“Oh, no. Of course not.”
“Good, but I think you still need something to put a glow into that beautiful face, not that it doesn’t glow all the time.”
“Now, what do you have in mind, Liam Dolan?” I asked, turning to him.
He already had it out and in his open right palm. I looked at the small velvet box and felt an overwhelming chill at first, and then, as if some invisible large hand was around me, I felt the chill driven off and replaced with a warm excitement.
“Liam?”
“Go on. Open it,” he urged.
I plucked it timidly from his palm and opened it to see a very large diamond engagement ring.
“I thought it should be a good size, because my great-auntie Amelia once told me the larger the diamond, the shorter the period of the engagement. And I agree.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t say no, if that’s rolling around in your head. Take it and think about it. You don’t have to wear it. Just think about it. Please,” he begged.
“Liam, you know so little about me, really.”
“I know enough. What I want to do, Lorelei, is start your life from the day we set eyes on each other. Nothing else matters.”
How I wish that were true, I thought, but didn’t say. I just stared at the ring.
“I know I’m not making a mistake, Lorelei.”
“But it’s so quick. How can you be so sure?”
“I spend all my spare time thinking about you. I go to sleep with your face in my eyes, the scent of your hair in my nose, the softness of your lips on mine. How much surer can I be?”
I could feel my arm moving forward as if it had a mind of its own, pushing the ring back at him, but I took a deep breath and fought back.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Good. I’m confident you’ll make the right decision.”
He leaned forward, and we kissed.
Then, without either of us speaking, he started the engine, and floating and drifting on our own sea of thoughts and feelings, we were silent all the way back.
17
I’m sure Liam was afraid that if he rushed me, I would turn him down. For days, it was as if he had never given me the ring. At night, I put it on my bed and sat with my legs folded beneath me, staring down at it, letting the diamond seize on the starlight to twinkle in my eyes.
Do I dare? Can I dare?
From the night I had fled until now, I was truly in a whirlwind. I read romantic novels and articles about love and relationships like any other young girl. I knew what it meant to have a rebound affair after a lost love, and I knew how easily anyone could warn me that I didn’t have the experience to fall in love so quickly a second time. Does having many past romances really equip you better to find your true love? Is it like trying on pairs of shoes until you find the most comfortable? And therefore, is it not true after all that there was someone special out there for you, whether you called him your soul mate or not?
Did I love Liam enough to want to spend my life with him? How much was enough? Except for when I was busy at work and the times I worried about being pursued, he was always on my mind. Recalling his smile comforted me whenever I was anxious about anything, and he had been so truthful and forthcoming about his own failures and weaknesses that I felt the sincerity two people had to feel in order to trust each other. Of course, there was a limit to what I could tell him now. Buddy didn’t believe me at first, and when he had found out that I was telling the truth, he said it didn’t matter, but I couldn’t help wondering if that would have been true the following day, the following month, even the following year. Would the tension and the fear eventually beat down whatever love and affection he had for me? Wasn’t it better to keep the truth from Liam somehow?
Could I?
Was I absolutely mad even to consider the possibility?
Why had I run away at all otherwise? If I couldn’t make this happen, what was the point? Most likely, my father and my sisters expected me to turn back. I was sure they were confident about it. I could almost hear Daddy telling them to let me go. “She’ll be back once she realizes how impossible it is for her out there alone.” Whether I had imagined her or not, Ava was frighteningly positive that I was going to realize this. What more could I do to show my defiance?
What more?
The ring, I thought, and lifted it out of the box. I turned it slowly in my fingers. The diamond glittered like a precious stone with more than simply monetary value. It was a magic stone for me, a stone from which I could draw power and strength. Once my sisters saw it on my finger, they surely would fall back. It was one thing to have a boyfriend like Buddy but another to be actually moving forward toward marriage. Surely they’d see that. They’d see that it was too late to change my mind or interfere.
