_The Tenth Surprise_
THE DUCHESS BREDENBUTTA'S VISIT TO TURVYLAND
The Duchess Bredenbutta was forty-seventh cousin to the Monarch of Moand great-grandniece to the Queen; so you can readily see she wasnearly related to the Princess Pattycake and had blue blood in herveins. She lived in a pretty house on the banks of Rootbeer River, andone of her favorite amusements was to row on the river in her boat,which, although rather small, was light as a cork.
One day, as usual, the Duchess went for a row on the river, expectingto return home in about an hour; but after floating a long distancedown the stream she fell asleep in the boat and did not awake until shefelt a sudden shock.
Then, sitting up and looking about her, she found, to her alarm, thatthe boat had drifted to the end of the Land of Mo, and was in therapids leading to the Great Hole in the ground where the riverdisappeared from view. Becoming very much frightened, Bredenbuttalooked for the oars of her boat, that she might row to the bank; butsoon she discovered that the oars had fallen overboard and were lost,leaving her without any means of saving herself.
The poor Duchess now began to cry out; but no one heard her. Graduallythe boat came nearer and nearer to the Great Hole, now bumping againstthe rocks and now spinning around with the current, until at last itpaused for an instant on the very brink of the chasm down which theriver fell.
The girl seized the sides of the boat in a firm grasp, and the nextmoment it plunged headlong into the Hole.
After the shock was over Bredenbutta wiped the moisture from her eyesand looked to see where she was, and what had become of her. She foundthat she had landed in a very remarkable country, and for a time coulddo nothing but gaze in wonder on the strange sights that met her view.
The trees were all growing on their top branches, with their roots highin the air; and the houses rested on the tops of their chimneys, thesmoke going into the ground, and the doorsteps being at the tops of thebuildings. A rabbit was flying around in the air, and a flock ofskylarks walked on the ground, as if they belonged there.
Bredenbutta rubbed her eyes, for at first the girl thought she must bedreaming; but when she looked again everything was in the sameunnatural position.
To add to her amazement she now saw a queer creature coming toward her.She might have taken him for a young man, only ho was just the reverseof any young man Bredenbutta had ever seen. He stood upon his hands,which were clad in boots, and used his feet as we use our hands,seeming to be very handy with his toes. His teeth were in his ears, andhe ate with them and heard with his mouth. He also smelled with hiseyes and saw out of his nose--which was all very curious. When hewalked he ran, and when he ran he stood still. He spoke when he wassilent and remained dumb when he had anything to say. In addition tothis, he wept real tears when he was pleased, and laughed merrilywhenever anything grieved him.
It was no wonder the Duchess Bredenbutta stared in surprise when suchan odd creature came up to her backward and looked at her solemnly fromhis pug nose.
"Who are you?" asked Bredenbutta, as soon as she could find breath tospeak.
The young man kept quiet and answered: "My name is Upsydoun."
"I think you are," laughed Bredenbutta.
"You think I am what?" demanded the young man, the voice coming fromhis ear.
"Up-side-down," she replied.
At this retort the tears rolled down his cheeks with joy.
"Why, it is _you_ who are up-side-down," he said; "how in the worlddid you get up here?"
"Down here, you mean," corrected the Duchess, with dignity.
"I mean nothing of the kind," he said, silently, while his nosetwinkled with amusement; "this country is up, and not down."
"What country is it?" inquired Bredenbutta, much perplexed by such anabsurd statement.
"Why, Turvyland, to be sure," was the answer.
"Oh!" sighed Bredenbutta; but she was no wiser than before.
"Now you are here," said Upsydoun, "you may come home with me and eatsome dinner."
"I shall be very glad to," answered the Duchess, who was really hungry."Where do you live?"
"Over there," replied Upsydoun, pointing to the south; "so stay whereyou are and follow me." Then he walked away on his hands in exactly theopposite direction from that he had indicated.
Bredenbutta followed him, and shortly after encountered several otherpeople, of just the same queer appearance as her conductor. They lookedout of their noses at her in great surprise, and, without speaking,asked Upsydoun who she was.
"The Duchess Bredenbutta," he silently answered, "I found her where theRootbeer River bubbles up. Isn't she a queer-looking creature?"
"She is, indeed," they all answered, in a still chorus, and then theyfollowed the girl out of curiosity, as boys follow a band or a dancingbear. When they reached the house of Upsydoun more than a hundredinhabitants of Turvyland were at Bredenbutta's heels and Upsydoun'sthumbs.
She was welcomed very kindly, however, and the young man's motherkissed the Duchess with her left ear, an act which was considered aspecial mark of favor in Turvyland,
"Would you like to stand up and rest yourself until dinner-time?" askedthe lady when the girl had entered the parlor.
