LETTER XIV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. [IN CONTINUATION.]
This is Wednesday; the day that I was to have lost my charmer for everto the hideous Solmes! With what high satisfaction and heart's-ease canI now sit down, and triumph over my men in straw at Harlowe-place! Yet'tis perhaps best for them, that she got off as she did. Who knows whatconsequences might have followed upon my attending her in; or (if shehad not met me) upon my projected visit, followed by my myrmidons?
But had I even gone in with her unaccompanied, I think I had but littlereason for apprehension: for well thou knowest, that the tame spiritswhich value themselves upon reputation, and are held within the skirtsof the law by political considerations only, may be compared to aninfectious spider; which will run into his hole the moment one of histhreads is touched by a finger that can crush him, leaving all his toilsdefenceless, and to be brushed down at the will of the potent invader.While a silly fly, that has neither courage nor strength to resist,no sooner gives notice, by its buz and its struggles, of its beingentangled, but out steps the self-circumscribed tyrant, winds round andround the poor insect, till he covers it with his bowel-spun toils; andwhen so fully secured, that it can neither move leg nor wing, suspendsit, as if for a spectacle to be exulted over: then stalking to the doorof his cell, turns about, glotes over it at a distance; and, sometimesadvancing, sometimes retiring, preys at leisure upon its vitals.
But now I think of it, will not this comparison do as well forthe entangled girls, as for the tame spirits?--Better o' myconscience!--'Tis but comparing the spider to us brave fellows, and itquadrates.
Whatever our hearts are in, our heads will follow. Begin with spiders,with flies, with what we will, girl is the centre of gravity, and we allnaturally tend to it.
Nevertheless, to recur; I cannot but observe, that these tame spiritsstand a poor chance in a fairly offensive war with such of us madfellows as are above all law, and scorn to sculk behind the hypocriticalscreen of reputation.
Thou knowest that I never scruple to throw myself amongst numbers ofadversaries; the more the safer: one or two, no fear, will take the partof a single adventurer, if not intentionally, in fact; holding him in,while others hold in the principal antagonist, to the augmentation oftheir mutual prowess, till both are prevailed upon to compromise, orone to be absent: so that, upon the whole, the law-breakers have theadvantage of the law-keepers, all the world over; at least for a time,and till they have run to the end of their race. Add to this, in thequestion between me and the Harlowes, that the whole family of them mustknow that they have injured me--must therefore be afraid of me. Did theynot, at their own church, cluster together like bees, when they saw meenter it? Nor knew they which should venture out first, when the servicewas over.
James, indeed, was not there. If he had, he would perhaps haveendeavoured to look valiant. But there is a sort of valour in the face,which shews fear in the heart: just such a face would James Harlowe'shave been, had I made them a visit.
When I have had such a face and such a heart as I have described to dealwith, I have been all calm and serene, and left it to the friends of theblusterer (as I have done to the Harlowes) to do my work for me.
I am about mustering up in my memory, all that I have ever done, thathas been thought praise-worthy, or but barely tolerable. I am afraidthou canst not help me to many remembrances of this sort; because Inever was so bad as since I have known thee.
Have I not had it in my heart to do some good that thou canst not remindme of? Study for me, Jack. I have recollected some instances which Ithink will tell in--but see if thou canst not help me to some which Imay have forgot.
This I may venture to say, that the principal blot in my escutcheon isowing to these girls, these confounded girls. But for them, I could goto church with a good conscience: but when I do, there they are. Everywhere does Satan spread his snares for me! But, how I think of it, whatif our governor should appoint churches for the women only, and othersfor the men?--Full as proper, I think, for the promoting of truepiety in both, [much better than the synagogue-lattices,] as separateboarding-schools for their education.
There are already male and female dedications of churches.
St. Swithin's, St. Stephen's, St. Thomas's, St. George's, and so forth,might be appropriated to the men; and Santa Catharina's, Santa Anna's,Santa Maria's, Santa Margaretta's, for the women.
Yet were it so, and life to be the forfeiture of being found at thefemale churches, I believe that I, like a second Clodius, should changemy dress, to come at my Portia or Pompeia, though one the daughter of aCato, the other the wife of a Caesar.
But how I excurse!--Yet thou usedst to say, thou likedst my excursions.If thou dost, thou'lt have enow of them: for I never had a subject Iso much adored; and with which I shall probably be compelled to have somuch patience before I strike the blow; if the blow I do strike.
But let me call myself back to my recordation-subject--Thou needestnot remind me of my Rosebud. I have her in my head; and moreover havecontrived to give my fair-one an hint of that affair, by the agency ofhonest Joseph Leman;* although I have not reaped the hoped-for credit ofher acknowledgement.
* See Vol. II. Letter XXVII.
That's the devil; and it was always my hard fate--every thing I do thatis good, is but as I ought!--Every thing of a contrary nature is broughtinto the most glaring light against me--Is this fair? Ought not abalance to be struck; and the credit carried to my account?--Yet I mustown too, that I half grudge Johnny this blooming maiden? for, in truth,I think a fine woman too rich a jewel to hang about a poor man's neck.
Surely, Jack, if I am guilty of a fault in my universal adorations ofthe sex, the women in general ought to love me the better for it.
And so they do; I thank them heartily; except here and there a covetouslittle rogue comes cross me, who, under the pretence of loving virtuefor its own sake, wants to have me all to herself.
I have rambled enough.
Adieu, for the present.