He couldn't help leaning in to inhale the scent of her, to nuzzle briefly the warmth of her neck. "You're the one who can't accept yourself, Saber. I'm used to the different psychic gifts the GhostWalkers have, and make no mistake, you're a GhostWalker."
Tears clung to her lashes and her gaze shifted away from his, even though he held her chin firmly to keep her looking at him. "I'm an aberration. A monster. A child killer. For God's sake, Jesse, you read the file. I made my first human kill when I was nine years old. I'm not like you or the others. I'm a human killing machine. If Whitney could manage to get me an invitation to the White House to a dinner, I could get close enough to the president to kill him right under the nose of the Secret Service and no one would be the wiser. As he was having a heart attack, I could even look as though I were trying to help him, and neither he nor his bodyguards would ever know I was killing him. You tell me how that makes me one of you."
He let go of her wrists and framed her face with both hands. "That makes you exactly like the rest of us--exactly. Do you think none of us ever made an accidental kill? We have powers we weren't meant to have and we have to learn how to control them. Every single one of us knows what it feels like to be afraid of what we are and what we can do."
Saber opened her mouth to reply, but then his words really penetrated. She hadn't thought too much about the others and what they could or couldn't do. She didn't know. Jess had just made the door slam shut and he'd been across the room. What else could he do? What could Mari and Ken do? Or Logan? She'd been kept separated from others like her because assassins weren't members of a team. They were loners. They worked in secrecy to carry out their mission. She had never even had a real friend--with the exception of Thorn--and even then, they hadn't seen each other often.
"Let me up, Jesse." She couldn't reason with his body so close to hers and she had to keep her mind on her goal. Survival.
She squirmed, her body rubbing in temptation over his, and he closed his eyes and absorbed the feel and shape of her.
"If I let you up, I lose any advantage I had. In any case, I think you knocked the wind out of me when you threw that elbow. I can't move." His body was as hard as a rock and he made no attempt to hide it from her, moving seductively, pressing her closer into the cradle of his hips.
Color swept along her high cheekbones. "You're moving just fine. Now get up."
"Actually, I can't." His arms tightened possessively, his mouth tasting the scented skin at the hollow of her throat.
His tongue felt like a velvet rasp, moving over her pulse, leaving tiny darts of fire racing over her skin. Her body, of its own volition, melted into his, turning boneless and pliant, catching fire from his, even when her brain screamed at her to not react.
"You betrayed me." The accusation came out desperate because she felt desperate. Jess Calhoun was her enemy because he was the only one who could stop her from leaving.
"Saber, you've been just as well trained as I have. And I know Whitney well enough to know he taught you all about security clearances and need-to-know. You're black ops, covert, and you absolutely know what that means. I work for the government. When it comes to national security, there's no backup in me. I'm sorry if it feels like betrayal to you, but I can't compromise my country because I'm in love with you."
She struggled again. "If you don't let go of me, you're going to end up hurt."
"You want me to let you go, Saber? If you really think I betrayed you, if you really think I'm no better than Whitney, then do it--kill me now."
She held her body stiff, her expression closed to him, but he refused to look away from her. He gave her a little shake. "Do it. I know you can. You hear my heartbeat." He dragged her palm over his chest and held it there. "Either way, you're ripping out my heart, so do it right."
"Stop it. You know I can't." Tears shimmered in her eyes. "I know you aren't like Whitney. Don't push so hard."
"You're afraid, Saber. You're fighting me--us--because you're afraid to be crushed, to give yourself to me when I might betray you. Really betray you. You're afraid to give me your heart because you're afraid I could hurt you worse than anyone ever has. Why would you think that, Saber?" He held her face so that she was forced to look at him when she wanted to turn away from the truth. "I'll tell you why. It's because you love me. You love me so much it scares you. And you know how I know that? Because I love you, just as much. All of you, every part of you, from that poor little child who was forced to kill, to the beautiful, courageous woman who's trying so hard never to kill again. I love you, Saber. I love you. And, if you leave me, you might as well kill me before you go, because I will be dead without you anyway."
