Avery is crying, too, but silently. She’s afraid she’ll draw Jack’s attention, I’m sure. Ever since that night, she’s always been afraid of him. After what she did, I’m sure Jack wanted to make her life a living hell, but something stopped him. If I had to guess, it was Sophia, calming him down as she always did so expertly.
And now she’s gone.
Jack’s lost a part of himself—anyone can see that. Isis’s brown eyes skitter over to him every so often, lingering on the hard lines of his face, his slack hands at his sides. She looks like she wants to go over and comfort him, but she doesn’t know how. She looks like she’s unsure if she’s even allowed to touch him in his grief.
It’s obvious Isis likes him. And for a while, it was obvious Jack liked her. But now? Whatever the two of them were beginning to feel for each other is over. It has to be. Sophia’s death leveled us all, all the friendships we’d been building, all the relationships. I confronted Jack earlier this month, something like respect blossoming between us again, but I know that’s gone now. I’ve even been pushing Kayla away, embracing fully the gray cloak of sadness around me. Do I even deserve to be happy with someone, after what I did to Sophia? Do any of us?
The priest finishes his prayers, and the pallbearers lower the coffin and begin to shovel dirt on it. Naomi collapses at the pit’s side, wailing and reaching for her. She’d taken care of Sophia for so long—she was the closest thing Sophia had to a mother. Naomi knew better than any of us that Sophia was going to die, but not like this. Not by her own hand, out of despair, or tiredness.
That’s the worst part—that we’ll never know why she did it. There was no note, not a single clue left behind as to why. When Isis and I first saw each other in the graveyard parking lot, she walked over and shook her head.
“I’m sorry, Wren. It’s my fault.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“I should’ve seen the signs.” She clutched her head. “I was the one who hung out with her the most—she told me. She told me she was going to do it in a thousand different ways, but I was too stupid to see them. Too naive. I should’ve known. I should’ve known and I’m sorry. God I’m sorry—”
She started to cry. I offered her a hug, and she took it, clutching at me like I was a lifesaver thrown overboard to a drowning person.
I tried to say “it’ll be okay,” but the words got caught in my throat. There’s a chance things will never be okay again. They’ll never be the same, no matter how much I want them to be.
I watch Sophia as they lower her into the ground and feel a wave of sick heat wash over me. She’s gone, forever. It hits me just then—I’m never going to see her again. I’m never going to get the chance to apologize to her. I spent years working up the courage and failed. I failed her. I betrayed her friendship; all those years spent as kids together, growing up together, all forgotten just because I was afraid of Avery.
Isis starts crying as the last dirt goes on the coffin. Unlike Naomi, she cries completely silently, tears streaming down her face.
Jack doesn’t shed a tear.
After the funeral, my mom picks me up from the graveyard. She leaves me alone, thankfully, not asking a single question. Emotionally exhausted, I collapse into bed.
My phone won’t leave me alone; a text message blares on the screen. It’s from Kayla.
Hey you, it reads. How are you doing?
Tired, I text back. It was awful.
Kayla’s grandmother had fallen down some stairs, and her mother rushed her out to the East Coast to see her, just in case. She’d tried to get out of it to come to Sophia’s funeral and support Isis and me, but her mother had an iron fist—family first, friends second.
I’m sorry, she says. I’ll be home in two days, and then we can talk about it.
Yeah. I’m looking forward to that.
Stay strong! :-) :-) :-) :-)
Somehow, the cartoonish smiley faces make me feel a little better. Kayla in general makes me feel better—something I’ve always known but never told anyone. Since that night at Avery’s party when Avery locked the two of us inside the room, Kayla and I have gotten closer. It started with me trying to calm her down that night, and then grew to walking to class together, bonding over our shared experiences of how horrible Avery was to us. Soon, she was asking me to help her with her math homework, and offered me rides home in exchange.
She’s gorgeous, and much smarter than anyone gives her credit for. She doesn’t have the razor wit of Isis or Jack, and she’s a little naive, but that only makes me like her more.
But I haven’t told her.
I’ve asked her out to prom, and somehow, beyond belief, she said yes. But now? Now I don’t know how to go to prom. I don’t know how to wake up tomorrow. What should I say? What should I do? Do I show my sadness, or hide it away where no one can see? I have to pretend I’m okay, for my family and Kayla. I can’t make them worry more than they already are.
“I’m sorry, Sophia,” I murmur into my pillow, the tears finally coming to me, far too late. Only in the quiet privacy does my numbness wear off. The sorrow grabs at me, deep and aching.
