“Did you two have a little conference with Gordon and set this all up?” Teri was beginning to feel trapped and annoyed that everyone had come to such conclusions about her life without checking to see what she thought.
“Of course not,” Mom said. “When have we had time? This is the first we’ve talked of it.”
“You both need to know one minor detail,” Teri said, lowering her voice. “I’m not in love with him. Isn’t that a prerequisite for marriage?”
Mom and Grandma exchanged sly smiles and nods.
“What?”
“Ever since you were a little girl, you were always the last to figure things out,” Mom said softly. “Even though you can’t see it yet, trust us: You are in love. Gordon is the one.”
Now Teri was steaming. Feeling insulted by her mom’s statement, she jumped up and strode down to the water, muttering all the way. “What do they know? Why do they think I can’t see it? Meddling Mother. Nosy Grandma. Who asked them, anyway? This is my life, not theirs!”
What bothered her the most was that Mom had said, Gordon is the one. The day she had met him, when he had spilled Coke on her, Gordon himself had said, You may very well be the one.
She faced the bracing ocean breeze and silently shouted at God across the vastness. What kind of joke is this? Everyone else has my life partner figured out but me? Would you make it clear to me if, by some odd miracle, he is the right man for me?
Teri remembered praying this same sort of prayer on the beach during the early morning hours many months ago, only she was asking these questions about Scott. God had been silent that morning. He had not sent an answer on the crashing waves.
Nor did he send one this evening, either. The heavens kept their secrets once again, and all Teri could think of was how much she would like to run into the water right now, even with all her clothes on. She had gone in once before with her clothes on. When was that?
Oh, yeah. With Gordon. What is wrong with me? Here I am, trying to seek God’s will, and all I can think of is going swimming with Gordon.
Then, as if a floodgate had opened, a number of thoughts about Gordon came gushing through: memories of their long talks in the crater, when Scott was too impatient to wait for her; the kind way Gordon had bought the lei for her at Kimos when Scott was too wrapped up in himself to notice she wanted it; and the way Gordon had never acted jealous even when it was obvious she and Scott were a couple.
Teri realized she had just gone through God’s list of qualities in a fine husband, and Gordon had scored 100 percent. “Does he really love me, God?”
Teri knew the answer. Gordon had told her himself at Kimos when he was down on his knee. Why had she buried it so deeply that she had all but forgotten it?
Then she realized she had done that with other issues in her life. They always seemed to resurface, though. Deciding that the only way to figure this out was to think it through later, Teri headed back to the blanket. Tomorrow her mom and grandma would be gone. Once they were away from Gordon they would forget about him and stop needling her about him, too.
“Just in time,” Gordon said as she settled herself back on the blanket. “We have a gourmet dinner ready here.”
He had brought over half a dozen hot dogs skewered on a metal barbecue stick. Mom had opened the bag of buns and pulled some ketchup and mustard out of the ice chest.
“Great!” Gordon said. “What do you say we pray?”
Chapter Thirty-One
The leisurely luau could not have been any more perfect—except for the constant pounding of Teri’s heart. She felt nervous, as if the group needed to get going, to move away from this mellow experience and return to the panic of the crisis over little Grace Malia.
“Are you going to serenade us now?” Grandma Maria asked the instant Gordon had finished his hot dog.
“Right,” Gordon said, brushing off his hands and opening the guitar case. He tuned the guitar in the cool twilight and began to hum softly. A song rolled off his lips and floated past them on the evening breeze.
Teri tried hard to sit still, to pay attention and listen. The song was beautiful. But she couldn’t keep herself from feeling jittery.
Still Gordon sang on. The song was about God, our heavenly Father, reaching out to his children. One of his arms was the law and the other was grace. The imagery switched, and the song described a lover reaching out for his true love. The arm of law and truth alone was not enough. The arm of grace and freedom was not enough. The Father could only draw his beloved child to himself when he encircled the child in a full embrace with both arms. The song’s last line was about the lover holding out his arms, waiting to give that full embrace.
“What a beautiful song. The imagery!” Teri’s mom looked overwhelmed. “I’ve never heard anyone explain it so precisely. ‘God’s Arms’? Is that what you called it? Where can I get a copy of this song? I would love to use it at our church.”
“I suppose I could make you a tape,” Gordon said.
“Do you mean you wrote that?” Mom asked.
Teri thought the song was beautiful, too. The picture it placed in her mind was a powerful one, one that cleared up something she had struggled with for years. Are we to live by rules? Or should we do what we want and depend on God to forgive us? The image of two arms being necessary for a full embrace answered that question. We need to live with both, not one or the other. Both.
Now Teri felt even more uneasy. She felt more vulnerable than she had allowed herself to feel in months.
“I think we should be getting back,” Teri said, rising to her feet and cleaning up the food. “Anita and Dan are probably at the house by now, and they’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Oh, Teri, don’t be such a nervous cat. Look at you!” Grandma scolded. “We can take our time here. Dan and Annie never come back before midnight.”
“She told me earlier that they were going to leave after she fed Grace at six because she wanted to spend a little time with you two before you left in the morning.”
