Chapter II
On Being Human
When I was in Class-XI (Pre-University) in 1976-77, Cotton College a teacher asked all the students one by one what we would like to be (aim in life). Many of my classmates gave answers like, “I want to be an IAS officer to serve the country.” Many wanted to be Engineers or Professors etc.(It was a statistics class, so no one wanted to be a doctor!) When my turn came, I answered, “I want to be a human being.” Everybody laughed and one friend, who is now a very big boss of a reputed company, commented, “Hiranya, are you a monkey now?” I replied back, “I do not know.” Till now I am asking myself, “Am I able to become a human being?” However, now a days, I have seen many youngsters are using T-shirt with an imprint ‘Being Human’. I am happy that at least somebody has realised-what I meant to say in 1976-77?
It is a story about a loser. His name is Kanak(Gold) . His parents, both school teachers, gave the name thinking that he would dazzle like gold in his life. But his life turned out differently –like ‘dhutura’( a fruit from which drugs may be extracted). He is lanky but he was not in the list of ‘dream boy’ of any contemporary girls: at least look-wise and smartness-wise.
During his early life, he fought valiantly whenever he faced any sort of problems, from within the family or from out side (world). Some times, he won , some time he lost miserably. But he was a fighter. In school days, he was taunted as a boy from most backward village of the area. He answered it by topping in the class. Parents thought, he was not as smart as his brothers, he proved it otherwise, whenever, he got even a slim chance.
After, passing out class X examination from the school he joined the most reputed college of the state, where again he had to fight for his existence and to keep his head high. It was not known, whether he was successful or not. But the moot point is that, he was all along fighting with or without success.
As many of his friends said, he won the election for editor of the college magazine with the support of a particular student organization(not as organizational candidate –as many of his peers thought). Then, what went wrong with organization? He did not have any political ambition like many of the student leaders of that time. When schools and colleges were closed for an indefinite period, he tried to open up a front for opening of schools and holding of examinations etc. That itched the leadership of the organization due to obvious reason. Finally, due to the pressure built up by many of them(kindly remember the meeting for test before final examination in 1981) schools and colleges were reopened. In his edition of the college magazine, he raised some pertinent questions regarding solution of the agitation, international obligations etc. to the then President of the organization. But he did not reply, instead another leader replied, without answering any of his pin pointed questions.
By the time, he was dropped by them( the Student organization and others) like a hot potato. During that period he was approached by some of the leaders from some political parties and tried to persuade him to write articles directly attacking the agitation. Since he did not oblige them, he became a person who is pariah for both the groups. But, once his limited goal of reopening school and colleges was achieved and he came out of that circle.
The economic reason for not writing is also stem out from his economic background. As, already mentioned that, he is a son of a village school teacher parent( Both were teachers). At a particular period of time, all the children of his parents were in hostel. One can understand, what a financial hardship, they might have to undergo. During that period, he used to get a paltry Rs.10/- or Rs.20/- for a published article in a magazine. Considering the efforts and time spent, it was nothing but peanuts at that time also.
His mother was not happy, as some of his writing created some controversy at social, political and family circles. Reportedly, his sister had to face some problems in her school due to some of my articles.
By the time he attained the age of 20, he learnt a few lessons and realised few things which changed his course of life.
1. Since he does(did) not have any political ambition, he should not write any politically sensitive article. At one time, he had a limited mission to try to sensitize the people in general, and students , in particular, to mobilize public opinion to reopen the schools, which he successfully did (He can not take the credit out of that, as he was not the only one who wrote that types of articles at that time.).
2. A group of people will always try to put him in a place, which will be advantageous for them, without any risk for them. For example, the parents of those students who were studying outside the state(at that time), advocated that school/colleges should not be opened till aim of the agitation is achieved. Some parents always advocate that children are to be sent to schools/colleges with vernacular medium; but they send their children to English Medium schools.
3. At least, at a time, when he did(does) not have sufficient source of income, if he became(becomes) a writer/painter/poet/player then, he would be appreciated like anything, but most of his friends would run away from him, fearing he might ask for any financial help. So he should do something to earn handsomely and only then he should go for writing etc. as a hobby till that time he could earn a lot of money by writing/painting/writing/playing poem etc.
