Eric held up his hand. "Don't take my head off, I was only trying to help."
"Well, don't." Jess glared at him. "Just who told you about Saber?"
Lily's hands stilled on the medical bag. She turned and looked at Eric. The doctor stood there, looking uncomfortable, toeing the doorframe. He shrugged. Jess remained silent, waiting, insisting on an answer. Because whoever ratted her out was going to get the beating of his life.
Eric scowled at him. "How the hell would I remember? I'm around all of you all the time. Does it matter?"
"It matters if you make her feel uncomfortable in her own home."
Irritation crossed Lambert's face. "This is your home, Jess. I've been in it hundreds of times over the last year. She's not like the rest of you and you should know that. And frankly, if anyone should be feeling uncomfortable in it right now, it's you. Because as long as she lives here, you're putting your life and the lives of everyone that comes here at risk."
"What the hell does that mean?" Jess spun his chair all the way around to glare at his doctor.
Eric straightened, glaring right back, refusing to be intimidated. "What do you think I mean? She kills with one touch. What happens if she gets a little tired of her man? Or she's angry and out of control? She could kill you in your sleep. Just holding your hand. Leaning in to kiss you good night. The rest of you, you're trained. Disciplined. She's a wild card, Jess, and one none of the GhostWalkers can afford."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about."
"That's the problem and you know it. I do know. She's a killing machine. Lily thinks so too, but she's too polite to say it. I'm your friend and I don't want you dead."
"We're all killing machines, Eric."
The doctor shook his head. "Not like her. She's deadly, Jess, and she's got you wrapped around her little finger until you not only can't think it, you can't entertain the idea of it. What do you think is going to happen here? You know about her. You're a liability to her. The moment she decides to pick up and leave, you're a dead man. She can't be controlled."
"And the rest of us can?" Lily snapped.
"To some extent, yes. You all have loyalty and discipline. You serve your country. You have ideals and goals. You're a team and those men and women are your family and the ones you trust. What is she loyal to? Who does she trust? Not you. Not any of you. And she sure doesn't want to serve her country."
"How the hell do you know what she wants or doesn't want?" Jess growled.
"She's out for herself. She ran from Whitney but she sure as hell didn't try to come in, did she? She didn't go to the nearest fort and say she had to speak to a commander. And I also know she's something that should never have been created."
Jess heard no sound, but instinctively he knew Saber was there. He looked up, met her violet-blue gaze, dark and stricken. She blinked and her face was a mask.
"I'm going for a walk, Jess. I'll be back when your friends are gone--all your friends." She spun on her heel and walked away.
It's pouring, Saber. Go to bed. I'll be there soon.
I don't want to be in the same house with them. As long as they're here, I'm gone.
We need them.
You need them.
Her voice choked and his heart sank. He swore and glanced at Lily. She had tears shimmering in her eyes.
She held out her hand to him. "We'll go. I know what it's like to feel like a freak. To have to live differently than everyone else. All of us do. It doesn't matter what gifts we have, people are going to look at us in the same way Eric does."
"That's not true," Eric denied, obviously upset. "I've never looked at you in any way other than as a friend and colleague."
But there was Dahlia, one of the women Jess had been a handler for, a woman who started fires when the energy buildup was too severe. She couldn't safely go out in public without an anchor. No doubt Eric would consider her a monstrous freak as well. Jess pressed two fingers to the spots throbbing above his eyes. Why hadn't he realized Eric might think of them that way, and if Eric, a doctor who helped them, did, what would most of the rest of the population think?
The walls breathed in and out and the ground rippled again. "Damn you, Eric. What the hell was that? You don't come into my home and insult my woman..."
"Your woman?"
"Yeah, my woman, and then think I'm going to be all right with it. I want to tear out your fucking heart right now." Jess actually moved his chair closer to the doctor but stopped at the look on Lily's face. "You know what? It doesn't matter what you think. You don't know Saber." He held up his hand to forestall any reply. "Look, Eric, thanks for all you've done, but maybe it would be better if you didn't come back."
"For God's sake, Jess, we've been friends for years."
