Am I mad? Or was it just stupid not to say the words, not to tell Karla the truth: that I didn’t understand her relationship with Ranjit, that I hadn’t found the way to open the fist my life had closed over memories of Lisa living, and thoughts of her dead? I didn’t want to be with Karla wreathed in grief. I wanted to be free, to be hers alone. And that wasn’t going to be soon.
‘Lisa was –’ I began.
‘Shut up,’ she said.
I shut up. She lit the second joint, and passed it to me. She padded over to the small bar, grabbed a chunk of cubes from the bucket, and three-quarters filled a new glass.
‘You’re supposed to put the ice in first,’ she said, pouring vodka slowly over the cubes, ‘and add the Happy Mary with attention.’
She took a sip.
‘Ah,’ she sighed. ‘That’s better.’
She thought about things for a while.
‘It’s been a damn long day,’ she said to the ceiling.
‘What happened with Ranjit, Karla?’
She flashed a look from the angry part of the feminine divine. My heart got colder in my chest. She was magnificent.
‘What did I say?’
She grit her teeth, as if putting them on display.
‘You finally peer through your shawl of sorrows to ask about me, and what I’m going through? It’s moments like these, Lin, that give Fuck you such long legs.’
‘Wait a minute. I didn’t ask you about Ranjit before, and about why you left him, because I thought it was obvious. He’s a prick. I just wanted to know if there was anything specific. Did he threaten you?’
She laughed, pretty hard, and put the glass down. She came to stand in front of me.
‘Stand up, Shantaram,’ she said.
I stood up. She put her fingers into the front of my jeans, and curled them around my belt. She pulled me toward her.
‘Sometimes,’ she said, not smiling, ‘I just don’t know what to do with you.’
I had a few suggestions, but I didn’t get to make them. She shoved me back on the window seat, and sat down beside me.
‘It’s a week, for us, since Lisa died,’ she said, ‘but it’s only yesterday, for you. I get that. We all get that. And it’s freaking you out that we don’t seem to be getting how important this is to you.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Shut up. Kiss me.’
‘What?’
‘Kiss me.’
She put her hand behind my neck and drew our lips into a soft, brief kiss, then pushed me away again.
‘Look, this isn’t about Ranjit, and it isn’t about Lisa. I know your heart can’t let go of this, because I know you, and I love you. That’s –’
‘You love me?’
‘Didn’t I just say it, before? I’m born for you, and you’re born for me. I knew it the first second I saw you again, on the mountain.’
‘I . . . ’
‘But I also know all your weaknesses. We’ve got a couple of them in common, which is always a good start to any relationship. But I –’
‘Relationship?’
‘What are we talking about here, Shantaram, if it isn’t us?’
‘I –’
‘Back to your weaknesses. We’ve gotta –’
‘You’re my only weakness, Karla.’
‘I’m your strength. More than half of it at the moment, it seems to me. Your weaknesses are that you whip yourself with guilt and smear yourself with shame. I’ve been waiting for you to evolve, grow up, and grow out of it.’
‘Well –’
‘You’ve made progress,’ she said, stopping me with a raised hand. ‘No doubt about that. But you’re not there yet. You’ve got self-esteem issues –’
‘Well deserved.’
‘Funny. But it’s okay. Self-esteem issues? Lightweight stuff. Nothing we can’t fix. I’m homicidal. Nobody’s perfect. But Lisa’s gone, and no amount of self-flagellation will bring her back. If it would, I’d save you the trouble, and flog you myself. I might anyway, if you don’t snap out of it.’
‘Okay, so I lost the thread, there.’
‘Let Lisa go. At least around me. I just told you that I love you. I’ve never said that to any other man. If you weren’t so numb with guilt, you’d react.’
I kissed her with everything I had, everything I was, and everything I wanted.
‘That’s better,’ she said, pushing me away again gently. ‘Right now, I can wait for my lover, but I need my friend while I wait. There’s too much happening. I need you to catch up, Shantaram, and get with the faith. I need you to trust me, because I can’t tell you anything. Not until it’s over.’
