"She left us!" he bellows. "She fucking left us with him, knowing what would happen. Don't you even think of defending that, because he was never any different."
I lose Leigh's hand when I stand. Quinn squeaks and quickly moves the legs that she had stretched out in front of her. I stomp past her and stand right in front of where Clay is sitting.
"I fuckin' left you too!" I thunder. "I left you just like she did, Clayton. Be fuckin' pissed. Hate her. Hell, hate me. But remember that she wasn't the only one that disappeared knowing what you were being left with. She wasn't the only one that made those choices and in turn hurt every single person she loved. So yeah, I can fuckin' defend her knowin' that I followed the same fuckin' path!"
My chest is heaving by the time I stop shouting at him. He doesn't move, though. His jaw continues to tick, the only part of him that shows me just how angry he is. Clay's the master of control, but it's slipping.
"You let that anger inside you win, Clay, then you become the very beast you're so angry with. She loved us in her own way. Even if she hadn't had me as a result of cheatin' on Buford, she wouldn't have stuck around. Sometimes the stubborn will to escape and survive is just too strong. In the end, regardless of the bullshit we were dealt, we have each other, and nothin' can ever take that away unless you give it the power to do so. Don't give that to them."
"I wish she was fuckin' dead." His control snaps in that moment and he drops his head. He breaks, and I'm thankful that I'm standing right in front of him. The first choked cry that he tries to hide from us kicks me into action. I bend and wrap my arms around my big brother, giving him the strength I didn't find for almost a decade, praying it doesn't take him that long to make peace with this.
"You don't, Clay. You're hurtin' and confused because it's so fresh. I'm here every step of the way to help you get past this."
I hear Leigh and Quinn talking quietly before their footsteps leave us. I know she's going to be there for my sister while I give Clay my undivided attention and support. Both of them are going to have a hard time, I know it, and all we can do is help them reach the other side. I don't want them to make my mistakes. They deserve the kind of freedom they will find after pushing through the things that have held them back because of our family's past.
"Clay, I need you to listen to me." He pulls back. The bruising hold that he had been clinging to me with easing now that he isn't squeezing me like a vice. "I never wanted you to feel what you're feelin' in this moment, but I know now that I did more harm than good by keepin' it from you. I've kept you from movin' on, even if you didn't realize you were bein' held back all this time. I've spent so many years lost because I felt just like you do right now. We can't change what they did, the people they were, but we can make sure we don't repeat history. I'm here for you every step of the way. I hope that, with time, you'll be ready to let it go. It wasn't somethin' I was able to do overnight, but I tell you that the reward that's waitin' for you when you set that shit free is worth every second of feelin' like your insides are burning. All that pain is worth it when you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to accept another person's love."
"It fuckin' kills," he says through a heavy exhale.
"Not denyin' that, Clay, but I would live it all over again as long as I knew I would end up livin' the life I have now."
He looks at me, really fucking looks at me. I can't see his face clearly through the shadows, but when he nods, I know he understands what I'm telling him.
"I don't know if I'll ever find myself there, Mav, but I hope you're right."
"You will," I promise. "You damn sure will. One day when we're grumpy old men we'll sit right here on this porch and watch our kids and our grandkids together, Clay. They'll run around these fields knowing a happy fuckin' life built with nothin' but love. Mark my words, brother. Happiness the likes you have never imagined is waitin' for you. I want you to know that kind of contentment. The kind you feel deep in your bones. I hate that I hurt you with the truth, but I did it knowin' that when you get past what you're feelin' right now it will be worth it."
I back up when he moves forward. He's had enough tonight and I have to give him the space to search through all the turmoil boiling inside him. He nods, and I hear him swallow thickly. Then his chest is slamming against mine in a rough hug.
"Love you, Maverick. Nothing will ever change the fact that you're my brother. I can't promise I'll get past what I'm feelin' tomorrow, but I want you to know that no matter how angry I am--none of that anger is directed toward you. You did what you had to do, and no one faults you for that. I'm proud of the man you've become."
I cough, my throat bobbing as I force down the cry that almost came out.
"Love you too, Clayton."
He pulls away and uses the back of his hand to dry his face. "I'm glad you have Leighton. I can't say I'm thankful that this is what it took to give you her, but it does give me a little hope knowin' that you've been in my boots too and still have that."
"We aren't them," I tell him honestly. "We're in charge of our own lives. Our own happiness, love, and future. I couldn't dream of leavin' her again, and I know she wouldn't ever leave me. God willing, she gives me babies and I know with everything I am that I would never give them what Buford gave us. I was lost for a long fuckin' time, Clayton, but I will not let them rule my future. We don't live by their mistakes."
"No, we don't," he agrees with conviction.
"You'll find your own slice of happiness, I promise you that. Until then, I'm here every step of the way to make sure your path is clear when it comes ridin' into town."
"We'll see," he says with a sigh. "Let's go check on Quinn. I don't want her thinkin' this is going to come between us. She's not as tough as she tries to convince us she is."
