Boss man literally sprang out of the car and raced around to the damaged fender. Still with his cell phone glued to the lobe of his ear, he started to rant and rave as he seen the damage. And he most definitely seen the bike lock, for his head shot up and he glared with a red face straight at the bike rack by the store. Gerald watched astounded as he waved his hand at the bike rack while telling whoever, just what had happened, and in his fury, he threw his cell phone onto the hard cement. Gerald nearly wet his pants as he laughed at the Boss, and then said; “Wait till it gets warmer starting tomorrow and you’ll slowly get your next surprise!” For not only had he bike-chained the tire rim, he had also mashed some cheese into the ventilation grating of the car. It was a piece of Vacherin cheese, and even newly purchased, it smelled like a soiled baby’s diaper. But the best part is that the older (and warmer) the Vacherin gets, the stronger the smell of ammonia due to microorganism activity in the cheese. As the cheese gets warmed up, it will sicker into the whole heating and cooling system, which means he won’t be able to use either. Gerald slowly drove home and listened to Kate Bush singing in her strange dialect about running up some hill.
Tuesday
Gerald had to help out with moving a small Milling machine down into the underground parking garage at work, and he had an intensive itch inside to walk over to where the Boss man parked his Mercedes. But that would look suspicious so he decided not to scratch the itch. When they were finished pushing the machine from the freight elevator across the cement parking spaces and finally had it placed against a far wall, they started to jack it up to take the rollers out from underneath and set it onto wood planks till it would be sold to another small company. That was when the house custodian was making his rounds and seen the Mercedes. Gerald watched him carefully while laying the wood planks underneath the Mill. The custodian called us over to look at the car, and as we walked over he was laughing and said; “Take a look at this! The whole fender is ripped up and full of scratches, as if he tried to drive though a barbed wire fence or something!” Everybody was gathered around and Gerald’s itch was now finally subdued. It was absolutely super what damage a chain lock can do to a fender once it gets its velocity and starts slamming against the car. One of the others had already commented on how scratched up the tire rim was and as he looked farther under the fender, he seen the silver scratches on the black brake saddle from the disc brakes. “Oh my god! I’ve no idea what he got into but the saddle is also scraped up like hell!” He commented. “That would explain the dent in the front bumper. He must have had a locked up wheel!” The house custodian shook his head and said; “He’ll more than likely have to pay for the repair himself, being that it’s a company car, because I don’t see anything that speaks of an accident with another vehicle!” Gerald had a hard time keeping a sad face while at the same time he was pretty proud of his split second change of plans. And he wouldn’t wait long before he staged the next attack. For one thing he had learned many years ago while in training, and that was that you give your enemy no quarter, and attack mercilessly. Before they all started to walk away from the Mercedes, the custodian wrinkled his nose and asked one of the others; “God it stinks here! Did you just shit your pants full or what?” The other one gave him the middle finger and said; “Why don’t you go find a keyhole and use that miniature thing you got between your legs!”
Gerald was heading to the locker room to change into his civilian clothes when his company cell phone rang, and looking at the number, seen that it was the house custodian. Instead of answering, he decided to walk the thirty foot distance and went into his office. “What’s the problem? I was just going to go home!” The custodian sat at his computer and above it were four camera monitors with varying views of the underground garage and one of the double entrance gates for the company grounds. “You guys forgot to put the jacks and rollers back into the storage room.” He said. “You all just can’t leave your stuff lying all around without cleaning it up!” “And just what am I supposed to do?” Gerald asked, and at the same time was looking at the four monitors. What he noticed is that the three underground cameras only showed the recycling station, the fenced in storage area for all the drinks to fill the vending machines, and the freight elevator with the small personal elevator next to it. “Go down there and store the shit where it’s supposed to be! Not strewed around so that somebody sees it and I get my ass chewed out for it!” Gerald’s mind was now planning, so knowing how lazy the custodian is, he said; “You can come down with me and help if it bothers you so much!” “Nah, that’s not my job, you can do it all by yourself.” The custodian answered as he leaned back in his reclining office chair. Gerald’s mind was now really clicking, and he said; “You can swing those cameras and watch me bust my ass as I put the shit away. That way you don’t have to get out of your comfortable chair!” The custodian laughed and said; “Where do you think you’re working at, Google or something? Those are fixed position cameras and I almost had to get on my knees and beg for them! And anyways, it’s already past quitting time for me, so I’m going home!” With that he shut down the power for his computer, and Gerald had seen that the cameras were not independent of the computer, as all four monitors went black. As they walked out of the office and he locked his door, he turned and patted Gerald on the back and said in a sneering tone; “Have fun!” Gerald gave him a bad look so as to play the play, but inside he was smiling and thinking, “Oh yeah, I’ll have lots of fun, you fat walrus!” And before he went to store the stuff away, he made a detour to his car and procured what he needed to make today even better than Christmas!