“We can pack it up,” Gordon said. He gathered the picnic items together and helped Grandma Maria back to the car.
Mom and Teri walked behind them. Mom said, “Teri, if it helps you at all, I know your father would approve of him.”
“Mother, you aren’t listening to me! I’m not interested in a relationship with Gordon, or with anyone else for that matter. I’m happy being single.”
Mom cast her a skeptical glance, and Teri looked down, wondering if she could convince herself of her own words.
She thought of Lauren. There, that was all she needed to renew her determination. Look at what had happened to her. And everyone thought Lauren and Jeff were perfect for each other.
Well, not everyone. Lauren’s parents weren’t thrilled with Jeff in the beginning. But they supported Lauren and her decision to marry him.
Dan and Anita were home, as Teri had predicted. They all gathered in the cramped kitchen quarters to talk. Then the doorbell rang.
They opened the door and a dozen friends from church stood there shouting, “Surprise!” In they came, a parade of people carrying baby clothes, a car seat, a white wicker bassinet, and a box full of casseroles ready to be frozen.
Mark and Claire were the last to walk in. Mark held a jumbo bag of disposable diapers. Somehow they looked a little out of place in his arms. Teri smiled at Mark and then at Claire.
“Oh, I didn’t tell you,” Anita said quietly, coming up behind Teri. “They were married the week before Christmas.” She turned back to the man with the box of casseroles and said, “Yes, sure, the freezer is empty. Go ahead and put them in there. Thanks so much, you guys. This is great!”
“Hi,” Mark said to Teri. “I heard you were here.”
“And I just heard you two are married.” Teri tried to cover her shock by extending warm wishes to both of them. “Congratulations! I didn’t realize …” She didn’t know what to say.
Mark slipped his arm around his glowing
wife and said, “I guess I ignored the obvious for too long.” Then he glanced back at Teri with a slightly apologetic look. “I mean, not that I would have wanted things to be different last year or anything …”
“I know,” Teri said, leaning over to give him a quick hug. “You don’t have to say anything, Mark. I understand, and I’m happy for you both.” She hugged Claire too and said, “You know how it is with God. His timing and way of doing things are usually unpredictable.”
“He’s the wild one,” Gordon said. Teri didn’t know how long he had been standing next to her.
“That’s for sure,” Mark said. “The wild one.” He reached over and shook Gordon’s hand. “I haven’t seen you since you got back. You know Claire, don’t you?”
“Sure. Met at church a couple of times. Congratulations, Claire,” Gordon said, stepping forward and giving her an aloha kiss on the cheek.
Funny how Gordon kisses everyone else, but he doesn’t kiss me. Not that I want him to.
“So are you all finished with seminary?” Mark asked.
“Yes, I graduated three weeks ago and came right home to Maui. I’m praying about what the next step is for me.”
“What are your options?” Mark asked, handing the bag of diapers to Grandma Maria, who was thrilled to be able to help Annie organize everything.
“I have an offer from a church in Sydney, but I’d rather stay here and start a new church. Maybe down in Kihei.”
“That sounds great,” Mark said.
“We need more pastors on the island,” Claire added. “Especially pastors like you, who have such a strong heart for God.”
Teri enjoyed being the silent one for once, just standing there and hearing everyone else give Gordon advice. She thought it might help redirect his thoughts.
“Well, if I stay, I think I’d be better at the task as a married man.”
Teri felt her jaw clench.
“Gordon, buddy,” Mark said in an uncharacteristically light tone, “now you’re talking! I recommend married life highly.” He slapped Gordon on the shoulder. “So have you found the lucky woman yet?”
Gordon didn’t look at Teri but his words burned right through her. “I found her last summer. She’s still trying to make up her mind.”
That did it. Teri’s mind was made up. She had told him once at Kimos, and she would tell him again a hundred times, if she needed to. No! No! No! Gordon, I will not marry you.
“Excuse me,” Teri said, feeling her cheeks flush. “I’m going to see if Anita needs anything.”
She fled through the crowded living room and retreated into the bedroom. Teri hadn’t noticed that a man was there, assembling the bassinet.
“Teri, hi!” It was Kai, the poolside bartender who had gone on the crater hike with them.
“Hi, Kai. Hey, thanks for bringing this over and fixing everything up for Dan and Annie.” She tried to sound light-hearted. It occurred to her that everyone else was from church. What were Dan’s work friends doing here?
“It’s our pleasure. Jena and I are glad to help out.”
“Jena? Have I met Jena?”
“Maybe not. She’s my wife.”
“Your wife?” Teri lowered herself to the edge of the bed. “Is it an epidemic around here, or what?”
Kai looked at Teri, the screwdriver still in his hand, and said, “Didn’t Gordon tell you? He led Jena and me both to the Lord about two weeks after you left. We were baptized and married on the same day.”
“By Gordon?”
“Yeah. Well, he assisted. It was at church with the pastor. Why do you look so surprised?”
“Oh, no reason. I’m glad, really! I’m especially excited to hear that you both became Christians. And you’re married! That’s great.”
“Well, we’d been living together for almost two years, but once we were saved, we knew we needed to be right before God. It’s been great. How about you? How have you been?”
