"No," she whispered, unable to believe what he was telling her. In spite of Syn's later hostility, she'd liked him a great deal. "I'm so sorry."
He curled his lip at her. "I should have killed your father when I saved you."
Kiara lifted her chin, refusing to show him how much that comment hurt. "Then why didn't you?"
"I don't know," he mumbled. "I don't know why I do anything anymore."
Kiara reached out to touch him, but he turned away. "Just get into the fighter and leave me alone."
"You really do suck when it comes to social skills." She knew she should be mad at him, curse him, something. But at the moment all she could do was see images of Syn teasing him. Syn had been the one person he was closest to.
Now . . .
He was in pain, and for that she'd give him some latitude. But the man had to start giving her some consideration, too.
Kiara climbed into the ship and remained silent as he joined her and then launched.
She watched the stars zoom past as they flew to a destination she didn't even bother to ask about again. She was tired of being snapped at. All she wanted was a day of peace. To return to those gentle days of when the two of them had actually gotten along.
It didn't take too long to reach a small outpost planet. Nykyrian landed them with a severe jolt.
Kiara gasped, her body aching. She frowned at him, wondering about the rough landing, but held her tongue.
Without a word, he led her out of the craft and from the small, sterile bay toward a row of average-sized houses. She looked around, trying to get her bearings, but nothing seemed familiar.
She followed him down several back streets before he finally came to a large, white house. He glanced up and down the street in a manner that reminded her of the night he'd first started protecting her--like he was looking for someone to attack them--then he knocked sharply on the door.
He pushed her to the side of the door and unholstered his blaster.
She swallowed in fear. What was waiting for them inside?
The door opened to display the attractive blonde from the club they'd gone to all those weeks ago. "If you like, you may search the entire place, but I assure you he's not here." The woman smirked, opening the door wide enough for them to enter. "I'm sick of the way you guys go around expecting an ambush. For the sake of the gods, put your weapon away."
Kiara didn't miss the underlying hatred in the woman's voice.
Nykyrian pushed Kiara into the house. But even so, she sensed his unease, as if he still expected them to be attacked.
Worried and unsure, she glanced about the main room. A teenage girl sat on the floor, looking up at them with large, luminous green eyes. Her eyes widened even more as she studied Nykyrian's size and fierce demeanor.
His features softened immediately. "I'm not dangerous," he said in a gentle voice.
The girl looked to her mother for confirmation.
"He's all right, Thia. Now run along to your room."
The girl shot from the floor like a doom squad was hot on her heels. Kiara frowned, wondering why a girl her age would be that afraid of strangers.
Driana held her hand out to the couch. "You two have a seat, and I'll get the discs."
Kiara didn't move. Instead, she watched the odd way Nykyrian stared after the girl.
"How old is she, Driana?" He faced the woman with a stern frown. There was a strange emotion darkening his features.
Driana shifted uncomfortably under his stare.
"Is she mine?" he asked and Kiara felt her world tilt.
Her breathing ragged, she looked back at Driana and the beautiful, cold grace ingrained in the woman's face and mannerisms.
"No, she's not."
Nykyrian cursed. "You never could lie worth a damn. Your nose always crinkles."
Self-consciously, Driana rubbed her fingers across the bridge of her nose. Tears gathered in Driana's eyes as she looked back at Nykyrian. "Thia knows Aksel isn't her father. I couldn't bear the thought of her calling him Papa."
Nykyrian met Kiara's gaze. What she wouldn't give to know what thoughts were playing through his mind, but he kept every hint of his mood concealed.
For that matter, she wished she could sort through her own feelings about this discovery. The worst was a sense of betrayal, though to be honest she didn't understand the source of that one, since it was obvious he'd slept with Driana long before they'd ever met.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Anger clouded Driana's eyes. "To what purpose? After what the commander did to you when he found out we'd only danced together, I didn't dare tell anyone I'd slept with you. I still have nightmares over the beating you received." She rubbed her arms and looked at the floor. "Aksel isn't sure you're the father. He suspects. But I have no idea what he'd do to her if he ever learned the truth."
