~~~~~
The next week went by far too quickly. Mom and dad were really happy to see Ammon, and almost seemed like they were getting better for a day, though the following morning they went back into their funk. I had to go back to school, and during the day Ammon tried to get our parents to get ready for work. He finally got mom to go on the last day he stayed with us, though she ended up only working for half a day. Dad was afraid of touching carving tools without mom there, even just to build furniture, and ended up just staring at the ceiling while mom was gone.
Ammon showed me how to pay the bills, and we found out that mom and dad had enough savings to pay the bills for almost a full year, and they had other bank accounts, though we couldn’t get access to those. It was a relief that I didn’t have to get a job quite yet, but I was still worried – what if my parents didn’t get better? What if they got better, but relapsed later? My brother told me not to worry about it, tried assuring me that our parents were going to get better, but I had my doubts. Things just didn’t feel the same around the house any more.
We decided that it was best that no one else know about Ammon’s wardcarving abilities, so we waited until after everyone else had gone to bed to start fixing the bad wards dad had carved into our house. Since outright replacing the banisters and cabinets would be obvious, Ammon worked really hard on making just enough changes to the existing wards so they became neutralized. He was tempted to try and change them into something good, but he wasn’t sure enough of his capabilities to actually go for it. It took several hours each night he was there of sanding on my part and carving on his part to get it done, and even then we rushed through the last night he was there to make sure we got everything.
Those hours during the night while I was helping Ammon were the happiest of my week. Nobuko was drawing further and further away from me, obviously weirded out by my powers, and while I tried to stay friendly with Jack, it was really difficult at times to not feel sad for the relationship I wanted but couldn’t have. Ammon had always been my favorite sibling, and we got along together really well, making the last few hours of my day something to look forward to.
The night Ammon left I found myself staring at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep. Ammon showing up helped a little, and he assured me that he would be stopping by more often than he used to, but in the end the only thing that really changed was that dad’s bad wards were just squiggly lines on the hardware.
At least you have someone else to talk to, now, that understands what you’re going through, I heard Adena say.
I guess, I replied after a while, though I still don’t think he understands how scary my ability to summon and control fire is. His connection to wind isn’t nearly as strong.
True, but you could have helped him with that.
How? The only reason my abilities are so strong are because of you, aren’t they? What was I supposed to do, ask him if he had another consciousness living inside his brain helping him out?
That was an option, yes.
Right. And if he doesn’t, he’d think I have schizophrenia. I still don’t know why you’re even there.
I wish I had the answer to that, too, though I think I’m a little closer to figuring it out. That night at the park, where we nearly set the whole thing on fire… I felt like I was remembering something from a long time ago. From before we were born, maybe. It was weird, and I couldn’t quite grasp it, but it just made me think that maybe I existed, at least in some capacity, before you did.
I thought you were a part of me?
I am, she said hastily, and I wouldn’t exist without you. But I think I have a greater background than just springing into existence when we were born.
I wish I could help you remember. But if it means setting something on fire again, I’m not going to do it. I don’t want to ask someone I could potentially hurt to be there to bring me back in case I get out of control.
Ah. I suppose I should owe you an apology for that. I was… encouraging you to keep the fire going, hoping that it would help me remember better. You would have been able to control it just fine, if it weren’t for me. I promise I won’t interfere unless you ask for my help from this point forward. Does that sound okay?
I wanted to be mad at her, but for some reason I just couldn’t find it in me to start yelling. Yeah, I said, that sounds good. I’m still not sure I’m going to do much with fire in the near future, though. Jack said he was going to help me, and I’m just finding it too hard to be around him.
Why?
Because I love him, and he doesn’t want me to, even though he loves me back. How am I supposed to deal with that? Every time I look at him I think of how we could be, instead of what we are.
And what are you guys?
Friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
Not true. He’s your best friend, and that hasn’t changed. You’ve already answered the problem you’ve been facing, and for some reason you just don’t want to apply it.
Oh? And what’s that?
You said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone who’s your best friend, right?
Your point?
Just stay his best friend. The only difference between what you have and what you want is, what, kissing? You're too young to get married, to move in with him, do to any variety of things that people in love do.
So your point is, what? I'm a kid so my love for him isn't the same as it would be if I were older? That my love for him and feelings for him as a friend are the same?
No. My point is, you can still love him, and there's nothing wrong with that. You've loved him for a long time. The only difference now is that you've put a word to the feeling, and it's causing you to stress out because you've never before been in a situation where you've truly loved someone.
What, were you a relationship expert before we were born?
No. I'm just vocalizing what you already know. Come on. You have no reason to resent him for rejecting you, because he hasn't actually rejected you. He said he still wants to be best friends, right? The only thing that's missing is all the fun extra stuff, which he may come around on later. Just have patience.
I didn't want to admit that she was right, but, well, she was definitely right. It didn't make me feel a whole lot better, but maybe spending time with Jack would start to feel normal again.
So since you seem to have this amazing insight into my life, I remarked, what do you think about this evil madman that seems to be after me?
No idea, but you know what?
What?
I'm gonna be with you when we do find him. And I'm looking forward to paying him back for everything he's done to you, me, your parents, and all your friends. Sound good?
Yeah, sounds good.
We may have talked a little while longer, but if we did I couldn't say what it was about. All I remember is falling asleep feeling more peaceful than I had in a long time. I was still afraid of myself, and I was still unsure about how I was going feel about Jack the next time I saw him, and I was a little frightened that I had no idea who was after me and my family and what his grand scheme was, but I trusted Adena, and for that... I could be at peace, at least for the moment.
