“Too late? What do you mean?” Mav asked. “You think I would’ve stopped being your friend if you came out?”
“If it was just telling you I was gay, I woulda done it.” Duke looked at him earnestly. “But, Mav, by that time we were already roommates and I was…well, I was already in love with you.”
“Are you still?” Mav stood and walked around the couch to be closer to his friend. “Still in love with me?”
Duke frowned unhappily. “I wish I wasn’t. God knows I wish I wasn’t. But, yeah. I can’t help myself, Mav. Sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize.” Mav took a step closer, feeling like he was being pulled by a magnet. After an entire week of not seeing Duke he felt starved for the other man’s company. It was like he’d been in withdrawal and suddenly he’d gotten a hit of what he needed most in the world. “I came over here to see you one last time. I just…I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”
Duke looked down. “Goodbye then, Mav. I hope you have a great time in Tallahassee.” He turned and started to walk away and Mav felt his heart sink. Could Duke really walk away just like that, so easily?
Stop him! screamed a voice in his head. Find some excuse to get him out of here and back to the apartment. Do something—don’t just let him go!
“I, uh, wait,” he said, feeling like an idiot. “You, uh, you left some of your stuff at our place. I need you to come get it so I can finish packing.”
Duke sighed and turned around. “Look, Mav, I’m pretty sure I got everything important when I left so if you could just—”
“No, you missed some stuff and I don’t want to just leave it lying around when I go. Come on, man. It’ll only take a minute.” Inside he was as tense as a knotted fist. He wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do once he got Duke back to their apartment, he just knew that it was important to get him there.
At last, to his relief, Duke nodded. “All right. If it’s only for a minute…” He looked at Evan. “Tell Ethan I’ll see him later, okay?”
Evan nodded. “Sure. Take it easy.” He looked at Mav. “Remember what I told you,” he said and then left the room before Mav could say anything in reply.
“Well, he’s a cryptic guy, isn’t he?” he muttered to Duke. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He was halfway afraid that Duke would change his mind but to his relief, his friend shrugged and followed him out the door.
***
“Okay, here I am. Now show me what I forgot.” Duke stood in the mostly bare living room and turned in a circle, as though looking for his missing possessions.
Mav hadn’t had any idea what he was going to do once he got his old roommate back to the apartment and he was still drawing a blank. He’d lied to get Duke back here but for what purpose? What was the point? Had he thought that once he got his old friend back on familiar ground Duke would magically forgive him and agree to go back to the way things were before? What was wrong with him? What was he supposed to do?
Keep him in your life. Convince him to stay, that same little voice that had urged him to get Duke to come back to the apartment with him whispered in his brain. Mav agreed with it one hundred percent. Seeing Duke now, in the familiar surroundings of their apartment, brought home to him exactly how much he’d missed his best friend. The last week without Duke had been painful—heartbreaking. Was he really willing to go through that pain again, not only for a week but for the rest of his life, just because he didn’t want to admit what he was?
So what am I? The answer came back almost immediately. I’m in love with Duke. Does that make me gay or what? Mav didn’t know, but he did know he didn’t want to risk losing the most important person in his life over a label. But how could he tell Duke that? After what he’d put Duke through would he believe it?
“Well?” Duke was looking at him with a mixture of exasperation and annoyance and Mav realized he’d been standing there silent for the past few seconds, just thinking.
“What did I forget?”
Suddenly Mav’s body went into action independently of his brain. He’d thought enough and now he was ready to act. “You forgot this,” he said roughly. Grabbing Duke, he pulled him into a tight embrace and pressed his lips against his friend’s. God, what am I doing? Should I be doing this? He didn’t know. He only knew that it felt right and he wasn’t about to stop doing it until he had his fill.
Duke fought the kiss for a moment and then seemed to change his mind. Melting against Mav, he began to give as good as he was getting. Opening his mouth, he invited Mav inside and Mav wasn’t hesitant at all in taking him up on the invitation. God, it felt so good, so right. Duke’s mouth under his was just like he remembered it. Mav wanted to drink him from the lips down, to explore every inch of him, to stake a claim that would never fade.
