Over and over, Ethan runs his fingers up into my hair, then down to where the back of my dress sits between my shoulder blades. His touch always makes me instantly aroused, but tonight my mind can't shake this feeling of unease. Ever since our run-in with Vanessa, he's been off. Then there was that phone call he doesn't know I overheard. "Can I see you this week?" And now he's texting someone he's pretending is Marco, when I know damn well Marco can't stand texting.
So that leads me to believe there's something going on with Vanessa, and the thought of him having any communication with that hell beast drives me insane. Is he making plans with her? And if so, I hope he has a valid funeral plan, because I'm going to freaking kill him.
I can feel my blood pressure increasing, and I realize I have to stop. I'm making a lot of assumptions with zero facts, and that's never worked out well for us in the past.
I need to get to the bottom of this, and fast.
I lean over and whisper, "Just so you know, I'm semi-drunk and horny as hell, so you can either drag me upstairs and take care of this problem, or I'll have to resort to self-service in the bathroom."
As expected, those words snap his last ounce of restraint, and with a low growl, he pulls me to my feet.
"Uh, Cassie and I will be back in a minute." He guides me out of my chair. "She wants to see some old pics of Quinn as Romeo and me as Mercutio. Back in five. Ten at the most."
"No problem," his mom says as she starts to clear the table. "I'll have dessert ready when you get back. Come on guys. All of this can be cleared."
Everyone joins her in carrying plates and platters into the kitchen as Ethan takes off and practically drags me upstairs to his room. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that whenever sex is on the line, Ethan is sure to show glimpses of why he was a track champion in high school.
As soon as we're inside his room, he shuts the door and pushes me up against it.
"I've been waiting for this all night."
He leans in to kiss me, but I put my hands on his chest to stop him.
"Ethan, wait. We need to talk."
He looks disappointed. "I thought you brought me up here to treat me like a sexual object. Were you deceiving me, Cassandra Marie Taylor? Because that's not the least bit cool."
"Well, I think that's hypocritical from the man who's been keeping important facts from me."
Now he looks confused.
"I need you to tell me about your lunch with Vanessa."
"You said you didn't want to hear about that."
"I know, but it turns out, I do. The thought of her alone with you drives me crazy, and even though I've been trying to put it out of my mind and move on, I can't." My voice is rising in pitch, even though I'm trying to stay calm.
"Cassie, it's fine. I'll tell you everything, okay? Is that why you're upset?"
I look down at my hands on his chest. "I overhead your phone call to her the morning after we ran into her. Jesus, Ethan. You couldn't even wait twenty-four hours to suggest meeting up? Is she who you've been texting all night? Because I know it's not Marco. And trust me when I say that if a single lie comes out of your mouth right now, I'm going to beat the crap out of you with your mother's baby Jesus candlesticks."
All of a sudden, my pulse is racing, and I can't get enough air. Then I'm gripping the front of his shirt so tightly, my knuckles are white.
Dammit. I wanted to stay calm and discuss this like an adult, but even thinking him hurting me again brings me to the verge of a panic attack.
Ethan pushes my hair away from my face and strokes my cheek. "Cassie, just breathe. Nothing bad is happening, I promise. I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"Ethan ..." My voice shakes. "If you're leaving me to go back to her, just tell me. I can deal with it. I'm a big girl."
Of course I'm lying. If he leaves me again, I'll never recover.
"Cassie." He pulls back and looks me in the eye. "I'm not leaving you. Ever. Take some deep breaths."
I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. Each exhale calms me a little more. When I'm almost back to normal, I look up at Ethan and shake my head.
"Ethan, I –"
He bends down and gives me a soft, deep kiss that calms me even more. He understands how it feels to have your brain continually whisper the worst possible scenario, so he knows how to handle it.
When he pulls back from the kiss, there's still tension in my muscles, but at least I'm no longer shaking.