The sun sets, thick clouds lashing rain against my window, as if the world is crying with me.
In the midst of the storm, Kayla texts once more.
I just talked to Isis. I’m worried. Will things be okay? Will you guys ever be okay again?
It takes me a moment to sit up and wipe my eyes enough to see her words. My own hiccups sound so pathetic. But at least I can still cry. At least I’m alive to keep crying. Sophia doesn’t have that luxury anymore.
Whatever she was feeling, killing herself wasn’t the answer. Even if it was what she wanted, it wasn’t what she needed. She needed time. She needed more life, not death. That’s all I know for sure anymore.
I don’t know, I text back finally, my fingers shaking. But I’m going to try.
The next morning, I hike up to Avery’s cabin by Lake Galonagah. Tallie’s cross is right where we left it that night. I haven’t seen it since I was thirteen.
Someone stands in front of the grave, someone wearing a stylish jacket and jeans, her red hair dancing like flames as the wind teases it. It’s her first time up here since that night, too.
I pull air into my lungs and use it like courage. Like iron.
I walk up to the girl, and the grave, for the first time in five years.
“Hello, Tallie,” I say to the cross. Avery is quiet, staring at the little patch of dirt that holds our greatest regret, and then she echoes me softly.
“Hello, Tallie.”
Collect all the books in the Lovely Vicious series
Love Me Never
Discover where Jack and Isis’s relationship first heated up in Love Me Never, available now.
Remember Me Forever
Don’t miss the stunning conclusion to Jack and Isis’s story in Remember Me Forever, coming soon.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to every reader; to you, the one reading this. I know it’s hard, but things will get better if you hold on. I promise.
When I was in high school, my sister’s boyfriend was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. They gave him five months to live, and it was the roughest five months I can remember in my life—for my family, for my sister, and especially for him. We saw him go through so much pain. It was nothing like the movies and books told us—tragic but somehow enlightening/heartwarming in its tragedy. It was just sad. Sad and difficult.
This book is, in some ways, for him.
There is no romance in death, or suicide. If you’re in that low place, please, please call your friends and family. If you can’t bear to talk to them, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255). A majority of them have been through the same thing and can help you when it feels like no one else can. You are valued; you are loved.
Thank you to Stacy Abrams, Lydia Sharp, and the entire Entangled/Macmillan team for being flawless
human beings willing to put up with my every typo and melodramatic nonsense.
A special thank-you to Andrew, a wonderful writer who constantly inspires me to work harder and be better. Thank you to the entire NK Beach Party gaming circle in general—you guys have kept me sane in the midst of revisions/my hectic life. I promise to suck less this season. :-)
And lastly, thank you to Jack and Isis, Wren and Kayla, Avery and Sophia, for growing up so fast, and so well.
It’ll be all right.
About the Author
Sara Wolf lives in San Diego, California, where she burns instead of tans. When she isn’t pouring her allotted lifeforce into writing, she’s reading, accidentally burning houses down whilst baking, or making faces at her highly appreciative cat. Her writing journey began when she scribbled Pokemon fanfiction in a journal when she was twelve, and she’s still unconvinced she’s improved much since. As Sara Wolf, she’s written young adult contemporary, sci-fi, and new adult romance. Under her real name, Michelle Painchaud, she’s written young adult thriller.
Grab the Entangled Teen releases readers are talking about!
Chasing Truth
by Julie Cross
At Holden Prep, the rich and powerful rule the school—and they’ll do just about anything to keep their dirty little secrets hidden.
When former con artist Eleanor Ames’s homecoming date commits suicide, she’s positive there’s something more going on. The more questions she asks, though, the more she crosses paths with Miles Beckett. He’s sexy, mysterious, arrogant…and he’s asking all the same questions.
Eleanor might not trust him—she doesn’t even like him—but they can’t keep their hands off of each other. Fighting the infuriating attraction is almost as hard as ignoring the fact that Miles isn’t telling her the truth…and that there’s a good chance he thinks she’s the killer.
The Replacement Crush
by Lisa Brown Roberts
After book blogger Vivian Galdi’s longtime crush pretends their secret summer kissing sessions never happened, Vivian creates a list of safe crushes, determined to protect her heart.
But nerd-hot Dallas, the sweet new guy in town, sends the missions—and Vivian’s zing meter—into chaos. While designing software for the bookstore where she works, Dallas wages a countermission.
Operation Replacement Crush is in full effect. And Dallas is determined to take her heart off the shelf.
Olivia Decoded
by Vivi Barnes
This isn’t my Jack, who once looked at me like I was his world. The guy who’s occupied the better part of my mind for eight months.
