“Stupid,” Ava said.
“No, quite the contrary. It’s so pedestrian that it’s more credible. Good thinking, Lorelei.”
Why was he giving me a compliment now?
He sighed. “Well, since you’ve done such a good job of it and I don’t like wasting my time or my money . . .” he said. Now I was confused.
“What are you saying, Daddy?”
“You can go ahead and marry this man you love, enter this world you want, and live this life.”
Ava looked more shocked than I had ever seen her, shocked and disappointed. “Daddy?” she said, stepping forward. He held up his hand, and she retreated again.
“I ask only one thing from you. Well, ‘ask’ isn’t quite the word, I guess,” he said. “I demand only one thing from you, and then you will be free of us, all of us. You will not be a threat to any other family, and there will never be a shadow for you ever to fear.”
“What is it?” I asked, my breath so thin that my question seemed more like something I had thought and not spoken.
“If your first child is a girl, she will go with me,” he said.
His words fell like thunder on my ears, like the pronouncements of some biblical prophet laying demands on the people who looked up to him, words so powerful and firm that they couldn’t be erased or forgotten. They were words etched into the very souls of those who heard them.
Ava’s smile returned.
My heart seemed to writhe in my chest as my blood froze. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
“But how could I . . .”
“I’m making a great sacrifice in giving you up, Lorelei. You have to make one, too.”
“But my daughter, a daughter created from my husband and me, surely couldn’t be someone who would please you.”
“She will in a different way,” he said. “For many years, it will be like having you with me.”
“But . . .”
“It’s what I want,” he said firmly. “Do you want the alternative?”
I shook my head.
He smiled. “Good. The daughter of my daughter will once again be close to me.”
The very idea was so painful to me, but I was afraid to speak.
“You know that once you are impregnated by one of them, you will be one of them, and I don’t mean figuratively or symbolically, Lorelei. You will lose all that you have as my daughter. You will suffer the same slings and arrows of misfortune that they suffer. You will, as Ava alluded to before, be full of silly, vain jealousies, grow old and sick in a second of time compared with us.” He laughed. “Why, you’ll need to go to a dentist.”
“I don’t care,” I said.
His eyes brightened rather than darkening. “No, you don’t. You’re resilient. Ironically, you wouldn’t be if you weren’t a Patio, Lorelei, but you’d come back to us out of weakness and not willingly. I don’t want that. Go forth, and cross over into their world,” he said, like a bishop giving me a blessing.
He leaned toward me and brought his lips to mine. It was a kiss unlike any other he had given me. It was a kiss that sealed my fate. It was more like a royal stamp. I felt no warmth or love. He stroked my hair once more and then stepped back.
“Ava?” he said. “Leave on the feet of a kitten.”
“Yes, Daddy,” she said.
“Daddy?” I called. He turned. “That man, the guest in my rooming house, Collin Nickels.”
“Yes, that was your sister’s choice. Not the most nutritious,” he said. “But she was trying to make a point. Perhaps a little too enthusiastically?”
Ava smirked. He nodded at the door.
They left like a whisper dying in the aftermath. I watched them go, the door barely closing behind them as they wove their way out through shadows into the darkness Daddy treasured.
And I stood there trapped between relief and great sadness, escaping the struggle between these two feelings only when I managed to fall asleep.
21
I didn’t wake up until Julia touched my face and sat beside me on my bed.
“Sorry to wake you, but Mrs. Wakefield is pacing in the dining room. She’ll wear a path in the rug if we’re all not in there soon,” she said.
I sat up, feeling a bit groggy. “What time is it?”
“Eleven thirty. We’re going to call it brunch, not breakfast. The boys are showering. Clifford is moaning about his hangover and swearing he’ll never do it again. He will,” she said, laughing. She nodded at some clothes she had laid out for me over a chair. “I’m sure they’ll all fit well enough,” she said. “I’m also sure they’ll look better on you. It’s going to be a beautiful day. If you’re up to it, we’ll do some of that shopping we left for the last minute.”
“Thanks. Yes, I’ll be up to it.” I scrubbed my face with my dry palms and ran my fingers through my hair. As I did so, I looked about the room as if I expected either Daddy or Ava still to be there.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m okay. I just had a night full of dreams. The sort you can’t remember or don’t want to remember. You just have the heavy dark feeling.”
“I’ve had plenty of those.”
Not like these, I thought.
She stood up. “Take a good shower to wake up fully. That usually works for me. Oh, I called my great-aunt Amelia and explained that you had slept here. I stressed, in a guest room,” she added. “She only would have asked. She’s a Sagittarius, you know. She’ll ask or say anything she wants.”
“I think I know that by now,” I muttered.
“I bet you do.
“Try to be down within a half hour. You don’t want to be hit with one of Mrs. Wakefield’s disapproving expressions this early. It could ruin your day. That woman could stop a charging bull with one of her glares.”
I smiled. If she had seen one of Mrs. Fennel’s disapproving expressions, she would think Mrs. Wakefield was a pushover. I rose quickly and did get downstairs in a little more than twenty minutes. The boys had just entered the dining room. Everyone was moaning and groaning, which seemed to please Mrs. Wakefield, who gave us a short lecture about how young people pay later on in life for how they abused their bodies.