He steps past me and walks into the house. I turn and look up at the full moon. It kills me knowing that they're both hurting, but even witnessing that pain, I know Leighton was right in pushing me toward revealing the truth to them. I meant every word I just told him. I know he wouldn't be able to move on with the trust issues and anger that our past instilled in us. It held me back for too long. I wish I had had someone to push this on me years ago. I might have lost years of my life with Leigh because of the woman that birthed me and the man that raised me, but I will do everything in my power to make sure my siblings don't lose that time too.
With a sigh, I push off the railing and turn to enter the house. No, not just a house . . . home. My home with Leighton. She's standing in the doorway, her beast/cat in her arms, and her heart in her eyes. The illumination from the lights behind her cast her in some angelic-like glow. Fuck, I sound like a damn Hallmark card.
"Put him down, darlin'."
She doesn't question me. My tone is desperate. I need this stolen moment before entering the house. After placing Earl on his legs, she opens the screen door and steps into the darkness with me, the door shutting softly behind her with a low creak. She's in my arms seconds later. Her legs come up and she wraps them around my waist with a little help. I drop my face to her neck and breathe her in, taking the strength her very existence brings me.
"I'm proud of you, cowboy," she breathes; her softly spoken words make me tighten my hold. "They're hurting because it's fresh, but you've given them something they've been missing for a long damn time tonight."
"What's that, baby?"
"All of you," she answers, and, fuck me, I stand there and have to fight to take a breath through the tightness in my chest.
"How's Quinn?" I question after finally gaining control over myself.
Leigh pulls back and gives me a sad smile. "She wants to see her. Not tomorrow, maybe not even next year, but she wants it all the same."
"If that's what she wants." The last thing I want is to see her again, but for Quinn, I would move mountains.
"Come on, let's go back inside." She drops her legs after giving me a quick kiss and takes my hand to lead me into our home.
Leigh lets my
hand drop after a quick squeeze when we step into the living room. Quinn rushes into my arms and hugs me tightly. No words are spoken, but by the time we sit down, some of the melancholy that had settled over all of us has dissipated. Both of them are still shaken up, but by the time they leave we're all laughing after spending hours telling stories about the good memories we had growing up together.
Love is a powerful thing. Now that I've opened myself up to that with Leighton, I know it really can conquer all. The love that Leighton and I share brought me back from the darkest times I had ever been through. The love we both have for my siblings will go a long way while they take the steps they need to truly let go of our past. With any luck, they'll find themselves experiencing the same divine power I get rushing through my veins every time the woman I love is near.
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to find your way again. You have to be lost before you can ever be found. It might have taken me years, but when I hugged them good-bye I knew without a single shadow of doubt that I'm no longer adrift.
Turning from the door, I see Leigh walking back into the living room from the kitchen. She's doing whatever it is that chicks do to put their hair in some ball on the top of their head. Her bottom lip pulled between her teeth as she focuses on her task. The second she sees me leaning against the closed front door, she rushes to finish. A few pieces fall, her thick hair refusing to stay in place. She blows at them until they aren't in her eyes and gives me my reason for breathing. Her smile grows, her eyes brighten, and the rush from her love fills my body with overwhelming supremacy.
"You okay, Maverick?" she asks softly.
"I am now, Leighton. I am now."
Epilogue
LEIGHTON
"Eight Second Ride" by Jake Owen
Four Months Later
"We're out of apple, birthday cake, and cookie dough!" Jana yells through the kitchen doorway.
I huff and look up at the clock. Only two in the afternoon, and I already feel like I've been run ragged. Fridays are normally a little busier than Monday through Thursday, but it seems like today especially has been nonstop since we opened the door.
I was in a sour mood anyway because Maverick's been out of town for the past two days. He has a friend in Wyoming who breeds bucking stock and went out there to talk about his needs for the school he's building. Well, I call it a school, but I think it's more like a training camp. An elite training camp, that is.
As much as I'm supportive and excited that he's making great progress in his plans, I hate when he's gone. We've been able to grab a few calls here and there, but for the most part, I haven't heard from him a lot since he left. When we talked last night he said he wouldn't be home until Sunday. This normally wouldn't be such a big deal.
I'm an independent woman.
Or so I thought.
It took one night without him for me to realize I had lost all ability to sleep without his arms around me. I've gotten so used to his presence that I don't like not feeling his dominant energy taking over our home. Even Earl's been pouting. He sat on the other side of my shower door this morning and wouldn't move so I could open it. I had to push it, and him, to get out. I'm completely thrown off my axis and I hate it.
It's been a few months since our dinner with Clay and Quinn. For the first two weeks after, my demands at the PieHole kept me away during the day and past dinner. Maverick made it a point to start his day after I had woken up, even if that meant he got a late start with his own work for the day. I never asked, but I have a feeling that was something he needed after everything that had come out that night. Whether it was reassuring himself that he really was in our home or that I was there with him, I'm not sure, but I gave him that without question.
Clay comes over often now to talk. He and Mav talk outside, rocking in the porch chairs long after the sun has set, and I'm none the wiser to what they discuss, but I'm hoping that it's just Clay leaning on his brother, taking the help and support that Mav promised to give him. If they ever need me to be part of that, I'll be ready and willing. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for the both of them.