This is Z, criminal hacker with a twisted agenda and an arsenal full of anger.
I’ve spent the past year trying to get my life on track. New school. New friends. New attitude. But old flames die hard, and one look at Jack—the hacker who enlisted me into his life and his hacking ring, stole my heart, and then left me—and every memory, every moment, every feeling comes rushing back. But Jack’s not the only one who’s resurfaced in my life. And if I can’t break through Z’s defenses and reach the old Jack, someone will get hurt…or worse.
The Society
by Jodie Andrefski
Not everyone has what it takes to be part of The Society, Trinity Academy’s secret, gold-plated clique. Once upon a time, Sam Evans would have been one of them. Now her dad’s in prison and her former ex-bestie Jessica is queen of the school. And after years of Jessica treating her like a second-class citizen, Sam’s out for blood. But vengeance never turns out the way it’s supposed to...and when her scheming blows up all around her, Sam has to decide if revenge is worth it, no matter what the cost.
Life After Juliet
by Shannon Lee Alexander
Becca Hanson was never able to make sense of the real world. When her best friend Charlotte died, she gave up on it altogether. Fortunately, Becca can count on her books to escape—to other times, other places, other people...
Until she meets Max Herrera. He’s experienced loss, too, and his gorgeous, dark eyes see Becca the way no one else in school can.
As it turns out, kissing is a lot better in real life than on a page. But love and life are a lot more complicated in the real world...and happy endings aren’t always guaranteed.
The companion novel to Love and Other Unknown Variables is an exploration of loss and regret, of kissing and love, and most importantly, a celebration of hope and discovering a life worth living again.
The Sound of Us
by Julie Hammerle
When Kiki gets into a prestigious boot camp for aspiring opera students, she’s determined to leave behind her nerdy, social-media-and-TV-obsessed persona. Except camp has rigid conduct rules—which means her surprising jam session with a super-cute and equally geeky drummer can’t happen again, even though he thinks her nerd side is awesome. If Kiki wants to win a coveted scholarship to study music in college, she can’t focus on friends or being cool, and she definitely can’t fall in love.
Wake the Hollow
by Gaby Triana
Forget the ghosts, Mica. It’s real, live people you should fear.
Tragedy has brought Micaela Burgos back to her hometown of Sleepy Hollow. It’s been six years since she chose to live with her father in Miami instead of her eccentric mother. And now her mother is dead.
This town will suck you in and not let go.
Sleepy Hollow may be famous for its fabled headless horseman, but the town is real. So are its prejudices and hatred, targeting Mica’s family as outsiders. But ghostly voices carry on the wind, whispering that her mother’s death was based on hate...not an accident at all. With the help of two very different guys—who pull at her heart in very different ways—Micaela must awaken the hidden secret of Sleepy Hollow...before she meets her mother’s fate.
Find the answers.
Unless, of course, the answers find you first.
Remember Yesterday
By Pintip Dunn
Sixteen-year-old Jessa Stone is the most valuable citizen in Eden City. Her psychic abilities could lead to significant scientific discoveries, if only she’d let TechRA study her. But ten years ago, the scientists kidnapped and experimented on her, leading to severe ramifications for her sister, Callie. She’d much rather break into their labs and sabotage their research—starting with Tanner Callahan, budding scientist and the boy she loathes most at school.
The past isn’t what she assumed, though—and neither is Tanner. He’s not the arrogant jerk she thought he was. And his research opens the door to the possibility that Jessa can rectify a fatal mistake made ten years earlier. She’ll do anything to change the past and save her sister—even if it means teaming up with the enemy she swore to defeat.
True Born
By L.E. Sterling
After the great Plague descended, the population was decimated...and humans’ genetics damaged beyond repair. But there’s something about Lucy Fox and her identical twin sister, Margot, that isn’t quite right. No one wants to reveal what they are. When Margot disappears suddenly, Lucy is forced to turn to the True Borns to find her. But instead of answers, there is only the discovery of a deeply buried conspiracy. And somehow, the Fox sisters could unravel it all…
Thief of Lies
by Brenda Drake
Gia Kearns would rather fight with boys than kiss them. That is, until Arik, a leather clad hottie in the Boston Athenaeum, suddenly disappears. When Gia unwittingly speaks the key that sucks her and her friends into a photograph and transports them into a Paris library, Gia must choose between her heart and her head, between Arik’s world and her own, before both are destroyed.
Sara Wolf, Forget Me Always
Thank you for reading books on BookFrom.Net Share this book with friends