4. He also found that, many people who advised him to be brave and swim against the current, but when he asked them to support him in action, they avoided giving some flimsy ground. He remembers vividly, when college hostels were closed by College authority, many local leaders(mostly elderly ladies) asked the hostellers not to vacate whatever might come in the way. But when a question was raised by him, whether all the aunts present at that time, would take at least one hosteller to their homes, for few days, if situation warranted, they refused bluntly and advised, the hostelers to sacrifice even their lives for the country. They showed unhappiness for raising such type of petty(????) questions. A few months after, exactly the situation had arisen. The college hostel was raided by CRPF and all the students were taken to the police station. They were released afterward, but due to fear factors, 99% students had left the hostel except few like him, who did not have neither relatives in the city nor sufficient money to hire a hotel accommodation nor little distance to go home. Then he realised that, first he has to acquire sufficient strength to swim against the current, even if he wants, otherwise, when he is on the mat even his family members(not necessarily by all) may condemn him, forget about others. During the raid also, Kanak showed exemplary bravery by not abandoning the juniors at the mercy of the CRPF personnel, what many of the seniors did. But who cares for that type of bravery?
5. When one has to fight(if no option is left out), one should fight one at a time. One should not open many fronts at a time. Otherwise, he is bound to doom.
6. Every body advises to him to be most idealistic, brave enough to sacrifice everything for the welfare of the state/ society/family etc. These types of advices are reserved for others/ sons and daughters of others, not for them or their love ones. Many more lessons he learnt, but only some important lessons are mentioned here.
After realizing those facts of life, the stupid(man/boy/loser) stopped writing any article, short story, novel and poem since 1982 after joining a University in Delhi as a Master Degree student in 1981. From above, it is clear that, the reasons for not writing anything in last 31 years are many. But he thinks, the main reason however is that, he is not getting proper motivation or any emotional inspiration or any emotional support from the ones who are most important to him. Then, one day, one question struck him, whether, he should pour all his emotion in black and white or not. If yes, then again another question will arise, why now? What inspires him? Or who inspires him? Whether ‘Ye andar ki baat hai-Lux Cozi’(He may not be a wearing Lux Cozi –any way)?
In the mean time, he is little bit successful as a IT professional in MNC, a little bit successful as husband, a little bit successful as a father and a little bit financially sound (not like Am
banis or for that matter- he is not even a crorepati). But, he always feels that, he is a loser, who lost the fighting spirit, compromised his thought process and so on.
PS: I am very close to Kanak- emotionally. I understand him more than any body else. I understand, Kanak is not the only loser in this world. There may be many. We fear to admit our faults and failures: we always try to give a brave face on our failures. All the things of his realization which I am sharing with you may not be correct. Nor one should follow him( Always one should follow only the great persons and remember, Kanak is a loser).Most importantly, it is not a story of poor exhausted boy/man, it is a story of many budding writers who are non-political, but try to tell the whole world what they feel is right, but fail to do so due to different reasons. One may rightly call him as coward and another may call him as chicken hearted. But, I call his episode as a comedy of a loser, not tragedy of a semi successful man.
Last year, I was sitting with one of the senior most officers and requesting him to do a favour to some of us (a group of officers who were similarly placed). His driver, who was also present, all of a sudden, requested our boss, “Sir, help him as far as possible. Because, he is a god-like man (devata jaisha admi). If you help him, God will definitely help you , sir.” Afterwards, I asked the driver why he had said so. He replied, “Sir, we have seen lots of officer who are queuing up to donate blood to the boss or his/her relatives. But I saw you the only officer, who went to donate blood to a daughter of a group D staff.” I did not say anything to him. It reminded me one of the most important incident of my life- I could not attend last few days of my mother who was on her death bed during 2005. Therefore, I had to ask again myself the same question, “Am I human being? Forget about the demigod status!”
In my assessment, our misdeeds may be much more weighty than the one or two good things, we used to do during our life time. We may have more vices than good habits. Mostly, we boast our vices as our heroic activities. Knowingly or unknowingly, we may have done more harm to humanity than good things for the society, which are the main obstacles for person to become a ‘human being’.