‘Why not?’
‘That’s why,’ she smiled. ‘Because you’re curious, and you’re loyal. And some of the things you hear about me, until I get this done, might sound crazy, or worse, so I need your faith.’
She meant it. She was completely sincere: no games or tricks. It was compelling, beautiful and scary. I loved it. Imagine this, I thought, all the time.
She grabbed my shirt, and pulled my face close to hers.
‘Look me in the queens, and tell me you’ve got all this,’ she commanded. ‘Because, you know what, I love you, but I’ve got too much happening, at the moment, to put up with drama from the guy I love. So, you know, tell me you got this.’
‘I got this,’ I said, diving into that pool, that green lagoon so close, so deep.
‘Good,’ she said. ‘Now get out.’
‘You say that like you mean it,’ I said, standing there, kind of floppy.
‘No, I’m just saying it while I can.’
‘But, I . . . ’
We walked to the door and she shoved me through, no kiss, hug or handshake. The door closed, and I walked the marble halls of the hotel alone.
What was happening? It was wrong. It was all wrong.
I sprinted back to her door and rang the bell. She answered immediately, startling me.
‘Look,’ I said, trying to get the words out quickly. ‘It’s you. It’s always been you, since the first time I –’
‘– saw you on the street,’ she interrupted me, leaning against the doorframe. ‘Smiling, and about to walk in front of a bus. I remember you were smiling at a kid on the pavement. And there was a leaping dog at your feet. Do you know anything about the Tarot?’
‘It’s that Chinese mafia gang, isn’t it?’
She laughed happily. I heard a temple bell inside.
‘I knew it, the minute I yanked you back from in front of the bus,’ she said. ‘When I looked into your eyes, all the lights went on. And time –’
‘– slowed down,’ I continued. ‘For really long seconds. And the effect –’
‘– lasted for days,’ she said, straightening up to face me. ‘Lin, I just want you to be in this with me, by believing in me, but I can’t involve you in it. Do you see?’
‘Favourite colour,’ I said, ticking an imaginary list in my hand, ‘corpuscle red.’
She relaxed against the doorway again, the too-smart smile beginning.
‘Favourite season, winter. In Basel, to be exact. Favourite movie, Key Largo, favourite food, barbecued steak, favourite song, “The Internationale”, favourite car, because you’re not into motorcycles yet, the Chevy Camaro, 1967, matt black with blood-red interior –’
She kissed me. I closed my eyes. A light hovered in my mind. The light faded in waves, falling beneath the world. Love like water, searching for the sea. Love like Time, searching for meaning. Love like all that was, and ever will be.
‘Stop it!’ she said, pushing me away.
She put the back of her hand to her lips, and wiped away the sea. I opened my mouth to speak, but she slapped me, pretty hard.
‘Don’t get killed,’ she said. ‘I want to do that a
gain.’
‘The kiss, or the slap?’
‘Both, but maybe in a different order.’
She slammed the door in my face.
Love. Love like a marble echo in an empty hotel corridor.
Didier was waiting for me in the lobby.
‘I was rather hoping you would stay the night with Karla,’ he said as we left the hotel.
I stopped, and stared at him.
‘I only mean,’ he said, ‘that I have dangerous news. I know, now, where Concannon is making his dope business.’
The night was looking up. And I was in just the right mood.
‘How reliable is your information?’
‘He was seen there today, at three in the afternoon.’
‘Where is he?’
‘In a house owned by the Scorpions.’
‘On Marine Lines road?’
‘Yes. How do you know?’
‘I followed Vishnu and his guys there, after they slapped me around. It’s one of their hangouts.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’m gonna walk up to the door, and ring the bell.’
‘With a hand grenade?’ Didier asked, pondering.
‘No. You’re going to call Vishnu, and tell him that I’ll visit him, at ten tonight.’
