LETTER XXV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. FRIDAY, APR. 14.
Thou hast often reproached me, Jack, with my vanity, withoutdistinguishing the humourous turn that accompanies it; and for which, atthe same time that thou robbest me of the merit of it thou admirestme highly. Envy gives thee the indistinction: Nature inspires theadmiration: unknown to thyself it inspires it. But thou art too clumsyand too short-sighted a mortal, to know how to account even for theimpulses by which thou thyself art moved.
Well, but this acquits thee not of my charge of vanity, Lovelace,methinks thou sayest.
And true thou sayest: for I have indeed a confounded parcel of it. But,if men of parts may not be allowed to be in vain, who should! and yet,upon second thoughts, men of parts have the least occasion of any to bevain; since the world (so few of them are there in it) are ready to findthem out, and extol them. If a fool can be made sensible that there isa man who has more understanding than himself, he is ready enough toconclude, that such a man must be a very extraordinary creature.
And what, at this rate, is the general conclusion to be drawn from thepremises?--Is it not, That no man ought to be vain? But what if a mancan't help it!--This, perhaps, may be my case. But there is nothing uponwhich I value myself so much as upon my inventions. And for the soul ofme, I cannot help letting it be seen, that I do. Yet this vanity may bea mean, perhaps, to overthrow me with this sagacious lady.
She is very apprehensive of me I see. I have studied before her and MissHowe, as often as I have been with them, to pass for a giddy thoughtlesscreature. What a folly then to be so expatiatingly sincere, in my answerto her home put, upon the noises within the garden?--But such successhaving attended that contrivance [success, Jack, has blown many a manup!] my cursed vanity got uppermost, and kept down my caution. Themenace to have secreted Solmes, and that other, that I had thoughts torun away with her foolish brother, and of my project to revenge her uponthe two servants, so much terrified the dear creature, that I was forcedto sit down to muse after means to put myself right in her opinion.
Some favourable incidents, at the time, tumbled in from my agent inher family; at least such as I was determined to make favourable: andtherefore I desired admittance; and this before she could resolve anything against me; that is to say, while her admiration of my intrepiditykept resolution in suspense.
Accordingly, I prepared myself to be all gentleness, all obligingness,all serenity; and as I have now and then, and always had, more or less,good motions pop up in my mind, I encouraged and collected every thingof this sort that I had ever had from novicehood to maturity, [not longin recollecting, Jack,] in order to bring the dear creature intogood humour with me:* And who knows, thought I, if I can hold it, andproceed, but I may be able to lay a foundation fit to build my grandscheme upon!--LOVE, thought I, is not naturally a doubter: FEAR is,I will try to banish the latter: nothing then but love will remain.CREDULITY is the God of Love's prime minister, and they never areasunder.
* He had said, Letter XVIII. that he would make reformation his stalking-horse, &c.
He then acquaints his friend with what passed between him and the Lady, in relation to his advices from Harlowe- place, and to his proposal about lodgings, pretty much to the same purpose as in her preceding Letter.
When he cones to mention his proposal of the Windsor lodgings, thus heexpresses himself:
Now, Belford, can it enter into thy leaden head, what I meant by thisproposal!--I know it cannot. And so I'll tell thee.
To leave her for a day or two, with a view to serve her by my absence,would, as I thought, look like a confiding in her favour. I could notthink of leaving her, thou knowest, while I had reason to believe herfriends would pursue us; and I began to apprehend that she would suspectthat I made a pretence of that intentional pursuit to keep about her andwith her. But now that they had declared against it, and that they wouldnot receive her if she went back, (a declaration she had better hearfirst from me, than from Miss Howe, or any other,) what should hinder mefrom giving her this mark of my obedience; especially as I could leaveWill, who is a clever fellow, and can do any thing but write and spell,and Lord M.'s Jonas (not as guards, to be sure, but as attendants only);the latter to be dispatched to me occasionally by the former, whom Icould acquaint with my motions?
Then I wanted to inform myself, why I had not congratulatory lettersfrom Lady Sarah and Lady Betty, and from my cousins Montague, to whom Ihad written, glorying in my beloved's escape; which letters, if properlyworded, might be made necessary to shew her as matters proceed.
As to Windsor, I had no design to carry her particularly thither: butsomewhere it was proper to name, as she condescended to ask my adviceabout it. London, I durst not; but very cautiously; and so as to make ither own option: for I must tell thee, that there is such a perversenessin the sex, that when they ask your advice, they do it only to know youropinion, that they may oppose it; though, had not the thing in questionbeen your choice, perhaps it had been theirs.
I could easily give reasons against Windsor, after I had pretended tobe there; and this would have looked the better, as it was a place ofmy own nomination; and shewn her that I had no fixed scheme. Never wasthere in woman such a sagacious, such an all-alive apprehension, as inthis. Yet it is a grievous thing to an honest man to be suspected.
Then, in my going or return, I can call upon Mrs. Greme. She and mybeloved had a great deal of talk together. If I knew what it was about;and that either, upon their first acquaintance, was for benefitingherself by the other; I might contrive to serve them both, withouthurting myself: for these are the most prudent ways of doingfriendships, and what are not followed by regrets, though the servedshould prove ingrateful. Then Mrs. Greme corresponds by pen-and-ink withher farmer-sister where we are: something may possibly arise that way,either of a convenient nature, which I may pursue; or of an inconvenientnature, which I may avoid.
Always be careful of back doors, is a maxim with me in all my exploits.Whoever knows me, knows that I am no proud man. I can talk as familiarlyto servants as to principals, when I have a mind to make it worth theirwhile to oblige me in any thing. Then servants are but as the commonsoldiers in an army, they do all the mischief frequently without malice,and merely, good souls! for mischief-sake.
I am most apprehensive about Miss Howe. She has a confounded deal ofwit, and wants only a subject, to shew as much roguery: and should Ibe outwitted with all my sententious boasting of conceit of my ownnostrum-mongership--[I love to plague thee, who art a pretender toaccuracy, and a surface-skimmer in learning, with out-of-the-way wordsand phrases] I should certainly hang, drown, or shoot myself.
Poor Hickman! I pity him for the prospect he has with such a virago! Butthe fellow's a fool, God wot! And now I think of it, it is absolutelynecessary for complete happiness in the married state, that one shouldbe a fool [an argument I once held with this very Miss Howe.] But thenthe fool should know the other's superiority; otherwise the obstinateone will disappoint the wise one.
But my agent Joseph has helped me to secure this quarter, as I havehinted to thee more than once.