Slowly, fighting back my natural resistance, I slipped the ring onto my finger. As soon as I had done so, I felt a sharp chill of fear so deep inside me that it made my heart writhe as if it were recoiling in my chest and, in doing so, pull my outer body inward toward my spine. I had to take deep breaths, but after a moment, I felt the resistance retreat and become replaced with a warm feeling, a feeling that traveled on the surface of my blood, coursing through my veins and lifting my spirits. I felt so good that I stood up and laughed, turning my ringed hand this way and that, as if I were displaying the diamond for a crowd of onlookers, perhaps my ancient ancestral spirits. I could imagine them cringing, shocked, and then shrinking until they were gone completely. It was a feeling of being free, untied. I had thrown off the chains of my heritage and, in this symbolic move, defied a thousand years of destiny.
To drive home my determination and prove to myself that I was not doing this just for the moment, I called Liam.
“I need to see you right away,” I said.
“Is something wrong?”
“I need to see you,” I said. “Can you come?”
“I’m on my way,” he said.
It was nearly nine. The house was quiet. Jim Lamb was in his room correcting student essays, I was sure. The new tenant, Collin Nickels, had so far lived up to his predictions for himself. I rarely saw him in the hallway. He was never in the bathroom when I went to use it, and if it weren’t for seeing him at dinner occasionally, I would not know whether or not he was still there. I was sure that both Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder were downstairs in the living room. Perhaps Mr. Brady was with them or watching television in the den.
I waited and watched from my bedroom window until I saw Liam arrive. Then I went down slowly. He had already entered the house and was chatting with his great-aunt and Mrs. McGruder. They all turned my way when I appeared. I kept my hand in the pocket of my jeans. For a moment, no one spoke.
“Everything all right?” Mrs. Winston asked.
“I think so. Liam?” I headed for the front door. He nodded at his great-aunt and followed me out.
“What’s up?” he asked as soon as he had closed the door behind him.
I walked to his car without replying. He hurried to open the door and got in quickly.
“Are we going somewhere?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “I hope so.”
He tilted his head and smiled with confusion.
“What . . .”
I took my hand out of my pocket and showed him that the ring was on my finger.
Like July Fourth fireworks, his face burst into a smile full of electric sparks. He gazed at me with his heart in his eyes, so full of happiness that he brought tears of joy to mine. Yes, this is right, I thought immediately. Yes, this is good. Without speaking, he embraced me and kissed me.
“I swear,” he said, whispering into my ear, “you’ll never be sorry.”
I didn’t say it, but I thought, Yes, but will you be?
We kissed again.
“You know,” he said, nodding toward the house, “you have those two on pins and needles.”
I nodded. I knew what he wanted. “Okay,”
I said.
We got out and reentered the house. Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder rose from the sofa in the living room and hurried to the doorway the moment they heard us returning. Their faces were full of concern. Had Liam done something terrible? Were Mrs. Winston’s warnings justified?
“Great-auntie Amelia,” Liam said. “We decided you should be the first in the family to know.”
He held up my hand so they could see the engagement ring.
Neither woman looked as if she could find the words. They both looked from the ring to Liam and then to me. Finally, Mrs. Winston stepped forward to hug me.
“Welcome to the family,” she said, and kissed my cheek.
“Congratulations, Liam,” Mrs. McGruder said, hugging him. “Finally, you made a wise decision.”
Everyone laughed.
“When’s the wedding going to be?” Mrs. Winston asked. She wasn’t one to beat around any bush and never one to fear telling you what she really thought.
“The wedding?” Liam said as if the concept had just occurred to him. “Yes, the wedding. Well . . .” He looked at me. “Sooner rather than later, I’d say.”
“That’s no date. You can’t leave something like that hanging in the air, Liam, and don’t think you two can just elope. This is a historic family. We have roots. Your father has important friends,” she lectured. I could see she would go on and on.
“We haven’t quite gotten to that yet, but we will immediately,” I said.