“Wait a minute!” Duke broke away suddenly. “Stop, Mav, we can’t do this!”
“Why not? You saying you don’t want to? ’Cause if you say that you’re lying.” Mav looked challengingly into his best friend’s eyes. “You want it as much as I do. I could feel it in the way you kissed me.”
“Just because we want it doesn’t mean we should do it. Do you know how much what you said hurt me, Mav? Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to stay away from you?” Duke ran a hand through his spiky blond hair. “I’m tryin’ to fall out of love with you and it’s harder than hell. I can’t just start up again because you want one last fuck.”
“What do you mean one last fuck? We never got to the first fuck,” Mav pointed out. “Which reminds me—you owe me one, roomie. I never got to collect on our dare the other night.”
“What, are you kidding me?” Duke gave him an incredulous look. “You really expect me to do this with you just because I lost a dare?”
“It’s as good a reason as any, isn’t it?” Mav raised his eyebrows. “If you need a reason, that is. Besides that you want me to fuck you, don’t you, Duke? You want me inside you as much as I want to be there.”
“You sonofabitch,” Duke growled and for a minute Mav was sure he was going to punch him. Instead, Duke reached for him and pulled him close again. “Goddamn you,” he whispered fiercely and kissed Mav hard on the mouth again. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
“Why would I want to do that when I…” It was on the tip of Mav’s tongue to say when I love you but somehow the words wouldn’t come out. They were true—he realized that now. Being without Duke for a whole week had taught him that. He needed the man he was kissing, needed him as more than a best friend, more than a roommate. He needed Duke as a lover, as someone he could count on to be there for the rest of his life. Forever. But if he said that now, when they were about to have sex—at least Mav hoped they were about to have sex—would Duke really believe it? Mav wanted it to mean something when he said it. He wanted his lover to know that he felt the words with his whole heart when he said them. So instead he said, “When I want you so much it’s driving me crazy.”
“Maybe you’re getting a taste of your own medicine. You’ve been driving me crazy for the last four years.” Duke kissed the side of his neck, sucking fiercely as though he wanted to leave a mark. Mav groaned and gripped his lover’s hips, grinding their cocks together. It was happening, it was finally happening—he and Duke were going to fuck and he couldn’t think of anything else in the world that he wanted more.
He steered Duke toward the bedroom, glad that he’d left his bed set up until the last moment. He hadn’t wanted to sleep on the floor his last night at USF. But he knew that the lack of a bed wouldn’t have stopped him. Even if there had been nothing but a bare wooden floor to do it on, he wouldn’t have cared. The driving force to be inside Duke, to claim him, was eating Mav alive. He felt like he couldn’t rest until he buried his cock deep in Duke’s unresisting body and fucked him hard.
“Mav…Mav, wait,” Duke murmured breathlessly as Mav backed him up until the backs of his knees hit the mattress.
“I’m done waiting. Want you now.” Ma
v barely recognized the possessive growl coming out of his own throat. He’d never felt like this before, never wanted anyone as badly as he wanted Duke.
“God, okay. All right.” Duke gave in, pulling Mav with him as they tumbled to the bed. For a moment, Mav was content to grind against his lover, feeling the friction of his own steel-hard shaft against Duke’s. But soon he wanted more—much more.
“Off.” Reaching up, he began dragging Duke’s t-shirt over his head. “Want you naked, now.”
“You too, then.” Duke kissed him hard and worked to get Mav’s shirt off as well. They wound up struggling together, cocks rubbing against each other in a frenzy of friction through Duke’s shorts and Mav’s jeans. Finally they were both bare-chested, but it still wasn’t enough.
“Pants too.” Mav was already dragging at the shorts his lover was wearing, pulling them down past Duke’s knees and freeing his thick cock. There were already pearls of precome beading at the tip and the shaft itself was a dark, needy red. Just the sight made Mav’s mouth water.