"Stop, Jesse. Stop. You have to stop."
"You can run for the rest of your life, but for what? What kind of life will you have? Alone? Without me? On the run? Stay with me, Saber. I can't promise he won't come after you, but I can promise you that you won't have to fight him alone when he does."
She'd been alone for so long until Jess. Then she'd made a home. A life. She had a best friend who made her laugh. Who could talk intelligently on most any subject. She had a man who made her feel beautiful even when she wasn't. And sexy. She'd never felt that way in her life until he'd opened the door to her and she'd seen the slow burn start in his eyes.
How could she ever bear giving him up and going back to living in the shadows? Pretending? His mouth was warm against her neck. His lips felt soft and firm. She wanted this, the hard strength of his arms, the exciting demands of his male body, the pure velvet magic of his seeking mouth. His lips burned a trail of fire from her throat to the side of her trembling mouth. There was no thought of resistance--how could there be?
Saber found herself smoothing her sensitized fingers over the definition of his muscles, feeding her fire, his fire. She was melting, boneless, fierce excitement and moist heat.
Jess shifted his weight, rolled her beneath him, his mouth fastened hungrily to hers, urgently feeding on her sweetness. His hand spanned her throat, feeling for her telltale pulse, the satin heat of her skin. His fingers splayed out, tracing her collarbone, fingertips caressing the soft swell of her breasts. Jess's mouth was merciless, demanding her shyly ardent response.
He slid his hand up the line of her hip, her narrow rib cage, pushing the thin material of her shirt up out of the way as he did so. His palm found her small, nipped waist, rested there possessively, slid around to her back, wanting to explore every inch of her flawless skin. The tips of his fingers touched a rigid raised circle and then found a second one.
Saber stiffened instantly, tore her mouth from his, hands pushing hard against the heavy muscles of his shoulders. His black gaze was riveted to her transparent face, picking up the jumble of confused emotions. A hint of desperation, fear, even revulsion. The smoldering, sultry desire was fading from her haunted eyes, but her lips retained the brand of his mouth.
Jess brought up his arms, locking her to him. "Stop struggling, Saber," he ordered gruffly.
"Let me go. I can't do this. I really can't. I'm sorry, I thought I could, but..."
Saber flung herself sideways the instant she felt Jess loosen his hold. She had known he would, he was always so conscious of his strength, careful never to actually hurt her. Jess swore as she tumbled from his arms to the mat, as she scrambled to put a safe distance between them. He caught her ankle, brought her up short.
"Jesse. Let go. I have to get out of here." She sat up, panting for breath, her face white, desperate, the plea in her voice close to terror.
Jesse's heart turned over, every nerve in his body responding to her desperation, but he knew his hold on her was as fragile or as strong as the fingers circling her ankle.
"Settle down, baby," he said softly, gently. "Just sit there, Saber, because I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever. We belong and you know we do."
"Do you really think this is going to end happily like some fairy tale?" She dashed tears from her face. "I've never even read a f
airy tale, Jesse. Back when I first met you and you mentioned them to me while you were teasing me, I lied and said I had my favorites, but I never in my life have read one."
"Well, I believe in fairy-tale endings," he told her. "My parents have been together for years and they're still very much in love. I want a family, Saber--with you."
Her face paled visibly. "Don't say that."
"Don't say what? That I love you? That I want you for my wife and the mother of my children? That I think it's possible for us to have a life together? I have a friend who is married to a GhostWalker. She was raised in an asylum. She starts fires accidentally when the energy builds around her. She didn't think she could have a life either, and believe me, Whitney was after her. She made it out. She can't be around too many people, but she and her husband, Nico, have a wonderful home and a good life. We can too, if we want it bad enough. I want it bad enough. You just have to want it too."
Her eyes clung to his, so blue they were nearly purple, tears increasing the effect. A man could drown in her eyes. Slowly, inch by inch, Jess eased himself into a sitting position. She looked so shocked he wanted to take her into his arms, but he hadn't won--not yet. His hold on her ankle tightened fractionally. "Come here and show me what's on your back that sent you into such a panic."