"I love you," he tells me, quietly. "I'm counting down the days until I become your husband. Why the hell would you think I'm leaving you?"
"That phone call. The morning after we saw Vanessa. I'm sorry I eavesdropped. That was wrong, but I –"
"That call was to Dr. Kate. I called to tell her about what happened and how it affected me. I know you don't like me bothering her out of office hours, but I thought running into the woman who destroyed me was important enough to break that rule. Vanessa was a huge part of my therapy sessions, so Kate knows how much crap I went through to get to the other side. She suggested we should schedule some time together since she hadn't seen me for a few months. That's who I was arranging to meet."
"Dr. Kate?" I let out a short laugh. "Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense."
"You thought I was talking to Vanessa?"
I nod.
He gives me a heartbreakingly tender look. "Sweetheart, I didn't even have solid plans to see Vanessa until you told me it would be a good idea. I mean, I knew I wouldn't get any real closure from her, but when you said it would be the healthy option, I thought you were right. I needed to face up to my past. Confront the monster under my bed. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a giant waste of time."
"Why?"
"Well, when I told her how much damage she'd done, she offered to make it up to me with a quickie in the restaurant bathroom."
I clench my fists as what he's just said sinks in. "The fuck?!"
"Yeah. And she actually said that if I'd been better in bed, she wouldn't have had to go to my best friend for sex in the first place. So, that killed my ego."
Fury fills my brain. "You need to be better in bed?! Is she freaking kidding? Was she even sleeping with the same man I am? Because if you were any better in bed, my orgasms would kill me!" I step away from him and pace the length of the room. What a ridiculous goddamn claim. "That woman is a complete moron."
"This is why I was glad when you said you didn't want to know. She'd like nothing better than to see you like this. I have no doubt that's why she started texting me."
I stop dead and stare at him. "What's she been saying?"
He pulls out his phone and brings up her messages before handing it to me. "I'm warning you, it's pretty bad. Just know that this is what she does. She pushes people's buttons. It makes her feel powerful. The whole thing boils down to insecurity and jealousy."
I hold my breath as I read what she's written. "What the …? She threatened to come here tonight?"
Ethan nods. "She's just as delusional as she always was."
I exhale when I see Ethan's reply:
Wow, that's polite. It also uses more words than, "Fuck off, manipulative cow," but whatever. Ethan's clearly more evolved than I am about this woman. I scan the next collection of texts.
"What the hell?" The bitch has the nerve to say they still have chemistry and then sends a full-length picture of herself in lingerie?!
That's it. I'm going to kill her. I'll do it slow, too. She won't die for days.
I squint at the screen. Wait a second. I have that exact set of bra and panties. Ethan bought it for me.
I scroll down and snort when I read Ethan's reply.
I’m having trouble remembering what I ever saw in you. I apologize for my bluntness, but considering the nature of your recent texts, I figure you need a dose of cold, hard facts to banish any misconceptions you may have. The truth is I’m lucky enough to be deeply in love with the most spectacular goddamn woman on the planet, and as tough as this may be to hear, she looks waaaay hotter in that Chanel ensemble than you. So, goodbye Vanessa, we won’t be speaking again. And to prove how not-interested I am in keeping in contact, I'm blocking your number. Take care and Merry Christmas. Ethan.>
The passion in his words makes my throat close up. I’ve never seen a more perfectly worded smackdown. I look over at him. “You know, I do look better in that lingerie.
He gives me a smug smile. "Yeah, you do."
I walk over and slide the phone back into his pocket. "So, I guess you're not leaving me for her?"
"Jesus, sweetheart, why would I do that? Besides the fact that you’re the love of my life, she's a goddamn sociopath." He puts his arms around me. "But you know what? Even with her mind games and manipulations, I’m not angry about what she did in the past. I mean, I've imagined what I'd do if I ever ran into her, and honestly, most of those scenarios involved me running into her with my car. But when I was faced with the actual woman standing there, all I felt was ... grateful."