"Is she why you asked me here?"
Driana glanced at Kiara. "Who is she?"
"My wife."
Kiara was stunned he'd bother claiming her after the way he'd treated her since he'd saved her at the station.
Driana drew a ragged breath. "No wonder Aksel's been trying to get to her. He raved all last night because he didn't capture her yesterday."
"He touches her, I will kill him in ways not even he can imagine."
"I know."
Nykyrian picked up a picture of his daughter from the low table. "Can I spend time with her?"
Driana bit her lip. "I would like that, but I don't know. Aksel has her afraid of everything. He reminds me so much of your father it's not even funny." She broke off as intense fear and sadness darkened her eyes. "I might be able to arrange something in a week or so when Aksel goes off on one of his self-indulgent binges." She gave Kiara a hard look. "That is, if you don't mind?"
Kiara glanced at Nykyrian, who was studying her intently. "I don't mind at all," she said, amazed by the honesty of her response. Thia was as much a part of him as her own child was, and she'd been every bit as innocent in her own conception.
How could she ever hold something like that against a child?
Driana nodded. "If you want, you can see her now while I get the discs."
Kiara followed Nykyrian as Driana led them down the hallway to a back bedroom. As they entered, Thia jumped up from her desk with a startled gasp.
"Mama, don't burst in here like that. You know it makes me crazy."
Nykyrian tensed at the gesture.
"Thia, these are some friends of mine. Will you keep them company while I do something?"
"Sure." She righted her upturned chair.
Driana inclined her head at them, then made her way out of the room.
Kiara stayed in the doorway, not wanting to impose on Nykyrian's precious time with his daughter. She glanced around at all the pink and lace. The room was beautiful and sweet, much like the girl who lived here.
It made her wonder if her baby would be another daughter or a son.
Nykyrian approached the girl slowly. Kiara watched his reaction carefully, knowing this would enable her to tell how receptive he'd be to her own surprise for him.
Reflexively, she rubbed her hand across her stomach.
Thia scratched her head, studying Nykyrian's tall stature. "Are you a friend of Aksel's?"
"No." He took a seat in the chair beside her. "Truthfully, I can't stand him."
"Good. Me, either. He's a total . . . dirtbag." She studied his shades. "What about you?"
"Not a total dirtbag."
That made her smile. She looked down at the picture she'd been drawing, then glanced back up at him. "Are you my real father?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"Mom doesn't let strangers in here, especially men. Aksel gets too bent over it." She tilted her head. "What color are your eyes?"
Nykyrian reached up and removed his shades.
Thia's lips parted as she saw eyes that were identical to hers.
Nykryian didn't say anything while he stared at his daughter in awe and fear.
She was an exact copy of her mother, except for the eyes that betrayed his DNA. Did she have any of the abnormalities he had?
Her teeth appeared human, as did the rest of her. But was she harmed in other ways by his screwed-up genes?
He wanted to hold her, and yet he was afraid to even reach out toward her. Who would have thought that one clumsy, embarrassing fifteen minutes with Driana could have produced such a beautiful child?
Flinching, he still remembered the way Driana had shoved him away after he'd failed to please her. "That's it? You're worthless."
He brushed his hand over a stack of books piled next to her desk, trying to distract himself from the bitter memory of Thia's conception. Picking one up, he thumbed through it. "Do you read these?"
"I do. I study languages in school, but no one other than my instructors can talk to me in them."
Kiara leaned against the doorframe as she watched them. Nykyrian said something to Thia that Kiara couldn't understand.
Thia's eyes widened as she responded in the same language. Warmth rushed through her when Thia smiled and displayed a set of dimples identical to Nykyrian's.
They were beautiful together, and it gave her hope for their future.
"How many languages do you know?" Thia asked excitedly.