“And you two in medicine should know that better than I do,” she told Clifford and Julia, both smiling weakly. When she left, they looked at each other and laughed.
“If she only knew how poorly some doctors live, smoking, drinking, and keeping late hours. It’s the old ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ thing,” Julia said.
“Why do I feel like I’m five years old whenever I’m in that woman’s presence?” Clifford asked.
“In her eyes, you probably are,” Julia teased.
Everyone turned to me.
“Your ankle seems a lot better,” Liam said.
I glanced at Julia, who covered her face with her right hand for a moment to hide her smile.
“Yes. The ice, I guess. Thank you, Liam.”
“And don’t forget my brilliant examination,” Clifford followed. “I think I examined it. It’s all a bit out of focus this morning.”
“Well, here they are, the frolicking late-night revelers,” Ken Dolan said, poking his head in the doorway. Our good mornings to him were more like grunts. “Do I detect a little too much of a good time was had by all?”
“I cannot tell a lie,” Clifford said. “Julia made me do it.”
She slapped him playfully.
“Well, lesson learned, and I’m sure to be forgotten in the future,” Ken said. “What are your plans for the day besides recuperation?”
“Lorelei and I have some last-minute shopping to do for the wedding,” Julia replied. “These two can nurse themselves, I’m sure.”
“Absolutely not,” Liam said. “We’ll go along to be sure you two can navigate the department stores all right, right, Clifford?”
The look on Clifford’s face confirmed that they wouldn’t. We all laughed.
“I’m on my way to the office to catch up on some work
for a few hours, and then Kelly and I are off to Boston to see a show. Don’t do anything else to irritate Mrs. Wakefield,” he warned with a playful smile. He kissed Julia on the cheek, messed Liam’s hair, winked at me, and left.
“Why is everyone so happy when they confront someone with headaches and squinting eyes in the morning?” Liam complained. “Especially fathers?”
“I think he’s just happy about what he’s doing. Sounds like he’s going camping in Boston,” Clifford quipped.
I looked at Julia and Liam to see how they were reacting to their father’s more than budding romance. From what Liam and Julia had told me, he’d had fleeting affairs with women over the years but nothing that seemed to last as long as this one. They both liked Kelly Burnett very much. All three of them were now into relationships. Both Julia and Liam realized that, too. As soon as we heard Ken leave the house, Julia declared the Dolan mansion to be a “house of love.”
“Don’t tell Mrs. Wakefield,” Clifford said. “She might not like that description. It sounds too New Orleans or something.”
That brought more smiles and laughter. We were all revived. The joy and familial companionship I felt embracing all of us around that dining room table during our brunch held back the horrifying and dramatic meeting I’d had with Ava and Daddy the night before. For now, at least, I could put aside the deal with the devil that I had made and enjoy my new family.
Julia and I spent the remainder of the day together, and then Liam and Clifford met us for an early dinner. We all agreed that it was best to make it an early night. We were returning to work in the morning. The whole time, I did feel a difference in the air. I no longer had a sense of being followed, watched. Shadows were just shadows.
Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder were happy that Liam’s and my wedding date was so close now. It helped take their minds off Collin Nickels’s disappearance and stopped them from talking about historic kidnapping and murder cases in Quincy. Mrs. Winston was entertaining the prospect of a new tenant to take Collin’s old room soon, but the mystery would haunt them both for a long time to come, I thought.
Daddy officially arrived on the day before the groom’s dinner. I had suspected that he would choose to bring my real mother along to pretend to be his new wife, Veronica. She was as beautiful now as she was the first time I had seen her in that old orphanage. The first stop he made was the Winston House on the evening he arrived. He had called ahead to tell me he was coming so I could prepare Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder.
“They’re obviously a big influence on you,” he said. “Maybe more than Mrs. Fennel was, so I can’t wait to meet them.”
I waited nervously in my room. When no one came up to tell me he had arrived, I grew curious and went downstairs. Halfway there, I heard laughter and Daddy’s voice. He and my mother were in the living room with Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder. They all turned my way when I appeared.
“Oh, hi, darling,” Daddy said, rising. “I asked Mrs. Winston to hold back on telling you we had arrived so we could get to know each other a little first. She offered us this special homemade elderberry wine. Delicious.” He held his glass up. “It’s the best I’ve had, and I’ve had more than my share.”
I looked at the two elderly ladies. They were, as I had imagined they would be, charmed.
Daddy smiled, put down his glass, and held out his arms. “Let me give you a hug. You look like you’re absolutely blossoming with radiance and love,” he said. “I’m so happy for you. Both of us are,” he added, and my mother stood up, too. “Thank you for letting us be a part of your wonderful event.”
I saw that both Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder were waiting for me to go to him. Slowly, I approached Daddy, who hugged and kissed me.
“I’m so sorry for any unhappiness I may have caused you,” my mother offered. “I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” She glanced at my father and added, “I’ll never replace your real mother, but I’ll always be there for you if you need me.”
