“Now I’m worried.”
“It’s just a friendly warning.”
His somber tone was kind of freaking me out, so I fiddled with my seat belt, loosening it where it cut into my neck. “Go on.”
“I probably should have stated this up front, but...basically, we have a strict no-dating-within-the-band policy.”
A relieved laugh trickled out of me. “Is that all? No problem. That makes total sense. It would suck if everything imploded over a messy breakup... All that work down the toilet.”
“Exactly.”
“God, you made it sound like a huge deal.”
He rapped his knuckles a couple of times on the steering wheel in a clearly nervous gesture before responding. “It’s basically why Stella left the band. So yeah, it was a problem.”
“Oh, that sucks. What happened?”
“She was crushing hard on Ji Hoo, pressuring him to hook up on the DL. He has a girlfriend, but she thought persistence would win him over. So she started showing up at his dorm room. A few months back, he asked me to step in.”
I winced. “So that sounds awkward and horrifying.”
“Pretty much. We had a huge blowup, she called me a Nazi and quit the band.”
“I can see why you’d make sure I understand the group isn’t my personal dating service. But don’t worry, I’m here for music and friendship. I won’t stalk anyone or create drama.”
“If only I could believe you,” he said mournfully. “But I’ve been burned before.”
“Time will prove that I’m solid.” He was kidding, but I didn’t want Evan to worry that I’d hit on my bandmates. Right now, my emotional life was complicated enough, between the dead boyfriend who wouldn’t stop talking in my head and the best friend haunting my heart. “Full disclosure requires me to warn you, there’s been some gossip about me on campus.”
Quietly I filled him in on the Amy situation, then reassured him, “She apologized and the rumors have mostly died down. I don’t think it’ll impact our shows, but—”
“If it does, we’ve got your back. Your private life is nobody else’s business.”
“Thanks.”
We sang along with the radio the rest of the way; it was good practice harmonizing with him. By the time he pulled into my complex, I had a better handle on the constructive comments Dana and Ji Hoo had given me. Evan offered me a fist bump.
“Your voice isn’t bad.”
“Eh. I don’t have the power to front a group. My abdominal muscles might as well be made of silly string.”
“To say nothing of your diaphragm.”
“Isn’t that a Connie Willis novel?” I didn’t expect him to know who she was or to get the joke; it was a reference Eli would’ve gotten straight off. He chuckled inside my head.
Evan surprised me by laughing, too, then following with a serious question. “Have you read the Doomsday Book? It’s one of my favorites.”
“Me, too. Thanks for the ride.”
“Wait, I’ll walk you up. I can’t believe you’ve actually read it. I feel like it’s seriously underappreciated in genre fiction.” He raved about the novel all the way up the stairs and to my front door.
His enthusiasm made me smile. “We’ll put a pin in this convo and take it up later, yeah?”
“Definitely. We still need to talk about Bellwether.”
“Can’t wait. I love that one, too.” I beamed at him, delighted to have met somebody I could geek out with about books.
Evan stared at me, narrowing his eyes. “You have some pizza sauce on your face.”
“Oh, God.” Tipping my head back, I tried to swipe it off but he shook his head.
“No, to the left. My left. For shit’s sake, here.” Just as he reached to scrape the gunk off my face, the apartment door swung open.
Max stood there staring at us with murder in his eyes.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Evan took a step back as I scrubbed my palm across my face, hoping to remove the sauce. Afterward, I realized it probably looked like I was wiping off a kiss. Max sucked in a sharp breath, glancing between us. If he really thought he’d interrupted something, the polite thing to do would be to say “excuse me” and shut the door.
Instead Max glared at both of us. “Who’s this?”
“Evan.” Wisely, he didn’t offer to shake. “Who’s backing out of whatever this is. I’ll talk to you later, Courtney.” Wheeling, he jogged down the stairs and shoved through the front doors, likely calling bullshit on my promise not to start trouble.