"I've never really counted. But if you wish, I could help you with them. I've lived on a lot of the planets where these languages are spoken."
"Were they beautiful?" Thia's eyes were dreamy. "Aksel won't let me leave here. He says that I'm not worth enough to pay for the fuel to visit them." A frown flitted across her face, then disappeared behind another smile. "I've only visited them online. At night, I like to dream about going off and exploring each one."
"If your mother okays it, I'd love to take you to some of them."
Kiara thought she might burst into tears. This was the Nykyrian she'd fallen in love with. The gentle, kind man who would do anything for the ones he cared about.
"Aksel's coming!" Driana's shout broke through their conversation.
Kiara met Nykyrian's gaze, her heart pounding in fear. By his expression, she could tell he was torn between leaving and staying.
Replacing his shades, he stood. "Is she safe here?"
Driana curled her lip. "She is unless Aksel catches you here. Do you really think I'd take a chance with my daughter's life?"
He ignored that last barb. "Is there a back way out?"
Driana inclined her head. "The balcony behind you."
He opened the door and helped Kiara through. Driana handed him the discs.
He paused for a moment, staring at Thia. "I'll be back for her."
"I'm counting on it."
With one last look at his daughter, who'd come to her feet to watch them leave, he ducked out the window.
They made it safely down the trellis and to the street below without running into any of Aksel's people.
Kiara breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for once that they didn't have to fight their way out. She looked at Nykyrian, but as usual, he gave her no clue about how he was feeling.
He took her arm and led her back toward their ship. At least this time, his grip was gentler than before.
She touched his hand and gave it a light squeeze. "So you're a father. How does that make you feel?"
After the tender way he'd spoken with Thia and the promise he'd made to Driana, Kiara expected him to beam with satisfaction, to smile and be happy, but what she got was a deep growl.
His hand tightened on her arm. "I feel like total shit."
A chill went down Kiara's spine. She rubbed her hand across her stomach. "Why would you say that?"
He stopped in the alley and glared at her. "First, she's more than half grown--I've missed most of her life already. Second, a child is the last thing I need in my life. One more helpless person depending on me to protect them. I can't even protect myself, Syn . . ." His voice trailed off as that familiar muscle worked in his jaw, letting her know he was furious.
She shifted nervously, wishing for something she could say to soothe the pain that bled from every part of him.
He shook his head. "I'm not fit to be a parent. What's she supposed to do, introduce me to her friends, 'Hi, this is my Dad. He's wanted dead by more governments than I can count'? "
Kiara stiffened. "You don't have to be so sarcastic."
He gave her an expression filled with loathing, but until he spoke she couldn't tell if it was directed at her or himself. "Come on, Kiara. Even you aren't that naive. Aksel's after you to get to me. What do you think my enemies will do if they ever learn I have a daughter? Her life won't be worth a lead sola."
Kiara let his words fall over her, and with each one she cringed a little more. She knew exactly what he was saying. At eight, she'd been just such a target.
She was a target even now because of her father and husband. Bile rose in her throat as she finally understood the horror her mother must have faced that day they'd been taken. Her mother hadn't feared for her own life.
Her mother had feared most for hers. Just as she feared for the life of her baby . . . She would rather they tear out her heart than touch her child.
Her heart pounding in agonized beats, she realized she had to make a decision.
Her husband or her baby.
There was no way she could have both. Nykyrian's world was too harsh for that. Swallowing the lump of remorse that burned in her throat, she knew what her answer must be. She'd have to shelter her child from the truth just as Driana had done with Thia.
Nykyrian could never know about their baby, and she could never live with him as his wife.
CHAPTER 26
Nykyrian stood in the shambles of what had been Syn's flat. Everything had been destroyed. Everything. Even the paintings had been torn from the walls and slashed. The statuary busted. The bottles of alcohol shattered.