Okay, wasn't expecting that. "Why grateful?"
"Because if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I really like who I am. I mean, despite what you keep telling me, I know I'm not perfect –"
"Lies," I say and wind my arms around his neck.
"And I still tend to be an asshole on the regular, but I'm a happy asshole." He cups my face and rubs his thumb over my cheekbone. "An asshole who's lucky enough to be marrying the most beautiful, sexy, talented, incredible woman in the world. And in a way, I owe that all to Vanessa."
He leans down and kisses me, and his mouth is warm and sweet, and affects me in too many ways to describe. In that moment, I know for sure that he never kissed Vanessa with this much passion.
When he pulls back, we're both breathless.
"I'm sorry," I say. "For doubting you. For being a paranoid mess."
He presses his forehead to mine. "Don't apologize. In this situation, paranoia is normal. But trust me when I say that you never have to worry about me having feelings for someone else. As far as women go, I have tunnel vision. All I see – all I want to see – is you. And as for Vanessa, I actually feel sorry for her, because she's never going to know a love like ours. She's incapable of it, and that's a fucking shame. Because everyone should get to feel how I feel about you."
His expression turns serious, and goosebumps flare across my skin, and even though his voice is quiet, I can feel the heat of his intensity.
"How I love you, Cassie? It's like heaven and hell all wrapped up into one. I love you so much I worry that my chest will crack open most days. You know that old saying when life is good, that your cup runneth over? That's how my heart feels. It could be the size of a planet and still not be big enough for all the love I have for you."
"I feel the same way." I take a breath, bracing to voice something that has always played on my mind. "But Vanessa has one thing over me I can never compete with. She was your first love. And no matter how much I hate that, I can't do anything about it."
He's silent for a moment, and when I look up, I watch his expression morph from sympathy to determination, before he levels me with a steely gaze.
"Cassie, listen to me when I say this, because truer words have never been spoken. You are my first love. I didn't even know the meaning of the word until you crashed into my life, and I wouldn't change that for anything. You made me a better man, and every part of me loves you more than I can even describe. Compared with you, I didn't even like Vanessa."
The joy I feel is visceral and intoxicating. After so many years of thinking I'm his second choice, I'm beyond relieved to find out I've been wrong.
He tightens his arms around me when he sees my expression. "Cassie, you are my first, my last, and every love in between. How do you not know that by now? You're my one and only. And that's something no one else will ever be. And if you don't believe my words, then I'll sure as hell make you believe my actions."
When he kisses me, it isn't gentle. He tangles his fingers into my hair and pulls my head back so he can cover my mouth with his. I gasp when our tongues touch, and that only makes him kiss me more deeply.
A low moan echoes in his throat, and it breaks the last thread of my self-restraint. Within seconds, I'm unbuttoning his shirt with clumsy, rough fingers.
"Ethan, you're my one and only, too. And that's why I need you to take away this ache inside me. Now, please."
His hands become rough and needy. "You're okay doing this with my family downstairs?"
"As long as they don't walk in on us. Will they be suspicious that we've been up here for so long?" I tug the last button free on his shirt and rip it open before kissing his neck.
His entire body goes rigid with pleasure.
"Cassie," he moans as I steadily work down to his chest. "The number of fucks I give about anything that isn't your mouth right now is in negative digits."
I spin him around so his back is against the door. "Good. Because I've been waiting for this all night."
He buries his hands in my hair as I cover his body in kisses. Lips, tongue, and light teeth travel over the planes of his chest and down his abs. I use my hands to explore all the areas where my mouth isn't, and it's not long before his pants are hanging open and I'm sliding my hand into his boxers.
"Jesuuuus. Cassie ..."
He squeezes his eyes shut and leans his head back against the door as I stroke, applying firm pressure. He's so lost in what I'm doing, he doesn't even notice me sinking to my knees until I take him in my mouth. Then his eyes snap open, and the muscles in his jaw clench as he stifles a moan. Keeping quiet is never easy for either of us, but I can tell he's trying. I understand why. It's one thing for his family to suspect we're up here screwing each other's brains out. It's another for them to get vocal confirmation.
