"You forgot to mention, I grew . . . well, I grew up."
"Yeah, darlin', you did, but you're still just little Leigh to me. I want you, Leigh. I want what's inside of you that has always pulled me in and made me feel like I was the only man in the world. I want the peace that you bring about me, calming me all the way to my core with just a glance. I want your laughs, your tears, your smiles, your snores, and your moans. I want everythin' that I didn't dare think I deserved to hope for when I lost you because I was too focused on my own selfish pride. I want to know that everythin' I did in the past, all those regrets, don't mean I lose you all over again. I want you, regardless of what the outside looks like, darlin'. I promise you, I will make sure not one damn day goes by that you don't know without a single doubt that I'm here fightin' for you . . . fighting for us. I want you now, same as I wanted you then, because it's our time to have what we were always meant to have. Each other."
"This scares me so much, Maverick. If I let myself believe that you're being honest with me . . . I'm givin' you the power to crush me again."
"God, sweetheart, I know, but you aren't alone. Give us a chance, Leigh. I hear you, darlin', I do. Come on and go for a ride with me and let me show you how good I am at makin' sure nothin' bucks us off. We'll take the time to get to know each other as adults and see where it goes from there. Take the time so that you can truly see what I'm tellin' you is the truth."
"Are you asking me to go steady, Maverick?" I laugh, swallowing down the emotion climbing up my throat at his words, trying to lighten the mood, but the seriousness in his expression makes me trail off until I'm left just staring into his eyes.
"I'm askin' you to give me a chance to make you mine. I'm prayin' you'll give me that so I can prove to you that I deserve to, how did you put it? Go steady."
This is it.
This is everything I've ever wanted from him and as frightening as it is to give him the power to hurt me again, I know if I'm the one to turn this away this time I will never be able to move on. I'll always be stuck living with doubts, wondering what my life would have been like. There's a reason that, for ten years, I have always held on to the hope that one day I would have another chance with the only man I've ever loved.
I have to try.
I have to open myself up and knock down the walls I had built to protect myself from feeling pain again because if this truly does pay off, I know with the same certainty that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west and that what we will have together will be the most beautiful kind of love that ever did exist.
"Oh--oh." I clear my throat. "Okay, Maverick," I whisper softly.
He's quiet for so long that I have to wonder if he even heard me, but then I see his throat working and the emotions flying behind his eyes.
"Okay, darlin'," he finally says, and without warning, takes my mouth in a kiss meant to brand my soul. Deeply he takes my mouth, his tongue moving slowly against mine in a hypnotizing dance. When he pulls back, I struggle to open my eyes. Both of us are breathing heavily.
"I'm askin' this, prayin' you tell me to stay, but know I'll respect whatever you want, Leigh. This is the beginning of us and I don't want to rush you. I've got all the time in the world to feel myself inside your body, but tonight I really just need to be near you. Do you want to be alone tonight? You have my word, if you let me stay, I will be a complete gentleman. I just need to know this is real and you're really here, willing to give me another chance, Leigh."
"Stay," I tell him without hesitation, and my heart that was already thundering from his kiss further picks up speed. He nods, his dazzling smile reaching all the way to his eyes, something I haven't seen in a long, long time. He gives me a small, brief kiss before releasing his hold on me to look around the room. He grabs the remote from the table before sitting back on the couch. Earl gives him a one-eyed glance before going back to sleep. He gives the cat one long stroke before holding his hand out for me. I shuffle my feet forward and lift one very unsteady hand to his. His lips twitch, but that smile doesn't dim in the least, before he just pulls me silently down to the couch. I curl into his side, resting my head against his chest. His arm wraps around me and pulls me even tighter against him.
It feels like heaven.
That was the last thing I thought before a peace unlike anything I had ever felt washes over me and I fall asleep in his arms, the loneliness that had been dragging me down for so long lifting with each beat of his heart under my ear.
18
MAVERICK
"Good-bye, Earl" by Dixie Chicks
I'm afraid to move.
I've been awake for a handful of hours, but fuck if I'm going to move an inch and ruin this moment. She might have agreed to move forward and see what comes of it, but I know that acceptance comes on shaky grounds.
I've spent the past two weeks or so racking my mind, trying to think of how I can prove to not only my family, but Leigh as well, that I'm not going anywhere. To find a way to make Pine Oak the home I never thought it could be. I know now, with Leighton in my arms, that "home" won't be hard to find anymore.
Quinn says everything I've done since returning screams temporary, and honestly, now that I'm forced to really take a good look at things, she's right. I might have been thinking about how to make my own way here, but I've been doing it while keeping my guard up.
I came back unsure of what I would find. How I would feel. A lot of that had to do with me still struggling to find my place after losing my rodeo career, but I know a big chunk was because so much uncertainty was floating around the air. I could feel the unfinished business slap against my skin the second I crossed the county line.
Now however, after my talk with Clay today and the woman in my arms tonight, I know I'm headed in the right direction. I don't think I'll ever feel like the Davis ranch is home, not when I've felt truly at peace only with Leighton.
