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I could get behind this plan. And yeah, there was a bit of a selfish reason behind it. Any chance that my father might be there was enough for me.
“It would be safer there for Deacon and the others,” Aiden said. “It would be best. ”
Now I felt like a douche for only thinking of what I could gain. “How early can we leave?”
“As soon as possible,” Apollo responded. “Once at the University, we can appeal to those who wish to put an end to this. Then we could move against Lucian—”
“And the god who’s pulling the strings?” I threw in, unable to help myself. “We’ll want to move against him or her, right?”
Apollo’s vibrant blue eyes met mine and he held my gaze. “Yes. We will. ”
Right then I wanted to call him out, but the only thing stopping me was Aiden… and that part of me, the tiny part that Laadan had claimed was growing, becoming more mature. She sort of understood.
“But I need to check in with Dionysus. ” Apollo was still looking at me, and I knew I’d be seeing him real soon. “Check you guys later. ”
And then he was gone.
Aiden slid me a sidelong glance. “Sometimes I really hate him. ”
“You and me both,” I muttered.
We arrived back at Apple River just as the sky overhead was turning from black to a dark blue. The cabin was dark as we climbed out of the Hummer and the distant call of birds was the only sound.
Aiden stretched, bowing his back as he worked out the kinks. He stopped, catching me watching him from the other side of the vehicle. “Come here. ”
He was probably the only person in the world who could demand that of me and I’d listen. All too obediently, I headed around the front of the Hummer and stopped in front of him. “What?” I asked, stifling a yawn.
Aiden cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back. “You didn’t sleep at all. ”
“Neither did you. ”
A tired grin appeared. “I was driving. ”
I placed my hands on his wrists. Our eyes locked. “I can’t believe we went to the Underworld and came back out. ”
“Me, neither. ” His thumbs traced along the curve of my cheekbones. “You were perfect. ”
“Except for the spiders…”
His head dipped and his nose brushed mine. “I wasn’t talking about the spiders. ”
“You weren’t?”
Aiden laughed and his breath was warm and tantalizing. “No. I was thinking about what came after the spiders. ”
“Oh… oh!” I sucked in a sharp breath and my legs suddenly felt weak. “That”
“Yes. ” His lips brushed mine. “That. ”
I started to smile, because that really had been perfect, but then Aiden kissed me and I melted into him. There was strength in that kiss, along with love and a taste of what a future would be like with him. I loved—loved—that in the midst of everything, we could still have moments like this. Where it was just us and there weren’t any walls between us. The kiss deepened, his tongue slipping past my lips, and my fingers dug into his wrists. A low, sultry growl came from Aiden, and I wanted—
“You two should really get a room,” Apollo said from out of nowhere. “My poor eyes…”
I groaned. Even in his true identity, he still had impeccable timing.
“Gods,” Aiden spat. He pulled back, casting Apollo a disgusted look over my head. “Do you get off on sneaking up on us?”
“You probably don’t want to know what I get off on. ”
I made a face. “Ew. ”
Aiden kissed my forehead as his hands slipped off my cheeks. Dropping an arm around my shoulders, he pulled me into the shelter of his body and I went, resting my cheek against his chest. “Did you already talk to Dionysus?”
Apollo leaned against the bumper. “Yes. He’s on it as we speak. ”
“How can we trust that Dionysus isn’t the god behind this?” I smothered another yawn. “And that he won’t lie to us?”
“Dionysus cares little for war, and he doesn’t have the motivation to engineer something like this. ”
“How long until he lets us know?” Aiden asked.
“We should hear from him by the end of the day. ” Apollo’s gaze flickered to the deep blue sky. “It’s almost morning. You two should rest. ”
Aiden glanced down at me. “Let’s head in. ”
I pulled away, glancing at Apollo. “I’ll be in in a few seconds. I want to talk to Apollo. ”
He hesitated, sending me a questioning look. I hated keeping him in the dark about this, but there was no other way, because if Aiden knew, he would stop it, and then the world would go to crap.
“It’s okay. ” I smiled. “I’ll be right in. ”
Aiden looked at Apollo and let out a low breath. “Okay. I’ll go… wake up Deacon or something. ”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that,” I said.
A brief smile appeared. “True. ”
At the sound of the front door shutting behind Aiden, I looked at Apollo and felt the mask I’d been wearing slip away.