That seemed to relieve and calm her. She nodded and then smiled again. “I guess we are the first to know,” Mrs. Winston said. “I’m glad it’s not going to be one of those disturbingly long engagements. Summers are wonderful for weddings in Quincy,” she added pointedly. “John Hancock was married in August.”
“Well, we’ll check with you once we find a date,” Liam said. “And make sure we’re not stepping on some important holiday. Right now, I think we’d better inform my father and my sister.”
“Of course you should.”
I nodded, and we started out. Mrs. Winston followed us to the door. She hugged me again. I saw the question in her face, but I didn’t want to answer it. Was I going to tell my father? Even if I didn’t, I thought, he was bound to know. I looked out at the street and the now-familiar shadows. If he doesn’t know already, I thought.
We hurried off. Keep your eyes on the road, I thought. If ever there was a moment when they would want to interfere, it was now. Liam was talking almost as fast as he was driving, describing what were obviously well-thought-out plans for us. He thought we’d live in his father’s mansion to start while he built us our own home, probably on the family land.
“Dad will put up an argument, trying to persuade us just to live in the mansion, but I think you’ll want your own home, don’t you?”
Before I could answer, he continued.
“I have all sorts of suggestions for our honeymoon. Have you ever been to Europe? I don’t know if you mentioned it or if I asked. Anyway, depending on when we do actually get married, I think you’d absolutely fall in love with the island of Capri. I was there as a teenager and didn’t appreciate any of it, but for some reason, it has never gone out of my mind. I mean, I’m sure it’s one of the most romantic places to honeymoon.”
“It sounds wonderful, Liam, but your great-aunt Amelia is right. We should talk about a wedding date.”
“Oh, absolutely. Does sooner rather than later suit you?”
I paused before answering. I was thinking of Naomi Addison, who would be the cheerleader calling me a gold digger for sure. Takes one to know one.
“After we take a breath, we’ll talk about it, okay?”
He looked at me askance.
“What?” I asked.
“Why are you hesitating? You think people will accuse you of something?”
“Has that happened with other girls you’ve known?”
He shrugged. “If it did, they deserved it,” he said. “The only thing authentic about them was how in-authentic they were.”
“How come you never fell for it?”
“I’ve never been in love before,” he said. “Honest,” he added, holding up his hand. “And I have a built-in sincerity scanner.”
“Right.”
“Not me,” he said, smiling.
“Mrs. Wakefield?”
“Herself,” he said.
“And she’s passed judgment on me already?”
“Not a negative word,” he said.
“But she doesn’t know about this,” I said, holding up my ringed finger.
He was silent.
“Does she?”
“I have no mother, Lorelei. I checked out the ring with Mrs. Wakefield first. To be sure it was good enough.”
I was silent.
How much of an influence would Mrs. Wakefield be after we were married? Should I be concerned? He seemed to hear my thoughts.
“But you’ll be the number one woman in my life forever. Sooner rather than later,” he emphasized.
We drove on.
Mr. Dolan and Julia, who was off that evening, were watching television together in the den. Mrs. Wakefield saw us first. I looked at her for a reaction. She didn’t smile. She just nodded. Obviously, she had kept it secret. Maybe she had suspected that I might not accept Liam’s proposal. I had taken my time, and that could have made her think so. Any other girl Liam knew would surely have clutched the ring instantly, behaving like someone lost in a desert who was being offered a glass of water.
When we entered the den, both of them looked up quickly.
“What’s going on?” Mr. Dolan asked. He rose, reaching for the remote control to put the television sound on mute. Julia looked at us suspiciously but with a soft, sweet smile.
“I’ve asked Lorelei to marry me. I’ve given her an engagement ring,” Liam blurted.
Mr. Dolan’s eyes smiled first, and then his lips softened and he stepped forward, extending his hand to Liam before hugging me and kissing my cheek. Julia stood up and held her arms open for me to embrace her.