‘What makes you think I have this Vishnu’s telephone number?’
‘Didier,’ I sighed.
‘Oh, very well, Didier has every number, of course, or can find it. But do you think it wise, to walk into the den of lions?’
‘I think he’ll want to talk. He’s a talkative guy.’
‘What makes you think he wants to talk to you, no offence?’
‘None taken. I quit the Sanjay Company, and I’m still alive. He’ll want to talk to me.’
‘Very well,’ he said. ‘I will make the call.’
I watched him walk back into the hotel, and signalled one of the Sikh doormen. The man walked across the courtyard to join me at the bike.
‘Yes, baba?’ he asked, offering his hand.
I passed him some money in the handshake, as I’d done many times before.
‘For the boys, when the shift is over.’
‘Thank you, baba. There were several big functions tonight, with many distinguished guests, so not many tips. Anything I can do for you?’
‘Keep an eye on Miss Karla. If you hear anything I should know, I’m staying at the Amritsar, on Metro.’
‘Thik,’ he said, rushing to rejoin his colleagues. ‘No problem!’
Didier returned, his expression thoughtful, a fisherman studying the rain.
‘It is established,’ he said. ‘Vishnu is expecting you. We do not have much time. We need more guns, and more cartridges.’
He began to look around for a taxi.
‘I’m not taking a gun. And you’re not coming, Didier.’
‘Lin!’ he said, stamping his foot. ‘If you deny me this adventure, I will spit on your grave. And when Didier says such a thing, it is written on stone.’
‘My grave? Why am I always dying before you do?’
‘And dance on it, like Nureyev.’
‘You’d dance on my grave?’
‘Like Nureyev.’
‘Okay. You’re coming.’
‘Should we not get some others with us?’
‘Who would go?’ I asked, starting the bike.
‘Good point,’ he conceded, still looking for a taxi.
‘Get on.’
‘Pardon me?’
‘Get on the bike, Didier. I don’t want to rely on a taxi, if we have to leave that place in a hurry. Get on.’
‘But, Lin, you know about my motorcycle hysteria.’
‘Get on the bike, Didier.’
‘If cars fell over, when we got out of them, I wouldn’t ride in cars, either. It is hysteria and physics combined, you see.’
‘You don’t have motorcycle hysteria, Didier. You’re motophobic.’
‘I am?’ he asked, intrigued.
‘No doubt.’
‘Motophobic. Are you sure?’
‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of my friends are motophobic. But it’s okay. There’s a treatment for it.’
‘There is?’
‘Get on the bike, Didier.’
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I parked the bike a block away from the mansion, and waited in the quiet side street. Moonlight wrote tree poems on the road. A thin, black cat ran through the streaks of light and shadow in front of us, sprinting to safety.
‘Thank you, Fate,’ Didier said. ‘A black cat. Of course.’
We approached the gate. I paused, looking up and down the long street. Cars passed, but it was quiet.
‘You sure you want to do this, Didier?’
‘How dare you!’ Didier said.
‘Okay. Okay. Sorry.’
I pushed open the gate, and walked to the front door. I was about to press the buzzer but Didier stopped me. He smiled, paused, and then pressed the buzzer himself.
A man approached the door. There were pieces of stained glass and frosted scroll panels on the door. I saw through the glass that he was a big man: a big man, walking slowly, with a cane. Hanuman.
He opened the door, saw me, and sneered.
‘You again,’ he said.
‘Tell me about Pakistan,’ I said.
He grabbed my shoulder as if it was a grapefruit, and shoved me along the corridor. Fit, crazy-eyed henchmen appeared from rooms at the end of the hall. Goons appeared on the stairs. Hanuman shoved me toward a door near the end of the hall.
‘Madachudh! Bahinchudh! Gandu! Saala!’ they shouted back at me, itching to rush me.
Every gun in the world is a death wish, and they were all armed, and wishing us harm. I was scared, because I hadn’t expected guns, and because outlaws, by definition, don’t go by the rules.