As I continue to suck, I can tell it's getting more difficult for him to stay quiet. When I add my hand to the mix, he lets out a loud grunt.
"Shhh. If I have any chance of looking your family in the eyes when we get back downstairs, they can't know what I'm doing right now. If you can’t keep quiet, I'll have to stop."
He looks down and wraps my hair around his hand. "If you stop, Santa will put coal in your stocking instead of the raging orgasm ordered from your fiancéee. Better not risk it."
Now, there's an effective threat. I go back to work but make sure to keep Ethan's gaze the whole time. I know how much that drives him crazy.
He watches in wonder as he slides in and out of my mouth, and when the urge for him to make noise becomes unbearable, he pushes air out between his lips on an extended, "Ffffffffffff."
"Are you trying to tell me something, Ethan? Ffffff, what?"
He pushes out a breath as he leans his head against the door. "Ffffuck!"
Fast as lightning, he picks me up and throws me onto the bed. We both ignore the loud crash when I land. The dark mischief in his eyes makes me scurry back toward the headboard as he advances on me.
"Underwear off," he says in a dangerous tone that makes me shiver. "Now."
Yes, sir.
I barely have time to slide off my thong before he's pushing up my dress and pressing me down into the mattress.
I grip the duvet as he teases me with his fingers.
"Honestly," he says, "I'd like to spend some time with my face buried between your thighs, but I know the clock is ticking. In a few minutes, Mom will call out that dessert is ready, and when that happens we'll have about ninety seconds to plant our asses in our chairs before she comes looking for us."
I pull him closer. "Well, by then, I plan to be neck deep in a post-orgasm high, so you'd better get to work, lover boy."
/>
A growl rumbles in his chest as he pulls down his jeans and boxers and settles between my legs.
"Grab the headboard and hold on," he says. "Because this could get rough."
I do as he says, and then, with impatient hands, he grips my hips and pushes into me.
Dear God in Heaven. I'll never get tired of how it feels to have him inside me. He grunts as he presses all the way in, and the sensation of being filled so completely makes me gasp.
"Don't ever doubt that you're my one and only, Cassie. Never doubt it again."
Then he starts to move, and even though his usual technique is to take his time with my pleasure, that's not what this is. When we get home, I know he'll make love to me for hours, but right now, we need to fuck. And judging from Ethan's dark determination, he aims to put everything with Vanessa firmly in the rearview mirror and reclaim me in the most primal way possible. Prove to me that as far as he’s concerned, no other woman exists.
His intensity takes my breath away.
As he slides in and out, hitting a little harder each time, I squirm beneath him in an attempt to bring him deeper. I'm trying to be quiet, but despite my best efforts, my moans are escalating in pitch. When Ethan speeds up, I have to clench my jaw to stifle the sound. He helps by filling my mouth with his tongue.
I kiss him greedily, not even caring when moans spill out as his thrusts hit my sweet spot.
"Ethan! Oh, God ..." I'm whispering, but I might as well be screaming. He knows the edge in my tone. The plaintive, desperate plea. He slides one hand under my ass to get a better angle, and then I'm a helpless passenger on the train to O town. I throw my head back as our hips connect, again, and again, and again, and when I'm hovering on the edge, I can't resist sliding a hand between us to launch myself all the way over. It only takes a few seconds before I'm gone. I stop breathing when my orgasm hits, and Ethan grabs the headboard in desperation as I arch beneath him. His thrusts get faster and more erratic until his entire body tenses up, and when he comes, he presses a long, strangled moan into my neck.
We stay there for long, pleasure-filled seconds, and after we've both ridden out the aftershocks of our orgasmic high, Ethan collapses onto the bed beside me and enfolds me in his arms.