I brushed past Max into the apartment. The living room was dark apart from the flicker of the TV screen and if our roommates were home, they must have been in their rooms. Before I could retreat, he grabbed my hand and spun me around. I tugged but he held firm, not tight enough to hurt, but definitely communicating the fact that I wasn’t going anywhere. He led me over to the couch and sat down, drawing me with him.
“Really? That guy?”
“What are you even talking about?” I pulled my hand back because it was hard to think with his hard, rough fingers wrapped around mine.
“Evan.” Max hit out the name like it was poison. “Christ, Courtney. Is it encoded in your DNA that you can only fall for guys whose names start with E?”
“Do you know how crazy you sound? I’m not in love with him.”
But he didn’t seem to be listening, gaze fixed on his fists balled up on his thighs. “I can’t believe this is happening. The minute I get close to somebody, they back off. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”
I sighed, softening at his hurt bewilderment. It wasn’t Max’s fault that the trip had left me feeling things we had no room for between us. And while I needed some time and space to get my head right, he had no clue why things had changed. I covered his hands with mine.
“Hey. Look at me.” When he raised his chin, the sheer intensity of his dark eyes stole my breath, like my face was all he could see. “I’m not mad. And you’re awesome, like always.”
“Then how come you’re never around? Don’t lie to me, Courtney. I know something’s changed, and I can’t handle it. This is exactly how Lauren treated me when—”
“Do not compare me to her.” The words came out sharper than I meant them to, because he’d spent months moping over her, wishing she’d notice him, wishing she’d take him seriously. When I was right here. “Our situation’s completely different.”
“Feels about the same,” he muttered.
I froze, my heart thundering in my ears. He can’t mean that the way it sounds. He can’t.
“What?” I croaked.
Max dropped his gaze and I let go of his hands, shivering. It was hard to get my breath for the tension between us. Or maybe I was the only one caught in the net, tightening until I felt my heart beating in my lips. He didn’t speak for a moment.
“I know I’m not Eli, I never will be. But why can’t it be me...?”
I wet my lips. “Max—”
“No, let me get this out before you say anything. I may never have the courage again.”
“Have you been drinking?”
“A little.” He gestured vaguely at the twin beer cans on the end table nearby. “With Lauren, I thought everything would click and I’d be happy if I could make her mine.”
“Do you seriously think I want to hear this?” Again.
“Bear with me.” His voice was husky, unsteady with strong emotions I couldn’t even guess at.
I was afraid of where he might be going with this, terrified to hope. My hands trembled in my lap, so I squeezed them until my nails bit into my palms. “Okay.”
“With you, Courtney, it’s enough for you to be happy. Like, it doesn’t even matter how I feel or what I want. You know?” My expression must’ve told him I didn’t get it, so he went on with a frustrated sigh. “It’s why I tried to set you up, but when you were out with Jared last night and you didn’t text, didn’t call, I felt like crawling out of my skin.”
&
nbsp; “Really?” I whispered.
Impossible.
“All last night, I figured maybe you’re hooking up. Maybe you’re falling for Jared and he won’t want us hanging out anymore. Then you show up tonight with that asshole and you’re smiling. I don’t want another guy to put that look on your face.”
“I can’t promise never to laugh anyone else’s jokes.”
“Not what I mean and you know it. Just now, you were...happy. And I’m asking, why can’t I be the one who makes you feel that way? I don’t want to find somebody else for you. I want it to be me.”
He leaned forward so slowly that I could have ducked away, no problem, but I held still, barely breathing. Max brushed my hair away from my face, stroking his fingers through so gently that tingles ran down my spine. My eyes drifted half-closed. In my head, it was all throbbing drums and Spanish guitar, my ears rushing with need. I wanted his mouth on mine so bad. Not like we did the other two times—for fun or from loneliness—but our first real kiss.
The one that would change everything.
“Be really clear here. Please.”