Jess rubbed his eyes. "Saber is in my life to stay, Eric. She isn't going away, and knowing how you feel about her...well, enough said." Because he still wanted to smash his fist in Eric's face for making Saber look so lost.
"Talk to you soon," Lily said. "Get some rest."
"Yeah, I'm tired. I need to sleep for a while," Jess agreed. "Thanks for sewing me up."
Lily picked up her bag. "Be more careful, Jess. Until you can get the bionics working properly, you shouldn't risk practicing without someone with you."
He waved his hand in acknowledgment, but didn't reply. He needed them gone. And he sent word to the others that the house was secure and they could leave. Ken protested, along with Logan, but he made it clear he wanted them gone. Because he needed Saber to be all right more than he needed anything else right then. He wanted her to feel safe and secure and that her home was a haven, a sanctuary for her.
It didn't matter that Eric made a kind of weird sense. He didn't care. Maybe someday she would get tired of him and want out, but he couldn't imagine, not for one moment, Saber killing anyone for killing's sake. She detested it. She feared making mistakes. She wasn't the killer Eric believed her to be.
Saber waited until the last GhostWalker left. They had gone reluctantly and she could only assume Jess had sent them away. Still, she waited until dark before she went back into the house, and even then she crept in, not wanting to see him. He was the only person in the world she'd ever called friend, the only person she'd ever loved, but how could he hear those things about her and not have doubts? Even she had doubts.
For a moment she stopped, covering her face with her hands, listening to Jesse's breath, his heartbeat. She couldn't face him. She might not have the courage to ever face him again.
The minute she set foot on the landing, Saber began stripping. She hadn't been able to stop crying, and between her tears and the rain, she was soaked. She used the second bathroom, avoiding her room altogether. She couldn't face the idea that someone had been in there touching her things, even after the cleaners had removed all the evidence.
She stepped into the shower, allowed the steamy water to cascade down on her, warming her cold skin, doing nothing for the ice deep inside her. She was upset with Jess, with his friends, but most of all with herself. What had she expected? That they'd all just embrace her into their lives? That they'd want her to be a part of them? That she could fit in somewhere?
She hadn't even been certain she'd wanted it. Okay, that wasn't true. She'd been afraid to want it. Afraid it wasn't real. She shouldn't have hoped. Hope was for fools. Hope was for people, not monsters.
A shudder ran through her body and her chest hurt, crushed beneath some heavy, tearing emotion. The raw burning in her throat refused to go away no matter how many times she worked at swallowing the lump. She leaned against the tiles, her knees weak, legs shaking so much she was afraid they would give out on her.
An hour later Saber lay on the sofa on the upstairs landing, staring up at the ceiling. Her small lamp dispelled the darkness but gave her little comfort. Sighing, Saber slipped from the bed, wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling Jesse's shirt close around her body. On bare feet she padded down the hall to sit on the top
stair, needing to be close to Jess but not wanting a confrontation. After all, it was a no-win situation.
Below her, something moved out of the shadows. Jess. Saber could make out the outline of part of his chair and one powerful shoulder and arm. His face was still hidden in the darkness. Of course he would be down at the foot of the stairs, needing the same feeling of closeness. Saber drew her knees up to her chest, rested her chin on them. It gave her a measure of comfort to know he was there.
"Why don't you come down here?" he suggested softly.
"I can't, Jess," Saber replied, her voice muffled, throat raw and torn from the earlier heart-wrenching sobs. "I just can't."
There was a small silence. A red glow and the aroma of pipe tobacco drifting up the stairs indicated his state of mind. "It won't get cleared up if we don't talk about it."
Saber rubbed her forehead. The headache wasn't going away anytime soon. "What's to say?"
"He was wrong about you."
Her eyes began to burn all over again. She pressed her fingers deep to try to stop the tears. Crying was a weakness, one she'd never been able to overcome. "Maybe. If I don't know, how could you?"