One of our relatives once said, ‘You are a very successful father and a husband. You have done so much for them. Your children and your wife should be thankful to you, whatever you have done for them.’ I simply replied, ‘Better you ask them (about it).’ I know that, like most of the spouses, my wife also, during her outburst, used to say, I have spoiled her life/career. Occasionally, like most of the children, my children also compare with some more successful fathers. It is always a comparative world.
We always, back pat ourselves for any small good thing we have done for others and always justify our misdeeds with strong arguments. I am no exception to that. I think, to become a god is easier than to become a human being. Sometime we extend helping hand to the needy- is it for nothing or to satisfy our own ego? I always ask this question to myself without a concrete answer. During my hostel(college) days, I alongwith some of our classmates used to stay overnight with our hostel-mates who were hospitalized for some illness. Still, I am not sure, whether I helped them or I just want to avoid my studies and running away from my studies with a noble justification. My above activity can be seen two completely diametrically opposite perspectives. One- I extended my helping hand to a hostel mate when he needed it most. Therefore, I did a good job and I can pat on my back. Second perspective is completely opposite to that. My parents sent me to the hostel with their hard earned money to study so that I could have gotten a better job. But what I was doing! I spent whole night without any sleep and thus putting pressure on my heath and study at the cost of a hostel mate, who after his release from hospital, gave a mere ‘thank you’. Can I justify my wasting of time if I consider the hope of my parents imposed on me? So while doing something good to some one, I was probably doing injustice to my parents. Actually where I was standing? Can anybody enlighten me on this account? On being human, I find lots of difficulties in this type of balancing act.
You may find some very good persons who have done lot of good things for the society. But ask their near and dear ones about them, they may have diametrically opposite opinions about them. There is a proverb, ‘Charity begins at home.’ If we have to follow that principle then, those persons(socially highly appreciated persons) may not get good marks- some may not get even pass marks.
In a charted bus, in 1995, I have an argument with an elderly lady when she claimed that she had never indulged in any corrupt practice in her entire life. I asked her one simple question, ‘Madam, when do you come to office and when do you leave?’ She replied, ‘I reach always office by 10 O’clock and leave by 5 PM.’ ‘What is your office timing?’
‘9AM to 5-30 PM.’
‘That means, you are getting extra salary for 1-30 hrs daily which is almost 20% of the working hours. And if we count for entire month it is about 30-36 hours. For the whole year, it is 400 hours and for whole service life (about 35 years) it is whopping 14000 hours. If you are given even Rs.100 for each hour work/available for work, then you are getting roughly Rs.14,00,000/-. If you put in recurring deposit scheme, it will be more than Rs.50-60 lakhs. Is it not a massive corruption you are indulging.’(Figures are given as per present salary structure).
‘Everybody is doing that.’
‘That is true, but that will not make you a spotless person.’
Should I request my National Accounts Division, CSO to estimate this amount for entire country since independence? It may exceed the largest scam amount of the whole world- let alone India. Are we not part and parcel of this loot?
Why I am telling this? Because, we can not see our face-we can see only the image of our face. Similarly we can not see our own personality - we can see our personality in the reflection of the society.
It may also so happen, one tells you in the morning that you are like a god and in the same evening somebody else can say you that, you are no less than a devil. Nobody will say you in the whole day, that “You are a human being’. That is why I wonder when I shall be a human being.
Even for the same action, you may get kudos and brickbats from the same persons after a period time. One of the best example is about( somewhere I read or somebody told me) a Japanese spy who was condemned to death for passing information to the Allied forces. Whole family was subjected for all humiliations for his unpatriotic action. But after few days of his death, he became a National hero as he was doing all the ‘so called espionage’ as a part of greater plan to mislead the Allied Forces. This is one of those examples, where time changes the perception of good and bad works. Probably, all of us know about the role of legendary boxer, Muhammad Ali during Vietnam war!
There is a Russian story(I heard from a very senior officer during an open speech) which goes like this:
One landlord brought one beautiful horse for his young son. On the very first day the son fell down from the horse and broke his leg. Everybody in the village, cursed the horse. But on the next day, there was decree from the king that every abled bodied person should join the army and would be sent to border. Everybody in the village opined that the horse was indeed a lucky one for the young son of the land lord as he need not have to go for the ensuing battle. But after one month, all the villagers had come back from the frontier unscathed as battle did not take place. However, all were given certificates alongwith monetary benefits from royalty for their loyalty and bravery. Then, everybody blamed the horse again. And the story goes on.