“I want to touch you.” Deliberately, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips skating lightly across the shell. “I want to date you.” He kissed the tip of my nose with a tenderness other people might question.
But I recognized it. Max had shown me his hidden sweetness in countless ways, and now it was deliciously familiar. I just never expected him to focus it on me.
“What about Lauren?” Maybe I had too much pride, but there was no way I could sign on as a substitute.
He shrugged. “I wish her well. But she’s not who I think about all the time.”
“I am?”
“Are you trying to kill me with questions?” he demanded. “Give me an answer already. Wait, no, don’t. Maybe you should think about it. Sleep on it. It’s a huge step, but—”
“Yes.”
“Yes, it’s a huge step?”
I tilted my head, nestling my cheek in his palm. “Let’s see what it’s like to be...more.”
“Does that mean I can kiss you?” he asked softly.
“You’d better.” That was pure bravado.
As he closed the distance between us, I feared my heart might fracture my rib cage. He wrapped his arms around me and tilted his head, his face so close I couldn’t focus on his features, so I shut my eyes. Like that was his cue, he kissed me. This time, it felt different, less hey, he’s good at this, and more Oh, my God, Max is kissing me like he means it. Another beat, and I couldn’t think at all.
His lips were all heat and sweetness, turning over mine with compulsive yearning. Max tangled his hands in my hair and drew me closer as I teased his lower lip with my tongue. He responded with a graze of teeth, then he deepened the kiss, melting my bones with his intensity. We kissed forever, and I couldn’t get close enough. He pulled me against him hard and fell back in the same motion so I landed on top of him. Max made an approving noise in the back of his throat as he cupped my ass.
“God, yeah,” he groaned.
The raw longing in his tone went straight to my pussy. Just from kissing I was already wet, and my head was spinning. “...Angus...Kia?”
“Fuck.” Shuddering, he sat up, arms still around my back. “He’s in his room. I almost threw down with him earlier. And she’ll probably be home soon.”
“Why are you fighting with Angus?” I asked, breathless.
He kissed my forehead softly. “Because of you.”
“That doesn’t even—”
“He was nagging me about the dishes. I said I didn’t feel like it. Angus goes, ‘Christ, just fuck her already, get it out of your system.’ Not sure if he realized he was talking about you, but I almost took his head off.”
“Oh. Well, you can apologize tomorrow. And do the dishes.” My pulse might be slowing, but I was still incredibly turned on.
“You want to relocate?” He ran his hands over my hips, shifting me against him.
So fucking hard. I couldn’t resist moving once, twice. “You trying to get me alone in your room?”
Max hissed in reaction, tipping his head back. “Damn right.”
With a nervous smile, I rolled off the couch and followed him down the hall. By necessity, I stayed close since he didn’t let go of my hand until the door shut behind us. Then he locked it for good measure like somebody might barge in at this hour. Actually, that wasn’t impossible since Angus occasionally forgot that some people slept more than he did.
I’d hung out in Max’s room before, but everything was different now. As he hurried around picking up laundry off the floor, I sat down on the bed. The street lights outside offered enough illumination for me to take in the wondering pleasure in his eyes each time he glanced my way. My smile widened.
“Are you laughing at me?”
“Maybe a little.”
“You’d think that would discourage me somewhat...” He dropped his gaze to the hard ridge straining against his jeans.
“Turns out, no?”
“I don’t know when it happened. Which sounds stupid, because I should’ve seen it sooner. But...I ache for you.” Max paused, then hastened to add, “We don’t have to do anything. I just... I want to hold you. I fucking miss waking up with you. Miss the smell of you on my sheets.” He fidgeted by the window, and it struck me like a hammer.
Holy shit. He’s nervous.
His worries put mine to rest. Smiling, I beckoned, leaning back on his bed. “Come here. You can stop talking.”
“I don’t know if I should. You still haven’t told me how you feel. I’ll be crushed if you’re using me for sex.” Though his words were playful, his expression wasn’t, and that was Max. Effervescent on the surface, deep as an artesian spring beneath.