There was a heavy, hairy guy in a white undershirt standing closest to me in the hallway. He slowly raised a crowd pleaser, a sawn-off twelve-gauge shotgun, and pointed it at me. Hanuman frisked me. Satisfied that I wasn’t carrying a gun, he lifted my shirt to show the two knives at my back, and let the shirt fall again, stifling a yawn. The gangsters laughed, pretty hard. He turned to Didier, who stopped him with a raised palm. He took his automatic pistol from his pocket and handed it to Hanuman.
A door opened, a little way along the hallway in front of me. Vishnu walked out into the hall, standing with his men.
‘You don’t just wear out the welcome mat,’ he said calmly. ‘You cremate it. Come in, before you cause a riot.’
He walked back into the room, Hanuman shoved me forward, and we joined Vishnu in his study.
There was a mahogany desk, two plush visitor chairs and a row of wooden chairs behind them. Political and religious posters competed for space on the walls, but there were no books. A screen on the desk gave different views around the mansion, one image of security after another.
Vishnu paused at the entrance to speak with Hanuman. The tall man stooped to listen, wagging his head.
When Vishnu rejoined us he was alone. It was very confident, or very foolish. He poured three bourbons on the rocks and passed them to us, taking his place behind the desk in a high-backed office chair.
‘Mr Levy, isn’t it?’ Vishnu asked as we took our seats in front of his desk. ‘We haven’t met, but I’ve heard reports of you.’
‘Enchanté, monsieur,’ Didier replied.
‘My wife is ill,’ Vishnu said, turning to me. ‘She is being attended by our doctor, and two nurses. That’s why I keep her close to me. That’s why my men wanted to kill you, just now. Because my wife is in this house. That’s why I’m thinking about killing you. Are you quite mad, to come here?’
‘I’m sorry tha
t your wife is ill, and that I disturbed her peace,’ I said, standing to leave. ‘I’ll find another way.’
‘You give up so easily?’ Vishnu sneered.
‘Look, Vishnu, I thought this was your gambling den, your club, I didn’t know it was your home. I’ll find another way.’
‘Sit down,’ Vishnu said. ‘Tell me what this is all about.’
‘I know how you would feel if anything happened to your wife,’ I began, sitting again, ‘because something happened to my girlfriend. She died. The man who provided the pills that killed her is under your protection. I came into your clubhouse to ask you to let me talk to him, out on the street.’
‘Why don’t you just wait for him, outside?’
‘I don’t lie in wait for people. I’m a front door guy. That’s why I asked to see you. The man’s working for you, so I’m asking.’
‘What do you want to know?’
‘I want to know what he knows. The name of the man who was with him, the one who gave my girlfriend the pills.’
‘And what could you give me in return?’
‘Whatever you ask of me, that we both think is fair.’
‘A favour?’
He laughed a grin at me.
‘It’s not a small thing,’ I said. ‘If you let me have time with this man, I’ll do anything you ask that we both think is fair. You have my word.’
‘Cigar?’ he asked.
‘No thanks.’
‘Very gracious,’ Didier said, reaching for one, and inhaling its fragrance. ‘You know, Vishnudada, if you plan to kill us, this is almost exactly how I would choose to go.’
Vishnu laughed.
‘I did something like this myself, once, when I was seventeen,’ he said, staring an unsatisfactory smile at me. ‘I carried a tray of chai glasses, all the way to the local don’s living room, put down the tray, and put my knife to the don’s throat.’
‘What happened?’ Didier asked, engrossed.
‘I told him that if his goondas didn’t stop molesting my sister, I’d come back, just as silently, and cut his throat.’
‘Did he punish you?’ Didier asked.
‘Yes, he did. He recruited me,’ Vishnu replied, taking a sip of his drink. ‘But even though it reminds me of my youthful self, I cannot approve of what you have done, in coming to my home. Who is this man, under my protection?’