Friday, 29th September 1989
It was a very important day for me today: With an air of determination, I took a deep breath and announced Lucas my intention of leaving his company at the end of next month “for personal reasons”, which I strongly refused to reveal no matter how much the boss whined.
… During the whole month of October, numerous girls will appear at the office, applying for my position. Needless to say, it will prove to be impossible for Lucas to find a secretary who is as cheap as I am, or efficient enough to do well in his special test in foreign languages. “Such difficult tests are not given anywhere, not even in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs!” said a candidate who had studied in Italy.
Finally, Zafirakis will hire a sedate girl who has studied psychology in Italy and demands nothing more than the basic salary...
Saturday, 2nd December 1989
It's been a month now since I opened my own office of typings and translations, after I had found a cheap place to rent near Omonia Square. For the time being I don't have many clients but my fixed costs are very low, so I am not particularly worried. Anyway, I like this job a lot better than working in a company. In fact, I think that being an employee has never been my cup of tea...
As about my friendship with Louise, I can see it is not unclouded any more: Little by little she is alienating herself from me; we hardly go out together, or even meet anymore. This is probably due to the fact that she prefers to see Nondas, her boyfriend, more frequently. We occasionally go out together, the three of us; I don't really like this, it seems to me that I play gooseberry.
Nevertheless, every now and then she promises to introduce me to this or that handsome friend of hers, which actually never happens. Besides, whenever I confide in her that I like someone from her party, she says that he is a dead loss and takes care that we never get in touch with that person again.
About a month ago I told Louise that I like Takis: He is a tall, slender guy with blond hair and blue eyes, a serious and sensible person who happens to be a friend of her fat, disagreeable brother. We haven't met Takis or the others ever since. In fact, I haven't seen the guy more than three times in all. On the other hand, Louise insists on my going steady with Harry, a plump silly boy who is the laughing stock of the whole party. “The more I look at you both, I more I see you are a matching couple!” she told me, in an equivocal manner, the other day.
This evening I called her once again and asked her to arrange an outing with the other guys as well, but she refused at once: “Unfortunately I can't, I have no time for that. Besides, I don't see the others anymore, and they have been complaining: ''You neglect us because you have other friends now'', they say!” she excused herself, meaning that she prefers me to them. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course...
Monday, 18th December 1989
After a lot of wavering, I decided to take the initiative and communicate with Halaris by phone, since I haven't had any news from him for months now -that is ever since I gave the corrected rolls back.
I arranged to meet the publisher this afternoon, at a certain address he gave me. When I got there, I was surprised to see that their new head offices are in a luxurious eight-storeyed edifice not far from Sintagma Square. This must be a really thriving business! Yet, their books are not so renowned, I wondered at first but dismissed all negatives thoughts immediately, reckoning that the rapid development of Halaris Publishing could mean something positive for me as well. Besides, the change of address could also justify the delay in the publishing of my book. Finally, we signed an extension of time until the end of 1990.
Conclusion: Halaris will never come in contact with me again and “The Conspiracy of Shadows” will never be published. A lot later I will realize that the whole thing was part of the publisher's scheme to show a great number of books under publishing, so as to get a subsidy from the European Union. Nevertheless, two years later Halaris Publishing will go bankrupt and close for good.
Tuesday, 16th January 1990
Business has been looking up lately. Week after week I earn more and more money, which makes me feel satisfied. My most important client is the famous publishing house “Pangaea”, which publishes books of science and literature. They have given me a bulky “Lexicon of Scientific Terms” to type, which is a quite interesting book.
Taking into account that my income has increased, I have also decided to take out a life-assurance policy, although I have social security insurance too. This morning I contacted an agent of “Easylife” and signed an insurance policy which offers extra medicare plus a retirement program. The latter will last 25 years and it will provide me with a good pension. Till then, I will have to pay 8000 drachmas per month as premium.
My sister hastened to take out a similar policy as well, at my parents' expense of course, since they always indulge all her fancies. I have the impression that Alice is always seeking to copy me in every possible way, dreaming of being ahead of me some day...
Sunday, 20th January 1990
Last night I decided to go to the usual place in Glyfada and meet my supposed friends, although Louise didn't come along. I was given a cool welcome and they hardly spoke to me. Takis was absent. We finally went to a nice seaside tavern in Vouliagmeni, ten persons in all, and we sat at a big table.