“I’m not. I wouldn’t. To be completely honest, I noticed...this—” I gestured at Max “—before we got back from Providence.”
His eyes widened, evident even in the half-light. “I wish you’d said something.”
Startled laughter bubbled out of me. “No thanks. If you didn’t feel it, too, it would’ve been awkward. And humiliating. I’ve heard the friend-zone speech enough to be positive I couldn’t stand getting it from you.”
“There were times when I did,” he admitted. “But I thought it was just...you know. A guy and a girl in close quarters. It’d be weirder if I didn’t occasionally get turned on.”
“You just didn’t think it was personal.” That hurt more, actually.
The incidental boner. It’s not you, Courtney.
“Don’t look like that, please. You know I’m kind of an idiot.”
I managed a shaky smile. “Yeah.”
With a soft sigh, Max turned away to stare out the window. “The last night—when you rubbed my head—you got me so hot, I couldn’t sleep, Courtney. And trust me, I was very aware who was making me feel that way by then. After we got home, I kept obsessing on how fucking good it felt when you put your hands on me.”
“So the logical step when you want someone is to offer to find them a date?” I muttered the question beneath my breath but Max heard it.
He finally came over to the bed and sat down beside me. “It was for me. Remember how I said I just wanted you to be happy? That wasn’t a line.”
“Maybe you could take a shot at it?”
Max kissed me in a series of sexy little forays, never deep enough to sate the heat building between my thighs. Before I fell into him completely, he backed off, dusting kisses over my throat. The room tilted and I landed on my side with Max beside me. He slid an arm around me, his body half over mine. I dug my fingers into his back and shoulders, working lower until I could grab his ass and pull him against me.
“Tell me where the lines are tonight,” he whispered, kissing my lower lip.
“Let me think.”
He was so handsome I couldn’t stand it. I cupped his face in my hands and brushed my mouth against his forehead, temples, nose and chin. Thoug
h I didn’t intend to tease, he followed my mouth with his, trying to tempt me to a deeper kiss. I evaded with a teasing half smile, working my fingers through his hair to rub his head. This turned you on, huh? I recalled how he rolled over on his stomach when I went to the bathroom, imagined how he must’ve rubbed his cock against the mattress wishing I’d touch it.
“I’d probably kill somebody to find out what’s making you look like that.”
Instead of answering right off I kissed him—a deep, hot whirlwind of a kiss that left us both breathless. “I was just thinking about the last night on the way home from Providence.”
“Yeah?” He was distracted, hands slipping under my shirt to explore the soft skin of my belly. I cooperated as he pulled the cotton over my head. Wish I was wearing better underwear. But he didn’t seem to mind the sports bra I had on. His gaze fixed on the modest swell of my breasts, topped by visibly hard nipples, and he licked his lips.
“I have a confession to make,” I murmured.
“Uh-huh?”
“I didn’t have to pee.”
“...What?” Desire blurred his dark eyes, leaving him with the most adorably perplexed expression. He couldn’t figure out why I was still talking instead of touching, kissing, grinding.
I stifled a moan as he worked his thigh between mine.
“You got me so horny, I couldn’t wait. I had to—”
Max swore, his intensity ratcheting from incredible to smoldering. “In the bathroom? You were—”
“Getting off. Rubbing one out. Whatever you want to call it. Not the first time, either. I’ve fantasized about you for a while.”
“When?” The question came out hoarse, strangled even. He rolled onto me fully, so I could feel how tremendously hard he was. Then he held still, teasing us both.
“When did I start?” At his jerky nod, I answered, “We made out at that party last year, remember? And we hung out in your room afterward. You were fooling with the basketball, bouncing it off the door so people would think we were having wild monkey sex.”
“I remember that.”
“You were so into Lauren back then, I knew there was no future in it, but that night, I went home, imagined what it would be like.”