“Mav, you don’t have to—” Duke’s protest ended in a moan as Mav swallowed him whole, taking as much of his lover’s shaft down his throat as he could and sucking hard. God, Duke tasted delicious, salty and real in a way all the fantasies Mav had conjured to jerk-off to while Duke was gone weren’t. He couldn’t believe how badly he wanted to do this. Couldn’t understand why everything in the entire universe had narrowed down to this—sucking Duke’s cock.
“Mav, you gotta stop! It’s too much, I’m gonna…gonna…” Duke’s shaft pulsed in his mouth, giving a warning Duke seemed to be unable to vocalize. Mav felt a rush of anticipation. When Duke twined his fingers in Mav’s hair, trying to pull him off, he only sucked more aggressively. If Duke was going to come he was going to be there to swallow every last drop.
There was a low, inarticulate moan from the man beneath him and then it seemed as if Duke finally just gave in. The fingers that had been seeking to push Mav away were abruptly pulling him forward instead. Duke pumped his hips twice in a rhythm of desperation and then hot, salty jets of come were hitting the back of Mav’s throat. He swallowed hungrily, taking his lover’s pulsing cock deep in his mouth and milking Duke eagerly for more.
At last Duke’s cock lost its urgent rigidity and began to go soft between his lips. With a last, loving suck, Mav pulled away and looked up to meet his lover’s eyes.
Duke was looking at him like he’d never seen him before. “God, Mav, that was…amazing. But I don’t understand why—”
“You don’t have to understand anything.” Mav sat up and gave him a long, lingering kiss, sharing Duke’s taste with him and drawing a low groan from his throat. “Anything except how bad I want to be inside you right now.”
Duke looked worried. “I want you inside me too. But, Mav, this is gonna make it so much harder to say goodbye. Don’t you care about that?”
“Who said anything about saying goodbye?” Mav kissed him again, harder this time. He felt like his cock was going to explode if he didn’t get into his lover’s body soon. “Thought you were going to come to Tallahassee with me.”
“Yeah, well that was before.”
“Forget before. And forget after.” Mav pressed him back onto the mattress so that he was lying on top of his best friend. “They don’t concern us. The only thing that matters is right now. And right now I need to fill you up with my cock.” He saw Duke’s brown eyes blaze with heat at his blatantly sexual words.
“All right.” Duke spread his thighs, welcoming Mav in. “Fine then. You have lube and a condom? ’Cause I don’t care how much we both want it, there’s no way I’m letting you do me dry, Mav.”
“Got the lube right here.” Mav slipped a tube he’d been saving from between the mattress and the box springs. He’d bought it a few weeks ago, just when things between him and Duke had started to heat up. Of course, he hadn’t allowed himself to think about why he was buying it or the eventual use he hoped to put it to, but now that he had it in his hand with Duke under him, he could admit that this was what he had been hoping for all along.
“Good.” Duke nodded when he saw the lube. “And the condom?”
Inwardly, Mav cursed. He’d never bought any the fateful night he went to the drugstore and he hadn’t gotten any since. “Don’t you have one?” he asked Duke but his lover shook his head.
“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting to get lucky. Especially not with you. Well, I guess…”
“Wait.” Mav held up a hand. “Tell me something. All those dates you’ve gone out on since I’ve known you, with all those different girls. You ever did anything with any of them?”
Duke’s cheeks got red. “Made out some. Couldn’t stand to go any further. It just felt wrong, especially when I was in love with you.”
“What about guys?” Mav asked.
Duke shook his head. “I told you, I’ve been fuckin’ head over heels for you for the past four years. I didn’t want anyone else.”
Mav felt the warm bloom of desire in his chest. Duke had wanted him so badly he’d rather go without than be with someone else. He was beginning to understand because he wanted Duke the same way. But he still needed to ask about what had happened before they met and became roommates. “All right,” he said. “And before that? Before college. Ever get fucked?”
This time Duke really blushed. “Once. By a guy in my gym class in high school. But we were safe.”