Therefore, to identify good luck/good work and bad luck/bad work is real tough. So, every day, I question myself, ‘Have I done any good work? How many bad works I have done in last 24 hours? How many hours, I remain idle? Have I done enough work to become a human being?’ Normally I do not get an answer.
Is it that difficult to become a human being? Perhaps yes. When we say a person is mentally ill? If the person is not normal, we call him/her mentally ill or more rudely call him/her ‘Mad”. When
we call a person normal? If the behaviour of the person is in conformity with most of the people, we call him/her a normal person. Upto this point, hopefully everyone will agree with me. As a corollary to this assumption, if any person does not fall within the 3 sigma limit or 5 sigma limit(as you decide) for any attribute associated with ‘human being’ than he is not a normal person. So if a person fail to perform any of the normal duties of a citizen, son/ daughter, husband/wife, son-in-law/daughter-in-law, father/mother, father-in-law /mother-in-law, brother/sister, brother-in-law/sister-in-law, senior/junior, boss/subordinate etc., he/she is not normal as far as that attribute is concerned. Some of us, we perform our duties of a father/mother better than an average father/mother, but we may fail to perform duties of a son/daughter towards our parents. List is endless. Now, hopefully you understand, why I fail to become (normal) human being, despite of my best efforts to become a ‘human being’.
But my pursuit to become a human being remain as strong as a small kid, I did have.
(Dedicated to all the teachers on teachers’ day, who always try to make their students good ‘human being’.)
Chapter III
Why Should We Love Old Parents
She was gasping for oxygen. She was fragile and too weak to sit even without support of pillows arranged by a reluctant young nurse. The nurse was praying for her life, not because she loves her, but she wants her service to continue for few more days as she has been being paid salary at least three times more than the prevailing market rate. The old lady lost her husband a few years back, since then she has been all alone in this large house. She has three children who are ‘who is who’ in the high society. They all are millionaires and they have enough money to hire best of the doctors/ nurse to look after their old mother. But, unfortunately, they are so busy with their own works that, they do not have time to sit with their mother for a minute even. These are the children for whom this old lady used to sit whole night for even when they were down with a simple flu. She used to cancel all his official/ business meeting when they faced even very small problem in their studies/ business/ workplace. Today she is lying on a large bed, not capable of moving one corner to the other corner of the bed, counting her days. Like enjoying a tragic film, she was recapitulating her life, her love for his children, love between her and her husband and then her loneliness for the last few years after death of her husband despite of the fact that, she had still enough money to fend herself like a queen.
Finally her time of death had come and a fairy appeared before her and tells, ‘O, nice old lady. Time has come for you to leave this world. I am taking you to the place of eternal peace, some calls it, heaven. Before leaving this world, you may ask for a boon to help someone you love or a curse someone you dislike and I assure you, it will be fulfilled.’
The old lady gasping for her final breath requests the fairy, ‘If you really want to fulfil my wish then make my children more successful, healthy, happy and they live longer.’
The fairy smiled, ‘Your last wish has not surprised me, as I know you are a prisoner of love. You love your children without expecting any reciprocal love from your children. I find many like you, who believe in giving only and expecting nothing, not even mere praise nor love from the person to whom they are ready to give everything. You have given your money, health, happiness, your youth and everything for welfare of your children who abandoned you when you need them most. Even then, instead of cursing them, you ask a boon for them. Anyway, as promised, as per your wish, they will get everything what you have asked for them. But you may ask for another boon.’
The old lady with a faint smile asked the fairy, ‘they (her children) should get better place than me after their death! Only another one small help I want from you, I want to convey my displeasure to my children that I was not happy at the time of death with them for the treatment they had meted out to me.’
The fairy smiles again and told, ‘You have to wait for someone who will be able to communicate with you and willing to convey your message to your children. I do not know how long you have to wait. Only I can advise you to wait at your favourite market for him or her so that you will be in good humour in your waiting!’
Whether she got one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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