Michael, Louise's brother, was there too, and he happened to be sitting on my left. All at once he laughed ironically and moved his chair away from mine and from the table, in a most ostentatious manner, making all those sitting on his left do likewise. In this way, the “gentleman” declared his abhorrence in me -non verbally yet clearly. As a result, all those hours we stayed in that taverna, there was a huge empty space on my left at the table, which looked very, very odd...
Wednesday, 21st February 1990
Time seems to be passing faster and faster, yet my life is always characterized by deathly immobility. That's why three months ago I decided to go to a match-making office in Athens. I have already met some would-be grooms, all of them ugly and disagreeable: One of them was 38 years old, divorced, fat and wayward; he wanted to split fifteen minutes after we had met in a cafeteria. He hardly waited for five more minutes, for me to eat up my ice cream. Another one had a squint and he was wearing huge glasses on his pock-marked face; moreover, he lisped badly. Two others, colourless factory workers with no hair on their heads, made a wry face as soon as they saw me and wanted to split at once. Another one had only two fingers in his right hand and his mouse-like face didn't attract me at all; when we parted, he took care to shake my hand with his crippled one. Another one was comparatively good-looking, yet he put me off with his arrogance and his tendency to boast off continuously.
The short, hairless kiosk owner with the shrieking voice, whom I saw yesterday, was in a hurry to disappear fifteen minutes after we had met, because he had work to do, as he said. This afternoon, when I phoned the match-making office, I was informed that the bloke had complained about my clothes. The match maker advised me politely to avoid dresses and prefer “something more fashionable” (that is something more tarty) when I meet the princes. On the other hand, “I hope you aren't interested in the man's appearance,” she says again and again.
I think I had better quit these silly meetings. I am certainly not in the mood for losing my time with all kinds of screwy persons. Anyway, I suspect that marriage with an ugly, problem guy is not at all what I really want from my life...
Monday, 26th February 1990
Right from the first months of his life, little Josef has proved to be a very wayward baby, all nerves and whining. He was only five months old when he uttered he first word: It was neither “mum”, nor “dad”; it was “bad”: His father was rocking him playfully in his lap, asking him “What kind of boy are you?”, when the baby started giggling “bad-bad-bad!”. When he doesn't want to eat, he looks away and grits his few teeth in exasperation. If he doesn't like something, that is often, he clenches his fists and shakes all over. When he sees anybody, he extends on
e or both his hands threateningly and shouts: “Da-da! Da-da!”. He is also extremely naughty: This morning he managed to climb up the net walls of his playpen and jump out of it!
... From now on we must be always on the alert and never lose sight of Josef, lest he should climb on the television, or break a window pane, or upset the sitting-room table, or destroy the rolling shutters with his tiny hands -events which are meant to happen during the months to follow...
Tuesday, 27th February 1990
On the contrary, Yanni is growing into a very sweet child. Since his mother works, this is his second year in the kindergarten.
“Tell us Yanni, are there any beautiful girls in your class?” aunt Penelope asked him this afternoon.
“No, there aren't. I don't like girls!” he answered solemnly.
“You don't like girls?” I wondered.
“No! I like women!”
“He will get into trouble very soon!” concluded aunt, with her usual enigmatic smile.
Wednesday, 28th February 1990
In the meantime, my friendship with Louise has been going downhill. He haven't met for over a month now. I have called her many times but it is always Michael who answers the phone, telling me that his sister is absent. I don't even see her in the bus anymore; she probably takes another one, so as not to meet me.
This morning I happened to see her at the bus station, after a long time. However, she avoided to sit next to me; she made herself comfortable in another seat, opposite me. As soon as we reached the bus terminus in Athens, she stood up hastily, she said goodbye coldly and got away at once, as if we were strangers.
I suppose this is the end of our friendship and the only thing I can do about it, is wonder: If such a close friendship, with someone I've known since we were six, didn't work out, then what can I expect from other relationships in the future? In general, what can I expect from the future?
What future?
All I can see before me is darkness,
circles that close one after the other,
days that tumble down one upon the other,
as in vain I'm trying to ignore that
the days of hope belong to the past...
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