“Okay, then.” Mav felt something in his chest loosen. He leaned closer, looking into his best friend’s eyes. “You’re clean and so am I—I’ve never done it once without protection. But if there was ever a time to ditch the condoms it’s now. I want you, Duke.” He kissed his lover demandingly on the mouth. “Want to be inside you. Want to come inside you. And I don’t want anything between us.”
“God…” For a moment Duke looked conflicted. “I swore I wouldn’t do this, man. Swore I’d never go bareback until I found the guy I wanted to be with forever.”
“Well, you found him.” Mav kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. “I’m here, Duke. So open up for me and let me in.”
With a low moan, Duke did as he asked. Mav could barely believe the trust his friend was showing as Duke spread his legs even wider, opening himself for Mav’s invasion. God, love him so much! His heart swelled and his hands shook as he uncapped the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers.
Duke gasped and jerked when Mav pressed forward, opening the tight entrance to his body, spreading the lube liberally where it was most needed.
“You all right?” Mav looked at him with concern.
Duke nodded shakily. “It’s just…just cold. And it’s been over four years since the one and only time I ever did this before. Go easy on me, Mav. Okay?”
“Sure.” Leaning over his friend, Mav kissed him again, a long, slow, seductive kiss this time as he worked his fingers deeper and deeper into Duke’s tight entrance. The other man moaned and shifted under him but this time it was a moan of pleasure and Mav could feel him opening up.
“Ready?” he whispered, breaking the kiss at last to look into Duke’s eyes. He sincerely hoped Duke was going to say yes. His cock was so hard it was about to break off.
“Mmm hmm. I think so. As long as you go slow.”
“As slow as you want,” Mav promised. With sudden inspiration, he reached up to the head of the bed and grabbed a pillow, which he stuffed under Duke’s hips. “Better angle this way,” he explained. “And we can see what we’re doing.”
“We sure can.” Duke watched, his brown eyes wide, as Mav spread a thin layer of lube over his own cock and positioned himself at Duke’s entrance. “God, Mav, can’t believe we’re doing this. You have no idea how often I thought about what it would be like. Imagined having you inside me.”
His words enflamed Mav almost beyond control. Every instinct he had was screaming that he had to do this now, that he needed to ram his cock balls deep into his friend’s body and take Duke long and hard. Bu
t somehow he managed to hold back.
“You won’t have to imagine any more,” he whispered breathlessly. And then with a long, slow thrust, he breached his lover’s entrance and pushed into Duke’s unresisting body.
“God!” Duke squeezed his eyes shut, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
Mav stopped moving at once and looked at him with concern. “You okay?” He was buried to the hilt in Duke’s body and it felt like a hot velvet fist was gripping his naked cock. It was torture to hold still but he didn’t want to hurt the man he loved.
“Fine. I’m fine.” Duke spoke through gritted teeth. “Just need…to get used to it. You’re hung like a fuckin’ horse, Mav.”
“Gee, thanks.” Mav laughed and then Duke joined him. The brief moment of humor seemed to loosen some of the tension between them because Duke’s hands unclenched and he sighed softly.
“Better now,” he said, shifting his hips slightly under Mav. “You can go on now if you want to.”
Mav had never wanted anything more in his entire life. “Let me know if I’m hurting you,” he said sternly, cupping Duke’s cheek in one hand. “Don’t wanna hurt you. Just want to make you feel good.”
“I’d say you’re already doin’ a great job. After that blowjob you gave me I thought I’d never be able to get wood again. But here I am, half-hard already.” Duke nodded down between their legs and Mav saw he was right. Duke’s thick shaft was already nodding toward half-mast above where they were joined together.
“Good, then making you feel good just got a lot easier.” Mav kissed Duke demandingly as he fisted his lover’s cock. “Gonna move now, Duke. Try to keep up.”
Duke opened his mouth, presumably to answer, but all that came out was a moan. That was because Mav had pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in, stretching him to the limit and pumping his cock at the same time.