It wasn't until the other day that I realized I didn't lose everything just because I couldn't ride anymore. In that moment, everything became clear. I didn't feel lost. Everything started to click together.
I'm on my way to having it all again, and hopefully, God willing, I'll have it with this girl always by my side. This is my second chance at everything, and I'll be damned if I fuck it up.
I know I still have to prove to everyone that I mean what I say. When I tell them I'm here for good, they don't have to worry that the urge might strike to flee. By putting down steel-enforced roots, there will be no way to deny I've come home for good.
I'm sick of living with my mistakes.
It doesn't escape my notice that the one place I've been too scared to come back to is the one that finally made me feel like I have a purpose again. The dust around me has settled and I can finally see the clear path that's been waiting for me. I thought I had lost it all when I was told I couldn't ride anymore, but if I play my cards right I won't have lost a damn thing.
I will have gained everything.
There's no doubt in my mind that this is where I'm meant to be.
I let out a deep but content breath, and Leigh shifts in my hold. Her body curling more into mine as she hikes one bare leg up and over my hips. Her full breasts pressing against my ribs. I fight a groan when she connects with my still-straining erection.
When she had fallen asleep last night, I moved only enough so that we were both stretched out on the couch, not allowing any distance between us. Her back to the couch and her body pressed tight to my side. She had hardly moved all night.
My arm had fallen asleep somewhere around one in the morning.
My neck had started feeling like someone was stabbing it around three.
My back was screaming in protest from not being able to move.
My cock had been hard since I walked into her house and her wildflower scent curled up my nose, branding my senses.
I was in pain, all over.
And I had a smile on my face the whole time because fuck if that pain didn't feel like the
most beautiful thing in the world. I had my little slice of heaven back in my arms and there was no doubt that I would fight to keep it right here.
I look up at the ceiling fan above us, the blades moving slowly, but just enough to fill the room with a nice gentle breeze. There is still so much left to prove to Leigh. She might have said she's giving us a chance, but I know part of her is still waiting for me to jump in my truck and hightail it outta here.
I hope that the plans I've set in motion with Clay help prove to her that I'm here to stay. I want her to know I'm doing all of this because I want to be here--with her--and not for any other reason. Not just because my rodeo career is over. Not because my siblings want me home. Not because the old man is gone.
They might have jump-started getting me here, but they aren't the reason I sobered up and hit the highway.
She is.
She was my compass when I was lost without direction.
She was the pull I always felt to come home but never had the balls to try, knowing that it might be too late.
She was my biggest regret, but she will be my biggest accomplishment--God willing.
I close my eyes, a smile on my face, and the only girl I've ever wanted in my arms. My thoughts don't have anything to do with rodeo fame anymore. I don't see myself as a lonely cowboy that had pushed everyone away. I'm not consumed with fear-driven anger. There's no more wall to keep out the things I had always been too afraid to hope for.
No, not this time.
All I can see now is a blond-haired, blue-eyed woman that still, after all this time, looks at me like I hung the fuckin' moon. I see fields of bluebonnets, children laughing, and a happiness that I never thought possible. The crushing weight of the anger I've carried around for so long falls to the wayside when I feel her small arm curl around my chest, pulling herself closer into me.
I truly had been living for nothing, but right now I know I have a shot at everything.
Finally.
I come awake with a jolt. I had been in that space between consciousness and sleep when I realized I didn't feel Leighton's body against mine anymore. The panic that rushed through me in that moment was powerful enough to feel like it could have stopped my heart.
Coming up to a sitting position on the couch, my body screaming in protest the whole time, I look wildly around the living room. There's no sight of her. I scan the room, searching, my heart pounding wildly. I hunch, my elbows on my knees, and look down at my socked feet on her rug. I don't remember taking off my boots last night.
I hear movement and look up from the ground, not moving my body. Her large cat--at least I think that thing is a cat, I didn't want to offend her last night by asking--struts into the room, coming from the back of the house. It looks at me with its odd yellow-green eyes. I feel like it sees right through me. We continue our staring contest, the only movement from the cat/beast coming from the hairy tail swooshing behind it. I watch the feline jump on the coffee table before walking to the edge, stopping when its face is right in front of mine, just continuing to stare at me.
It's creepy as fuck.
"You're awake."
I nod, not wanting to look away from the beast in front of me and give it the upper hand. I'm also not entirely sure it couldn't claw my face off. Best to keep my eyes on this thing. "This is a house cat?"
I hear her laugh softly; then, to my shock, the couch move a bit as she settles behind me, climbing right over the back of the couch like it's the most normal thing to do. Her comfort around me eases some of the trepidation I had felt when I woke up alone. I feel a little guilt that I instantly thought the worst when I didn't see her in here, but let the thought vanish when I feel her move behind me. Her legs spread as her knees roll across my back. She shifts, I feel it in the moving cushions, and I wait for her to settle. When she leans forward, though, you could have blown me over in shock. Her chin hits my shoulder, one arm wraps around my torso, and the other reaches out toward the cat/beast.