“Well, I am surprised,” Mr. Dolan said, looking serious again. “Not because you proposed to her but because she accepted so soon. She’s a perceptive young lady, so I’m confident she’s seen you as a good bet, son. You don’t know how good that makes me feel.”
“I have some idea,” Liam said dryly. “I don’t blame you, blame anyone, for having those thoughts.”
“Well, let’s not talk about the past. Let’s talk about the future,” Mr. Dolan said, and he turned the television off completely. “Do you have any dates in mind?”
“Tomorrow,” Liam joked.
When I glanced at the doorway, I saw Mrs. Wakefield standing there.
“Come in, please, Mrs. Wakefield,” Mr. Dolan said. “You’re as much a part of this family as any of us. And I have a sneaking suspicion that you knew about this,” he added, pretending to chide her.
“I won’t play poker with you,” she told him, and everyone laughed.
Was she really warming up to me? Somehow, I thought that if I had her blessing, I would be safe. That would be good. I had rarely met anyone besides Daddy and Mrs. Fennel with as scrutinizing a gaze as hers. She was better than an airport full-body scanner, because she seemed to be able to see your thoughts and your personality along with your bones.
“My son seems to want to get married as soon as possible.” Mr. Dolan paused and looked at Julia. I saw her shake her head slightly. He looked at me and then at Liam.
“We’re getting married because we’re in love with each other, Dad. There’s no other reason,” he said.
I saw Mr. Dolan look at Mrs. Wakefield. She closed and opened her eyelids to confirm what Liam had said. Mr. Dolan nodded, relieved.
“Okay, so we’re back to the date. What’s your wish, Lorelei? Don’t think about anything but the date. This is one event that I had fears I’d never live to see.”
“I don’t know. In six weeks?” I asked.
“That would take us to August, John Hancock’s wedding month,” Liam said.
“What?” Julia asked, laughing. Her eyes widened. “You told Great-auntie Amelia already, didn’t you? You told her before you told us.”
“That’s all right,” Mr. Dolan said. “She’s the matriarch of this family. That was a nice thing to do, Liam.” He turned to Mrs. Wakefield. “Mrs. Wakefield? August? The second week, perhaps?”
She considered. I fully understood that she did more than just run the house and the kitchen and supervise the maids. She was more like an estate manager. With Mr. Dolan so occupied by his business, he probably had turned over more and more responsibilities to her.
“We can manage it all,” she said.
“The entire affair will be here, is what she means,” Mr. Dolan explained. “We’ll build a temporary altar. We’ll have tents, a dance floor, caterers, the works. Julia will help you with the invitations,” he told me, “and with a wedding dress, too. Won’t you, Julia?”
“Of course. I’m owed two weeks’ vacation. I’ll put in for it tomorrow.” She shot forward to take my hand. “C’mon up to my room,” she said. “We have a lot to discuss. You’ll sleep here tonight.”
“But my work clothes,” I said.
“You can go in late tomorrow. Okay, Dad?”
“Let me ask. I have a certain influence with the boss,” Liam said. “Dad?”
“It’s fine. I have other things to do in the morning,” Mr. Dolan said, laughing. “I’ll ask Carol to cover for you.”
I could feel the joy returning to the house, seeping in through every window and under every door. It was in the warmth of their smiles and the excitement in their eyes. Even Mrs. Wakefield seemed to soften some.
As I ran out with Julia, who was still holding my hand as if she were a little girl afraid that her new friend would change her mind, I thought about what the atmosphere in the house must have been like after Liam’s mother left them. For Mr. Dolan and Julia, it was probably the same as it would have been had she died. Liam hadn’t known her enough yet, but I was sure that every baby, every child, could sense the loss when his or her mother was gone. There had to be an invisible umbilical cord through which a mother’s love continually flowed. It was simply natural, but then, how could Liam’s mother have deserted him, deserted Julia? Was whatever bothered her about her life so strong that it could cut that cord? How many times, how many days and nights, did she pause to think about it and maybe regret it? Was there a deep empty place in her heart now, forever and ever?