"Because I know who you are. I see inside of you. You know yourself that using telepathy gives you glimpses into a person's mind. I feel what you feel. I can see what you're thinking. You aren't a killer, Saber. You kill reluctantly." He sighed. "The truth is, between the two of us, I have much more of a killer mentality. I don't feel remorse. Dead people don't haunt me at night. When I thought I was stuck in this chair, I missed the action, the adrenaline, the danger. I like the life. You don't."
"I made mistakes, Jess. I could make more."
Jess was silent, very aware of her fragile state of mind, the battle raging in her. She sounded so lost. So forlorn. He was walking a tightrope, needing to find a way of reaching her. Eric had reconfirmed all her own doubts about herself. If only he could touch her, hold her, he might have a chance. They were separated by a flight of stairs; it might as well have been the Grand Canyon.
"Listen to me, angel face," he tried again. His voice was sheer black magic, a dark sorcerer's powerful weapon, the only one he had at the moment, and he used it shamelessly. "We need to talk this out. Come on down, honey. I'll make hot chocolate, we can curl up on the futon with the fire going and settle it all, just the two of us."
His voice touched her like fingers, soothing, caressing. Half mesmerized, needing him, Saber stood up slowly. Part of her wanted to run down the stairs, fling herself into his arms and be comforted. The other half of her, the sane half, recognized the danger, the shaky line separating standing on the fence and making a commitment. She actually walked down the stairs thinking she was going to do it, just sit on his lap, lay her head on his shoulder, and everything would be all right.
Self-preservation took over. She'd hoped once. Believed once. Hoped and believed in him, yet with her own eyes she'd seen her file, pictures of her as a child killing a puppy. That had been one of the worst moments of her life and he'd witnessed it. Not only Jess, but his friends. Saber eluded Jess's outstretched hand, hurried into the middle of the living room.
"I can't let this happen. Don't you see? I want to be with you, to stay here, to believe it's all going to come out right, so the moment I let you hold me, I'll let you convince me even though I know it's impossible." Tears glittered on lashes. "And it is, Jess. It's impossible."
Jess found himself holding his breath. Saber couldn't possibly know what she looked like. Wild, beautiful, large violet-blue eyes luminous with unshed tears, blue-black curls spilling like a halo around her delicate face. She was clad only in his shirt, the tails dipping nearly to her knees, the sides riding higher, revealing an enticing glimpse of bare thigh. Her small bare feet only seemed to increase the feeling of intimacy between them. Beneath his terry cloth robe, his naked body stirred hungrily.
"You have to be willing to listen," he said gently. "I believe this can be resolved."
"Do you?" Her chin lifted, eyes flashing. "Do you really? Or are you just lying to yourself?"
Something dark and dangerous flickered in the depths of his eyes. His mouth hardened perceptibly. "I don't lie to myself."
"Really? What about your 'friend' Eric? Or the fact that you allowed them to talk you into the bionics program, or that they're using Zenith on you? Did you think I wouldn't recognize the signs of that drug? That was in Whitney's file, the one in plain English, not math code. It was his suggestion Zenith be used in small dosages, did you know that? You sold me out to them, whether you intended to do it or not."
"Bullshit, Saber. You're picking a fucking fight with me so you can leave." He knocked the ashes from his pipe into the ashtray beside him and tossed the pipe aside. "I would never sell you out, not for any reason. I had you investigated, like I was supposed to. It would have been criminal of me not to, and you can't condemn me for that. I have no idea how Eric found out about you, but it wasn't through me and it wasn't through Lily."
"How would you know? Because she told you that? Of course she told you and you believed her. But you didn't believe me when I told you he knew." She backed away when he glided closer.
"Damn it, Saber, we have no chance of straightening anything out between us if you're going to insist on behaving unreasonably."
"Unreasonably?" Saber echoed it, her voice swinging out of control. "You think I'm unreasonable because I don't like it that my past is known by all your little friends? That your friends think I'm a freak and a monster? God! What the hell do you want from me?" Tears sparkled on her lashes. "You want unreasonable? I'm out of here, Jesse!"