Her actions and her comfort with me show me that she meant what she said last night about giving us a chance. She isn't holding back. If I had to guess, she feels the need just like I do to be as close as possible.
"His name's Earl and he's my sweet baby. He eats too much, hogs the bed, and sometimes snores, but I love him. He's just curious about the big man in his space." The smile in her tone relaxes me completely and I lean back into her. She drops her hand from the cat and wraps it above her other arm, holding me to her tightly.
"You named your cat Earl?"
Her soft giggles tickle my cheek. "What can I say? I was going through a Dixie Chicks stage."
I turn my head so that I can see her face. My arms going around her spread legs to wrap them around my body. I'm completely surrounded by her. We're so close that I have to remind myself not to rush this and fuck her right here on the couch. "You do know what that song is about, right?" I joke, rubbing my hands up and down her smooth-as-fuck legs.
Her face lights up with silent laughter. "Yeah. Well, you can thank your sister for that one. She thought it was a great way to remind me that men are stupid or something like that."
I can't help it. I laugh, loudly, when I think about my sister helping to name a cat after a man named Earl that did some shitty things to women and ended up being murdered by those same chicks. "Is that so?" I ask, the smile present in my tone. "Well, if it's all right with you, darlin', I'm goin' to have to ask that you leave black-eyed peas off the menu indefinitely."
Those eyes of hers are bright and happy. Her lips pull in for just a second before she loses her ability to keep a straight face. I watch, spellbound, as she throws her head back and laughs. Her wavy hair, no longer bound by the braids she had in last night, moves with her as she continues to giggle.
God, she looks beautiful.
"What time do you need to be in at the bakery?" I ask, having to clear the lump of emotion from my throat before I speak. It's way too early to be telling this girl I love her, even if I want to, but fuck if it almost doesn't just come out. I guess, considering I've felt that way for her my whole life, it shouldn't be too soon, but now isn't the time.
"Jana's got it covered today. I called her twenty minutes ago and asked if she would mind opening by herself and closin' down after lunch. I . . . uh, I thought maybe . . . well, I thought maybe I should stay home today."
"Hey," I say softly when she looks away. She looks back at me, clearly feeling some sort of embarrassment. "What's going through your mind?"
She shrugs. "It feels silly now. I didn't even ask if you had plans today."
"So ask me, darlin'. I know I haven't got the best leg to stand on here, but I want you to be able to tell me what you want without worryin' I'm going to shoot it--you--down."
Silence ticks around us while I wait for her to speak. "I, well . . . I just thought we could spend some time together today. I should have asked you first before assuming that you weren't busy. You probably are. Busy, I mean."
It takes me a second, but I shift our bodies so that she's still straddling my body between her legs, only this time she's sitting in my lap. Her legs folded on the couch, spread wide around my body. Her ass resting midthigh. After guiding her arms up and around my neck, I place mine on her hips, then I pull her forward so that her center is right above the hard ridge of my cock. I couldn't have stopped the deep rumble of pleasure that vibrates from my chest if I'd tried.
Her eyes widen and her fingers push around my neck into the curly hair that is way past needing a cut. I feel her give a little tug, whether it's subconscious or not, and I vow right then and there that I won't cut my hair again until I feel her do that while I've got my head between her legs. Just the thought of her using her hold on my hair to keep my head where she wants it makes me feel like I might come right then and there.
"Let's get something straight right now, sweetheart." My voice is thick with gravity while I speak, but in the position she's in, I have her full attention. "If you want to spend t
he day with me, all you gotta do is tell me. If I'm busy, I'll do what I can to change that. If I can't, I'll do my best to free myself up as early as I can. All I have to offer you is my word, which isn't something I give without thought, but I'm giving that to you now, Leighton. I've never broken my word once in my life, darlin'. We're both findin' our way here, but we will do that together and without holdin' back. We've lost too much time already because of my bullshit . . . so yes, in answer to your question, I think spending today together sounds real damn good."
"Okay, Mav," she responds, her cheeks pink and her breath coming in harsh pants.
"I've got some stuff I want to talk to you about anyway, but I would rather do that after you've gotten dressed and I'm not fightin' myself not to fuck you right here on the couch in front of this big cat/beast that I'm not entirely convinced hasn't been fuckin' sizin' me up for his next meal."
She giggles.
I take a playful swat at her delicious bottom. "Go get dressed, darlin'. We'll grab somethin' to eat and then I've got some stuff I want to discuss with you."
"That sounds serious," she hesitantly says, the lighthearted expression on her face clearing.
"Hey," I whisper. "None of that. Shit!" She jumps in my lap when my voice rises. "Sorry. I'm tellin' you this, and I really want you to understand what I'm sayin'. I'm goin' to do whatever it takes so that I never see that fear in your eyes again. Yeah, I have somethin' serious I want to talk to you about, but I promise you it's not anything that will cause this heart harm. Trust me to take care of it and you."