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EPILOGUE
In the months that passed for the rest of the school year, remarkably little changed. Mom continued to work at the university, but only as a librarian, and dad did custom orders for normal furniture from home. Neither of them carved anything new, and whenever they weren't working, they spent their time on the couch not doing anything. I continued to take care of them, and at a certain point couldn’t help but wonder if I was just enabling them to coast along , and maybe what they needed was a chance to pull themselves out of their funk. Anytime I tried backing away from helping them out, though, I watched them fall into panic attacks and confusion, and couldn’t help but jump back in to help them out again.
Nobuko an
d I grew apart, slowly but surely. I was worried that she’d tell my secret to the first person who would befriend her, but nothing ever happened to me after we grew apart, so at least she remained friendly in that sense. Even though I started going to the dance club again, I didn't really make friends at school after I lost her friendship. I wasn’t entirely sure what to attribute to that -maybe it was because I knew that just being around me was a danger to people that couldn't handle themselves. Maybe it was that I was spending all my daylight hours cleaning the house, cooking for my family, and paying bills.
All these things I did during the day – school, home, dance club - became my fake life, my mask. It was in the shadows that my real life began. I made friends with a ghost, a fourteen year old girl named Sandra, and while I couldn't see her except late at night and at the cemetery, I discovered that it didn't matter how long ago she had been a teen herself, a good girl friend was indispensable. I also met a little pixie girl named Doola, who was a barrel of fun but a handful of trouble. Pixies don’t really keep track of ages, since their kingdom lies on a different plane of existence that we live on, but she behaved like a teenager and liked escaping to the human realm often. At about three feet tall she could pass as a little kid, but she mostly spent her time sneaking around doing whatever she felt like. She reminded me a lot of some of my friends back in San Francisco, and she showed me how to have the kind of fun where I could just forget everything that was going on for a few hours.
And of course there was Jack. Adena was right – I could accept my feelings for him and still be best friends. He started taking off more and more frequently and for longer of stretches of time, often to places that he refused to tell me about (“For your safety,” he always said), so I came to cherish every moment I had with him. As promised, he helped me master my control over summoning and controlling fire, which became quite useful for slaying vampires. Oh, he definitely didn’t want me to go with him on the occasional patrol, but I reminded him that I had, after all, saved him from Mina. He finally agreed to let me come after I wore him down, and after setting three vampires on fire at once, killing one and enabling Jack to kill the others, he admitted that he would appreciate my help every once in a while. He still didn’t like the idea of me putting myself in danger, but he knew better than to try and stop me doing something I’d set my mind to.
After school ended he left for a particularly long mission, and didn’t come back for a month or so. When he came back he seemed particularly troubled – enough that he let himself get distracted and almost killed on that night’s patrol.
“What’s going on?” I asked once we found a good place to rest for a moment.
“I heard rumor that one of Mina’s clan – the female vampire that attacked you at the Eldraif’s Blessing party – showed up out east. She had the anti-ward on her still. I’m not sure if she used it at all, but… what disturbs me the most is that she wandered so far away from the clan area.”
“Is it uncommon for vampires to wander very far? I thought Mina went all the way to Europe when you were… well. While you were captured.”
“It’s true. She was a clan master, though, and had her own area on which she had claim. Clan masters can move, but younger vampires find themselves restricted to the regions their masters have control over, even after their master has died. I cannot figure out why she would have strayed so far away… why she would have kept the anti-ward… and…”
“And… what? What else happened?” I asked, worried at his hesitation.
“She was slain. I cannot get any clear information on how she was struck down, though. The most information that I’ve gotten is that she was burned through divine intervention.”
“She was struck by a god?!”
“I doubt it, though I can’t rule it out. I simply cannot figure out what it means, to be burned through divine intervention. No heavenly creature has crossed over to the human plane for centuries - millennia, even - and maintained their celestial status. I had heard rumors of an angel wandering around the country, but disregarded them as only that – rumors. To hear of something that may have happened because of an angel, though, is unusual. I’m sorry, I know I just got back, but I have to leave again and find out what happened.”
“Can I go with you?” The words slipped out without thinking. I had, on occasion, thought about going with Jack on one of his adventures, but had always been too afraid of raising suspicion when I missed too much school, and too worried about what would happen to my parents if I was away for too long.
The question also took Jack by surprise. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, or if it’ll even be worth the time. It may be incredibly dangerous, it may be terribly dull. I have never been sure of what could happen whenever I check out a rumor.”
“That’s fine. It’s the summer, so it’s not like I’m going to miss anything super important, I don’t think. The house is in good order, and Arvin’s getting the hang of taking care of himself.”
“What about your parents? How are they doing?”
I was silent for a few moments. “You know, I’ve been taking care of them as though they’re children for so long that I don’t really know how they’re doing. I want to go with you partly because of my purely selfish desire to get away from here for a while, but I also can’t help but wonder if maybe my parents need me to leave, too. Maybe it’s time for them to relearn to take care of themselves.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. No. I’m just trying to rationalize going with you. I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?”
Jack smiled and gave me a half hug. “If it were anyone else saying that, perhaps. But you do have a point – I think your parents will benefit greatly for learning to rely on you less. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll have a couple of ghosts check in on them every once in a while.”
“So… you mean I can go with you?”
“Yes, but I was planning on leaving by the morning. Can you be ready by then?”
“Absolutely! I’ll head home right now and get some stuff together really quick and can be ready in less than an hour.”
Jack dropped me off at my house, where I threw together a backpack of some of the bare essentials I’d need while traveling, on a whim threw in Ammon’s warded postcard and the phoenix feather, and wrote a couple of notes telling my parents that I’d be on a camping trip for a while and telling Arvin what he could do to help out if things got a little out of hand.
Before dawn broke I met up with Jack at the sundial in the cemetery. He took me by the hand and said, “So tell me, have you ever visited Boston before? It’s quite an exciting place.”
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