Wednesday
Gerald drove in through the entrance gate at the company and seen the Mercedes was parked off the side of the street between the underground garage and the gate. He laughed as he told the radio, which was now playing a tune from Roxette; “I think I’m going to have an origami and wet my pants! Man that worked like a dream!” The Mercedes sat there as if somebody had pimped it to set so low to the ground, but that was due to the fact that all four tires were totally flat. Gerald had in the long week of observation, and while they all looked at the damage on the Mercedes while in the garage, that the Boss man had an affinity for parking in backwards, so that he could race away as soon as he had turned the keys. This was to Gerald’s advantage when he had propped up the four nails against the tires of the Mercedes yesterday afternoon. Gerald changed into his work clothes and then went into the custodian’s office to tell him that he had stored everything and now he was going down to sweep the area clean. As he was telling him this, he noticed one of the cameras moving.
“I thought you said that the cameras are in a fixed position?” Gerald asked and pointed at one of the monitors as it swung around to show the BMW from the Boss’s wife. “Yeah they are, but the Boss now wants one shining on his parking space because somebody pulled a real nasty trick on him yesterday as he was leaving work. Didn’t you see his car when you came to work? Four flat feet, and now he’s driving his wife’s car, so now he is scared that something will happen to it!” Gerald laughed and said; “I seen the car but in the dawns early light they all look the same to me. I think it is hilarious that we are afraid of him here at work, but apparently he don’t wear the pants in his own household!” Now they were both laughing and then the custodian asked; “You didn’t see anybody down there yesterday afternoon when you was taking care of that stuff, did you?” “Sure did! There was everybody from the early shift leaving and the second shift just coming in to park. There were people everywhere.” Gerald was glad that he thought about it last night, just in case anybody asked questions, although after the detour to his car, both shifts were gone from the garage already.
So Gerald went through the day with a wonderful attitude, and lots of his coworkers asked why he was in such a good mood. “Not a cloud in the sky and it’s so warm you can run around in a t-shirt! Don’t that just put a smile on anybodies face?” Gerald always gave as an answer. He even worked an hour overtime because he
had lots of time till he had to be in place for the next attack. As he was slowly driving out of the company with all the windows open, the radio was playing AC DC screaming about ‘dirty deeds done dirt cheap’, and either it was a hallucination or he really could smell the Boss’s Mercedes getting ripe in the warm weather.
Gerald had rented a Fiat for the day, and coming home, he packed a few drinks, chocolate chip cookies, and the utensil he would hopefully need tonight. He had only observed for a week and he truly hoped that Boss man did the same thing every Wednesday evening. With the car packed, he ran back into the house to get his miniature Mp3 player and earphones. The Fiat was the cheapest model they had, and they maybe saved a dollar by not installing a radio in it. He drove off and later arrived at the shopping mall just a little past six in the evening. And if this was a weekly thing, the wife’s BMW would already be parked somewhere outside, for Gerald knew he was to tight-fisted to spend money on the parking house with its glaring lights and