"No, thank you," replied Bredenbutta, who was very tired. Beingignorant of their customs she did not know these people usually stoodup when they slept or rested. Her answer seemed to satisfy Upsydoun'smother, who thought when she said "no" she meant "yes."
"You really don't look equal to lying down," she remarked, pleasantly;"so you may stand until I call you to dinner, which will be in a longtime." Then she excused herself and walked backward out of the window,which Bredenbutta noticed they all used instead of doors.
"Dear me," said the Duchess, when she was left alone; "I am sure Ishall never be able to understand these strange people. But I mean tosit down, anyway, and if it really is a long time before dinner, Ishall probably starve in the meantime."
She had not rested more than a few minutes, however, before the ladyagain put her foot through the window, and waving it invitingly towardher exclaimed: "Go away to dinner."
"Go away!" replied the Duchess in dismay; "where shall I go to?"
"Why, to me, of course," answered Upsydoun's mother, dumbly; but shewinked her nose thoughtfully, as if she scarcely knew how to conversewith her strange visitor. Surely Bredenbutta ought to know that whenthey said "go" in Turvyland, they meant "come."
In spite of her uncertainty, she followed her hostess, and when theyentered the dining-room the Duchess was shocked to see all the familystand on their heads on the chairs and pick up their knives and forkswith their toes. She was more horrified, however, when they began toeat; for, contrary to all custom, these people placed their food intheir ears. And they did it so calmly that she did not evenremonstrate, remembering it must be their habit to eat in this way.
She, herself, sat down in her chair in a proper manner, and began toeat with the fork in her hand; and when the people of Turvyland sawthis, they all shed tears of merriment.
Just then the youngest child of the family began laughing, and themother rushed to it as fast as her hands could carry her, to see whatwas the matter. But the child had only put its foot into its pocket andcould not get it out again. The mother soon managed to get it free, andthen the child stopped laughing and began weeping as happily as any ofthe others.
Bredenbutta was greatly bewildered at all this, but she ate heartily,nevertheless, and after having begged her in vain to stand on her head,as they did, the family let her alone, being surprised to see how wellshe could use her hands. After dinner Upsydoun's sister played on thepiano with her toes, while the others indulged in a dance, whirlingaround on their thumbs in a manner truly marvelous, and seeming, bytheir tears, to enjoy themselves very much.
As the dance ended a kitten came running into the room on its ears andthe tip of its tail, and this looked so funny that Bredenbutta beganlaughing. But seeing she had frightened her kind friends, who wanted tose
nd for a doctor, she refrained from laughing, and asked, gravely, ifshe could not find a way to return to the Valley of Mo.
"The only possible way of getting down there," replied Upsydoun, "is tojump into the Rootbeer River; but that would be dangerous, and none ofour people have ever tried it"
"Any danger," said the Duchess, "I will gladly brave; for otherwise Ishall be obliged to spend my entire life down here, among people whoseways are exactly opposite to my own. If you will kindly take me to theriver I shall lose no time in making an effort to return home."
They good-naturedly assented to this, and walked backward with heruntil they came to the place where the river bubbled up. It really didbubble _up_, Bredenbutta noticed, although she knew very well she hadfallen _down_ the Great Hole. But, then, everything was topsyturvy inthis strange land.
The girl found her little boat, which had stranded on the beach, andhaving placed it where she could push it into the river, she turned tosay good by to the queer people of Turvyland.
"I am glad to see you go," said Upsydoun, without speaking, "for I likeyou. But you are a strange creature, and perhaps know what is best foryou. Here are some oars for your boat, for I see you have none, andwhen you get down to your country you may need them."
Bredenbutta joyfully accepted the oars, and placed them in her boat.Then the people of Turvyland all kissed her with their left ears andwaved their toes in farewell, while the Duchess got into the boat andpushed it out into the river.
Instantly she was in the midst of such a whirling of foam and rushingand roaring of rootbeer that she could neither see nor hear anything.Gasping for breath, the girl clung tightly to the sides of the boat,and in a few minutes it was all over, and the boat bobbed up in theValley of Mo--just above the Great Hole. Bredenbutta then seized theoars and rowed hard until there was no danger of her falling in again,and soon she had passed the rapids and was rowing safely up the riverto her own home.
Of course the Duchess was very glad again to be among the people whoacted in a natural manner, instead of the absurd fashion of herfriends, the Turvylanders. She resolved that whenever she rowed herboat upon the river again, she would be careful to keep away from theGreat Hole, for she realized that another visit to Upsydoun and hispeople would be very trying to her nerves.