Saber whirled around and ran through the house, heedless of the dark, of the furniture. Ignoring Jess's hoarse yell, she swung the kitchen door open and rushed outside onto the grounds. She had no idea what she was doing but she had to get out of the house. Her lungs burned for air and she felt like the walls were closing in on her. Outside, the grass was squishy and wet beneath her bare feet. She ran into the middle of the backyard and paused to look wildly around her, not really comprehending what she was doing, where she thought she was going. The world around her was crashing down and everything she dreamt of was lost.
The night was as turbulent as she felt. Trees swayed in the wind. She turned up her face to the dark ominous clouds, allowing the rain to mingle with the tears on her face. The shirt molded itself to her soft curves and became nearly transparent.
Jess followed her into the tumultuous night, something wild and savage rising up in him to match the elements. "Saber!" His voice carried across the distance separating them, harsh, hoarse, commanding.
She spun around to face him, frightened, untamed, beautiful in the unrelenting storm. "I can't stand it, Jesse." It was a cry torn from her heart, her soul. She was so lost and there was no way out, no way back.
Above her, the sky ripped open, a jagged white streak cracking across the dark rolling clouds, for a moment throwing the grounds into sharp relief. Jess caught a glimpse of her, the shirt nearly nonexistent, plastered to her body and emphasizing her breasts, the darkened, erect nipples, the narrow rib cage and flat line of her stomach and the dark V at the junction of her legs. She looked like a pagan sacrifice, her slender arms outstretched to him, her pale face strained and vulnerable.
His body hardened. Not a subtle, enjoyable change but a savage, painful jolt, the need so intense, so ferocious, it was like nothing he'd ever experienced. "Come here." His voice was rough with lust.
Saber looked across the yard at him, at the raw hunger etched deep into the lines of his face. Desire glittered in his eyes, dark and rough. His body was starkly aroused, the bulge thick and impressive, tenting his robe. The breath stilled in her chest and every stomach muscle tightened and bunched. Spasms went off in her womb, little bursts like sparkling rockets. He was a dark obsession that drew her beyond control.
She came to him, he to her, meeting on the edge of the lawn. He caught the back of her legs in his hands, slid hi
s palms up her unexpectedly hot skin to her firm buttocks. His grip was strong, possessive, as he kneaded flesh.
Saber moaned as his exploring hands urged her closer. Not bothering to remove the thin, transparent material covering her flesh, Jess bent his dark head to her nipple. His mouth was hot on her aching breast, the shirt abrasive. It was wildly erotic, sending waves of such urgency through her body she could barely stand. Cradling his head to her breast, she lifted her face to the wild sky, allowing the rain to wash away the tears.
His hand skimmed up her inner thigh, moved higher to caress hot, moist velvet. Saber moaned again, needing, wanting, a sudden frenzy of hunger she couldn't control. Jess lifted his head, dark eyes burning black. He caught the front of her shirt and as another bolt of lightning ripped across the sky, he jerked brutally, parting the material so that the light exposed her creamy rain-wet skin. The shirt fell unnoticed, a rag in a pool of water at her feet.
Jess caught the nape of her neck, dragged her to him, fusing their mouths together, dominating, barbaric, taking, demanding her compliance, her submission. His body was burning, a painful unrelenting arousal. Saber's soft little throaty cries, her wandering hands, and the sweet taste of her did nothing to appease the pain--it only fueled the fire already burning out of control in him.
She tore her mouth from his, her hands pushing aside his robe, exposing the magnificence of his hard, masculine body. She knelt, wrapping her arms around his waist, her lips on his skin, tasting rain, moving sensuously over every defined muscle, exploring, taunting, deliberately feeding the desperate urgency she could sense in him.
Jess cried out hoarsely, caught two fistfuls of her silky hair, bunching the mass in his large hands, his body trembling, fighting for control. He jerked her head back. In the bright streak of lightning they stared into each other's souls.
"I'll never let you go," he warned softly, implacably. "Be certain, Saber, if you come to me like this, you're mine. If you do this, you're mine." Because she was going to destroy him. Utterly destroy him with her mouth and body. She was already taking him to a place he couldn't come back from.