This was how he knew Syn was dead. Because Syn had been raised on the streets with absolutely nothing but filth to call his own for the first part of his life, he was a packrat who fiercely protected his den.
For someone to come in and do this . . .
Syn would have called down the wrath of Nemesis to track the bastards and kill them.
Had he been alive.
I shouldn't have come. This was the first time he'd seen it for himself. But he wanted Kiara to understand, and he needed this cold reminder as to why he couldn't stay with her.
Now that she was back, he was weakening every second he was around her. He kept making excuses and telling himself that he could protect her and keep her safe.
The wreck of this apartment shouted loud and clear that none of them, no matter how fierce or well trained, was above the noose that hung perpetually over their heads. Her father had an army and couldn't keep her safe. How could he?
From the corner of his eye, he looked at her and ached to hold her close.
I won't be your death.
But that was exactly what he'd be if he didn't let her go. And for that reason, he would never touch her again. He couldn't take the chance of his love weakening him to the point of stupidity.
Kiara blinked away her tears as she took in the horror of what had been done to Syn's home. His scanner was torn out of the wall. His furniture upturned. Even his mattress had been violently slashed and everything maliciously stomped or broken. This wasn't a burglary or something random. Whoever had done this had been angry and had wanted to hurt Syn in the worst possible way.
What had they done to him?
Terror consumed her as she glanced at Nykyrian. He stood rigidly still with no emotion whatsoever. But she knew better. This was his best friend, and he had to be taking all of this hard.
She closed the distance between them, intending to touch him, but he stepped away. "Do you know who did this?"
He shook his head. "We haven't a clue. There are so many contracts out for us, so many who want us dead . . . you can pretty much take your pick."
As she searched the r
oom, coldness consumed her. "Do you really think my father is responsible for this?"
"I have no idea."
She raked a trembling hand through her hair as that reality tore through her. Until Nykyrian, she'd never seen her father's ruthless side. Yes, she'd heard him threaten people in anger. She'd known he was a feared military commander, but the man who'd raised her had been kind and loving. Doting and sweet.
The same two opposing sides Nykyrian showed.
Nykyrian headed for the door. "We need to go. Whoever did this could come back or be observing us."
She followed him to the lifts. "Do you want to talk about this?"
Even though she couldn't see his eyes, she had the distinct impression he was giving her a droll stare. "I'm not a woman, Kiara. I don't want to talk about my feelings." His tone was rife with sarcasm.
"Sorry." She entered the lift and glanced back to where Syn's flat was. On the outside, there was no hint of the violence within.
Like Nykyrian. It all looked so calm and normal. It wasn't until you entered that the truth slammed into you.
And the brutal reality of his world settled over her like a pall, reminding her just why she would have to give up her husband.
As they left the building, he walked slightly ahead of her. She searched for words to make him feel better, knowing none existed. His best friend was most likely dead. No, not just dead, he'd most likely been tortured and mutilated.
Now Nykyrian was distant--as if he resented being around her. As if he wanted to forget she existed.
Yet . . .
She caught up to him and pulled him to a stop. "Why did you tell Driana we were married?"
That weighed on her. If he wanted no part of her, why would he keep claiming her as his wife?
Nykyrian faced her with his usual stoicism. He wore his shades again, making it impossible for her to have any trace whatsoever of his mood.
"Whoever got to Syn is most likely headed for me next. If they took down that paranoid SOB so fast he couldn't even make a call to me, I doubt I have the skills to escape them. I told Driana about us so that you're now entitled to my estate once they kill me."
Kiara's stomach twisted at the blase way he spoke about his death and the cold rationale behind his actions. It wasn't that he wanted the world to know about them or that he loved her. It was all business, and that hurt her on a level she hadn't even known she could be hurt on. "Why not tell Darling, Jayne, or Hauk?"
"One's legally a minor and the other two are outlaws, mu Tara. Driana is the daughter of a well-connected ambassador. All you have to do is contact her after my death and everything I own is yours."