Chapter 33 Our Neighbors the Goners
Dignity now selected a crowbar from among some tools of Guiles’ that lay on a nearby workbench, explaining that he thought he might need it to get the barrier gate open outside the house. They were ready to ascend the stairs to the first floor, but Reason did not expect to see longed-for daylight there: the Goners kept all their windows closely covered. Leaving Prayer where she was, they went up. When they encountered no Goners on the first floor, Dignity moved on toward the front of the house, while Reason sat down and used her cell phone to call Grace, for at last a call was possible. The old man answered at once.
“Reason! I’m so glad to hear from you at last.”
“Yes, sir, we had our share of troubles getting here, but we’re in the house, and Prayer is doing better.
“Splendid! Give her my best. And Reason, I do apologize for not telling you that I had made your mission known to the enemy.”
“I think we understand about that, sir. I guess you didn’t let us know we were expected because you knew we wouldn’t have gone down there if we thought we’d be caught. As to why you told Bits, was it because you wanted me to gun him down? Uh, please let me know, because I did.”
“Yes, my dear, it was for that and for other reasons. I am heartened by your trust.”
“Oh, Dignity and I have learned we’d better not lean on our own understanding. You’re the boss.”
“Thank you with all my heart. How is Dignity?”
“I think he’s gone to open the front door.”
“Has he? Do tell him to be careful of Edgar. Our old acquaintance is armed.”
She lowered the phone and yelled. “Dig! Don’t open the door yet!” She brought the phone back to her ear and, not sure whether her cousin had heard, said, “Sir, I’ve got to go now.”
“Of course. I’ll signal the Hopes to be ready. They’ve been worried about you, you know. I know I’ll hear from you again in a few minutes, after you’ve breached the front yard barrier. Goodby.”
She hurried to the front of the house, passing through and over a great deal of clutter and mess that was hard to see in the gloom. She found the front door hanging open and advanced to it, squinting with pleasure at the bright daylight. Just outside the threshold she paused, looking down at Edgar. She was too late, but nevertheless all was well. The morning was sunny and her cousin, across the yard at the barrier, was unharmed. The well-dressed skeleton had been knocked from his chair and lay on the lawn with limbs splayed. Near one bony hand lay a great, hooked stinger, its point deadly looking and discolored. She kicked this away across the yard and advanced to where Dignity was working with the crowbar at the barrier gate, prying somewhat ineffectually at the wood around the lock.
“Hey, Reason, I knocked over Edgar when I opened the door. He was just outside of it, so it couldn’t be helped. Did you see he had some kind of giant sting thing? I could have run into it!”
Though incompetent with the simplest tool, Dignity had the advantage of his long limbs and a stout bar. In another minute, when he had burst the wood around the lock and swung wide the gate, the cousins found themselves face to face with Wittily Hope, her brothers Quake and Grovel, and her sister Snivel. All four were smiling broadly. The sisters carried lilies and Easter baskets. Quake bore what appeared to be a body bag. Having passed through so many formidable dangers, Reason could only speculate that this had been thoughtfully provided for the convenient disposal of her own remains.
“What in the world?” Wittily said with a laugh. “You two look like you’ve been fighting fires—and lost!”
This drew Reason’s attention to the ash residue that covered their heat suits, deposited by the smoke they had briefly passed through.
“Never mind about that,” she said. “We just want to go home. But Prayer is inside and doing poorly, and she insists that this is her home, that she’s staying. So we’ll need to set up a system to keep her supplied and cared for until she completely recovers. Uh, why the baskets?”
“For our neighbors the Goners,” Wittily said. “Prevarica, Rage, and Plausible probably weren’t expecting any goodies for Easter, but we’ll give them to their mom to bring out on Sunday. The lilies are for Oblivia, and—who knows?—maybe even Guiles will munch on a chocolate rabbit. Come on, let’s go in and—oh, wait. First we’d better package Edgar. Chief Doohickey provided a bag.”
Reason turned back to see where the CRISP agent lay on the lawn by his turned over chair. Quake advanced to him with the body bag and, with squeamish non-enthusiasm, laid Edgar inside and zipped it shut.
“What’s this address about?” Grovel said, examining a tag on the bag.
“That’s the Mayor’s address,” Wittily said, grinning. “My own idea. I didn’t even tell Grace, but I’m going to try to mail Edgar to Mayor Therion. We can dump the body in front of the nearest post office branch.”
“Great idea,” said Dignity, “but what about that stinger thing of his?”
“I’m not unzipping that bag again for anything,” Quake said.
“That’s OK,” his sister said with her hand on his shoulder. “We’ll just dispose of it somewhere.”
“Hey, look who’s watching us through the gate!” said Dignity.
They all turned to see a police car.
“That cop has been parked just down the street all morning,” Wittily said, “and now he’s pulled forward just far enough to look in and see what we’re doing. Everybody wave!”
They did, and then passed into the house.
Before the last child had gone in, the patrolman was on his radio reporting to headquarters in a tense voice.
“Car 23 reporting.”
“What’s the situation, 23?” his captain asked.
“Hopes have entered Goner House, sir! Repeat, Hopes have entered Goner House!”