“Fine.” She was still startled by all of Kai’s news.
“Hey, that was really something about Scott, wasn’t it?”
Teri braced herself. “What’s that?”
“You know, how it turned out his roommate had stolen the Moonfish. You didn’t hear all this?”
Teri shook her head.
“It was discovered by some guy who docked his yacht at Maalaea. They arrested Bob, but Scott got off because he was able to prove his innocence. He left the islands, though. Scott, I mean. I think he went to Peru. I saw Julie right before they left, and I’m pretty sure she said they were going to Peru.”
“Julie? Bob’s girlfriend?”
“Yeah, Bob’s girlfriend until the police came knocking on their door. Then she quickly became Scott’s girlfriend.”
“I can’t believe this,” Teri said, dropping her head into her hands.
“Oh, that’s right. You used to go out with him, didn’t you? I forgot. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay, Kai. That was a lifetime ago.” Teri decided she needed some fresh air. She stood up and said, “Thanks again for helping out Anita and Danny like this. And again, I’m really happy for you and Jena. May God bless your marriage.”
“He already has,” Kai said with a crooked smile. “We found out two days ago that we’re pregnant. I guess we’ll be ready to borrow all this stuff right about the time they’re done with it.”
Teri bolted for the front door. Babies! Marriages! Scott running off to Peru with Julie! I need out of here!
Chapter Thirty-Two
Teri avoided contact with Gordon or anyone else for the rest of the informal party. It was all too much for her. It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. She stood out front and stared into the night sky. Six months ago, the stars had looked completely different. She thought of the night Scott took her to the beach and lit the fireworks. Her own words came back to haunt her: The fireworks bit me.
She realized that when she focused on the fireworks in a relationship, they were bound to turn around and bite her.
Okay, so I was wrong about Scott. I was wrong about Mark. Two failures are enough to make me not want to try again.
She heard the screen door open behind her. Teri stepped into the shadows and off to the side of the house. If it was Gordon, she didn’t know what she would do. But it was Anita.
“Teri, are you out here?”
“Over here.”
Anita joined her in the gray shadows. “Are you okay?”
“Why didn’t you tell me Mark was married? Or about Scott?”
“Because I didn’t know until tonight. Dan told me about Mark and Claire on the way home from the hospital. I was just in the bedroom, and Kai told me about Scott. I’m sorry, Teri. What are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve blown it too many times.”
“You haven’t blown anything. You attempted several relationships, and they didn’t work out. There’s no shame in that.”
“Maybe not shame,” Teri said. “Maybe fear is what I’m fighting. My heart keeps pounding too hard; I’m all jittery.”
“You’re afraid to try again?”
Teri nodded.
Anita put her arm around her sister and said, “I know what you’re feeling. I lost two babies. I was afraid to try again too. Afraid of what might happen. And look what has happened. It’s not perfect. Gracie has a long way to go. But she’s here. And I’m here. And God is with us.”
Teri heard her sister crying softly, and she couldn’t help but release her pent up tears and join in.
“I just want you to know,” Anita said, wiping her tears, “that whatever you decide about Gordon or anyone else, I’m here for you. I want to be more than your sister, Teri. I want to be your friend.”
They locked in a tight embrace, both arms wrapped around each other.
“Come on, let’s go back in. I want you to help me find a place to put all these little baby clothes.”
“Grace can have my old corner of the hall closet,” Teri suggested.
Th
ey walked in the house, eyes red, and their arms around each other. The group of friends was beginning to leave. Teri joined Anita in saying good-bye to each of them. Gordon left with the others, making a comment about how he would drive Mom and Grandma to the airport tomorrow morning at six. Teri felt relieved he didn’t say anything else or give her one of his heart-to-heart looks. She felt too volatile right now. She needed time to think things through.
All night, as she lay on her futon bed on the living room floor, Teri’s mind raced through a thousand different mazes. In the night’s deep silence, she listened to the whirl of the ceiling fan and the soft snoring of Mom and Grandma, who shared the sofa Hide-A-Bed. Teri didn’t sleep all night. But by the time the alarm went off at five, she had the answer she had been waiting for.
“Annie,” Teri whispered, softly tapping on the bedroom door, “it’s five. Are you guys up?”
“You can come in,” Anita said. She was sitting up in bed, yawning. Dan, stretched out flat on his stomach next to her, was still dead to the world.
Teri tiptoed in and sat on the foot of the bed on Anita’s side. “I need to tell you that I’ve decided to go home after all.”
Anita’s face fell.
“I was going to stay to help you get things together for the baby, but last night you pretty much received everything you needed. I also thought I’d be able to help with meals, but now your freezer is full. I need to leave. I don’t have any more vacation time at work.”
“I thought you said a terrific woman was subbing for you.”
“She is, but if I don’t go back, I might lose my job. You don’t really need me here. I can’t do anything for Grace Malia. The doctor even said that, since she seems to be stabilizing, all we can do is wait for her to grow. You don’t need me here.”
“But I’d like you to stay.”
“I know, but, Annie, try to understand. I need to go back to Glenbrooke where I can think things through.”