Chad ran off together. Pain that she had helped to create by putting the idea of stealing Chad away from Mara-Joy into Joanna’s head. If she hadn’t convinced Joanna to be Chad’s lover, Joanna would never have fallen in love with Chad. And Constance would never have had to live with the knowledge that she had started the chain of events that followed afterwards.
“I wish I could take back all the pain I have caused her,” Joanna said, eyes downcast. “But I don’t regret my life with Chad. He is my world and we have been so happy. I know he was my sister’s husband, but it was in name only, Constance. It was in name only.”
Constance nodded. Her own guilty heart torturing her.
“We all have said and done things we regret Joanna. You’re not alone in your regrets over past deeds.”
“But she is my sister--and what I did to her--”
“I know. I know.”
“Well, I better get the coffee going. We have a lot of catching up to do,” Constance said, rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen, her belly getting in the way.
“Here, let me help you.” Joanna gently pushed Constance into a chair. “Now tell me where the coffee is.”
Constance laughed, rubbing her swollen belly and motioned to the top shelf.
“You should have heard Pauline squeal when I told her you were here.” Constance sat back, pressing her strained spine on the padded chair cover. Finding what she had been searching for, Joanna began mechanically making the coffee.
“I can’t wait to see her,” she replied, filling the coffee pot with water from the sink. “She won’t be the same Pauline I last saw.”
“Oh, she’s still the same old Pauline. Sweet and loving in a childlike way.”
Constance pressed her hand to her back grimacing.
“Tell me you didn’t have these horrific backaches when you were expecting?”
“I am afraid to tell you, little sister, that I did. Twice.” Joanna said over her shoulder, smiling.
“Uhgh. Must be a family curse. We should warn Pauline.”
“Warn Pauline about what family curse?” asked a feminine voice from the kitchen door.
Both Joanna and Constance turned toward the direction of their disruption.
There stood a tall, gorgeous brunette with the most outrageous golden streaks in her hair. She was lean and sleek with startling green eyes. Her hair was pulled modestly back from her oval, tanned face in a ponytail. She was dressed in a white button-up shirt that was un tucked casually over her slim tan pants. She absolutely took Joanna’s breath away.
This little sister who had been lost somewhere in the shuffle of their lives was by far the rarest gem of the four sisters, for she exuded beauty and elegance, grace and style. And she did all this while being totally unaware of herself. All you had to do was look into the young woman’s face to see all the sweet innocence welled up inside. Pauline was rare. She was beautiful both inside and out.
“Pauline, my God!” Joanna was speechless.
Tears welled up in Pauline’s large eyes.
Her lips began to tremble and she dashed headfirst into Joanna, circling her with a fierce grip of love.
“Joanna, we have missed you so much!” Pauline cried wholeheartedly into Joanna’s chest. Joanna returned her embrace, overcome with the emotional outburst Pauline so openly and freely displayed.
“Look at you,” Joanna said, composing herself, pulling Pauline in front of her and giving her a thorough inspection. “You are a beautiful young woman.”
Pauline blushed innocently. Joanna couldn’t help but notice that this was new information for the exquisite Pauline. She smiled. The child was totally oblivious to her splendor.
“Well, I’ll always be your baby sister,” Pauline giggled.
“Yes,” Joanna said, hugging Pauline tightly to her again. Pauline felt wholesome and Joanna breathed deep of her scent, burying herself into her soft-smelling shoulder.
“Joanna?” A deep voice from the doorway caused Joanna to open her eyes, heart pounding. The voice was one she had dreamed of hearing again, but thought she never would. She turned slowly around from Pauline, afraid her ears had deceived her.
Standing beside Constance stood a graying-haired man with the most beautiful green eyes. The same green eyes she had.
“Papa!” Joanna stood frozen to the spot. Pauline stepped aside, leaving Joanna alone to face their father.
“Oh Pappy!” she cried, forgetting her fears and running into her father’s waiting arms. Alan hugged her tightly to his broad chest, a hoarse sob escaping from deep beneath the barrel of flesh.
“Joanna,” he sobbed, clutching his daughter tightly to him. She felt unreal as he held her tighter and kissed her wet cheeks, afraid she would suddenly disappear.
“I have missed you, girl.”
“Oh Pappy, I have missed you so much. I have missed everyone terribly,” Joanna proclaimed staring, unbelieving, into his green watery eyes.
“How could you have stayed away from us all these years?” he asked, cradling her head in his large hands. Joanna kissed each palm and held them to her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Pappy. I was afraid.” Joanna turned to Constance and Pauline. Their arms were intertwined together, holding each other for emotional support.
“I was afraid you all hated me for what I had done.”
“Hate my own daughter--my flesh and blood?” Alan turned Joanna’s face up to his. “I could never hate you no matter what you did.” He brushed away the fresh tears streaming down Joanna’s face. She looked up at him, swelling with pride. There was so much love in his heart. How could she have not trusted it?
“Are you still with–are you still married?” Alan asked, sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by his three daughters. He couldn’t bring himself to say Chad’s name. As much as he made Joanna happy, he had broken Mara-Joy’s heart. And as far as Alan was concerned, Chad had stolen two of his daughters from him and was instrumental in tearing his family apart.
“Yes, Pa, I’m still married to Chad and we have two beautiful children: Jena and Charles.” Joanna searched her father’s eyes. She could see the struggle behind them. “Chad and I are very happy together, Pa.”
Alan, lips tightly pressed together, ran his hands through his graying hair and looked into his coffee mug. “Where are these beautiful grandchildren?” he replied, trying to change the subject away from Chad.
“They’re with their father at his parents’ house,” Joanna replied, making it clear that Chad was a permanent part of her life and if Alan was going to accept her, he was going to have to accept Chad as well. “I can’t wait for you to see them, Pa! You will be so proud.” She took a deep breath and took a sip of her coffee. “Pa, we are here to stay. We have moved back home.”
Alan’s head shot up. He was stunned. “What?” He had put on some weight and he fell seated onto one of the kitchen chairs.
“Pappy, I can live with Mara-Joy’s hate and--” she paused building her courage, “and Mama’s, but I can’t stay away from the rest of you any longer. I can’t run away anymore.”
“They don’t hate you, Joanna,” Alan said softly. “It’s just that you hurt them so badly.”
“I understand, Pa, and I wish I could take their hurt away,” Joanna continued. “There is nothing I would like more than to heal all the wounds I have caused. But understand this: I am here to stay whether they can forgive me or not. I won’t lose you all again. Not even if it means hurting them once again.”
Alan nodded in acknowledgement. He thought of Jobeth and Mara-Joy. Even Alan-Michael. It was not going to be easy for Joanna. She didn’t know just how much she had hurt them with her actions.
— Chapter 37 —