LETTER XXIII
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. FRIDAY, APRIL 14.
Never did I hear of such a parcel of foolish toads as theseHarlowes!--Why, Belford, the lady must fall, if every hair of her headwere a guardian angel, unless they were to make a visible appearance forher, or, snatching her from me at unawares, would draw her after theminto the starry regions.
All I had to apprehend, was, that a daughter, so reluctantly carriedoff, would offer terms to her father, and would be accepted upon amutual concedence; they to give up Solmes; she to give up me. And so Iwas contriving to do all I could to guard against the latter. But theyseem resolved to perfect the work they have begun.
What stupid creatures are there in the world! This foolish brother notto know, that he who would be bribed to undertake a base thing by one,would be over-bribed to retort the baseness; especially when he could beput into the way to serve himself by both!--Thou, Jack, wilt never knowone half of my contrivances.
He here relates the conversation between him and the Lady (upon the subject of the noise and exclamations his agent made at the garden- door) to the same effect as in the Lady's Letter, No. XXI. and proceeds exulting:
What a capacity for glorious mischief has thy friend!--Yet how near thetruth all of it! The only derivation, my asserting that the fellowmade the noises by mistake, and through fright, and not by previousdirection: had she known the precise truth, her anger, to be so takenin, would never have let her forgive me.
Had I been a military hero, I should have made gunpowder useless; forI should have blown up all my adversaries by dint of stratagem, turningtheir own devices upon them.
But these fathers and mothers--Lord help 'em!--Were not the powers ofnature stronger than those of discretion, and were not that busy deabona to afford her genial aids, till tardy prudence qualified parents tomanage their future offspring, how few people would have children!
James and Arabella may have their motives; but what can be said for afather acting as this father has acted? What for a mother? What foran aunt? What for uncles?--Who can have patience with such fellows andfellowesses?
Soon will the fair one hear how high their foolish resentments runagainst her: and then will she, it is to be hoped, have a little moreconfidence in me. Then will I be jealous that she loves me not with thepreference my heart builds upon: then will I bring her to confessionsof grateful love: and then will I kiss her when I please; and not standtrembling, as now, like a hungry hound, who sees a delicious morselwithin his reach, (the froth hanging upon his vermilion jaws,) yet daresnot leap at it for his life.
But I was originally a bashful mortal. Indeed I am bashful still withregard to this lady--Bashful, yet know the sex so well!--But that indeedis the reason that I know it so well:--For, Jack, I have had abundantcause, when I have looked into myself, by way of comparison with theother sex, to conclude that a bashful man has a good deal of the soul ofa woman; and so, like Tiresias, can tell what they think, and what theydrive at, as well as themselves.
The modest ones and I, particularly, are pretty much upon a par. Thedifference between us is only, what they think, I act. But the immodestones out-do the worst of us by a bar's length, both in thinking andacting.
One argument let me plead in proof of my assertion; That even we rakeslove modesty in a woman; while the modest woman, as they are accounted,(that is to say, the slyest,) love, and generally prefer, an impudentman. Whence can this be, but from a likeness in nature? And this madethe poet say, That ever woman is a rake in her heart. It concerns them,by their actions, to prove the contrary, if they can.
Thus have I read in some of the philosophers, That no wickedness iscomparable to the wickedness of a woman.* Canst thou tell me, Jack, whosays this? Was it Socrates? for he had the devil of a wife--Or who? Oris it Solomon?--King Solomon--Thou remembrest to have read of such aking, dost thou not? SOL-O-MON, I learned, in my infant state [my motherwas a good woman] to answer, when asked, Who was the wisest man?--But myindulgent questioner never asked me how he came by the uninspired partof his wisdom.
* Mr. Lovelace is as much out in his conjecture of Solomon, as ofSocrates. The passage is in Ecclesiasticus, chap. xxv.
Come, come, Jack, you and I are not so very bad, could we but stop wherewe are.
He then gives the particulars of what passed between him and the Lady on his menaces relating to her brother and Mr. Solmes, and of his design to punish Betty Barnes and Joseph Leman.