Our gazes met and Apollo sighed. “Alexandria…”
“I knew there was something you’d been keeping from me. That there was a bigger reason to why you all would want to keep me alive when it would be so much easier to just kill me. It would fix the problem with Seth, so I just didn’t get why you’d risk it. ”
He looked at a loss to what to say. Good—I’d struck a god speechless. Score one for me. I was going to go for point two. “You need the God Killer. ”
A long moment passed. “We need to stop this from happening again. ”
“You need me to kill the god responsible. ” Anger grew inside me, but so did hurt, and that hurt had been festering since we’d left the Underworld. I didn’t know why. Apollo might be related to me by blood, but he was a god and they’d missed out on the whole empathy train, sort of like a bunch of sociopaths, but it still hurt something fierce.
It cut deep.
Because in the end, I was the lion and the lamb; I would slaughter and then be slaughtered. Apollo didn’t say it, but I saw it in what he wouldn’t say.
“We cannot risk this kind of destruction again, Alexandria. Thousands of innocent people have died, and there will be more. And even if we stop the First, this will happen again. ” He placed his hand on my shoulder and it was heavy. “We cannot kill one another. We need the only thing that can kill us. We need the God Killer—we need you. ”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. “You don’t want me to kill Seth, then. ”
He snorted. “On most days I do, but you must take his power, and he has to be alive for that. I need you to be able to defeat him and transfer his power to you. ”
My hands balled into fists and it took everything in me not to grab hold of those golden locks and rip them out. “You’ve been lying to me this entire time. ”
“No I haven’t. ” He didn’t even blink.
“Bull! You told me before I Awakened that you wanted me to kill Seth! You know, over grape soda and Spider-man cake?”
“I wanted you to kill Seth, but it’s not what I need. ”
My mouth dropped open. “That’s not even semantics!”
“And I didn’t know for sure then that there was a way to transfer his power to you,” he argued calmly. “I had my suspicions. So did my sister, but we couldn’t be sure. Either way, he cannot be allowed to take your power. If you cannot defeat him and take his power, then you must kill him. ”
Apollo made it all sound so simple, like he was asking me to go to the store and pick up Crunchy Cheetos and if they didn’t have them in stock, to get Cheetos Puffs. Insane.
“I don’t want it to end like you fear, but there is only so much I can do to stay the hands of others. ”
“Yeah, because after I take out this god—if we figure out who it is—there’s a good chance the gods will turn on me, because I will be a threat. And I bet they have
an Order member just lying around, right? Even if I don’t do anything, they will act as judge and jury on a crime I haven’t committed?”
There was that damn pause again and then he said, “Everyone dies, but in the end it comes down to what you are willing to die for, Alexandria. ”
Gods, there was a part of me—a huge part of me—that wanted to kick Apollo in the balls, but I got it. As messed up as it was, I got it. And maybe that was why I wasn’t flipping out on him. The loss of one life, maybe two, was worth the safety of billions. I could see that and if I was totally impartial about this—say, they weren’t talking about me—then I’d probably even support it.
But it was me.
It would be me.
That was a lot to swallow. It was something that I couldn’t really even begin to process. I felt too selfish, but I also knew what had to be done.
Gods, I was so not old enough or mature enough to be making these kinds of decisions.
It grew so quiet between us that the gentle winds stirring the branches seemed too loud. If I didn’t have my freaky god-sensing abilities right now, I’d have thought he’d left. But he was still there, waiting.
“And there’s no other way?” I asked.
He didn’t respond, and I took his silence as a no.
Heart heavy, I lifted my head. “What will happen if I die?”
Apollo didn’t answer immediately. “You will have a warrior’s death. There is pride in that and you will want for nothing. ”
Except to live, but I figured that was a moot point. “Will you make sure that… that Aiden will be okay?”
The god’s eyes met mine and he nodded.
Throat burning and tightening, I focused on the dark gravel. “He… he had to see his parents afterward, Apollo. I don’t want him to see me, okay? Can you make sure he doesn’t?”
“If that is what you wish. ”
I pressed my lips together, relieved a little that Aiden would be spared that horror—maybe not the bulk of it, but some of it. “And will you make sure Marcus and the rest of them are okay?”
“Yes. ”
“Okay. ” I swallowed, but I still felt like I was choking. “I want to be left alone for awhile. ”
“Alex—”
I looked then, meeting his gaze. “Please leave. ”
He looked like he was going to say something, but then he nodded and simply vanished. I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually I shuffled over to the porch and sat down on the steps.
The night air was still cool and it stung my hot cheeks. Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Crying served nothing. It wouldn’t change what would happen. If I somehow managed to get to Seth, transfer his power to me before he took mine, and destroy the mystery god, I’d still be put down like a rabid animal. Possibly even Seth would be, as well, although he’d no longer be a threat. Maybe without me around to influence him, he’d get better. He’d just be the Apollyon then, like it was supposed to be—only one of us and all that jazz.