We left the next day, using a steep path that went to the valley below. It was here that the horses were kept in a fenced paddock. Once we had sorted through and packed the stores, we mounted up and left the safety of the Rebel stronghold. I rode in the back of the pack, next to Suvan, while Vinc and his soldiers rode ahead. I hate to say that I was in a foul mood and barely spoke to Suvan. She took my silence in stride and instead seemed rather taken by this new excursion. Perhaps she was more adventurous, but by now I preferred the quiet life.
I was still smarting from the way I was treated at the Council. I had lost my way of living and taken great risks to deliver Tai's message. For all my recent troubles with Hussen and Lydon, it was unfair to be given this new task. I was also tired and still recovering from the wounds I had received. Why did they still require me to go on this dangerous journey?
The Wasteland looked the same as before but I was glad to be on horseback this time. Our plan was to try to catch up to Hussen before he could reach Ewark. Barring that, we would proceed to the silo and try to stop the missile from being used. In the cover of night, Hussen had managed to escape the town unscathed. His tracks were discovered by Vinc’s men, showing that the spy was riding straight east across the desert. We would follow as quickly as we could, using the extra water rations that had been brought on two pack horses.
“Cat got your tongue?” Suvan asked me, breaking the spell of my thoughts.
I waved my hand at the sand around us. “I'm just not ready for this yet,” I admitted.
She smiled kindly. “No one is ever truly ready for life. You just have to do the best you can. And from where I've been watching, you've been doing an awfully good job so far.”
Her kind words brightened my mood. “Thank you,” was all that I could say. I wished I could have said more, but I didn’t know where her heart lay.
She squinted, looking to the distant horizon. “When I first met you, I doubted if you were good for anything. But you proved me wrong time and time again. You fought and suffered with me and saved my life on several occasions. You were even willing to sacrifice yourself to save me. That took bravery.”
“I don't feel very brave.”
“I don't think anyone ever does," she said, staring at me. "But I suppose it's a matter of whether you run away or not. You never ran from me.”
I couldn't help but blush. I felt the quaver in my voice when I asked, “Tell me, do you have any interest in Vinc?”
She laughed; the sound was like silvery bells. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
“I don't know. Perhaps it is the way he looks at you. I can tell that he is interested in you.”
“Of course I am grateful to him for saving our lives. He also showed me around the town and I was glad for his company. He's a brilliant man in his own way.”
“I see,” I commented dryly.
“Jealous?” she playfully asked.
“I think I have a right to feel that way,” I retorted.
Her mood suddenly changing, Suvan glared at me with distaste. “Perhaps you do, but don't let it go to your head. I'm not a woman who can be kept like a horse or a favorite pet. What I decide to do with my life is up to me.”
I shook my head. “I can't say I've ever met a woman like you.”
“Then you haven't met many women. We're all different. Once you learn that, then perhaps we can talk again.”
I felt my face flush with anger. Instead of replying, I took a drink from my canteen and stared straight ahead. I fell back into silence, hardly speaking a word to Suvan or anyone else until we stopped for the night.
Vinc, who had never shown me much interest on this trip before, stopped by my bedroll. The other men and Suvan were sitting around a smoldering fire while I had decided to go off and sleep by myself. On top of the nearest dune sat a guard who was to watch as we slept.
“Why don't you join us?” Vinc asked, his features shadowed by darkness.
I shrugged. “Tonight I prefer to be alone.”
“I see,” he said even though I could tell by the tone of his voice that he did not.
I said, “Look, I appreciate your help in crossing the Wasteland. I've never properly thanked you for saving my life either. You've done it twice now. If it wasn't for you, I would be dead, but I still don't need you watching over me for every moment of my life.”
“It is no bother,” he said dryly. “I only do it for the sake of Suvan because she seems to care for you. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't even make the effort.”
I stared at him. “Why do you care what she thinks?”
“My life as a soldier is a lonely one. I have patrolled the desert all of my life, fighting Mutans, and keeping my land safe from the Mujadeen. I have never had the time for women or given them that much thought. But when I saw Suvan for the first time, my heart changed forever. I worship her, but do not have the strength to tell her so.”
“Why exactly are you telling me this?” I asked, wondering how such a soldier could suffer from shyness.
He sighed plaintively. “You two crossed the Wasteland together. You have also spent much time together, fighting for survival. I would like to know where you stand with her.”
“There is nothing between us,” I said coldly, not wanting to answer his question.
“That's good,” he said, his tone becoming brighter than I had ever heard before. “Then I am free to pursue her? You will not mind?”
“Go ahead,” I replied, hating myself for being so glib. I was still angry with Suvan. I just wanted to forget about her, but I still felt a flash of hot jealousy from Vinc's words.
“Good!” Vinc exclaimed. He clapped me on the shoulder and then proudly stepped back to join the others, adding to the bright laughter around the campfire.
Their cheerfulness only made my own mood worse. I slipped inside the bedroll and covered my head. It seemed like forever before the camp quieted down. Terrible thoughts of jealousy and anger filled my head. It took quite some time before I finally fell asleep.
Chapter 28