Saber's eyes widened, startled. She shook her head.
She slid away from him across the mat as he tugged on her leg. Saber lost her balance and sprawled forward, facedown right at his side. He threw his weight over her, pinning her beneath him.
Jess shoved the material of her blouse up ruthlessly, exposing her slender back. Everything in him froze, stopped, his heart, his lungs, his blood, even his brain. Then white hot anger shot into him, consumed him, ate him up. Even seeing the photographs couldn't have prepared him for the sight of her scarred back.
With gentle fingers he traced the line of each round raised scar. "They put out cigarettes on you." His voice was calm, low even, but something murderous and ugly rose up in him, something he hadn't known existed. The walls expanded and contracted. The floor shimmied as he breathed to try to maintain control.
Saber went still beneath his hands, her muted weeping tearing at his heart. Jess bent his head, the warmth of his mouth on her skin, his tongue gently tracing each line, punctuated by a hundred kisses.
She shuddered and he remained still, his lips over one of the scars, while the tension drained out of her and he felt her hips move, an involuntary small shift, but enough to let him know she didn't want him to stop. He pushed her shirt completely out of the way and swept aside her flesh-colored bra.
His hands caressed the sides of her body, beneath her arms, the soft curves of her breasts, rib cage, and waist. His mouth continued to move over her back, a healing, soothing, somehow erotic feather-light touch that stirred her body to life despite every command her brain was trying to give to save her. His hands went lower, to her denim-clad hips, and then slid around to the front of her jeans to the zipper.
Saber caught her breath and closed her eyes against the rush of sensation, her breasts crushed against the mat, nipples suddenly erect and sensitive. His hands hooked in the waistband of her jeans and peeled them from her body. She lay still, face buried in the crook of her arm, tears on her face, her body alive with a sudden growing need.
She wanted him, had always wanted him, from the first moment he'd opened the door. Then it had been purely physical attraction, her body recognizing his in some primal way, but now--now--it was love for him that was so overwhelming, so consuming it had even devoured self-preservation until only he was important. Only Jess. Being with him. Loving him. Forgiving him.
He didn't care that she carried death in her touch. His touch was loving, healing, sexy, everything she'd always wanted and never dared let herself dream about.
Jess tossed aside his clothes. This wasn't the bedroom, it wasn't even the thick carpet in front of the fireplace, but this was where he was going to make thorough, passionate love to Saber Wynter. His hand smoothed over the firm muscle of her buttocks, teeth nipped gently. He pushed against her thigh, allowing her to feel the hot heat of his thick arousal. His mouth sought her bare skin again. He took his time, wanting to explore every inch of her, wanting to know every secret hollow, every shadow. His hands shaped her legs, stroked, and caressed.
Saber moaned softly as he slid his hand along the inside of her thigh and pushed against the rush of damp heat.
Very gently he turned her over and simply stared at her tear-streaked face for one long moment before bending his head to hers. His tongue tasted tears, his lips roamed over her face, her neck, her throat, and settled on her mouth again.
Her arms slipped around his neck, her lips parting to accept him, to draw him into her silky soft mouth. She followed his lead, letting him explore her mouth while she did the same, her touch electric to him, innocent but alluring. He could stay there forever, his soft body against hers, his hands exploring, arousing her, caressing all the while as her mouth moved against his, her tongue stroking his in a small tango of growing need.
Saber lowered her lashes as his lips reluctantly left hers and traveled over her face and neck. Her body raged with fires out of control and needs she couldn't resist. When his mouth closed over her breast, a strong pull sent liquid fire pulsing in welcome.
"Jesse." His name came out in a sigh--a surrender--her hands seeking the defined muscles across his back.
"I know, baby. It's all good. We're good." He murmured the words against her breasts, alternating between suckling, using his teeth with small, gentle scrapes, and swirling his tongue over the nips until she was gasping for breath.