When she kissed me on the cheek, I saw the way both Mrs. Winston and Mrs. McGruder smiled. How quickly they had bought into it all, I thought, but from my short experience in this outside world, I realized that most people were eager to avoid any controversy, even if it meant compromising their ideals.
Anyway, what choice did I have? I felt as if I were in a straitjacket. There was nothing I could say or do to break out of this scene. It would be played repeatedly in many different ways over the next few days. Daddy would charm Ken Dolan and Kelly Burnett just as easily. He would win over Liam and Julia and Clifford, and my mother would dazzle every man she met at the dinner and the wedding. They were glamorous, the two of them glittering like celebrities and at home with everyone so quickly that anyone would think they were old friends or residents of Quincy. In fact, at the groom’s dinner, Mr. Dolan asked Daddy to make a toast, and he did so, eloquently and with such emotion that he brought tears to the eyes of every father and mother at the affair. I had expected no less. I saw that he was enjoying all of it.
Because he was so handsome and energetic, winning people over with his poetic way of describing places he had been to and things he had seen, no one during those days believed for one moment that my father had been exploited by a younger, beautiful woman. He always looked fresh and debonair. In fact, most of the women at the dinner and the wedding wanted to talk to him, touch him, kiss his cheek, and get a little of his attention. Guest after guest told me how wonderful he was.
Most of our guests and friends didn’t know the fabricated story I had told the Dolans, Mrs. Winston, and Mrs. McGruder, of course, so it was even easier for them to be won over, but those I had told thought I had made a generous and loving decision to forgive him and permit him to be part of my life again. If there ever was a little portal through which I could escape any of this, it was quickly closed. I had to smile. I had to hug and kiss. I had to put away the deal I had agreed to in the darkest cabinet in my mind and go forward as Daddy’s little girl again, no matter how much I wanted not to do it.
Every smile Daddy directed at me, every kiss, and every loving touch only reinforced the power he held, not just over me but over everyone I cared for now. At any moment, he could change his mind and wreck not only my marriage and hope for a new life but also the lives of these people. Now that I knew he was close by, even when he wasn’t with me, I felt his presence.
For most women, even in this age of frequent divorces, the day they make their marriage vows and bind themselves to another’s life has to be the most significant and memorable day of their lives. Mrs. Winston told us that traditional marriage vows were traced back to the Book of Common Prayer in 1549. As a gift to her, Liam asked that we use those old words. I was to say, “I, Lorelei Patio, take thee, Liam Dolan, to be my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.”
Daddy stood beside me after giving me away. I couldn’t help but glance at him when I said “in sickness and in health.” His eyes reminded me that those words had new and real meaning for me now. If he was telling me the truth about what would happen once I became pregnant with Liam’s child, I was soon to expose myself to the same dangers and threats that Liam was exposed to. Repeating these marriage vows, therefore, was a much deeper commitment for me than it was for him, but I did not hesitate, nor did my voice weaken. There was no sign of any self-doubt. I was determined.
Daddy’s smile during the ceremony was truly one of pride. He firmly believed that my strength came from him and that, ironically, I couldn’t be doing this otherwise. Even my mother looked somewhat pleased. They were losing me, but they couldn’t help looking and acting like proud parents. I rejoiced, knowing that somewhere off to the side, maybe behind a tree, Ava was fuming and eating her own insides out.
We had a most glorious day for our
affair. It wasn’t terribly hot, but it was warm, with a gentle sea breeze and a cobalt-blue sky. Even the birds seemed to be participating, drawn either by curiosity or the possibility of crumbs to come. Mrs. Winston told me that the reception we had planned with Mrs. Wakefield afterward was as close to a royal wedding reception in the colonies as any could be. She rattled off details about John Adams’s wedding, as if she had been there. When Daddy told her just how accurate she was with certainty and then added details that she had forgotten, she was speechless for a moment.
“You surprise me, Mr. Patio,” she said.
“Please. Call me Sergio.”
“Your knowledge of our early history is so authentic. One might think you really were present at these events.”
How he laughed, his eyes twinkling when he looked at me. If she only knew, he was saying with that impish smile. If she only knew.
I couldn’t disagree with her about the wedding, not that I had been to any. I had read about many and had seen videos of royal weddings. If there were any hors d’oeuvres or desserts left out of ours, no one would know it or miss it. The dinner for two hundred guests, including important politicians and government officials, was spectacular. There was the choice of lobster, filet mignon, free-range chicken, and fresh fish. Wine was poured as if it came from some endless fountain. We sat at the dais and oversaw it all just like royalty. Ken, I was sure to solidify my rapprochement with my father, asked him to make a toast right after Clifford, as best man, had made his.
All eyes were on my father when he stood. I had never seen him speak to an audience as large as this one. I looked at the guests and saw how attentive and already mesmerized they all were. No one moved; not a waiter or a busboy took a step or lifted a cup. Even the birds seemed to stop flying and instead were watching and listening.
“Lorelei,” he said, turning to me, his glass of champagne in his hand, “there are two things a father tries to give his daughter. One is roots, and the other is wings. You have grown your wings strong and beautifully. After today, you will fly off, leave the nest, but you will always be loved and always have roots with our family. To Mr. and Mrs. Liam Dolan,” he declared.