Quinn, on the other hand, has been more of a challenge. I know she's having a hard time knowing the enormity of her parents' transgressions. With Buford gone, she can't get answers from him. Not that he would have given them. They might have put a lot behind them after he got sick, but she never forgot. My girl, she's loyal to the death, and in that case, she remained loyal to her brothers. She'll never get those answers, not now and maybe not ever, and I think that's something weighing hard on her. Not only that, but she is struggling with wanting to run to the mother she has very few memories of and despite the fact that the new knowledge she has of her brings forth hate and anger.
She's confused. She's hurt. She's afraid.
And even though she has her brothers and me, she's alone.
She's had a fear of commitment since the day she was old enough to stop thinking boys had cooties. It's hard not to, when you're raised like the Davises were. Aside from the one kind of serious relationship she had one fleeting summer, she settles for one-night stands and no strings. Now though, she's seeing her actions in a new light. One cast out from her mother's transgressions. I worry that she is comparing her legitimate fear-driven choices to the ones her mother made.
"And blueberry!" Jana yells again, interrupting my thoughts.
Pushing my concerns with my best friend from my mind, I rush around the kitchen. I bring the birthday cake pies out first, not even looking up in my haste. Jana makes a noise to get my attention, but I just hold my hand up and speed-walk back into the kitchen. It takes me three more trips to bring the other nine pies out. When I place the second cookie dough pie on the chilling rack, I finally look up, blowing a piece of hair out of my eyes.
My heart speeds up and my stomach is suddenly filled with butterflies.
"What are you doing here?" I ask breathily.
"Well, if you would have looked up I could have saved you the trouble of those cookie dough pies," Jana mutters, edging past me and leaving me with the sight of Maverick, glorious Maverick, grinnin' at me as he shovels a huge bite of cookie dough pie.
"I missed you too, darlin'," he says with a laugh, standing from the table after placing his fork down. He licks his lips before bending to give me a deep kiss.
"I thought you weren't coming home until Sunday?" I ask against his mouth before pulling away and looking around at the crowded room, smiling at the familiar faces looking on.
"Change of plans."
"Change of plans?" I repeat, studying his face. He's carefree as can be, but there's something mischievous working behind those green eyes that make my knees weak.
With a wink, he looks over my shoulder. "You good here, Jana?" he calls back toward the counter.
"Hey," I protest.
"Girl, don't you argue with your man," Jana scolds from behind me. "If he wants to steal you away, you let him steal you away. Just don't let him swallow the key. Nothing good ever comes if the key is swallowed."
My head snaps over to Jana with a gasp. "Boundaries!" I yell over the laughter that's now rolling from everyone around us. They're not even pretending not to watch with rapt attention.
"No handcuffs this time, Jana," he jokes.
"Do not encourage her," I hiss.
He holds up his hands, chuckling deeply. "She started it."
"Maybe you'll be the one in handcuffs if you keep this up," I smart.
His eyes darken and he leans closer to me. "Darlin', you want me in handcuffs and you say the word I'll be chained to the bed before you can blink."
"Go grab your stuff," Maverick breathes against my ear, pulling me back with his hands on my hips so I can feel his thickness against the small of my back. I make a mental note to look into buying some handcuffs before walking to my office and grabbing my purse. I check the ovens on my way back out, trying not to cringe at the mess on my workstation.
"Go on, sweetheart," Jana says, breaki
ng into my thoughts and pulling me from the kitchen before I can reach for the cleaner. The woman knows me too damn well. "Don't you dare even think about it. I'm perfectly capable of handling things here."
"I hate leaving you alone to close."
"I'm not alone! You're the one that hired that sweet little Avonlee just last week so we would have another body for nights just like this. Go on and spend some time with that handsome man of yours." She snaps her towel at me like I'm a pesky fly. "Now go on, shoo."
I roll my eyes but know she's right. Avonlee hasn't been completely trained, but there's no better time than the present. She's in good hands with Jana. I purposely hired Avonlee so I would be able to stop working past five. This way I would be able to spend more time with Maverick and hopefully set things up here at the PieHole for a more part-time role for me in the future.
The future that hopefully gives us a houseful of children.
"See you in the morning," I tell her, pulling my purse strap over my shoulder. She doesn't respond, but before I can call her on the weird look in her eye, Maverick is back at my side and pulling me out the doorway.
"Would you slow down, you big giant," I say with a laugh, rushing to keep up with his long strides.
He turns, and without a word, picks me up bride style and continues to march to his truck, my laughter echoing around us. Maverick effortlessly opens the truck door, has me in the seat, and is walking around to his door. The whole time his smile never dims.
"Well, cowboy, you've got me. Now what are you gonna do with me?"
He reaches out and grabs my hand. "Hold on."
He cranks the truck, the vibrations making goose bumps pepper my skin. When he takes off with a jump out of the PieHole's side parking area, I settle back with a smile plastered on my face and enjoy the ride. He revs the engine when we pass Quinn standing outside the shop's bays. Her hands on her hips and a huge streak of black grease across her forehead. She smiles brightly and waves back. Mav turns up the radio, and with some old Lynyrd Skynyrd cranked up, he drops his foot and rumbles through town.