He continued his investigation of every inch of her satin skin, sliding lower over her flat stomach. He found himself smiling at the triangle of silky raven curls at the junction of her legs. Wild. Sweetly scented.
Saber cried out, caught at his hair as he lowered his head and took a long, slow taste. "Jesse." Her hips bucked and her head thrashed as sensations crashed over and into her. She couldn't get out more than his name, and she wasn't certain he could even understand her.
His tongue stroked and caressed, found her most sensitive spot and teased and tortured, stabbed deep, went shallow until she couldn't think or breathe with the building tension. She needed him. Needed something. But soon. Now. In another minute she was going to be begging.
Jess couldn't wait then. Her fire, her damp heat, the feel of her satin skin drove him to depths of craving he had never known. He was always in control, yet he was skimming the edges this time. He wanted to go slow, to be careful, to make certain this moment was earth-shattering for her. With care, he eased aside her knees, poising above her, his dark eyes meeting her blue ones.
"I've never done this before," Saber admitted, her voice shaky.
"I know." But she was trusting him with more than her first time. More than the giving of her body to him, and both of them knew it. He pressed the hot broad head of his shaft against her and began to ease into her, inch by slow inch.
Saber gasped at the feeling of being stretched, invaded. Her body recoiled from his and her hands caught at his wrists.
"Relax, baby, let me do the work, I'll be gentle," he promised.
Her body was a tight velvet tunnel of incredible heat, so small, so fiery. He shuddered with the effort to control himself and waited for her small nod of consent. He gathered her legs over his arms and drew her closer, lifting her as he thrust deeper. Her fingers clawed at the mat for support and her womb clenched.
He could feel the thin barrier protecting her, and he moved again, one strong surge, even as he bent forward, swallowing her soft cry with a kiss. Once again he was still, concentrating on her mouth, on letting her body get used to his. She was so tight, so hot, he desperately needed to move, but he kissed her until she began to relax again and he could see trust in her eyes.
Jess moved then, gentle long strokes designed to keep that beautiful, sultry look in her eyes. Her b
reathless little cries added to the surging heat. "God, you're beautiful," he said, meaning it.
This was her first time, and despite all the women in his past, he felt as if it were his as well. Not sex. Not lust. Pure magic. Body, soul, mind, hot silk, raging fires, he never wanted this to end. Never. Her body gripped his convulsively, liquid velvet, white hot, and he cried out, all his love, his life, his future in the husky call of her name.
"This is how it's supposed to be, Saber." He could feel his body tighten, heat sweeping up from his legs and pouring through his body. God. He loved her. Loved her, with everything in him, everything he was.
He didn't want to stop, wanted to stay in her body, skin to skin, his heart pounding right along with hers. This was love, this agonizing fist of lust that gripped his body and wouldn't let him go. And it was love, the same fist, wrapped around his heart and squeezing with such strength and emotion. This was what coming together with a woman was meant to be, the frenzy of hunger and tenderness. He had thought it impossible for a man like him to love a woman and have a family, that his need for combat would supersede all feeling for a woman. But he knew now that if Saber asked it of him, he would walk away from the service, give up everything he'd ever worked for in his life, to be with her.
He pulled her closer and bent down to find her lips with his. Long kisses, mouths mating, over and over, losing himself in her velvet heat. He wanted her to feel the way he was feeling, the heat and fire, but more, the overwhelming truth that they were meant for each other--that they belonged. She moved under him, her body tightening around his, the muscles rippling with her orgasm, taking him so that he thought he might be imploding from the inside out.
Saber felt as if she were exploding into fragments, earth-shattering quakes rippling through her body, colors and lights flashing wildly in her head. She clung to Jess, her safe anchor in a raging storm of pure feelings. She had no idea she made a sound, yet her voice mingled with his in the silence of the gym.
Jess eased off of her to lie at her side, one arm curved possessively around her waist. He could smell the combined scent of their lovemaking, a musky sweetness that seemed to enhance the feeling of joy, of completeness sweeping his body. He felt Saber shiver and realized he couldn't simply jump up and get her a blanket with his legs back to their useless state.